For what it's worth, I don't see it as artificial for the most part. It likely feels completely authentic to most people who are doing it. But when I become self-conscious about it, then it starts feeling like I'm being artificial.
Some people think of anthropologists negatively because (some of them anyway) break down a cultural behavior into this kind of set of discrete, functional parts and contextualize them as part of a a larger system. I think things can't help but feel artificial to a lot of people that way, even though they are not. I've commented that, if I have kids, I'd get them to read Goffman's Presentation of the Self in Everyday Life, which analyzes behavior with theatrical metaphor. To simplify it greatly, when we are on stage we act in certain ways to have control over how we are perceived. My parents always told me that I could be any way I wanted to and others' opinions didn't matter, but I honestly think a much more analytical, nuanced, and perhaps arguably artificial perspective might have helped me.
But I guess it's another part of the double standards I have for myself. It's ok, natural, and even positive when other people do it, but totally unacceptable for me.
Your last paragraph here really helps get the idea across to me. Imagining that there may already be similar ideas in the mind of the person you want to flirt with and behaving as such. That actually makes me feel like I might theoretically know how to do it. It doesn't help me change how I feel about it, but maybe it's a start.
Some people think of anthropologists negatively because (some of them anyway) break down a cultural behavior into this kind of set of discrete, functional parts and contextualize them as part of a a larger system. I think things can't help but feel artificial to a lot of people that way, even though they are not. I've commented that, if I have kids, I'd get them to read Goffman's Presentation of the Self in Everyday Life, which analyzes behavior with theatrical metaphor. To simplify it greatly, when we are on stage we act in certain ways to have control over how we are perceived. My parents always told me that I could be any way I wanted to and others' opinions didn't matter, but I honestly think a much more analytical, nuanced, and perhaps arguably artificial perspective might have helped me.
But I guess it's another part of the double standards I have for myself. It's ok, natural, and even positive when other people do it, but totally unacceptable for me.
Your last paragraph here really helps get the idea across to me. Imagining that there may already be similar ideas in the mind of the person you want to flirt with and behaving as such. That actually makes me feel like I might theoretically know how to do it. It doesn't help me change how I feel about it, but maybe it's a start.
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