Your Embrace
Title: Your Embrace
Series: Yami no Matsuei
Pairing: Tsuzuki/Hisoka
Theme: "The warmth of your embrace melts my frostbitten spirit..."
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 914
He sighed as he watched the never changing scenery of Meifu. A gentle breeze drifted over the land, blowing eternally beautiful sakura petals everywhere. The sight had been amazing at first, but had quickly become boring. It had taken him only those first few weeks to learn such a basic truth: nothing perfect could ever be beautiful, because perfection was empty, cold and soulless. Everything Hisoka had always strived to be in life. Even in death, he’d been working for the same things until he’d been partnered with the most useless, childish shinigami in the Ministry of Hades.
No matter how hard he’d tried, he’d found it impossible to reach those goals around Tsuzuki. The violet-eyed man possessed the uncanny ability to unnerve and disarm you before you knew what hit you. Hisoka figured it was the warmth and affection that poured from his partner with every breath he took, but he wasn’t really sure.
Right before they’d been sent to Kyoto, Hisoka had come the startling realization that not only could he not reach his goal of perfection around Tsuzuki, but he didn’t really want to anymore. In fact, he discovered, all he wanted to do was exist without all the anger, the hate, the sorrow. Maybe even be happy one day… but that was probably too much to ask for. Just existing peacefully would be enough. Of course, he’d known he’d have to kill Muraki before any of that would be possible, but at least it was a plan.
Then, they’d gone to Kyoto and everything had gone to hell. Tsuzuki had started to loose his mind, then he’d been kidnapped my Muraki. After just a few moments of despair, Hisoka had decided that all he had to do was kill Muraki, rescue his partner, and everything would be fine. A small seed of hope had taken root in heart. So he’d fought Oriya with only his goals in mind. Finally, he’d gotten the keys and they’d rushed off to the University. The seed had started to grow at that moment, hope quickly consuming him until they’d reached the underground lab… and then, Tsuzuki hadn’t wanted to come back and nothing mattered anymore.
As he watched his partner sitting calmly in Touda’s flames, he’d felt his heart stop in his chest, which wasn’t really fair, Hisoka had reflected later, because he hadn’t even known he was in love. In that instant, he’d known that he couldn’t exist without Tsuzuki. He didn’t actually remember diving into the flames, couldn’t remember anything until he threw himself in the other man’s arms.
It was the first time in his life or death that he’d ever been wholly selfish. He sighed again, wistfully now, as he thought of whether or not it had been worth it. He wondered if he should have just died with Tsuzuki.
As soon as they’d returned, Tatsumi had quietly asked him if he’d done the right thing, if his reasons were worth making Tsuzuki live when he didn’t want to. It had taken Hisoka a long time to answer. Finally, he’d just scooted closer to Tsuzuki’s bed and replied, “I’ll make him happy. I won’t let him suffer anymore.” With a nod, the secretary had left.
Hisoka wondered now if he was keeping his word. Ever since they’d returned from that underground lad, Tsuzuki had been hiding his emotions. In fact, the only things he felt from his partner were carefully filtered and impossibly shallow. No matter how much he wanted, he just couldn’t push the violet-eyed man into explaining himself.
Besides, Tsuzuki probably didn’t want him to know how unhappy he was. The blonde sighed for the third time, still wondering if he’d done the right thing and hating himself for knowing that he wouldn’t change it if he could.
“You shouldn’t think so hard.” Tsuzuki announced cheerfully, catching his partner off guard. Automatically, Hisoka scowled.
“Just because you don’t thi-“
“I know, I know.” The brunette cut him off gently, placing a hand on the younger man’s head. “I don’t think at all.”
Hisoka frowned at the sadness in Tsuzuki’s voice. Despite the physical contact, he could feel almost nothing at all from the man.
“Tsuzuki…” he started hesitantly.
“Hmm…?”
“Did I… never mind.” He mumbled quickly.
“Don’t do that.” The violet-eyed man said softly, running his hand through the blonde’s hair. “I want to know what you’re thinking.”
“Did I… did I do the wrong thing? Was Tatsumi-san right? Should I have… should I have…” He stopped, closed his eyes to keep away the tears. The hand that was still on his head smoothed down his hair and gently cupped his neck. In one quick moment, he’d pulled the younger man into his arms.
“I’ll tell you the same thing I told Tatsumi. I’m happy you saved me. I owe you my life. Thank you.” He whispered, still running his fingers through the other’s hair. “Besides, I want to live just for you, Hisoka. It makes me happy.”
All his protests died on his lips and all his guilt seemed to evaporate, so he said nothing and stood still, soaking up Tsuzuki’s warmth like a sponge. Obligingly, the violet-eyed man pulled him closer, resting his chin on top of the other’s head.
“I’m tired.” The blonde muttered after a long moment, not moving from where he stood. Tsuzuki smiled softly into his partner’s hair.
“Then I should take you home.”
“Yeah,” came Hisoka’s murmured response. “Let’s go home.”