And so it goes...
I've calmed down a bit since last night. It was all still a little raw and soar at that point. And it hurt. I wrote Tiffany an email and explained things to her and just talked to her. I'm not gonna let this get all out of proportion. She didn't betray my trust or anything. That was just the pain talking. I'm just so sick of being hurt, yah know? And I know that wasn't her intention at all. And I'm not gonna let one little scrape up ruin my whole life and the way I live it. I'm not gonna let it ruin my ability to ever trust anyone again. And I do trust them. And love them all a lot. So, that hasn't changed. Just my plans for the summer. I'm gonna take that job for IKEA, I guess. At least for a little while. And it has it quirks, anyway. I'd start above minimum wage and at one point I can get their insurance and maybe even travel. I think one of the main reasons I didn't want to work there was because it's my MOTHER offering me the idea, yah know? And I HAD to be rebellious towards ANYTHING she, of all people, suggested. But it really would be the best thing for me in the long run, you know? I don't have anyone to depend on or to fall back on, except myself. For anything. Certainly not my mother. She made that even more obvious tonight. She's promised that she would find a way to get me braces, right? Well, just another promise she's broken. She told me tonight she wasn't going to, because she couldn't afford it. Who's fault is that?! And she PROMISED me, not to long ago, when she still couldn't afford it, that she would find a way. And she wants to buy herself a brand new car. Soon. For HER. What does she need with a brand new one that she can't afford?! And that she's more than likely to wreck?! I always hold back on asking for things that I need, just because she tells me she can't afford it. And then she goes and buys herself cloths or something. I'm not saying she shouldn't buy herself things, because she should. She has every right to. And I know that I'm sixteen and I can buy myself all those things now if I get a job. But she's totally dismissed me as being able to buy myself everything, when I barely have a dollar. What about braces? That's something her daughter NEEDS. I see all my other friend's parents getting them braces, and I'm like, why can't my mother do that for me? And they all can't really afford it either. And I'm not saying I wouldn't help. I've been asking for braces for YEARS. And when we could afford it, she always dismissed me and told me, someday, Kara, someday. And then went and bought a car or useless knickknacks and got our house almost foreclosed several times. Until she was forced to sell it. It's not like I'm asking for a Dvd or something. This has to do with my health and my body. You know? Geese. Whatever. But, I'm not gonna go into it anymore. I'll figure something out. I'm just having to grow up even faster now, AGAIN. But, I have no choice. I'm still a little down about a few things. Hurting. But, I can get through this funk that I'm in. I think my future is gonna turn out a certain way. That I'm never gonna get married or have a good life or enjoy it. And people are always gonna use me or try to break me. Not care about me. And that I'm gonna be an alone spinster who can't even afford a cat! Pretty gruesome, huh? Just shows how much I love myself! I'm really sarcastic. Just another one of my quirks. Sometimes it's used for good and others...not so good. Laters.
Kat
Kat