when everything seems wrong...
do you know this feeling that just everything seems to be wrong, with everything you do it gets worse and you just feel like crab?! yeah? well that's how i feel right now.
first of all i am sick, which makes me feel like i am a zombie or something lie that. Besides that i just totally screwed up my bio retake. awesome. i don't know why i always have to be that stupid because i am sure if i just would sit on my ass and really study i could do it, and i tried but well, obviously it didn't work. sometimes i feel like i am not a single iq point smarter than all those hauptschueler that end up having a lifetime job at mcdonalds.
and why can't i fucking manage my own life? it probably sounds really stupid but i just wanna make my parents really proud of me ny being as perfect as my brother but it seems to be impossible for me to ever get anything right. i just suck at life.
i know i probably shouldn't compare myself to him, but i still do and everytime i notive how much less i achieve and much i would need to improve to even get close to him, kind of like you admire an idol from far away but you know that you could never be like them...
and besides all this stuff there is my friend from back in germany whom i have known since forever who got terribly sick from side effects from medication and besides that already in a really bad health condition and i sit here, unable to do anything about it, feeling so helpless...
i have known her for so long and she always was so much stronger then me and when i hear that she is in so much pain that she is screaming and when finally in hospital, they won't give her any meds till all the tests are over which means more hours of pain before they finally give her stuff that in the end doesn't help that much after doing all the tests that give them no clue about what is wrong with her.
plus her grandma, who i know for a long time too is in hospital and not doing too well either.
but how bad things might be at the moment, i really wanna thank my awesome roomie who always tries to make me feel better! thanx, you rock my world!
@ sarah, thanks for the crackers hun, all i need now is a jack daniels hat... :)
i hope you all have a better night then i do.
i'll just lie in my dark room right now feeling really depressed and hate life for some more time and then go to bed...
first of all i am sick, which makes me feel like i am a zombie or something lie that. Besides that i just totally screwed up my bio retake. awesome. i don't know why i always have to be that stupid because i am sure if i just would sit on my ass and really study i could do it, and i tried but well, obviously it didn't work. sometimes i feel like i am not a single iq point smarter than all those hauptschueler that end up having a lifetime job at mcdonalds.
and why can't i fucking manage my own life? it probably sounds really stupid but i just wanna make my parents really proud of me ny being as perfect as my brother but it seems to be impossible for me to ever get anything right. i just suck at life.
i know i probably shouldn't compare myself to him, but i still do and everytime i notive how much less i achieve and much i would need to improve to even get close to him, kind of like you admire an idol from far away but you know that you could never be like them...
and besides all this stuff there is my friend from back in germany whom i have known since forever who got terribly sick from side effects from medication and besides that already in a really bad health condition and i sit here, unable to do anything about it, feeling so helpless...
i have known her for so long and she always was so much stronger then me and when i hear that she is in so much pain that she is screaming and when finally in hospital, they won't give her any meds till all the tests are over which means more hours of pain before they finally give her stuff that in the end doesn't help that much after doing all the tests that give them no clue about what is wrong with her.
plus her grandma, who i know for a long time too is in hospital and not doing too well either.
but how bad things might be at the moment, i really wanna thank my awesome roomie who always tries to make me feel better! thanx, you rock my world!
@ sarah, thanks for the crackers hun, all i need now is a jack daniels hat... :)
i hope you all have a better night then i do.
i'll just lie in my dark room right now feeling really depressed and hate life for some more time and then go to bed...