Writing and writing and getting nowhere
I started this story about John Crichton dealing with what Grayza did to him in WWL. I started the story, Falling Down Like Rain in 2005, the summer to be exact. It's still not finished. Why? A few reasons. For starters, it's hard to write and post a story when you have no real access to a computer. I have all the ideas written out, an outline of sorts, but being able to sit down and actually type something up is just so damn difficult. My computer died on me. I'm too cheap to a) get it fixed and b) buy a new one. I want another tattoo. Have four, but I continually weigh the worth. Tattoo or computer. I realise one is more expensive then the other, but that's the fight buzzing around my head. So, I borrow computers instead. I think I may go for both.
Wow, I'm off the subject. Anyhow, so I started FDLR and couldn't finish it. Besides the comp problems, there is also the subject matter. We are talkin about rape. John's rape. The subject in and of itself is a difficult one to write about, but having a deeper understanding of it doesn't really help matters. Sometimes I feel like I'm tearing open scars or splicing away at a past that should stay in the past. Either way, I really would like to finish the story. It just may take me until the next new year to do it. I'm hoping not, but who knows.
I've also taken to writing stories that have nothing to do with FDLR while I'm working. It's all in my head so it's slightly more difficult to get on paper, but it's what I do to pass the time. Take today for example, I wrote this whole story about Sharon and Helo of BSG and how Helo is wondering openly to Sharon how a human can consider genocide. It goes back to a comment he made in S1 where he talks about what the Cylons did. "No human could do something like this." Or something to that effect. Yet two years later, the fleet was in the midst of releasing a virus that might have wiped out a good portion of cylons. I wrote how he tried to rationalise it in his mind, but looking at Sharon, couldn't make the arguement 'for it' work.
I really wish I could find a way to tranfer what's in my brain to paper without forgetting or losing anything.
Wow, I'm off the subject. Anyhow, so I started FDLR and couldn't finish it. Besides the comp problems, there is also the subject matter. We are talkin about rape. John's rape. The subject in and of itself is a difficult one to write about, but having a deeper understanding of it doesn't really help matters. Sometimes I feel like I'm tearing open scars or splicing away at a past that should stay in the past. Either way, I really would like to finish the story. It just may take me until the next new year to do it. I'm hoping not, but who knows.
I've also taken to writing stories that have nothing to do with FDLR while I'm working. It's all in my head so it's slightly more difficult to get on paper, but it's what I do to pass the time. Take today for example, I wrote this whole story about Sharon and Helo of BSG and how Helo is wondering openly to Sharon how a human can consider genocide. It goes back to a comment he made in S1 where he talks about what the Cylons did. "No human could do something like this." Or something to that effect. Yet two years later, the fleet was in the midst of releasing a virus that might have wiped out a good portion of cylons. I wrote how he tried to rationalise it in his mind, but looking at Sharon, couldn't make the arguement 'for it' work.
I really wish I could find a way to tranfer what's in my brain to paper without forgetting or losing anything.