Harry Potter: Inspired by the Muppets
Title: We Are and Shall Always Be
Author: Reyn
Rating: safe
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Beta: masteroftherebels
Warnings: AU, slash, magical AU, inspired by the Muppets, no wands AU
Disclaimer: I own neither the characters or the plot, really…
Author's Note: Long story short, I went to see The Muppets in theaters, and this sort of happened.
Summary: Finding himself back with his old performing troupe in an effort to save the school they once called their home, Draco tries to figure out just where he stands with the one who brought him back without driving Harry completely nuts in the process.
Prologue
Fact: The office of the once great Headmaster Dumbledore was off limits to anyone and everyone.
It had taken Teddy Lupin two years to even think of challenging the rule. He had no idea what had compelled him to stop walking to his next class and stare down the snarling gargoyle before slipping under the velvet rope that blocked off the passage to the office. He certainly never had
any inclination to do so before. Even more curious was how, despite glaring and snapping at him, the gargoyle had ultimately let him pass.
The initial feeling of triumph caused Teddy to chalk up the adventure to the onset of teenage rebellion. His birthday had just past several days before. But now, in hindsight, he wasn't so sure.
Because if he hadn't snuck into the abandoned office to marvel at the dusty and cobwebbed wonders that it held, he never would have sneezed. If he hadn't sneezed, his hair wouldn't have changed to match the deep purple of the carpet. If his hair hadn't turned purple to match the carpet, he probably would have been caught when his hiding place under the desk proved to be a tad too small for his growing body, leaving a fair bit of his head poking out of the bottom left corner.
It was through this process of events that Teddy came to witness the entrance of Tom Riddle - the
Tom Riddle! Holy Frigga, Morgana, and Hera! - along with a few other associates whom Teddy recognized as school board officials, thanks to their pictures hanging just outside the Great Hall.
The Board members were all talking loudly, only to be instantly silenced the second Riddle calmly put up a hand.
"I believe I already made my wishes clear."
"But, my Lord-"
"There is a swamp on the third floor, Fiddley. A swamp. And as you all are well aware, that's only the most obvious of problems with this school. No further investigation is required because I would hate to see what turns up on the academic side of things." There was a pause that was filled by the
sound of hard candy clinking against the sides of a ceramic dish, followed by the crinkle of plastic unwrapping. "Seeing as how the cost to fix all the physical problems of Hogwarts is something the Ministry simply does not have the funds for, the school is to be shut down immediately."
"But what of the children? Some of them are wards of Hogwarts and have no family or homes to return to. What will become of them?"
The tone of Tom Riddle's voice was less than promising. "I'm sure we can think of…something."
Fact: Teddy Lupin was a ward of Hogwarts.
So it was quite understandable that after the coast was clear, he dashed out of the office and spent the next twenty minutes screaming, babbling, and panicking as he tried to tell his friends just what he had witnessed.
He had nowhere else to go! Hogwarts was his home! And not just his home, either! The school had been in existence for what? A couple thousand years at the very least, and had built up quite the
history as a result. It housed so many people who had gone on to do such great things! Like Willy Wonka, Gilderoy Lockhart, Rita Skeeter, Sherlock Holmes, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Jack Harkness, Harry Potter…
Teddy froze in his pacing and looked up to stare in shock at the wall. Untangling his hands from his hair and allowing the white strands to fade back to brown, he raised his arms and gave a shout of triumph.
Harry Potter!
Fact: As a student, Harry Potter spent his last few years as a ward of Hogwarts and was a bit famous for his one battle cry of, "This is my home!" during the war.
He was also a Prodigy and had spent the majority of his youth putting such a talent to use by means of The Quibblers, what was arguably one of the most famous performing troupes in Europe before they disbanded shortly before the New Age War.
While most of the performers went their separate ways to fight or flee, Harry Potter had been one of the few students to stay behind and defend Hogwarts from any invading forces who were looking to use the school as some strategic point for whatever political purposes they believed it could serve. Considering the fact that the man he once called his enemy was looking to close it down, Harry was quick to agree to help Teddy and do what he could to raise the money needed to clean up the school and keep it open.
To do this, Harry explained, they were going to need to call in some help from a lot of old friends.
"Holy fecking knickers! Harry! D'you have any idea how huge this is? You've been gone for years! I've missed you! The world missed you! And then you just pop up on my doorstep and-"
"This is a pub, Seamus. Please don't tell me you live here."
"-my figurative doorstep and ask me to put down my drink and not say anything until you've said your spiel and-"
"Yes or no, Seamus."
Teddy did his best to look as pleading as possible.
"Are you kidding me? O' course!"
Teddy was ecstatic. Every last one of the old Quibbler performers were saying yes! This may have had something to do with the fact that Harry Potter was the one asking them and they hadn't seen the man since the war ended, but Teddy was delighted nonetheless.
"I dunno, Harry…"
"…we're very busy these days."
"Inventing things-"
"-running the shop-"
"-avoiding lawsuits over our products-"
"-we really should say no."
"We should, but we'll say yes instead."
"But only because we like you."
"And because the kid you brought hasn't blinked in over a minute."
"He hasn't? Really?"
"Not a once. Been watching him this whole time."
"Oh, look! His hair turned red! Ah, he looks ready to-"
Teddy figured it was forgivable to faint every once in a while. Fred and George Weasley were his heroes, after all. Whenever the school tried to recreate one of The Quibblers' shows, he usually fought for the role of one of the twins. While it helped that he could change his hair and eye color at will and somewhat morph his facial features, he generally ended up playing the part of Draco Malfoy.
And butchering it horribly.
Fact: Harry Potter had a thing for Draco Malfoy.
Teddy was made aware of this by the girls at school who swore by it. They were always trying their hardest to make Teddy and Gabe (the boy who usually landed the role of Harry Potter) reenact some sordid romance, and in doing so, shed a lot of light on why some of The Quibblers' shows
went the way they did.
Because of this, Teddy was the first to speak up when Harry Potter tried to insist that they were done rounding up everyone.
"But-"
"Yes, I'd say this is just about everyone."
"But there's still Dra-"
"Thank you all for coming back. Before we-"
"You need Draco Malfoy!"
Harry's shoulders slumped as the crowd's amused gaze moved between him and the young boy.
"Teddy…"
"He's part of what made you all who you are! You can't not bring him back!"
"Yes, well, things are a bit complicated-"
"But he's a Prodigy! Who's going to compete with that? I can't compete with that. And I certainly don't want to get stuck kissing you."
"…What?"
Unfortunately for Harry, his friends sympathized more with Teddy than they did with him. Their reasoning being that none of them wanted to have to kiss him either, something that had left Harry feeling quite chagrined. He had only kissed the man once! And it had been during an off season at that! Anything else would have been nothing short of completely unprofessional!
Harry only remembered that he had meant to keep such an admission secret as he found himself unceremoniously lifted from the forearms by Oliver Wood and Gregory Goyle.
"Time to find Malfoy," someone announced, breaking the shocked silence of the troupe as the two men turned and carried Harry off to the nearest passport station, with Teddy and a number of others following along.
Rumor had it Draco Malfoy had made quite a name for himself in France, and if there were anyone who could convince him to separate from such fame, it would be none other than Harry Potter.
tbc...
A/N: Sorry if things seem ridiculously confusing. The prologue was a last minute addition to help lay down some aspects of this AU that I feel aren't going to be adequately explained in the rest of the story. Because the rest of the story focuses on drarry from Draco's POV.
That being said, I hope you all enjoy!