(no subject)
my chest hurts. below my ribs. my lungs. it feels tight and its hard to breathe.
i want to grow my hair out but i really want to cut it. that doesn't make sense, does it? i hate my bangs.
my eyes itch.
my body is falling apart on me.
but my ear is better. for now at least. hopefully it will stay that way.
i think too much and it confuses me. everything is clear in the beginning and then it gets all cloudy and dirty. well fuck. fuck that.
lately i've been really stupid and irrational and over dramatic. a lot of things, really. i can't help it. i want to stop. i hate it.
i need some sort of exit or escape. not to avoid things but to just go away for a while. i guess that's what the weekends are for.
i want to erase things. times. events. things.
my parents are talking about me to their friends. my "uncle" and "aunt" (but not really). i can't hear what they're saying. they're talking softly.
i want to make music. something with a xylophone or bells. and a guitar.
i want to transfer feelings and emotions and wants and needs.
i want to not want so much.
on a (the?) flipside, i'm slowing emerging. my thoughts and beliefs on certain things are becoming more dominate in how i act. well sort of. only sort of. (that's why its on a flipside) i didn't think i would do what im doing but i am and im ok with it. that totally didnt make sense. sorry.
i don't like doing homework or having homework. ESPECIALLY if its fucking bio and its fucking qnotes which we have EVERY fucking night. it's so ridiculous and pointless. ahhh!
i want to grow my hair out but i really want to cut it. that doesn't make sense, does it? i hate my bangs.
my eyes itch.
my body is falling apart on me.
but my ear is better. for now at least. hopefully it will stay that way.
i think too much and it confuses me. everything is clear in the beginning and then it gets all cloudy and dirty. well fuck. fuck that.
lately i've been really stupid and irrational and over dramatic. a lot of things, really. i can't help it. i want to stop. i hate it.
i need some sort of exit or escape. not to avoid things but to just go away for a while. i guess that's what the weekends are for.
i want to erase things. times. events. things.
my parents are talking about me to their friends. my "uncle" and "aunt" (but not really). i can't hear what they're saying. they're talking softly.
i want to make music. something with a xylophone or bells. and a guitar.
i want to transfer feelings and emotions and wants and needs.
i want to not want so much.
on a (the?) flipside, i'm slowing emerging. my thoughts and beliefs on certain things are becoming more dominate in how i act. well sort of. only sort of. (that's why its on a flipside) i didn't think i would do what im doing but i am and im ok with it. that totally didnt make sense. sorry.
i don't like doing homework or having homework. ESPECIALLY if its fucking bio and its fucking qnotes which we have EVERY fucking night. it's so ridiculous and pointless. ahhh!