Napspam: Silverware!
(Look, it’s Hamsik when he still had hair!)
I realise this is quite possibly going to be the last spam ever to appear at ASA (damn Livejournal and its tricks!), but this is the first trophy Napoli have won since 1990, so my window of opportunity is small. Plus, the team were amazing, slashy and took a lot of their clothes off, so I intend to enjoy their success. *Basks* Aaaahhhh.
Somewhat astoundingly, Pandev has now won the Coppa Italia every year for the last four years. Least likely good luck charm ever. Lavezzi is probably going to leave now, and quite possibly Cavani as well, but they gave us a good send-off. I love you, lads.
Napoli 2-0 Juventus (Highlights)
17' 2h Cavani pen., 38' 2h Hamsik
Napoli: De Sanctis, Campagnaro, Cannavaro, Aronica, Maggio, Dzemaili, Inler, Zuniga, Hamsik (40' 2h Dossena), Hamsik's hair, Lavezzi (27' 2h Pandev), Cavani (48' 2h Britos). Unused subs: Rosati, Grava, Fernandez,Vargas. Coach: Mazzarri
Juventus: Storari, Barzagli, Bonucci, Caceres, Lichtsteiner (23' 2h Pepe), Vidal, Pirlo, Marchisio, Estigarribia, Borriello (28' 2h Quagliarella), Del Piero (23' 2h Vucinic). Unused subs: Manninger, Marrone, Giaccherini, Matri. Coach: Conte
NAPOLI FANS.
I want to give this lot some kind of design award. That’s beautiful.
...Er, that isn’t. Still, they tried.
This lot, much like the rest of us, are confused by their captain’s brother’s grasp of arithmetic.
These ones just like fireworks.
Awww, the Swiss coach was there! \o/
So was Lapo. Looking, as ever, like a dog’s dinner. (Cesare and Ciro Ferrarra were too, and dressed properly, but no-one took a picture. NOT MY FAULT.)
On to the match. This scary lady sang the national anthem.
And whoever this is (Rosella-with-a-time-machine?) brought the cup onto the pitch. (Inter fans: *Weep*)
Gargano’s children: *Criticise the Juve lineup*
PCan's mascot was scared of the fireworks.
So was Lavezzi’s.
Then the teams intermingled and stood with their arms around each other during the minute’s silence for the explosion at Brindisi and the earthquake in Emilia.
Er, except Pocho.
Is he antisocial? Just smelly? Has he not realised what’s meant to be happening?
Not that the rest of them are much better. Marcostorari, stop giggling.
BAHAHAHA ahem. Inler was the only bloke they could find prepared to put his arm around the BUM for a whole minute, and even he looks ready to destroy the stadium. Class.
Phew, thank goodness that’s over. Starters: very, very obvious choices, with only Dzemaili and Zuniga looking faintly unusual.
Nobody bothered to take photos of Morgan, but he made amazing saves on ADP, Marchisio, Bonucci, Quags... well, nearly everyone, really. Il Capitano did a good job of controlling Borriello and was honoured by TuttoNapoli with the words “Its parts do not pass”, which I don’t think was meant to be quite as dirty as it sounds.
Hugo was doing a similarly convincing job; the various pagelle call him a “street fighter” who “cudgelled” ADP, though I’m hoping they don’t mean that literally.
Here are a few of the 10,000 pictures of Aronica crashing into people while the referee does nothing.
“Is it my fault he falls over when I go near him?” Yes, Salvatore, it is.
And poor old Quags got sent off for punching him. Come on, no-one ever gets sent off for hitting Aronica! Even Ibra didn’t! [Edit: whoops, he did. It just took the ref about half an hour to make up his mind.]
Bahahahaha!!! (OK, that’s actually Dossena, who played for 2mins, but the picture was too funny to leave out.)
Guess who didn’t get neglected by the photogs?
Yep: Inler, his tongue and his tendency to fondle people.
(See? Marchisio looks quite startled.)
His pagelle are varied, but even the ones who gave him 6s and 6.5s agree that he was self-sacrificing and “the great soul of the midfield”. That’s got to be good.
The ones who like him, needless to say, are going bonkers. Nice work, boy.
Dzemaili was haggard and had bad hair, but got a similar response.
Hard-working, tenacious and would not leave Vidal alone. Even the ones who gave him a 5 admitted it; TuttoNapoli called him “sumptuous”.
Also, look at this picture. I’m breaking something laughing! Walls = footballing lolcats.
When Salvador Dali wasn’t attacking him, Maggio had the job of harrying Estigarribia and did it well.
This was probably Pocho’s last match for Napoli.
Did he suddenly become sane?
Of course not. However, he was fast (Sport Mediaset called him Speedy Gonzalez), made good decisions in the second half and won the [enalty that turned into our first goal.
OK, so he made crap decisions in the first half (fucking up by shooting instead of passing), but it worked out OK.
Mediaset also said, “Makes a big mess, for better or worse.” Exactly. (When he was on the bench he talked into his water bottle, apparently thinking it was a phone.)
...What are they staring at? Dear god, I really do not want to know what can terrify those two.
Zuzu was good, energetic and almost scored with a header right at the start. Pandev, of whom there are no pictures, didn’t contribute that much but assisted on Hamsik’s goal, which makes up for the rest of the match. Also, he supposedly made us win just by existing.
Aha! A little odd man.
He still looks bonkers, but he has brought a trophy to Napoli for the first time in 22 years, which suggests he actually isn’t.
Also, we’re a bonkers team so perhaps we need a bonkers coach anyway.
Thank you for everything, gaffer, even if your tie is making you appear to wear spotty blue undies.
*Even more uncontrollable laughter* He isn’t even trying to look like Bob Marley! It just happens!
(The less said about his “beard”, of course, the better. Tell him, Juve man.)
*Blinks* Interesting.
Edi didn’t achieve much in the first half (people think he was nervous).
Then, though, Pocho flew forwards, Marcostorari sent him flying in a different way and the ref pointed to the spot. (Juve weren’t happy.)
Edi thought about it and rubbed the ball on his Magical Shirt of Jesus.
Then he demonstrated that (a) his undies are sensible and not like Milito’s, and (b) he is one of the most awkwardly-shaped people ever to grace a pitch.
The BUM tried to stop him scoring with his laser eyes.
(De Laurentiis, the poor guy, hid under his coat.
Edi’s missed two penalties this season, so he couldn’t bear to watch.)
But he managed this one. (Even in his despair, Caceres is impressed by his compatriot’s bum.)
Edi was happy, while Hamsik and Pocho looked pissed off.
Well, he was happy at first, anyway.
Then he started to look more like a gremlin.
No idea what the C means. Perhaps it’s one of his “dance” moves?
Then he just let the hair fly free.
(GENIUS. EVEN MORE GENIUS THAN THE LAST ONE.)
This celebration goes on and on, doesn’t it?
Now he’s mutated into a rampaging dinosaur.
At long last his teammates turned up to touch him.
He liked that.
The touching was very... thorough.
(Try to ignore the tendrils on his jaw.)
Oh, god. *Sigh*
Yep, he’s dancing.
(Gokhan celebrated the end of the dancing.)
Meanwhile, the tifosi let off some red flares,
providing Edi with a pretty backdrop for his pointing.
I’m sure the Lord appreciated it.
The Italians are so rhapsodic about Hamsik’s performance I can’t understand a word they’re saying. However, on the basis of the odd words that have slipped through, like “standing ovation” and stuff, I think it’s safe to say they’re happy.
Cos we were certainly happy when he scored.
(Poor Marcostorari. He should never have cut his hair; that’s what’s causing the problem.)
Hamsik unleashed his Roar of Primeval Satisfaction.
(You can see why they’re called the Three Tenors, can’t you?
Blimey, that’d be a scary opera.)
Then he ran off to assault the goal net.
I don’t think he quite anticipated what was coming next.
Blerim: “MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!”
Blerim is more proud of himself than any footballer has ever been. Hamsik is enjoying this either a lot or not at all.
Then Mum and Dad arrived. “Oh, look, Goran, how cute!”
Edi was checking the boys had their wellies on (and Pandev was assuring him his assistance was not needed) when Aronica arrived and put an end to sensible conversation.
Aronica: “Can I join in?”
Cavani and Pandev: *Distract Inler*
Then Sal’s old bones got tired.
(I reiterate what I said about Hamsik earlier.)
Inler, of course, was so jealous he could spit.
It’s a good thing we know Dzemaili survived this match.
He, however, found it difficult to take his national captain entirely seriously.
BWAHAHA, THAT FACE! I love him now.
Then the whistle blew and Napoli realised they’d landed their first piece of metal since the last millennium.
Morgan celebrated with some extreme net!kinking.
The subs started doing the Dance of the Useless
and Maggio ran for...
...Cavani? Ooookaaaaaay.
Oh. I see it worked. Good thinking, Christian. I’ll never question you again.
(That’s actually Dossena. Edi gets around, doesn’t he?)
OH YAY FIDELEFF’S HAIR! I love Fideleff’s hair.
Cavani is now wishing he hadn’t got around quite so much.
Paolo took over the role of glomp-post while the rest got ready for a group hug.
(De Laurentiis was happy about this.)
Since Aronica was involved, the group hug was going to be a bit of a scary one.
Note: at this point, Hamsik still has hair.
...Why does it look as if he’s waving a gun around? Oh, it’s the sleeves of someone’s coat, I get it.
Then Lavezzi went to storm the barricades.
His mental state was... er.
I mean, he’s unhinged at the best of times, and this was an extreme occasion.
From the back, it’s not too scary.
From the front... YIKES.
Then the ultras got hold of hima nd the mood changed a bit.
(They actually kept trying to steal his shorts, and he kept pulling the shorts back up again. Modesty! From Pocho!)
Awww. He’s tearing up, isn’t he? God bless.
Oddly, I do have a picture of someone trying to steal Dzemaili’s shorts. “We’ve had enough of that showering in the pants! Get ’em off!”
(Random nudity for Conny.)
Then Pocho did the conga with Wol.
Edi noticed and was, frankly, terrifying.
This may explain why Pocho started crying.
Walter came over to comfort him, while Wol either found it hysterically funny or was crying himself.
Pocho continued to be sad.
...Especially when Fernandez turned up and was even scarier than Edi, yikes.
There were actually a lot of people crying.
Bless Morgan’s ginger eyebrows.
He can’t believe his team finally won something. <3
Grava, too, was setting off the waterworks.
ADP wasn’t, but PCan gave him a hug of captainly solidarity anyway. (Possibly his bro told him to.)
Then it was time for the cup-raising, so Pocho was made to stop crying and put on some clothes.
YAY WE WON THE COPPA!!!1!
(Fuck me, Vargas has scary eyebrows.)
BITS OF WHITE PAPER!
Everyone is invisible! Yay! Hurrah!
(I realise you can hardly see it, but the chap at the front, Colombo, is wearing a “Colombi” shirt in honour of his sprog. She was born about fifteen minutes after the match ended, and her middle name is now Victoria to honour Napoli’s victory. Ahhhh.)
Lavezzi, of course, is more interested in being felt up by Lucarelli.
And Dzemaili is killing Grava.
Then PCan gave the cup a snog
and, er, lifted it again?
Won’t pretend to know what’s going on here. Just scroll through it if it bores you.
Then other people started holding the cup. Aronica was appalled.
Walter: “All right, all right. Bloody hell, keep your hair on.”
De Laurentiis decided to humour him.
POSING IN FRONT OF THE CARDBOARD THING TIME! De Laurentiis is groping Inler. As you would.
Oh, wait. Gokhan did let the fans steal his shorts? Might have guessed.
Pandev seems to be taking it rather seriously, does he not?
Which is fair enough.
(OK, this picture is horrible. I kept it only because it displays the full unearthliness of Cavani’s witch-locks.)
Then Edi pinched the cup and ran off with it. (Awww - Serse Cosmi came to the match!)
Aronica was still concerned that people weren’t holding it properly, but fortunately it seems Cavani told him to fuck off.
(Blimey, he’s a scrawny thing.)
Lucarelli: *Finds Edi hilarious*
L.O.L. Naughty Swiss are naughty. <3
See what I mean?? Those two have so much more in common than I would ever have guessed.
Then there was Walter-bouncing.
I, er, don’t think he liked it very much.
Aronica: “HOLD THE MANAGER PROPERLY!”
Now. Marechiaro (and his nipples).
In this picture with the possibly slightly bogus cup, you will see that he still has hair.
Not for much longer! (Aronica: “HOLD THE CLIPPERS PROPERLY”)
Er, wow. He seems to be enjoying it a bit too much. Maggio should take this up professionally.
Ta-dah! NO HAIR!
Now for the (disappointingly few and small) spogliatoio pictures.
Lots more kissing of the cup. *Scrutinises washing basket for José Mourinho*
Pocho’s abs are just terrifying. Terrifying.
Think Goran was happy about his fourth Coppa?
I wonder if you can buy his shorts on Ebay...
Ah, I think this is on the bus back to Napoli.
Dossena and booze.
Lavezzi, desperately in search of some.
Most of the bus!pictures are boring, but I think you can see why I kept this one. Who knew Fernandez was Napoli’s bonkers person/party animal?
Then there was more posing with the cup.
Best “humouring the madman” face EVAR.
Naughty Swiss again! \o/
Although it was 4am when the bus got back to Napoli, the tifosi waiting there were just a little bit excited.
(And nude.)
D’you think they use the same tattooist as Hamsik?
BEYOND REASON. L.O.L.
OK, so Napoli don’t have quite as big a bus budget as other teams do.
They have to use a tourist bus that offers talks in “Engish” and “Fancais”. Never mind, they’ve got the cup.
Blurry Dzemaili!
Aronica: “DO NOT DROP THE CUP UNDER THE BUS.”
They made him shut up, but you can see that chap at the back is worried as well.
Hamsik seems to be trying to count the tifosi. PCan is laughing at him.
WHY IS THIS NOT BIGGER.
Bless Wol and his backwards hat.
I’m not sure who that is trying to drink through his ear, but look at the sky - nearly dawn!
And here is the cup in its new home. (No, I meant in Napoli, not on some random rooftop or in the crater of Vesuvius. Be sensible.)
Everyone is happy, and, as a bonus, Aronica finally seems reassured that his charge is safe.
And since this is Napoli, we have the Coppa Italia Bus Sign,
the Coppa Italia Pizza,
and... come on, you knew this was coming.
Not a proper victory without the Coppa Italia Presepe.
We had a good innings. Ciao, ragazze.