U21 Euros: Azzurrini 0 - 0 Serbia Capspam
(Bocchetti was pondering the newest defense tactic: Seducing the opponent & the ref)
DISCLAIMER: This is pretteh focus review. For an insightful match report, click here
To follow the pattern of bustedflush brilliant report,
I shall start with Pierluigi fucking Casiraghi. The hottest coach of the tournament, hands down.
Serbia Coach : What!? Look!, at least my hairline is not as receding as his. Ahem.
Pier: Oh, snap! I can go bald like Abate and fangirls will still swoon at me
despite my questionable 4-3-3 formation
OK, let's move to da players.
Consigli, as usual, was our keeper.
He didn't have much to do but was quite effective when the duty called.
The defense was marshalled by the magnificent Bocchetti nnnnnnngh
Sasa was the beast at the backline. Winning tackles, organizing the defense and all that jazz.
Android was also very good and he made some crucial interceptions
but was somehow outshone by the very bossy Bocchetti.
This could explain why there was no single close-up shot of Android the entire game!!
Why, Swedish TV, Why you are so much fail >=O
Well then, let's move on to Capitano Motta
This was clearly one of Motta's worst game evar, both defensively and offensively
His passes and crosses were way off. He also let Serbia's Tomovic go 1-1 with Consigli. *sigh*
But that's ok, Marcolino. We can still stare at your bicep and forgive your blunders *gulps*
Deputized the left flank today was Mimmo Criscito
I just wish mimmo could have done more offensively
Plz bring the pretteh and the aggro upfield next game, k?
Consider we have only 2 natural Midfielders on the pitch,
I'd like to give a round of applause to Cigarini & Marchisio
Cuz they both did extremely well despite the retarded formation >=O
Ciga worked hard to win the ball and sprinkle nice passes here and there.
Ciga unleashed a gorgeous pass to Giovinco, only to have elf-ling screwing up the 1-on-1 challenge. meh.
Marchisio, too, had a very busy night
Too bad Marchisio did not have a chance to come forward, like when he played for Juventus,
as he had to dedicate himself to midfield janitorial jobs
OT: My Goodness, he had a small tattoo behind his ear? *flails flails flails*
The other midfielder is De Ceglie aka PDC aka the squad's only remaining mullet king
I think PDC tended to drift to left side of the pitch.
Maybe he was unconsciously asking for 4-4-2? :P
Anyway, PDC's workrate was really impressive. Stats don't lie.
He was everywhere juggling between defensive and attacking duties
Oh hai pekochan! elf-ling ♥
Giovinco was good at times. But very frustrating at others >=O
He seemed to channel more of his tiny energy to the bitchin' and the moanin'...
instead of doing his job, which is spoonfeeding sawdust creating chances
At least Giovinco was partially effective, unlike Mario *facepalms*
Mario gave away possession too often and too easily. His passings were all over the place too.
Don't know what happened to him. Because Casiraghi played him out too wide as a winger?
or because Santon forgot to sexting him as promised?
The one who suffered the most from Elf-ling and Mario suckage was probably Acquafresca
So Mr.Sawdust decided to spend the leisure time working on his facial expression.
Like this.
Or this.
C'mon, don't tell me you couldn't spot the difference!!
Even when Sawdust was hurt
He was still able to keep his poker face intact. Impressive, huh?
Sawdust: Ref, Can't u see!? I iz really really hurt!
Ref: *Looks* Uh-uh. Let me tell you that I am NOT appreciate you playacting, Mr Acquafresca.
Let's talk about the game a little bit, shall we?
In early first half, Giovinco forced a save from Serbian keeper with this shot just outside penalty box
Ciga also threatened baby Serbs. He didn't miss it by much.
Meanwhile, Bocchetti was busy gettin' down and dirty with Serbia's Kačar
And look at how Bocchetti smoothed things over.
Btch is so effortless. Canna would be very proud XD
Bocchetti also had a very good effort on goal.
Sasa made a nice turn before sending the ball just over the bar
Hee ♥ Why so cheeky? *pinches him*
At the end of the first half, Mario created his one and only opportunity.
And what a show it was! Mario pulled Mancini-esque mad stepover...
Before Serbia keeper denied mario's strike. Damnit!
"Jesus! How can I missed that sitter!?"
The second half began with a series of Elf-ling struggling and rolling
I bet little elf just wanna show off his newly acquired arm tat *tsk tsk*
"C'mon, ref. I ain't faking it. Can't you see how fragile I am!?
and NO, sir. that's not a real tattoo. I just put a sticker on!"
Pierluigi wasted none of this downtime flirtin' socializing with the 4th official.
"Now you understand what sort trouble I have to put up with every single day!?"
"OMG! Was Casiraghi just smiling at me? BRB dying from teh hot!"
Back to the game: at min 60, Cigarini put a gorgeous pass to elf-ling
Giovinco only had Serbia keeper to beat and yet, he could not capitalize the chance. GAH!!
"Oh my Giuseppe Rossi!"
Yes, elf-ling, you may wanna start worshipping San Giuseppe, patron saint of finishing half chances, now. stat!
On the other side, Mario's shot was way, WAY off the bar.
"Boo me as you like, Haters"
Casiraghi finally had enough of Mario. Thus, Abate in. Mario out.
I hope that Abate shaved his head for aerodynamic reasons and nothing else,
like, he doesn't think he looks spanking hot with this 'do, does he? *cries*
After 70 mins of Italy sorta domination, Serbia woke up in the last 20 mins
and they were almost able to snatch 3 points if not for Consigli's awesome save!
Consigli probably got rewards for his labor tonight from Marchisio, it seems. *whistles*
Consigli was not the only one saving our ass, Lady Luck played her part too.
Or else Kačar's overhead kick would have gone in instead of hitting the post *facepalms*
Motta was responsible for both defensive blunders,
so Casiraghi subbed him out and put Cagliari's Pisano in.
Despite his brief time on the pitch, Pisano gave a promising performance
and showed ability to swiftly earn a yellow card *stabs stabs*
Now that Motta's out. So who would be a capitano? Mimmo, of course XD
All together now *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*
Holy Mother of God. The falling armband nnnnnnnnnnnngh
This post is brought to you by Azzurr1n1, the sensation new boyband from Italy.
They will be your new heartthrob because they never win/advance group stage comfortably.
Ask your doctor before committing yourself to Azzurr1n1 and see you Next game on Friday!!
