Inter-ness n Viola: Stalemate
(OMG I'm such a big fan!)
So Inter had literally -- literally -- one healthy midfielder, and Fiorentina were without both the suspended Evil!Gila and Mutu, whose knee acted up before the match and was a late scratch. As often happens when Fiorentina are down to the kids, though, they stepped up and were all kinds of ferocious, if still struggling with that whole finishing thing.
La Viola absolutely dominated Inter's midfield (which consisted of Javi, half-fit Deki, and Chivu who, as you may have heard, is NOT A MIDFIELDER), and got in countless fantastic crosses to people who ... weren't actually there. Both teams were able to created a handful of great chances (Zlatan, Crespo and Mancini for Inter, Gambit, Pazzo and Osvi for Fiorentina), but neither could break through, a task that was made harder by the good performances of the two best keepers in Serie A. (Yeah, Gigi, I said it.)
So, going into the weekend, the draw leaves Inter two points off the top and Fiorentina three back.
Fiorentina 0 - 0 Inter
Fiorentina: Frey; Pasqual (Zauri 87), Gamberini, Kroldrup, Comotto; Kuzmanovic (Almiron 70), Felipe Melo, Montolivo; Santana; Pazzini, Osvaldo (Jovetic 74)
Inter: Julio Cesar; Maicon, Cordoba, Burdisso, Maxwell; Zanetti, Stankovic (Quaresma 82), Chivu; Obinna (Crespo 63), Ibrahimovic, Mancini (Vieira 63)
Gila was watching, wearing his hat of gloom and explaining to his dad for the 100th time why he's suspended.
"GILAAAAAA!"
"WE LOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!"
"WE HAVE KISSES FOR YOUR HAAAAAANDS!"
"Oh alright, here. Yes, this is the one that scored! Love it!" (Look at Dainelli, being more brother-from-Everyone-Loves-Raymond than ever. Aw.)
Also in the Tribuna was DDV, fresh off his verbal thrashing of Zampa. For some reason he was hanging out with a tiny hip-hop dancer.
Oh, and this guy, who was in the best mood ever, since he just got to watch and enjoy the match. (Hai Vargas!)
On the pitch, meanwhile, the coaches were strutting around. (Look at Cesare! Don't tell me he's not doing the George Jefferson pimpwalk!)
I'm trying so hard to ignore Jose.
I mean, WTF?
A fucking golf shirt, not even tucked in. Brown boots (?!), not even bothering to shave?
Was his luggage lost on the way to Florence?
Has he been out with Adriano and Ronnie?
Whatever the reason, dude, you look like crap.
Wearing your nice jacket is NOT going to keep us from noticing.
"I was merely researching! Trying to see what Adriano enjoys so much about staying out all night."
"Well let me tell you something -- it is FANTASTIC! I had no idea."
"Um. So."
"Inter are playing here tonight, right? My team? Inter Milan?"
"Oh, god, he's acting so weird. I think he's lost it for real. Keep him away from me!"
Crespo: Are you gonna protect Marco from him?
Paddy: Who are you again?
Cesare, meanwhile, was working his sober, nicely dressed pimp thing.
(He was thinking his team might just have a chance to pull a surprise here.)
*cough* *goes back to srs bzns face*
*can't help himself from a little Mr. Burn's-style joy*
I have no pictures of Fiorentina's starters, but here are Inter's. Chivu's mesmerized by the flashing light.
What up, most awesome ref ever?
"TO THE PITCH!"
I'll sort of try to do Fiorentina first, but apologies in advance for the inevitable lack of coherency.
So, because both Gila and Mutu were out, by default Pazzo got the start he's been craving.
He did this. A LOT.
I mean, really. What's all the complaining about?
He had several pretty good chances, but I can't recall him actually putting anything on goal.
(Kuzi's fault, obviously -- his crosses were TOO PERFECT.)
Pazzo: I've had enough of this shit. Wanna go get a drink?
Nico: Fuck yes. Assuming I can get up.
"DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT LEAVING, GIAMPAOLO PAZZINI!"
Aw, the panty!head is back! And look how happy Pazzo is to be the one wearing it again!
Osvi and his thighs started up top with Pazzo.
His thighs were amazing, but their owner, sadly, wasn't so great.
He did, however, get felt up by IRC, which must have made his day a bit better.
He looked fantastic (Did I mention that?) but, like Pazzo, squandered his best chances, and apart from one time he beat Maicon and shot into the side netting, his mad skillz really weren't in evidence.
That was partly because Ivan Ramiro was one of the few Inter players who was good, and he had Osvi well in hand, so to speak, for most of the match.
ARG! (*drools everywhere*)
*explosion noise*
His biggest contribution was probably this:
Getting fouled by IRC right on the edge of the box in the first half. (Oh, god, poor Ivan Ramiro's manly bits. Ow.)
*makes note to have someone check on IRC's future ability to have children*
"DUDE. What?! He kicked me in the balls, I did nothing!"
IRC: Look into your heart!
RR: What heart?
[+2045 points to anyone who identifies the movie that's from.]
This is what came of that foul: Pasqual coming thisclose to beating JC.
(Pasqual, who was rescued off the trash heap because both Gobbi and Vargas were hurt.)
(Depending on what paper you read, he may well have been Fiorentina's MOTM.)
Back to the free kick: JC somehow got down to his right and kept it out. (Pazzo was FLIPPING OUT because Nico held him. He complained until halftime, then complained some more after, just for good measure.)
Let's stick with JC, shall we? He was awesome.
The best thing about this is that, based on when the replay was shown, it may well have happened during the match, while an injured player was being fixed -- Mutu scurried over to have a chat. (It was probably actually at the half, but still. &hearts)
At the other end, Seb was very busy trying to be hard.
Captains have to be hard, you know.
Did he mention that he's captain?
(I love that his armband seems to be the Romanian flag with the Fiorentina logo on it. I wonder if Mutu made it for him.)
He had one really troubling moment when he flapped at a cross and it ended up at Mancini's feet.
Luckily for Seb, Mancini managed to hit it miles over the bar, so it was all good.
Other than that, he was great, and made a big save on Crespo midway through the second half.
Seb was helped somewhat by his defense.
Gambit was pretty good, Krolmonster slightly less so.
Opposite the crazy, on-fire Pasqual was Perfect!Comotto, who wasn't so bad himself.
He had an epic first half, possibly due to the fact that his tongue out the whole time.
He was flying forward and got a lot of crosses in (for which no one was waiting).
He slowed down a lot in the second half, though, and someone also elbowed him in the head. Coincidence? You be the judge.
Speaking of crosses, Kuzi was the absolutely king of them in the first half.
He was back to how he'd played in the second half against Bayern, demanding the ball every second, and taking control of the game.
His second half, such as it was, was less dominant, but he was still fantastic, and not so happy about being taken off.
Almiron went on for him to give directions (oh, and also tighten up how the midfield was defending).
"What Almiron said! Over there!"
Monty was in there with Kuzi.
He was quiet again and, also, still quite pale.
His biggest contribution was probably as a defender, something at which he's quite good when he's interested.
Mostly, based on the pictures, he was defending Obinna. That's not entirely true.
(He also punched Mancini in the face once.)
O HAI PADDY.
(He wasn't fit to start, but played about 30 minutes, and definitely made the Inter midfield slightly less full of suck.)
Fiorentina's third midfielder was the magnificent Melo.
He was both hot and awesome -- one paper made him their MOTM, and even those that didn't were impressed by the ass-kicking.
Deki, also, was impressed.
So impressed he started engaging in amateur acrobatics in a (failed) effort to impress the object of his affection.
JOJO! He made a special guest appearance. Didn't transform things, but had one nice chance, almost exactly like his near-goal against Italy. In that match it was saved, here he put it just over the bar. So close!
Alright, so. Inter people.
Chivu was playing a position he doesn't actually play. You could tell.
Deki, meanwhile, was playing the same position he always does, but doing it hurt.
(Look, Santana! He was good, even though there are no pictures of him.)
As a result, he was about as effective as Chivu, by which I mean: Not very.
See? You can tell he wasn't good because he looks awful, which is a sure sign his confidence is dropping again. Oh dear.
The third midfielder was Javi.
He was maybe marginally better than the other two (thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh power), but just couldn't manage to get into the game. He needs Cuchu. Everyone needs Cuchu.
"Mister? A little help out here?"
Jose: So, Beppe. You can play midfield, right? Can you go get changed?
Beppe: *ignores* *as usual*
A side-battle during the match was the one between Javi's and Melo's thighs.
I wouldn't like to say who won, but I'm very impressed.
Hopefully they found time to exchange tips about finding jeans that fit over those monsters.
Maicon Maicon.
He had a couple good forays forward, but other than that was much quieter than usual.
(Partially because Pasqual was getting forward so well, it forced him to sit back a bit.)
With Chivu in the damn midfield, Nico was in the middle of the back with Ivan Ramiro.
... Add him to the list of people who are worried about Jose's erratic behavior. (Notice the ad for Mutu's wine in the background. Maybe Mourinho's been into that?)
Everyone, gather 'round: The two most unloved people on the pitch, in one photo! (Santana was better than Max, but Max was fine, particularly considering he went 90 minutes in his first game back from injury.)
In the continuing rotation of people who play next to Zlatan, Mancini got the start yesterday.
I honestly don't think he was as bad as my gut tell me he was.
I mean, he did hit the bar early in the match, that was arguably Inter's best chance.
The problem is that he also missed what was essentially an open goal in the second half, and it's sort of hard not to remember mostly that.
Obinna started opposite Mancini.
He had some bright moments early, thanks to his pace, but Inter really didn't get the ball forward much, and he pretty much disappeared.
With everyone else in the doghouse, Crespo (!!!!!) came in for him.
He had one fantastic chance 1 v 1 with Frey, but he put it too close to his body, and Seb saved pretty easily.
*sigh*
Last but not least, we have our usual zillion pictures of Zlatan.
In the first half, I'd say he was definitely Inter's best player. As well as their most sinewy one.
At least one paper even made him their MOTM, but that's picking the best of an unimpressive group.
(OI! Leave him alone, he's fragile! Scrawny thug, that Comotto.)
"Can someone do something useful, please? Anything?"
I know I say this every week, but he really busted his ass for the cause.
And, also, was called offside, like, a billion times.
"Bullshit!"
In unison: HE WAS NEVER OFFSIDE JUST NOW.
He kept the Viola CBs busy for most of the night.
(Synchronized belly-flashing!)
There were lots of balls lumped forward, so there was lots of battling with Gambit for them.
And, also, fighting with Krol.
(I'm sure he's not actually marking him here.)
This was awesome -- he played a one-two with Paddy via a backheel that almost broke Krol in half when he tried to cover it.
(Trying to be sneaky.)
Gambit headed him in the temple in the first half, which let to both pain and hilarious faces.
Javi came to check on him.
Bravely, he merely checked on his injured teammate, rather than running screaming from the Halloween-worthy combination of hair and facial expression.
No matter how much pain he was in, though there will never, ever be an excuse for this face. Hide the children!
So, much to Cesare's joy, it ended 0-0.
Aw, look -- all the little minions are dressed like Cesare!
Jojo, getting congrats from kids like a month younger than him, while Deki tries to be subtle.
Mourinho is suspicious, and wants to know what angle these punks are working. Surely they don't JUST want to say good game, and tell him he smells like liquor?
Fiorentina travel to Siena this weekend, still without Gila (at the very least), while Inter for some reason are on the road again, this time in Reggina.