Inter-ness: I Say We All Quit Watching
("We're bored. Can we go home now?")
To sum up: Zlatan needs his leg amputated, Mancio is clueless, half the team don't give a shit, and the ones who do care are tired and bad at football. How Inter got a point of out that match is anyone's guess, but it sure as hell wasn't deserved.
Lazio 1 - 1 Inter
Crespo 11 (I), Rocchi 59 (L)
Lazio: Ballotta; De Silvestri (Kolarov 83), Siviglia, Cribari, Radu; Dabo, Ledesma, Behrami; Pandev; Bianchi (Tare 89), Rocchi
Inter: Julio Cesar; Maicon, Rivas, Burdisso, Maxwell; Zanetti, Stankovic, Chivu (Vieira 73), Maniche (Jimenez 66); Ibrahimovic (Suazo 69), Crespo
Mancio spent the time before the match engaged in rather animated "conversation" with supporters.
"Oh yeah? Well YOU fuck off!"
"Why don't you come down here and say that to my face, punk?!"
"Oh, right. You want to take me out for drinks? Absolutely, that'll do. I'll meet you after then. Cheers."
Sadly, he couldn't talk his way out of the match, which it turns out had to be played, even though most of his team didn't actually turn up.
"Give me sexy. Good! GOOD! Eeeee! Zlatan, what is that face?!"
"Thanks for coming. Let us apologize in advance for what you are about to witness."
Well, Inter DID manage to take the lead, albeit totally against the run of play.
It was through Crespo, who was totally the least useless of all the strikers.
Of course, since his primary competition in that department was a one-legged Zlatan, it's really not saying much.
He was more of a presence in the first half, he sort of vanished (along with everyone else) in the second.
Before he did that, though, he got on the end of a Maicon cross and tapped the ball in on the counter.
SQUEEEEEEE!!!
ZOMG YOU GUYS I SCORED!
"VICTORY! Oh no, wait. Never mind."
"Right. Who wants some love? Anyone? Please?"
Ah Maicon -- of course.
Look at that joy, even without Cuchu. Mmmhmmm.
The most interesting moment of the match, bar none: What is up between Deki and Maniche?! And should we be intrigued or repulsed?
Javi gets his own hug, possibly because he was scared of Maniche and Deki.
Max can't be bothered to actually get up the pitch, but he approves.
(A few words of thanks for Ricky's JC.)
Alright, that's enough. He knows, Hernan.
(He was trying to do all his celebrations at once -- who knows when he'll get another chance?)
Yeah, so that's pretty much it for the high points.
I said to Zine this morning that you know the match has been awful when you look at Chivu and think "Well, he did't do anything catastrophically wrong! That makes him one of the better players today."
The poor man was a midfielder again and was mostly invisible, but at least he wasn't compulsively giving the ball away, or anything.
He was sacrificing his body all over the place, and ended up having to go off because his shoulder kept getting killed.
Plus, he made a perfect tackle in the box late in the game, which was helpful in keeping that miracle point.
And he did this, for which we owe him a debt of gratitude. Mmmm ... Beharmi torso. *resists urge to lick the screen*
Deki. Oh, Deki.
I'm afraid Megan's grandma has it right when, after watching the match for 10 minutes, she asked if Deki was playing. *sigh* Maybe that midweek trip to Ukraine WASN'T THE BEST IDEA, HMM, DEKI!?
"*dreamy sigh* That's my Serb. Well, my other Serb."
God, even Javi didn't do much.
(Javi thighs.)
Yes, that's right: We're clinging to Chivu not sucking, and Javi wasn't a factor. Awful, awful match.
Not only that, but his neck disappeared. CRISIS!
He objected periodically, which I suppose is something.
And posed seductively, trying to distract Rocchi with his Perfect Hair. (It didn't work.)
See?
"DOH!"
"Maybe if I put my collar up, no one will recognize me."
"There. Totally hidden from the shame."
As usual, JC was totally blameless for the goal.
And, also as usual, it'd have been much, much worse without his miracle saves.
MOTM, yet again. (Rarely a good sign for The Inter.)
Good thing: Maicon created Crespo's goal.
Bad thing: He also gave the ball away several dozen times, and seemed totally unconcerned about it.
Having actually be useful against Juve, Maniche got the start.
He wasn't totally useless, so Mancio took him off early in the second half. Can't be having with someone who might complete a pass!
MAX!
Again, not saying much, but Max was probably Inter's best (non-JC) player.
He worked his tail off, defended well, and didn't give the ball away much. In a game like this one, those things were practically unheard of.
"Are you there, God? It's me, Mancio. HALP."
Nico didn't get one card!
Yeah. That's all I've got.
Hai Paddy.
Paddy is very not fit, and just came in as an emergency sub, which Chivu broke. He proceeded to go nap with Deki.
As he does whenever he plays, Rivas did his job and didn't fuck up.
You'd think that alone would have earned him a regular spot long ago, but this is Mancio we're talking about, and logic doesn't really apply.
I love this picture. "You'll take that and you'll like it, Rocchi."
(Rivas can resist anything, even a kneeling Behrami.)
This is Zlatan. Zlatan got a haircut. Zlatan also sucked.
I have NO idea how photographers managed to make him so busy, because 90% of the time he was watching the game go on around him.
His knee is obviously really bad, god only fucking knows what Mancio was thinking when he named him in his squad, let alone started him.
(Behrami feels pretty.)
Possibly it was Zlatan's idea, because he knew Behrami would be there. I sort of doubt it, though.
(Look how TAN is legs are! Is Zlatan fake baking?)
Why does his torso look so long?! Mommy, I'm scared.
I swear I saw him leave the ground three times, total. I have no idea where all these pictures are coming from.
"ZLATAN. YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE FINE. ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME FIRED? Oh."
Finally.
Why Mancio waited more than a bloody hour to do this is anyone's guess.
Suazo (or Balotelli) should have started. He got to play a little while, but didn't get enough touches even to join his teammates in screwing up.
Away to Atalanta next weekend. In case you missed it, they just beat Milan. Super.