"Taking Care of You - Part 1 NC17
I hope to god I reached my drama limit with this one!!
Summary:Giles is sick and Buffy decides that her Watcher needs a little TLC.
Chapter 1
Buffy yawned as she dragged her feet on her way back from Restfield cemetery to Revello Drive. She walked, twirling a stake in her hand. Patrol hadn’t been out of the ordinary, but she was tired. She hadn’t been home since this morning.
She’d spent almost the whole day in the library studying for a test she had the following afternoon. Much to her chagrin, she had been forced to skip dinner tonight for the sake of studying - a dinner that included Giles. It was suffice to say her mood was not the best.
As she approached the house she saw that it plunged in darkness, fitting her mood perfectly. She quickly glanced at her watch. [It wasn’t that late. Had they gone to bed already?]
She quenched the disappointment that Giles wouldn’t be there - she had hoped he would have, at least, waited to see her. Now she was too tired to head over to his place. With a sigh, she walked up the front steps and unlocked the door.
She dropped her bag in the hallway, and was about to head upstairs when she heard hushed voices coming from the kitchen. With an excited smile, hoping that Giles could still be there, she skipped into the kitchen, but found Willow and Tara with their heads bent together.
Both girls jumped and looked at Buffy as she broke into their hushed conversation. “Hey, what’s up with the ‘Dark Side of the House’ thing going on here?” She plastered on a disinterested face as she went to the fridge. “Where’s Giles? Did he leave already?”
“Actually no,” Willow replied, “he’s the reason why the house is dead quiet and lights are off.”
Buffy turned around to Willow with confused look on her face. “What do you mean ‘he’s the reason’?”
“When he came over tonight for dinner--and by the way he was kind of disappointed when he heard you couldn’t come-“ A warm feeling spread through Buffy from Willow’s words.
“-he looked really flushed and dazed, and after a while he actually excused himself from the table to go lie down on the sofa. We turned off the lights so they wouldn’t bother him, and he hasn’t been up since, I guess he. . . ”
The rest of the sentence trailed off as Buffy shot out of the kitchen faster than lightning.
Her heart was beating a mile a minute when she reached the living room. She found him asleep on his back, with a blanket thrown over him, probably put there by Willow or Tara. He was ghastly pale and when she touched him, his skin was clammy. [God, this can’t be happening,] she thought as her eyes teared up. [*I can’t lose him!*]
She sat down on the edge of the couch and was about to jar him awake, to talk to him, when Willow walked into the living room, Tara following.
“Buffy, just let him sleep - it’s the best way for a body to heal.” Willow said in a hushed voice.
Buffy turned her head to look at her friend, and both Willow and Tara were slightly shocked by the emotion in Buffy’s eyes.
“Let him sleep?” she asked incredulously, her voice rising in panic. “What if there’s something seriously wrong with him - magic or poison - he could die for god’s sake!”
“Buffy…” a whisper came from the couch.
Her breath caught when she heard Giles speak her name, and she looked down at him as a tear spilled from her eye and ran down her cheek. His eyes feverish, and he struggled to keep them open.
**
He was rather stunned by her emotional display, and grabbed hold of her hand as he spoke in a raspy voice. “I’m alright, it’s just a bug, nothing to worry about.”
At her disbelieving and worried look he continued in what he hoped to be a more stable voice.
“Trust me. I have even been to a doctor. It’s just a tough stomach flu that’s going around. I simply didn’t realize it would hit this hard and fast. I promise you I will be fine.”
He thought to himself, [*God, I feel like hell.*]
He saw Buffy release her breath in relief. She leaned her head down to rest against his chest as to give him a small hug. Giles lifted a hand a let it briefly run over her hair, then he dropped it back down on the couch - it felt like lead.
After a few seconds Buffy raised her head. “God, you sound like hell Giles - and your breathing is really shallow - you should be in bed.”
Before he had a chance to respond, she turned to Willow and Tara. “Can you guys help me get him upstairs? We can put him in my room, and I’ll take the couch.”
Giles attempted to protest as they pulled him up from the couch, but being on his feet made him dizzy and nauseous, and he decided to keep his mouth shut to prevent from throwing up.
**
It was no easy task helping a six-foot Watcher up the stairs, but they had managed. A few times Buffy thought Giles was about to lose his dinner, but they finally put him on her bed without an incident. He lay above the covers and closed his eyes.
Buffy looked at Willow and Tara gratefully. “Thanks, I’ll take it from here.” They merely nodded, gave Giles one last look, and shut the door behind them.
Buffy sat next to him and touched his forehead. He was burning up. She took a critical look at his clothes - overdressed as usual. No tweed, but still layers. [*Too many layers.*]
She didn't want to wake him. After a few seconds of internal debate, she started unbuttoning his shirt. Out of nowhere, one of Giles’ hands clamped down on hers.
“What are you doing?” he rasped.
Buffy’s eyes shot up to his and she felt something familiar pass between them.
After she had asked Giles to be her Watcher again, something had shifted in their relationship. At first, it began as a deep and true friendship. It was apparent to both that they no longer saw each other as merely Watcher and Slayer. They spent more and more time together where slaying, vampires and demons weren’t even mentioned.
As time had passed, other changes occurred. Previously innocent touches of comfort and support began to carry great weight, and more often the air between them crackled with sexual tension.
She knew that Giles had noticed as well - these moments were too charged for him not to. It seemed to her that they had made a silent agreement not to talk about it. Giles had apparently come to the same conclusion: that this was an issue better left alone.
Years ago, when Faith had been in Sunnydale, she had made a comment abut how hot Giles was. Later, Xander had asked a flip question to Giles in front of them all, much to Giles’ embarrassment, wondering if any Slayers had ever gotten got down and dirty with their Watchers.
While stuttering and blushing, Giles had managed to choke out that the Council strictly forbade “fraternizing” between Watchers and Slayers. Buffy hadn't even thought about it at the time. Now, that was ALL she thought about.
She had fallen in love with him, and she suspected he felt the same way.
She knew that since she had asked him to be her Watcher again he wouldn’t risk doing anything to jeopardize their relationship. The Council had the power to reassign her a new Watcher, or worst, case scenario, they would attempt to get another Slayer - and both she and Giles knew there was only one way for that to happen.
So she had denied herself. She would never act on her feelings, and apparently neither would he. But as time passed, Buffy found it harder and harder not to.
The moment between them dragged out, and finally Buffy spoke. “You’re burning up, and I just want to help. You are obviously too sick to do it yourself. Let me take care of you.”
Giles closed his eyes and drew a breath before whispering in a pained voice. “This is highly inappropriate.”
Buffy shrugged her shoulders and spoke in a light voice, in complete contrast to how she was feeling. “No it’s not, just a little TLC.”
“TLC?” he asked wistfully.
Buffy placed her hand on his cheek so his eyes would open and responded with a thoughtful expression. “Tender love and care.”
The touch of her hand on his skin made his body yearn for more than what she was offering. He found it difficult to resist, and closed in eyes in acceptance. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had taken care of him. The fact that it was Buffy made it impossible to refuse.
Without another word, Buffy finished unbuttoning his shirt and contemplated the logistics of getting it off him. She realized the t-shirt he was wearing underneath also had to go.
“Can you manage to sit up, Giles?”
He struggled to raise himself from her pillow. She could tell it took too much effort, so she grabbed hold of his shoulders and pulled him into a sitting position. As she pulled him towards her, he swayed a little, so she made him lean his head on her shoulder to prevent him from falling over.
She removed his dress shirt, trying to be as swift as possible; throwing it behind her and raising his head so she could pull his t-shirt over his head. As soon as the t-shirt released him, his head fell down on her shoulder and she had to grab him with both hands as he threatened to fall over.
As he toppled, Giles grabbed hold of her and they found themselves in an embrace.
“This is so wrong”, he whispered against her shoulder.
Buffy blinked moisture from her eyes as she stroked his back and returned the whisper in a sad voice. “We always were.”
With a sigh he pulled out of her arms and let her help him lie back against the pillow. He carefully didn’t look at her.
He couldn’t help his body from reacting when she started on the buttons of his pants, but he felt too exhausted to push her away and silently prayed she wouldn’t make a comment. [It’s not as if she doesn’t know I want her], he thought.
Buffy *had* noticed his reaction, and she felt guilty for feeling a small spark of joy at the tangible proof of what he felt.
Even though it was often clear to heart that he desired her, he had never actually said anything out loud. She saw it in his eyes. She shook her head to get rid of her thoughts and berated herself for thinking about this now, while she was supposed to be taking care of him.
Annoyed at herself, she hadn’t realized she channeled her frustration into tugging off his pants, and had to dive for her wastebasket to get it under him in time for him to throw up. [Thank god for Slayer speed], she thought to herself.
She stroked his back while he emptied his stomach, murmuring nonsense words of comfort to him. When he was done and returned his head to her pillow, she could tell how utterly embarrassed he felt. His cheeks sported a red glow. His eyes were still closed, and she let her hand run across his chest until he opened them.
She whispered, “It’s alright, let me take care of you.”
He covered her hand with his and squeezed it weakly, then closed his eyes.
As much as she hated to, she removed her hand from his, got up and took the wastebasket out of her room. She returned, carrying a glass of water and an aspirin, and held his head while he swallowed it. She managed to pull the comforter lose from underneath him so she could cover him up. In no time he was deeply asleep.
For a long time she stood watching him, reluctant to part from him to sleep downstairs. Finally she undressed to panties and a t-shirt and slipped into bed on the other side. She wanted to touch him, but stayed away. It would probably be more torturous than anything.
**
Buffy woke in the middle of the night. Someone nudged closer to her, and she quickly realized it was Giles. He had fever chills and was trying to get warmth from her. He was shivering and murmuring words she was unable to understand. She immediately pulled him close and pulled the comforter tight around them both. He snuggled close to her and murmured her name.
Just as she was falling asleep she heard him murmur into her neck. “Buffy, I love you.”
Tears formed in eyes and spilled down her cheeks. He’d said the words she had wanted to hear for so long, but she knew he would never say them when he was awake. He had been fighting them for so long.
CH 2
In the morning Buffy woke alone and was instantly worried when she realized that Giles was gone from her side. A quick look at her alarm clock showed her that she had slept longer than usual. It came as no surprise, considering how beat she’d been the night before.
Plus it had taken her forever to fall asleep after Giles had said that he loved her. Refusing to give into more tears, she got up and headed downstairs.
Maybe he was still here?
When she entered the kitchen she found Willow and Tara, happily munching away at some pancakes.
“Hey Buffy!” Willow greeted in a sunny cheer that made Buffy want to growl. “Want some pancakes?”
Buffy shook her head. “No thanks, Will. I’m not hungry. I need to get to the library to do some last minute review before my test. Actually. . . I’m looking for Giles. . . do you know where he is?”
Willow nodded with her mouth full, and Tara gave her a smile and took over the conversation.
“He left, Buffy, about 40 minutes ago. He didn’t look too good, but he hotly refused any attempt we made to make him stay.”
She shared a look with Willow. “He looked really uncomfortable being here, his face was all blushed and he barely managed to look Willow in the eyes.”
Willow nodded intently.
[Yeah, he was probably mortified waking up wrapped around his Slayer], Buffy thought. Maybe it was good she’d slept through the whole thing this morning. Still, she didn’t like to hear that he still looked pretty bad.
[*Damn! Her test…*]
“Guys, can you do me a favor and check up on him today? I’m late and really need to take this test today, and won’t have time to go to his place until later.”
Both girls nodded. “Sure, no problem.” Willow managed to answer as she was finally able to swallow.
**
A few hours and one test later Buffy let herself into Giles’ place, and locked the door behind her. His apartment was dark and she found him asleep on the couch, still wearing his shoes, apparently too sick to get upstairs.
When she placed her hand on his forehead to check his fever, his eyes opened and he stared at her with a fevered gaze. The emotion she saw in his eyes made her breath catch.
*Raw need.*
Realizing that being sick was lowering his guard, she tried to ignore it-even though her heart screamed in protest.
“How are you feeling?” she asked with a voice devoid of any feeling. She didn’t want to give away her emotional pain.
**
Giles tried to put on a brave face, but didn’t really have the energy for it and shook his head. “I’ve been better.”
He berated himself for how utterly ridiculous he’d been acting while he was ill. He was extremely uncomfortable with how vulnerable it was making him. It was brought forth feelings and emotions that he had tried his damndest to hide for a long time. Instead, now, they were being intensified to the point where they threatened to overwhelm him.
All he wanted to do was to bury himself in Buffy’s arms and stay there for ever - being touched by her, being loved by her, being taken care of by her.
His love snuck up on him one day when he wasn’t looking. It had reached a point where it had become pure torture to simply be around her. The fact that he could see in her eyes how much she wanted him as well made it even worse.
He was fired once for loving her, and that was when the Council thought it was paternal.
The Council had a strong belief in cool detachment: live by the rules, play by the rules, die by the rules. When the love he had for her was only parental, the Council had been willing to fire him. If they realised the extent of his feelings now they would probably do something much worse. He was not going risk losing her by giving into his fondest desire to love and be loved by her.
[What was it Saint Augustine said? “It is better to have love and lost, than never having loved at all.” Well he apparently did not know what he was talking about - losing Buffy would hurt me much more that denying myself her love.]
He closed his eyes and shied away from her touch to prevent his eyes from spilling. God, he felt ridiculous. The fact that Buffy was worried about him and giving him so called “TLC” made it all worse.
He was worried that his illness would make him to lose control and give in to what he knew they both wanted - but could never have. Each other.
He was distracted from his thoughts when Buffy removed his shoes. She touched his forehead again.
“You should probably take a cool shower to lower your temperature. It’s still pretty high.”
“Yeah, probably.” He grumbled.
He swayed a little when she pulled him on his feet, and the next thing he knew he was clinging to her to maintain his balance, his mouth close to hers. For an endless moment he looked into her eyes, clearly seeing what she wanted, but he denied himself and gently pushed away. Giving in to his desire to kiss her would complicate everything, and he had to be strong.
“Will you manage by yourself?” she asked, worried that he wouldn’t make it up the stairs. He merely nodded, and dragged himself to the shower.
**
A little while later Giles came back downstairs, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt. His hair was still wet, and he had a towel around his neck.
“You should go to bed, Giles” Buffy said, as he slumped down on the couch next to her.
“I’m quite alright. I’ve slept so much already that I’ll just get restless and bored.”
He was lying through his teeth, but he did not want her fussing around him while he was in bed - she would be too tempting.
He suddenly gave a loud sneeze. Buffy realized he was sitting in the living room with wet hair, probably chilling his fevered body. Without a word she removed the towel from his neck and started rubbing his hair.
Giles felt he should protest, but then was overwhelmed with a need to be taken care of. It grabbed hold of him and he gave in. Without noticing he was doing so, Giles leaned towards her.
Suddenly Buffy found herself with his forehead resting on her shoulder, while her hands still softly rubbed the towel over the back of his hair. Her ministrations served no purpose except an excuse to caress him - and she wished she could remove the towel and run her fingers through his soft hair.
Buffy’s gentle caresses made Giles shiver. Without thinking, he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer - the need to be held in her arms was just too strong. Deep down he knew that it would leave him wanting more.
Buffy was a little startled by his sudden movement, but within seconds the towel was removed from his head. She finally let one hand stroke his hair, like she’d wanted to. The other held him close. She heard him murmur something she couldn’t hear.
She lifted his head from her shoulder to lay it more comfortably into her neck, so she could hear him better.
“What did you say?” she asked.
“‘s good when you do that” he mumbled into her neck, all sexy and sleepy sounding, and it made heat pool in her stomach. Speechless she just held him tighter until her voice came back.
“It feels good doing it.” she mumbled into his hair. She realized he’d actually fallen asleep, so she kept holding him until he started getting too heavy for her. He was a big man and he was now starting to sag. Reluctantly, she placed him on the couch.
She wanted to stay and watch over him, but she had promised Willow she would have dinner with her, and she also needed to patrol.
Quietly she scribbled a note for him, explaining she would be back after patrol to check on him, and left it on the coffee table.
CH 3
When she returned he was gone from the couch. She silently climbed upstairs and found him in bed. He was bare-chested and the sheet was low at his waist. At first, it looked like he was asleep, but a closer look showed that he was awake. She realized he was following her every move with an unreadable expression.
Again she touched his forehead and it seemed like his fever had gone down a little. She sat down next to him and let her hand slide down the side of his face and settle on his cheek.
“It feels like your fever is down. Have you had anything to eat?”
He merely shook his head no. She started to rise, but he grabbed her hand and kept her sitting.
“Don’t leave!” he rasped out, while silently berating himself for acting like a clingy and needy prat.
However, Buffy did not seem to think so. She just looked at him seriously and squeezed his hand, “I won’t - but you should eat something.”
He shook his head again. “I feel queasy and food is the last thing on my mind right now.” His comment echoed through the room like a gunshot and left them both in an uneasy silence.
Never breaking his gaze, Buffy started to leaned toward him.
Giles abruptly pulled away from her and exclaimed in a strangled voice. “Don’t!”
When he looked back at her he found her studying their joined hands, biting her lip in worry. He squeezed her hand and gently called her name. She looked up at him with sorrow in her eyes.
*God how he hated himself for putting it there.*
“
Buffy…we…”
She stopped him, whispering, with sorrow laced in her voice, “I know.”
“I just wish… she trailed off.
He didn’t answer; just closed his eyes. He knew how she felt. He felt the same way but refused to say so. It would make things so much more difficult should he do so.
He knew she would move on and forget about him. He just needed to be strong and she would be fine. He however, would have to live with this pain the rest of his life. She had become the love of his life - a love he could never have.
The pain hit him hard and he curled away from Buffy with a groan. [God, could he get any more pathetic? What the hell was the matter with him? Were all men this melodramatic when they’re sick?], he pondered.
After a few seconds he felt Buffy’s hand on his shoulder. She probably thought his groan was related to his sickness, not the pain of his heart.
“Are you all right? Not getting sick again are you?”
Giles shook his head. “No, I’m fine.”
“Turn over on your stomach. I’ll do something that my mom used to do to me when I was little and sick. It always made me feel better and put me right to sleep.”
He gave in and almost purred in pleasure when she stroked his back in long, slow and sweeping strokes. It felt like heaven. He didn’t think about stopping her when she crawled into bed with him so she could reach his other side.
The sensation of her hands on his skin surrounded him and without realizing, one of his hands found its way across the mattress and placed itself on her thigh. His thumb stroked back and forth. He felt her hands stop and her breath hitch.
“Don’t stop,” he murmured into his pillow, and she picked up from where she left off. In a matter of seconds he fell asleep.
**
Buffy continued for a long time. She stopped when she noticed him shivering from the cool air in the room, and pulled the sheet over him to keep him warm.
She laid down and studied his face. Unable to resist, she gently leaned forward and stole one forbidden taste of his lips. With tears in her eyes she curled up close to him -- without actually touching him.
Tears rolled down her face from the ache in her heart. It was so unfair. To prevent more tears from spilling she closed her eyes with a sigh.
She jumped when Giles’ arm suddenly emerged from under the sheet and pulled her close. Her eyes snapped open and she found him looking directly at her.
Slowly he brought a hand up to her face. He tenderly brushed away her tears while his own eyes misted. He gently pulled her head to his and kissed her on her forehead.
His hand dropped back down to her waist and pulled her even closer against his body in a comforting embrace. Not a word was spoken. Both just drew comfort from each others’ bodies.
***
The next morning Buffy woke before Giles did, still wrapped in his arms, their legs tangled together. She decided to leave his bed before she lost her resolve and began to touch him, and went downstairs to make him some breakfast. He hadn’t eaten in over a day, and she hoped he would wake feeling hungry.
While preparing an omelet for him, she thought about all that had happened in the last two days. Actually, what had been happening the last few months. They had both reached a point where they were about to snap.
She needed to find a way to end this. She knew if she pushed herself on him now he would not be able to fight her anymore. It was not fair of her to take advantage of his emotional state, and she was sure he would resent her for it later should she do so.
There was only one way to nip this in the bud, and that was to stay away from him. Even though her heart would break while doing so.
She quietly brought a tray up for him, relieved to see that he was still asleep. She headed back downstairs to get ready to leave. While looking for her keys, she heard him coming down the stairs. She rushed to the breakfast bar to pick up her coat, but he was down before she had the chance to leave.
[Damn! Fifteen minutes into my plan and it’s already shot to hell], she thought.
She pretended to be distracted buttoning her coat, bracing herself. She was afraid of what he would say about what happened last night. She knew what they wanted was forbidden, and she braced herself to hear him tell her so.
He sat down on the armrest of his couch, looking at her standing at the bar with her eyes downcast.
“Thank you for making me breakfast” he said.
Her head jumped up. That was not at all what she was expecting him to say - but when she saw his uneasy gaze she realized he did it on purpose - it was better for them to avoid the whole conversation. Just stay clear.
She looked down at the buttons of her coat again and her nervous fingers struggled to button them.
“How are you feeling?” she shakily asked.
“Much better, thank you, but still not 100 percent.”
She saw him reaching out a hand for her, and she couldn’t help but move towards him. When she was close enough to touch, he pulled her close by one of her jacket lapels - probably intending to help her - but it got somehow lost in translation. The next thing she knew she was standing between his legs, his hands clutched to both lapels of her coat while he stared intently into her eyes.
His eyes were burning with intensity and she looked down to break his gaze. Instead of letting her go he pulled her close and leaned his head on her chest. He released a big breath of air, as if all his will to fight went out of him. She held back a sob and was unable to prevent her hands from burying themselves in his hair.
After several seconds he lifted his head and released his death grip on her lapels. Instead he tangled his hands in her hair and pulled her head down to his - taking possession of her mouth.
When his mouth touched her it felt like a lightning strike, and the world as she knew it spun on its axis
The heat of his lips against hers shot through her and filled the cold and empty space in her heart. When his mouth opened, she immediately opened hers and their tongues met and fought a fierce battle.
Their arms tightened and bodies pressed closer. His mouth was hot against hers, hard and demanding. It was everything she had dreamed of and more. The kiss was a desperate chaos of teeth, lips and tongues, and Buffy felt her knees threatening to give way.
Giles abruptly pulled away from her, his chest heaving for air. He pushed her away from him -- a little roughly - and it made her stumble backwards. He immediately went to grab for her, to steady her, but she pushed his hands away.
“Don’t touch me!” she yelled with pain in her voice.
His hand froze in midair between them. He looked at her, mortified that he had given in and kissed her.
“Don’t touch me unless you plan for it to be a regular thing” she choked out.
He dropped his hand and stepped away from her. Buffy let out a sob and ran out the door.
CH 4
It had taken Buffy five days to face Giles again. The memories of their kiss, and how it ended, had almost made her double over in pain. When she reached her bedroom that same day she had cried for hours, until she had no tears left.
Since then her heartache hadn’t lessened, but she figured she would at least be able to look him in the eyes now without radiating her feelings. Giles had made it very clear that what had happened between them would not repeat itself, and she needed to be strong in order to be able to deal with that. Now she felt ready to face him.
She needed to talk to him. She needed his reassurance that what had happened between them would not tear them apart. No matter how much it would hurt to hear it, she needed it desperately.
She’d had a fleeting moment of guilt for avoiding him, considering he was sick, but she had made sure Willow and Xander had stopped by several times a day. Just to make sure he had everything he needed and that he was getting better. They had reported back that he indeed was, although they were slightly puzzled by her reluctance to check for herself. Both had tried to figure out what had happened between them, but Buffy had angrily brushed them off. They had silently backed off. An angry Slayer was a dangerous Slayer, but Buffy suspected she had not heard the last of it.
She knew Giles was back at work today, and he probably expected her to show up. It solved nothing to avoid him, so she figured it was about time to go see him. He almost certainly had expected her to show up for their daily training at three, so she had stubbornly not. It was getting close to quitting time, so Anya would probably be hightailing it out of there, and she hoped she could get him on his own before he went home. She wanted to talk in a neutral territory. If she had to go to his apartment she would fall apart. What had transpired between them would be all that would go through her head.
**
Just as she reached the front door of the Magic Box, it sprang open and Anya and Xander came giggling out the door, arms around each others’ waists, gazing lovingly in to each other’s eyes. Their affectionate display made her heart ache in envy and anger. Envy because her friends had the freedom to show and share their love for each other. Anger because Giles was denying her the same freedom.
[Okay], she grudgingly admitted, [it was really the Council who was to blame.] But they weren’t around-and even if they were, she couldn’t really take it out on them. If she did, her resistance-and Giles’s, as well-would be futile. The point of her and Giles denying themselves this was that the Council was NOT supposed to find out - and frankly if she yelled at the Council they would find out anyway. [Good going Buff, brilliant thought process there!] Giles, however, she could blame freely…and she did. No matter how irrational it was.
Buffy was shaken out of her own thoughts as the happy couple bumped into her.
“Buffy!” Xander exclaimed, while holding on to Anya.
Buffy put on the cheeriest face she could muster. “Hiya guys, where are you off to?”
“Believe it or not -- as trite as it might sound - dinner and a movie” Xander laughed, while half-heartedly swatting Anya’s busy hands away from his chest. “Want to come?”
Buffy almost laughed at the look on Anya’s face, not happy with his suggestion.
“No, no, I need to talk to Giles, maybe catch up on some training.” She let her gaze travel to the window of the shop. “He’s still in there isn’t he?”
“Absolutely” Anya said rolling her eyes. “After being stuck at his apartment for days he probably won’t leave until midnight.”
Buffy gave them a quick wave and a smile and took a deep breath as she approached the door.
*****
She found him in the training room, studiously polishing a sword with his back to her. By the tensing of his shoulders she realized that he knew she was there. However, he didn’t turn around as he broke the silence.
“Hello, Buffy. A little late for training isn’t it?”
His voice was so light and careless that Buffy felt pain and anger well up. He was going to act like nothing had happened?
Over her dead body!
She slammed the door to the training room, and he immediately spun around with a look of confusion on his face.
“’A little late for training?” she parroted back - anger laced her voice. “Is that all you’ve got to say?”
Giles’ brow furrowed and his hand immediately went to his glasses, ripping them off with an impatient gesture, as his other dived into his pocket for his handkerchief.
“Buffy-“ he started, fatigue coming off him in waves.
“No! Don’t Buffy me. How dare you?!”
His eyes lifted to hers and he sported a questioning look on his face.
She continued in an angry voice as she stepped closer. “How DARE you act like nothing happened. Are we not going to talk about it?”
He stopped polishing his glasses and stuffed the handkerchief back in his pocket. He still held his glasses in a tight grip.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Buffy.” He ground out between clenched teeth.
“Nothing to talk about?!” she asked incredulously. “We KISSED Giles! How can there be nothing to talk about?!”
He placed his glasses on the vault horse and stepped closer, frustration coming off him in waves. “Because there is NOTHING to talk about, Buffy! You know where I stand on this, and although I will admit to being attracted to you, I will NEVER act on it again!”
His angry voice only fed her anger more and for a second she was actually tempted to slap him. Before she lost control, either by bursting into tears or following through on her desire to pummel him, she turned abruptly, heading for the door. She had to get away from.
When Giles saw the hurt and angered expression on her face, he immediately regretted his words. He realized he was dealing with this completely the wrong way.
These past few days had been complete torture for him. Constantly, he’d had to stop himself from calling her or going over to her house. His whole being had craved her since the explosive kiss in his living room, and he had needed so badly to fix things between them. The problem was that he had no idea how to repair the damage he’d caused by kissing her.
As he saw her run for the door he shot out in an angry voice.
“Damn it Buffy, don’t you dare run out on me!”
He sprang to his feet, stalking her as if she were some wild animal he intended to corner. His arm shot out around her and held her tight. His arms wrapped around her midsection, her back logged solidly against him.
Her anger only grew hotter as her muscles strained with fury. The more she wrestled, the more he tightened his hold. It was a pointless pretense--they both knew she could free herself, if she really wanted to. Her writhing brought her flush against him, and she sucked in a breath. She didn’t want to get away. She wanted this.
Contact.
A very different kind of heat radiated between them. Every twist and wriggle intensified it. She wanted to move her hips, to press herself against the virile hardness she felt. She forced herself into stillness - absolute, breathless stillness. He, too, moved not a muscle. But the tension enveloped them, thick and flammable. A bolt of desire shot though her and she closed her eyes, nearly overcome by it.
“Stay away from me” she cried with a sob. “Just stay away from me, Giles.”
He turned her around, and she stubbornly refused to look at him. Though he didn’t say another word, she felt his gaze. A hot shiver went through her, starting at her nape, working its way down her spine, making her quake all over while goose bumps sprang up on her skin.
When he didn’t say anything, she raised her head to look him, and her breath caught.
“Buffy”, he breathed, his gaze dancing with hers.
There was fire in her gaze that ignited his blood. His desire picked up force, like a steam locomotive, until his insides burned with sensual hunger. Never had he wanted her more.
Frustrated with the situation, he let his raging emotions get the best of him, and his hands tightened in an almost bruising hold on her upper arms. Roughly he pulled her close, his mouth so close to hers he could feel her breath wash over his lips.
“Do you think this isn’t killing me? Do you think I enjoy torturing us both this way?” he ground out through clenched teeth.
Buffy stared at him with wide eyes - barely able to breathe.
His angry voice rose as he continued. “You think I don’t want you?”
Buffy realized she might have pushed him too far. She tried to get a hand in between them so she could push him away, but he only tightened his hold. He continued in a seducing voice that threatened to make her knees buckle.
“Would it make you feel better if I said I dream about you every night? That every waking moment I imagine how your naked body would feel beneath me?”
Buffy knew they were rhetorical questions, but she was unable to prevent herself from giving a slight nod.
That caused Giles’ eyes to sparkle and he shouted. “Well feel better!!”
The next thing she knew his mouth had covered hers. Her eyes closed and she savored the feel of his lips against hers. Despite his anger, Giles was surprisingly gentle. Before she had a chance to reflect on this delight, the kiss moved and flowed to a new intensity.
Bracing her face in his hands he kissed her again - deep and slow -- with all the chaotic longing inside him. When she wrapped her arms around his neck and gave herself over to him with sweet, thorough abandon, desire ripped through him like wildfire.
They stumbled towards the wall of the training room, their kisses evolving into full-bodied exploration. The pleasure and the sweetness grew sharp and intense, and the only thought left in his Giles’ mind was that he needed to feel her skin beneath his hands.
Without disrupting their kisses, he unbuttoned her coat and her blouse, pushing and tugging them off her. She fumbled with his shirt, frantically working on his buttons. As they progressed their discarded clothing hit the floor.
He claimed each new exposure of her with greedy, questing hands. When the feel of her skin became too much to savor with his hands alone, he broke away from their erotic tongue play. Quickly he unhooked her bra and tossed it aside, freeing her breasts.
A groan tore from his throat as he captured them in his hands. His tongue edged around one sensitive bud, and then flicked lightly across it. He went to lave her breast - tiny tastes, succulent swirls, until he filled his mouth with her. She gasped, dug her fingers into his biceps and pressed against him.
The scent of soap and something stirringly male emanated from his skin and hair with the growing warmth. A need like she’d never known kindled deep inside her. Roughly she pulled his head up to taste his mouth again.
The parries and thrusts of their tongues gradually turned demanding. His strong fingers plunged into her hair and held her fast against him as he slanted his mouth to draw the most from every kiss. He nipped at her bottom lip, drew it into his mouth and slowly released it.
Hoarsely she whispered, “Make love to me Giles!”
Giles stared at her for an endless moment. She was working havoc on his senses. He saw the desperate longing in her eyes and knew that he was unable to deny her what she wanted. What *he* wanted.
His hands swept down her back and bracketed her hips to his. He kissed her again and again. Without any conscious thought at all, she moved with him - and against him - in an erotic rhythm that slowly dissolved all coherent thought.
His remaining clothes had to go. She wanted his skin against hers.
Her fingers worked fiercely at the buttons and zipper of his pants, and as they gave way his mouth broke from hers to explore. Every touch of his questing mouth on her skin tightened the coil of hunger inside her. He tugged her skirt partway down, and she pushed it the rest of the way.
Liquid fire pumped through her. He swept her up into his arms, his eyes burning sexual messages into hers as he carried her away from the wall. He laid her down on the training mat. Without breaking contact, he joined her, mouth to mouth, body to body.
She reveled in the taste, the textures of his mouth, his skin, his hair, as she slipped deeper into a world of pure sensation, pure desire. He was movement and heat, friction and rhythm, blinding flashes and velvet darkness.
Open-mouthed kisses glanced off her neck, her breasts, her abdomen. Heat throbbed everywhere he moved - aching need built everywhere he didn’t. He swept his tongue in a lingering trail just above her lacy underwear. A groan welled up in her throat. She wanted. Frantically wanted…
Soft mewling cries escaped her as he dipped within her panties, kissing and licking, working his way down. Driving her into a swelter.
With a few moves, he had slid the wispy lace down her legs and out of their way. He quickly got rid of the remainder of his clothes before he returned to her body and her throbbing centre. He coaxed her there with his fingers until sobs sounded deep in her throat.
And then he touched her, the very core of her, with one warm, moist glide of his tongue. It was more than she could stand. Quicksilver pleasure pitched her right over the edge.
Waves of reaction hit her, deep crimson flashed before her eyes and she found herself quaking helplessly, enfolded in his embrace.
“I didn’t know,” she finally gasped. “I didn’t know it could b-be like this.”
He tightened his arms around her, and his heartbeat thundered against her ear. “I didn’t either.”
She felt the heat in him, like a fever, and the iron-strong tension still coiled in every muscle of his body. With a slow animal grace, his muscles shifted until his lithe body covered hers, pinning her beneath. She arched provocatively against him, heat flaring within her, again.
She wrapped her arms around him and commandeered his mouth in a thorough kiss, and his hardness swelled against her inner thighs. The muscles in his back bunched and flexed beneath her palms as he undulated with tightly controlled grace, dominating their motion, his hardness probing against her softness.
Urgency overtook him and he tightened his arms around her. He made love to her in earnest, as he’d dreamt of for so long, thrusting himself deep within her. Her vibrant heat closed around him with an amazing tightness, sublime pleasure.
He wanted to prolong it, to share it, but he couldn’t hold back. She wrapped her legs around him and arched into his thrusts. His passion surged out of control, raging and bucking, then exploded into a rapture that stunned him. She climaxed along with him, their cries intermingling, as they rode out the pangs of pleasure.
Their energy spent, they collapsed into a tangle of limbs.
He couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. He held her tightly, his insides quaking.
**
It wasn’t until later, much later, as she lay with her face against his shoulder that rational thought filtered through his brain.
“Buffy?” he breathed, brushing a hand that still trembled over her silky, fragrant hair. “Are you ok?”
She didn’t respond, her cheek pressed against his shoulder. She was obviously hiding, refusing to lift her head and meet his gaze.
As he mentally cursed his caveman behavior, awareness of her invaded his senses. She lay naked against him, the woman he’d fought so long to have. Her slender body was still hot and moist from loving. If she moved her hip to the right, she’d know how much of an animal he really was.
Because he wanted her again.
He shifted around to look her into her face, forcing her to lift her head.
“Buffy? Are you all right?”
At first he thought she wouldn’t answer, her gaze unreadable in her flushed face. But after a moment she replied in a voice hushed and throaty. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Without another word, she got up and started picking up her clothes, putting them on as she found them littered around the floor.
Giles didn’t know what to say to her as he watched her. Frantically he searched his mind for anything to keep her there for just a few seconds longer. The only thing he came up with was her name. “Buffy.”
She was picking up her coat by the door, and turned around to look at him while her hand rested on the doorknob. “I know, Giles. Nothing’s changed.”
Before he had a chance to reply she was out the door.
Thus she missed his pained whisper.
“Everything has changed.”
CH 5
For the umpteenth time Xander got up from the couch and did a nervous patrol around the living room: moving a picture frame, straightening some magazines, and then returning them to their original position.
“For the love of God, Xander!” Anya snapped. “How many times must I tell you? Sit down! All this pacing and moving about is driving me insane!”
Willow and Tara, who had been watching him with amused expressions, shared a smile. Willow decided to try to calm her best friend down.
“Don’t worry Xander, everything will be fine. They’ll be here soon and we’ll work everything out.”
Xander stared at his shoes with his hands jammed in his pant pockets, gave a big sigh and nodded without much conviction.
*Two weeks….*
Two weeks was how long it had been going on. Finally he and Willow decided something needed to be done. For some reason, Giles and Buffy were avoiding each other like the plague. Something always seemed to come up when all of them were meant to meet. If it was Slayer or Watcher related, Giles and Buffy had relied on using him and Willow as messengers.
[*Well, not anymore.*]
He and Willow were sick and tired of it. And they were worried about what was going on, so they’d come up with a scheme to have Buffy and Giles show up at his apartment. They’d be there in minutes.
At that moment the doorbell rang. Xander gave the others a nervous look, but felt a little more relaxed when all he got in return was calm and reassuring smiles. He checked the room one last time, straightened one more magazine and then put on a carefree smile and opened the door.
“G-man! Good of you to show!”
“Xander, how many times have I told you not to call me that?!” Giles snapped as he entered the apartment. Giles gave a glare that had left other men shaking as he passed, but Xander was so used to it by now he only raised an eyebrow at the Watcher. Giles had the good grace to look embarrassed, and gave Xander a pat on the shoulder.
“Pardon me. I’m having a bad day.”
As Xander followed, he mumbled. “A bad day? That’s the understatement of the year.”
“What’s that?” Giles said. The Watcher was about to turn around to look at him when he saw the others on the couch. He stopped short and gave them all a surprised look. “Hello there, what are you all doing here?” His eyes scanned the room nervously for a few seconds, until he turned to look at Xander.
“You have been Watcher-napped!” Xander answered with an uneasy smile. “We’re having a Scooby get-together, and that means you’re included, of course.”
**
The doorbell rang again, and Giles jumped. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and then tore his glasses off and started polishing them furiously.
*He knew who was standing at the other side of that door. *
Xander went to answer, and soon he returned with Buffy at his side.
Buffy’s happy chatter trailed off when she came into the room. Her smile froze and disappeared when she saw Giles standing across the room. Their eyes met and the others all held their breath in anticipation.
**
Buffy’s heart beat furiously in her chest, and she felt like crying. These past weeks had been torture, and not one night had passed that she hadn’t cried herself to sleep. She had made an effort to keep away from him, and until tonight she had been successful.
Her dreams were filled with images of their lovemaking. When she woke in the morning she could remember the taste of him, the feel of his hands on her body, and his deep passionate kisses. All her thoughts revolved around him. More than once had it seriously affected her Slaying. She was concerned that it was only a matter of time before he would be her downfall.
She tore her eyes away from him and gave the spectators on the couch a searching look.
“So what’s going on guys? Another apocalypse?” [Please, please, let there be one - maybe that’s what I need to get my mind off Giles.]
Willow hurried into an explanation. “No, not at all. Xander and I decided that Scooby-Watcher-Slayer bonding has been sorely lacking so we have had you Slayer-napped, and Giles Watcher-napped. We thought it would be a nice surprise. You know, tons of food and movies, an old fashioned sleepover. You know - the whole shebang!”
With a little gesture of her hands she yelled out weakly. “Surprise!”
The awkwardness that settled over the room made Buffy want to hightail out of there, but she understood what they were all trying to do. Their little gang was falling apart. It was all due to her and Giles. Buffy figured she should at least try to make it better. The gang shouldn’t suffer because of her and Giles’ monumental mistake.
The night’s hidden motive showed in Willow’s guilty face. When Giles followed Xander into the kitchen, Buffy spoke to her in a low voice.
“What the heck is going on here, Willow?!”
Willow only straightened her shoulders and looked back with defiance in her eyes.
“You and Giles is what’s going on! I don’t know what happened between you guys - but fix it! Fix it tonight. We can’t stand this anymore.”
Buffy’s shoulders slumped and she considered just making a run for it. As if Willow had read her mind she spoke.
“Don’t you dare run away from this Buffy!”
Buffy gave her a deadly glare, but Willow just returned it with one of her own. [Damn, when Willow wants to she can wrap me around her finger], Buffy thought. As she heard the men return from the kitchen, Buffy gave in and nodded.
She gave Giles a quick glance, but he was studiously inspecting his glasses, so she plastered on a big fake smile that she was sure was as transparent as glass. He looked like Xander had had a little talk with him as well, and he appeared to be staying so she made her voice light.
“So videos huh? Well, bring it on! What are we watching?”
All gave a poorly hidden sigh of relief, and Xander immediately deadpanned. “Believe it or not, Bring it On!”
They all laughed, and at Buffy’s horrified look he immediately reassured her. “No, no sorry bad joke, once was enough, and let me be the first to say, NEVER again!”
As they all made preparations for their evening of videos and snacks, Buffy couldn’t help but steel another glance at Giles. [God, this is going to be a long night.]
****
Xander’s apartment was dark when Giles came out of the bathroom. Only the flickering screen of the TV illuminated the bodies lying on the floor. One by one they had nodded off. When Giles realized he was the only one that was still awake, he had seriously considered leaving.
Being this close to Buffy made him want to throw all caution to the wind. All night he’d wanted to sweep her up in his arms and make love to her until the pain in her eyes was gone.
Tonight’s conversation hadn’t been stilted, no thanks to he or Buffy. They had barely said more than two words to each other, and their eyes had only crossed once. The air had seemed to have frozen when they did, and both had abruptly diverted their gaze.
A quick glance at his watch showed it was nearly 3 am. He figured he should try to get some sleep. It wasn’t doing him any good to sit on the couch and watch Buffy’s sleeping form. When his eyes landed on the couch, his brow furrowed. It seemed that Willow had taken his spot while he was in the bathroom. She was stretched out like a cat, taking up the whole couch, snoring lightly.
He glanced over at the others and he noticed with a heavy heart that, although Willow had been kind enough to make him a bed on the floor, it was next to Buffy.
*He suspected that was a little too coincidental.*
He debated moving it, but the need to be close to her was too overwhelming. Even if it meant he couldn’t touch her.
As quietly as possible, he moved to her side and lay down, pulling the blanket Willow left over his lower body. The carpet was hard, and the pillow wasn’t much better, but if it meant he could spend a few hours next to the woman he loved more than life itself - so be it.
Her back was to him, and he rolled over on his side facing her back. He fought the urge to run his fingers through her hair. He remembered the feel of silk sliding through his hands, and his fingers twitched to feel it again.
While watching Buffy, it dawned on him that she wasn’t actually asleep. Her shoulders were too tense. Her breath would occasionally catch, and every now and then a small tremble would appear. [Was she crying?] He could have kicked himself for making the decision to sleep next to her.
Several minutes passed as he debated getting up and going home, but when Buffy curled up into a small ball and a muffled sob tore from her, his heart broke. He scooted closer and wrapped an arm around her. He held her tightly as he buried his head in her neck.
At first she resisted and her body trembled even worse, but then all the fight in her seemed to disappear. She turned around and buried her face against his chest, clinging to him like he was her life-line, and he was unable not to do the same. He lips brushed against her hair. One hand stroked her back soothingly.
When he realized that his comfort wasn’t working, tears formed in his eyes. Without thinking, he tightened his hold and lowered his head to place a kiss on her neck.
Buffy pushed him away. Before he knew it she was on her feet and disappeared out on Xander’s balcony.
**
Buffy barely managed to get out of the living room, to the balcony, before she broke into heart wrenching sobs. The last thing she needed was to wake the Scoobies up. At least out here she knew the others wouldn’t hear her.
Giles’ kiss on her neck caused tingles down her spine and far too many memories came rushing back. All the pain she’d carried around for the last two weeks had threatened to burst. [Damn him! What in god’s name made him lie down next to me?]
She was highly aware of him all night. As the others had fallen asleep one by one, she had feigned sleep to avoid getting stuck awake with him. When Willow started arranging a bed next to her, she had thought it was for her red-headed friend. Too late, she realized what Willow was up to. Apparently her friend didn’t realize what she was playing with.
But the fact that Giles had actually laid down next to her shocked her. She knew, without a doubt, that he quickly realized she wasn’t sleeping. She couldn’t hold back a small cry -- being so near without being allowed to touch him was just cruel -- but then he’d offered comfort, which was even worse.
Her damn had broken. And now she was standing out on Xander’s balcony in the middle of the night crying her eyes out because of it.
She wasn’t able to control her sobs, and grabbed hold of the railing to keep standing. The other hand clutched her stomach. For a second she actually thought she might be able to die from a broken heart - the pain she felt was worse than she had ever felt in her entire life.
Suddenly two strong arms grabbed hold of her waist from behind, and before she knew it, she was turned around and cradled against Giles’ chest. He repeatedly apologized in a broken voice. “I am so sorry, love. I am so sorry. Please forgive me.”
It only made her cry harder.
The pain and tears seemed to be never-ending, and she pressed closer, silently begging him to make the pain stop.
But then, a wave of anger tore through her. She caught him completely by surprise when she suddenly pushed him forcefully away.
She yelled, “You bastard!”
**
Both Buffy and Giles were so focused on each other that they failed to notice the window leading in to the living room was open. Everyone inside woke when they heard Buffy’s loud sobs on the veranda. They rose from their various places around the room to see what was going on.
Both Xander and Willow breathed a sigh of relief when they saw Giles walk out and pull her into his arms.
“Thank god.” Xander said, watching from his place on the sofa as Buffy clung to Giles, “maybe now they can fix whatever’s between them.” When he saw Buffy forcefully push Giles away, he mumbled defeated. “Or maybe not.”
Continued here
Nominated for Best Angst at the Bodice Ripper Awards
Summary:Giles is sick and Buffy decides that her Watcher needs a little TLC.
Chapter 1
Buffy yawned as she dragged her feet on her way back from Restfield cemetery to Revello Drive. She walked, twirling a stake in her hand. Patrol hadn’t been out of the ordinary, but she was tired. She hadn’t been home since this morning.
She’d spent almost the whole day in the library studying for a test she had the following afternoon. Much to her chagrin, she had been forced to skip dinner tonight for the sake of studying - a dinner that included Giles. It was suffice to say her mood was not the best.
As she approached the house she saw that it plunged in darkness, fitting her mood perfectly. She quickly glanced at her watch. [It wasn’t that late. Had they gone to bed already?]
She quenched the disappointment that Giles wouldn’t be there - she had hoped he would have, at least, waited to see her. Now she was too tired to head over to his place. With a sigh, she walked up the front steps and unlocked the door.
She dropped her bag in the hallway, and was about to head upstairs when she heard hushed voices coming from the kitchen. With an excited smile, hoping that Giles could still be there, she skipped into the kitchen, but found Willow and Tara with their heads bent together.
Both girls jumped and looked at Buffy as she broke into their hushed conversation. “Hey, what’s up with the ‘Dark Side of the House’ thing going on here?” She plastered on a disinterested face as she went to the fridge. “Where’s Giles? Did he leave already?”
“Actually no,” Willow replied, “he’s the reason why the house is dead quiet and lights are off.”
Buffy turned around to Willow with confused look on her face. “What do you mean ‘he’s the reason’?”
“When he came over tonight for dinner--and by the way he was kind of disappointed when he heard you couldn’t come-“ A warm feeling spread through Buffy from Willow’s words.
“-he looked really flushed and dazed, and after a while he actually excused himself from the table to go lie down on the sofa. We turned off the lights so they wouldn’t bother him, and he hasn’t been up since, I guess he. . . ”
The rest of the sentence trailed off as Buffy shot out of the kitchen faster than lightning.
Her heart was beating a mile a minute when she reached the living room. She found him asleep on his back, with a blanket thrown over him, probably put there by Willow or Tara. He was ghastly pale and when she touched him, his skin was clammy. [God, this can’t be happening,] she thought as her eyes teared up. [*I can’t lose him!*]
She sat down on the edge of the couch and was about to jar him awake, to talk to him, when Willow walked into the living room, Tara following.
“Buffy, just let him sleep - it’s the best way for a body to heal.” Willow said in a hushed voice.
Buffy turned her head to look at her friend, and both Willow and Tara were slightly shocked by the emotion in Buffy’s eyes.
“Let him sleep?” she asked incredulously, her voice rising in panic. “What if there’s something seriously wrong with him - magic or poison - he could die for god’s sake!”
“Buffy…” a whisper came from the couch.
Her breath caught when she heard Giles speak her name, and she looked down at him as a tear spilled from her eye and ran down her cheek. His eyes feverish, and he struggled to keep them open.
**
He was rather stunned by her emotional display, and grabbed hold of her hand as he spoke in a raspy voice. “I’m alright, it’s just a bug, nothing to worry about.”
At her disbelieving and worried look he continued in what he hoped to be a more stable voice.
“Trust me. I have even been to a doctor. It’s just a tough stomach flu that’s going around. I simply didn’t realize it would hit this hard and fast. I promise you I will be fine.”
He thought to himself, [*God, I feel like hell.*]
He saw Buffy release her breath in relief. She leaned her head down to rest against his chest as to give him a small hug. Giles lifted a hand a let it briefly run over her hair, then he dropped it back down on the couch - it felt like lead.
After a few seconds Buffy raised her head. “God, you sound like hell Giles - and your breathing is really shallow - you should be in bed.”
Before he had a chance to respond, she turned to Willow and Tara. “Can you guys help me get him upstairs? We can put him in my room, and I’ll take the couch.”
Giles attempted to protest as they pulled him up from the couch, but being on his feet made him dizzy and nauseous, and he decided to keep his mouth shut to prevent from throwing up.
**
It was no easy task helping a six-foot Watcher up the stairs, but they had managed. A few times Buffy thought Giles was about to lose his dinner, but they finally put him on her bed without an incident. He lay above the covers and closed his eyes.
Buffy looked at Willow and Tara gratefully. “Thanks, I’ll take it from here.” They merely nodded, gave Giles one last look, and shut the door behind them.
Buffy sat next to him and touched his forehead. He was burning up. She took a critical look at his clothes - overdressed as usual. No tweed, but still layers. [*Too many layers.*]
She didn't want to wake him. After a few seconds of internal debate, she started unbuttoning his shirt. Out of nowhere, one of Giles’ hands clamped down on hers.
“What are you doing?” he rasped.
Buffy’s eyes shot up to his and she felt something familiar pass between them.
After she had asked Giles to be her Watcher again, something had shifted in their relationship. At first, it began as a deep and true friendship. It was apparent to both that they no longer saw each other as merely Watcher and Slayer. They spent more and more time together where slaying, vampires and demons weren’t even mentioned.
As time had passed, other changes occurred. Previously innocent touches of comfort and support began to carry great weight, and more often the air between them crackled with sexual tension.
She knew that Giles had noticed as well - these moments were too charged for him not to. It seemed to her that they had made a silent agreement not to talk about it. Giles had apparently come to the same conclusion: that this was an issue better left alone.
Years ago, when Faith had been in Sunnydale, she had made a comment abut how hot Giles was. Later, Xander had asked a flip question to Giles in front of them all, much to Giles’ embarrassment, wondering if any Slayers had ever gotten got down and dirty with their Watchers.
While stuttering and blushing, Giles had managed to choke out that the Council strictly forbade “fraternizing” between Watchers and Slayers. Buffy hadn't even thought about it at the time. Now, that was ALL she thought about.
She had fallen in love with him, and she suspected he felt the same way.
She knew that since she had asked him to be her Watcher again he wouldn’t risk doing anything to jeopardize their relationship. The Council had the power to reassign her a new Watcher, or worst, case scenario, they would attempt to get another Slayer - and both she and Giles knew there was only one way for that to happen.
So she had denied herself. She would never act on her feelings, and apparently neither would he. But as time passed, Buffy found it harder and harder not to.
The moment between them dragged out, and finally Buffy spoke. “You’re burning up, and I just want to help. You are obviously too sick to do it yourself. Let me take care of you.”
Giles closed his eyes and drew a breath before whispering in a pained voice. “This is highly inappropriate.”
Buffy shrugged her shoulders and spoke in a light voice, in complete contrast to how she was feeling. “No it’s not, just a little TLC.”
“TLC?” he asked wistfully.
Buffy placed her hand on his cheek so his eyes would open and responded with a thoughtful expression. “Tender love and care.”
The touch of her hand on his skin made his body yearn for more than what she was offering. He found it difficult to resist, and closed in eyes in acceptance. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had taken care of him. The fact that it was Buffy made it impossible to refuse.
Without another word, Buffy finished unbuttoning his shirt and contemplated the logistics of getting it off him. She realized the t-shirt he was wearing underneath also had to go.
“Can you manage to sit up, Giles?”
He struggled to raise himself from her pillow. She could tell it took too much effort, so she grabbed hold of his shoulders and pulled him into a sitting position. As she pulled him towards her, he swayed a little, so she made him lean his head on her shoulder to prevent him from falling over.
She removed his dress shirt, trying to be as swift as possible; throwing it behind her and raising his head so she could pull his t-shirt over his head. As soon as the t-shirt released him, his head fell down on her shoulder and she had to grab him with both hands as he threatened to fall over.
As he toppled, Giles grabbed hold of her and they found themselves in an embrace.
“This is so wrong”, he whispered against her shoulder.
Buffy blinked moisture from her eyes as she stroked his back and returned the whisper in a sad voice. “We always were.”
With a sigh he pulled out of her arms and let her help him lie back against the pillow. He carefully didn’t look at her.
He couldn’t help his body from reacting when she started on the buttons of his pants, but he felt too exhausted to push her away and silently prayed she wouldn’t make a comment. [It’s not as if she doesn’t know I want her], he thought.
Buffy *had* noticed his reaction, and she felt guilty for feeling a small spark of joy at the tangible proof of what he felt.
Even though it was often clear to heart that he desired her, he had never actually said anything out loud. She saw it in his eyes. She shook her head to get rid of her thoughts and berated herself for thinking about this now, while she was supposed to be taking care of him.
Annoyed at herself, she hadn’t realized she channeled her frustration into tugging off his pants, and had to dive for her wastebasket to get it under him in time for him to throw up. [Thank god for Slayer speed], she thought to herself.
She stroked his back while he emptied his stomach, murmuring nonsense words of comfort to him. When he was done and returned his head to her pillow, she could tell how utterly embarrassed he felt. His cheeks sported a red glow. His eyes were still closed, and she let her hand run across his chest until he opened them.
She whispered, “It’s alright, let me take care of you.”
He covered her hand with his and squeezed it weakly, then closed his eyes.
As much as she hated to, she removed her hand from his, got up and took the wastebasket out of her room. She returned, carrying a glass of water and an aspirin, and held his head while he swallowed it. She managed to pull the comforter lose from underneath him so she could cover him up. In no time he was deeply asleep.
For a long time she stood watching him, reluctant to part from him to sleep downstairs. Finally she undressed to panties and a t-shirt and slipped into bed on the other side. She wanted to touch him, but stayed away. It would probably be more torturous than anything.
**
Buffy woke in the middle of the night. Someone nudged closer to her, and she quickly realized it was Giles. He had fever chills and was trying to get warmth from her. He was shivering and murmuring words she was unable to understand. She immediately pulled him close and pulled the comforter tight around them both. He snuggled close to her and murmured her name.
Just as she was falling asleep she heard him murmur into her neck. “Buffy, I love you.”
Tears formed in eyes and spilled down her cheeks. He’d said the words she had wanted to hear for so long, but she knew he would never say them when he was awake. He had been fighting them for so long.
CH 2
In the morning Buffy woke alone and was instantly worried when she realized that Giles was gone from her side. A quick look at her alarm clock showed her that she had slept longer than usual. It came as no surprise, considering how beat she’d been the night before.
Plus it had taken her forever to fall asleep after Giles had said that he loved her. Refusing to give into more tears, she got up and headed downstairs.
Maybe he was still here?
When she entered the kitchen she found Willow and Tara, happily munching away at some pancakes.
“Hey Buffy!” Willow greeted in a sunny cheer that made Buffy want to growl. “Want some pancakes?”
Buffy shook her head. “No thanks, Will. I’m not hungry. I need to get to the library to do some last minute review before my test. Actually. . . I’m looking for Giles. . . do you know where he is?”
Willow nodded with her mouth full, and Tara gave her a smile and took over the conversation.
“He left, Buffy, about 40 minutes ago. He didn’t look too good, but he hotly refused any attempt we made to make him stay.”
She shared a look with Willow. “He looked really uncomfortable being here, his face was all blushed and he barely managed to look Willow in the eyes.”
Willow nodded intently.
[Yeah, he was probably mortified waking up wrapped around his Slayer], Buffy thought. Maybe it was good she’d slept through the whole thing this morning. Still, she didn’t like to hear that he still looked pretty bad.
[*Damn! Her test…*]
“Guys, can you do me a favor and check up on him today? I’m late and really need to take this test today, and won’t have time to go to his place until later.”
Both girls nodded. “Sure, no problem.” Willow managed to answer as she was finally able to swallow.
**
A few hours and one test later Buffy let herself into Giles’ place, and locked the door behind her. His apartment was dark and she found him asleep on the couch, still wearing his shoes, apparently too sick to get upstairs.
When she placed her hand on his forehead to check his fever, his eyes opened and he stared at her with a fevered gaze. The emotion she saw in his eyes made her breath catch.
*Raw need.*
Realizing that being sick was lowering his guard, she tried to ignore it-even though her heart screamed in protest.
“How are you feeling?” she asked with a voice devoid of any feeling. She didn’t want to give away her emotional pain.
**
Giles tried to put on a brave face, but didn’t really have the energy for it and shook his head. “I’ve been better.”
He berated himself for how utterly ridiculous he’d been acting while he was ill. He was extremely uncomfortable with how vulnerable it was making him. It was brought forth feelings and emotions that he had tried his damndest to hide for a long time. Instead, now, they were being intensified to the point where they threatened to overwhelm him.
All he wanted to do was to bury himself in Buffy’s arms and stay there for ever - being touched by her, being loved by her, being taken care of by her.
His love snuck up on him one day when he wasn’t looking. It had reached a point where it had become pure torture to simply be around her. The fact that he could see in her eyes how much she wanted him as well made it even worse.
He was fired once for loving her, and that was when the Council thought it was paternal.
The Council had a strong belief in cool detachment: live by the rules, play by the rules, die by the rules. When the love he had for her was only parental, the Council had been willing to fire him. If they realised the extent of his feelings now they would probably do something much worse. He was not going risk losing her by giving into his fondest desire to love and be loved by her.
[What was it Saint Augustine said? “It is better to have love and lost, than never having loved at all.” Well he apparently did not know what he was talking about - losing Buffy would hurt me much more that denying myself her love.]
He closed his eyes and shied away from her touch to prevent his eyes from spilling. God, he felt ridiculous. The fact that Buffy was worried about him and giving him so called “TLC” made it all worse.
He was worried that his illness would make him to lose control and give in to what he knew they both wanted - but could never have. Each other.
He was distracted from his thoughts when Buffy removed his shoes. She touched his forehead again.
“You should probably take a cool shower to lower your temperature. It’s still pretty high.”
“Yeah, probably.” He grumbled.
He swayed a little when she pulled him on his feet, and the next thing he knew he was clinging to her to maintain his balance, his mouth close to hers. For an endless moment he looked into her eyes, clearly seeing what she wanted, but he denied himself and gently pushed away. Giving in to his desire to kiss her would complicate everything, and he had to be strong.
“Will you manage by yourself?” she asked, worried that he wouldn’t make it up the stairs. He merely nodded, and dragged himself to the shower.
**
A little while later Giles came back downstairs, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt. His hair was still wet, and he had a towel around his neck.
“You should go to bed, Giles” Buffy said, as he slumped down on the couch next to her.
“I’m quite alright. I’ve slept so much already that I’ll just get restless and bored.”
He was lying through his teeth, but he did not want her fussing around him while he was in bed - she would be too tempting.
He suddenly gave a loud sneeze. Buffy realized he was sitting in the living room with wet hair, probably chilling his fevered body. Without a word she removed the towel from his neck and started rubbing his hair.
Giles felt he should protest, but then was overwhelmed with a need to be taken care of. It grabbed hold of him and he gave in. Without noticing he was doing so, Giles leaned towards her.
Suddenly Buffy found herself with his forehead resting on her shoulder, while her hands still softly rubbed the towel over the back of his hair. Her ministrations served no purpose except an excuse to caress him - and she wished she could remove the towel and run her fingers through his soft hair.
Buffy’s gentle caresses made Giles shiver. Without thinking, he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer - the need to be held in her arms was just too strong. Deep down he knew that it would leave him wanting more.
Buffy was a little startled by his sudden movement, but within seconds the towel was removed from his head. She finally let one hand stroke his hair, like she’d wanted to. The other held him close. She heard him murmur something she couldn’t hear.
She lifted his head from her shoulder to lay it more comfortably into her neck, so she could hear him better.
“What did you say?” she asked.
“‘s good when you do that” he mumbled into her neck, all sexy and sleepy sounding, and it made heat pool in her stomach. Speechless she just held him tighter until her voice came back.
“It feels good doing it.” she mumbled into his hair. She realized he’d actually fallen asleep, so she kept holding him until he started getting too heavy for her. He was a big man and he was now starting to sag. Reluctantly, she placed him on the couch.
She wanted to stay and watch over him, but she had promised Willow she would have dinner with her, and she also needed to patrol.
Quietly she scribbled a note for him, explaining she would be back after patrol to check on him, and left it on the coffee table.
CH 3
When she returned he was gone from the couch. She silently climbed upstairs and found him in bed. He was bare-chested and the sheet was low at his waist. At first, it looked like he was asleep, but a closer look showed that he was awake. She realized he was following her every move with an unreadable expression.
Again she touched his forehead and it seemed like his fever had gone down a little. She sat down next to him and let her hand slide down the side of his face and settle on his cheek.
“It feels like your fever is down. Have you had anything to eat?”
He merely shook his head no. She started to rise, but he grabbed her hand and kept her sitting.
“Don’t leave!” he rasped out, while silently berating himself for acting like a clingy and needy prat.
However, Buffy did not seem to think so. She just looked at him seriously and squeezed his hand, “I won’t - but you should eat something.”
He shook his head again. “I feel queasy and food is the last thing on my mind right now.” His comment echoed through the room like a gunshot and left them both in an uneasy silence.
Never breaking his gaze, Buffy started to leaned toward him.
Giles abruptly pulled away from her and exclaimed in a strangled voice. “Don’t!”
When he looked back at her he found her studying their joined hands, biting her lip in worry. He squeezed her hand and gently called her name. She looked up at him with sorrow in her eyes.
*God how he hated himself for putting it there.*
“
Buffy…we…”
She stopped him, whispering, with sorrow laced in her voice, “I know.”
“I just wish… she trailed off.
He didn’t answer; just closed his eyes. He knew how she felt. He felt the same way but refused to say so. It would make things so much more difficult should he do so.
He knew she would move on and forget about him. He just needed to be strong and she would be fine. He however, would have to live with this pain the rest of his life. She had become the love of his life - a love he could never have.
The pain hit him hard and he curled away from Buffy with a groan. [God, could he get any more pathetic? What the hell was the matter with him? Were all men this melodramatic when they’re sick?], he pondered.
After a few seconds he felt Buffy’s hand on his shoulder. She probably thought his groan was related to his sickness, not the pain of his heart.
“Are you all right? Not getting sick again are you?”
Giles shook his head. “No, I’m fine.”
“Turn over on your stomach. I’ll do something that my mom used to do to me when I was little and sick. It always made me feel better and put me right to sleep.”
He gave in and almost purred in pleasure when she stroked his back in long, slow and sweeping strokes. It felt like heaven. He didn’t think about stopping her when she crawled into bed with him so she could reach his other side.
The sensation of her hands on his skin surrounded him and without realizing, one of his hands found its way across the mattress and placed itself on her thigh. His thumb stroked back and forth. He felt her hands stop and her breath hitch.
“Don’t stop,” he murmured into his pillow, and she picked up from where she left off. In a matter of seconds he fell asleep.
**
Buffy continued for a long time. She stopped when she noticed him shivering from the cool air in the room, and pulled the sheet over him to keep him warm.
She laid down and studied his face. Unable to resist, she gently leaned forward and stole one forbidden taste of his lips. With tears in her eyes she curled up close to him -- without actually touching him.
Tears rolled down her face from the ache in her heart. It was so unfair. To prevent more tears from spilling she closed her eyes with a sigh.
She jumped when Giles’ arm suddenly emerged from under the sheet and pulled her close. Her eyes snapped open and she found him looking directly at her.
Slowly he brought a hand up to her face. He tenderly brushed away her tears while his own eyes misted. He gently pulled her head to his and kissed her on her forehead.
His hand dropped back down to her waist and pulled her even closer against his body in a comforting embrace. Not a word was spoken. Both just drew comfort from each others’ bodies.
***
The next morning Buffy woke before Giles did, still wrapped in his arms, their legs tangled together. She decided to leave his bed before she lost her resolve and began to touch him, and went downstairs to make him some breakfast. He hadn’t eaten in over a day, and she hoped he would wake feeling hungry.
While preparing an omelet for him, she thought about all that had happened in the last two days. Actually, what had been happening the last few months. They had both reached a point where they were about to snap.
She needed to find a way to end this. She knew if she pushed herself on him now he would not be able to fight her anymore. It was not fair of her to take advantage of his emotional state, and she was sure he would resent her for it later should she do so.
There was only one way to nip this in the bud, and that was to stay away from him. Even though her heart would break while doing so.
She quietly brought a tray up for him, relieved to see that he was still asleep. She headed back downstairs to get ready to leave. While looking for her keys, she heard him coming down the stairs. She rushed to the breakfast bar to pick up her coat, but he was down before she had the chance to leave.
[Damn! Fifteen minutes into my plan and it’s already shot to hell], she thought.
She pretended to be distracted buttoning her coat, bracing herself. She was afraid of what he would say about what happened last night. She knew what they wanted was forbidden, and she braced herself to hear him tell her so.
He sat down on the armrest of his couch, looking at her standing at the bar with her eyes downcast.
“Thank you for making me breakfast” he said.
Her head jumped up. That was not at all what she was expecting him to say - but when she saw his uneasy gaze she realized he did it on purpose - it was better for them to avoid the whole conversation. Just stay clear.
She looked down at the buttons of her coat again and her nervous fingers struggled to button them.
“How are you feeling?” she shakily asked.
“Much better, thank you, but still not 100 percent.”
She saw him reaching out a hand for her, and she couldn’t help but move towards him. When she was close enough to touch, he pulled her close by one of her jacket lapels - probably intending to help her - but it got somehow lost in translation. The next thing she knew she was standing between his legs, his hands clutched to both lapels of her coat while he stared intently into her eyes.
His eyes were burning with intensity and she looked down to break his gaze. Instead of letting her go he pulled her close and leaned his head on her chest. He released a big breath of air, as if all his will to fight went out of him. She held back a sob and was unable to prevent her hands from burying themselves in his hair.
After several seconds he lifted his head and released his death grip on her lapels. Instead he tangled his hands in her hair and pulled her head down to his - taking possession of her mouth.
When his mouth touched her it felt like a lightning strike, and the world as she knew it spun on its axis
The heat of his lips against hers shot through her and filled the cold and empty space in her heart. When his mouth opened, she immediately opened hers and their tongues met and fought a fierce battle.
Their arms tightened and bodies pressed closer. His mouth was hot against hers, hard and demanding. It was everything she had dreamed of and more. The kiss was a desperate chaos of teeth, lips and tongues, and Buffy felt her knees threatening to give way.
Giles abruptly pulled away from her, his chest heaving for air. He pushed her away from him -- a little roughly - and it made her stumble backwards. He immediately went to grab for her, to steady her, but she pushed his hands away.
“Don’t touch me!” she yelled with pain in her voice.
His hand froze in midair between them. He looked at her, mortified that he had given in and kissed her.
“Don’t touch me unless you plan for it to be a regular thing” she choked out.
He dropped his hand and stepped away from her. Buffy let out a sob and ran out the door.
CH 4
It had taken Buffy five days to face Giles again. The memories of their kiss, and how it ended, had almost made her double over in pain. When she reached her bedroom that same day she had cried for hours, until she had no tears left.
Since then her heartache hadn’t lessened, but she figured she would at least be able to look him in the eyes now without radiating her feelings. Giles had made it very clear that what had happened between them would not repeat itself, and she needed to be strong in order to be able to deal with that. Now she felt ready to face him.
She needed to talk to him. She needed his reassurance that what had happened between them would not tear them apart. No matter how much it would hurt to hear it, she needed it desperately.
She’d had a fleeting moment of guilt for avoiding him, considering he was sick, but she had made sure Willow and Xander had stopped by several times a day. Just to make sure he had everything he needed and that he was getting better. They had reported back that he indeed was, although they were slightly puzzled by her reluctance to check for herself. Both had tried to figure out what had happened between them, but Buffy had angrily brushed them off. They had silently backed off. An angry Slayer was a dangerous Slayer, but Buffy suspected she had not heard the last of it.
She knew Giles was back at work today, and he probably expected her to show up. It solved nothing to avoid him, so she figured it was about time to go see him. He almost certainly had expected her to show up for their daily training at three, so she had stubbornly not. It was getting close to quitting time, so Anya would probably be hightailing it out of there, and she hoped she could get him on his own before he went home. She wanted to talk in a neutral territory. If she had to go to his apartment she would fall apart. What had transpired between them would be all that would go through her head.
**
Just as she reached the front door of the Magic Box, it sprang open and Anya and Xander came giggling out the door, arms around each others’ waists, gazing lovingly in to each other’s eyes. Their affectionate display made her heart ache in envy and anger. Envy because her friends had the freedom to show and share their love for each other. Anger because Giles was denying her the same freedom.
[Okay], she grudgingly admitted, [it was really the Council who was to blame.] But they weren’t around-and even if they were, she couldn’t really take it out on them. If she did, her resistance-and Giles’s, as well-would be futile. The point of her and Giles denying themselves this was that the Council was NOT supposed to find out - and frankly if she yelled at the Council they would find out anyway. [Good going Buff, brilliant thought process there!] Giles, however, she could blame freely…and she did. No matter how irrational it was.
Buffy was shaken out of her own thoughts as the happy couple bumped into her.
“Buffy!” Xander exclaimed, while holding on to Anya.
Buffy put on the cheeriest face she could muster. “Hiya guys, where are you off to?”
“Believe it or not -- as trite as it might sound - dinner and a movie” Xander laughed, while half-heartedly swatting Anya’s busy hands away from his chest. “Want to come?”
Buffy almost laughed at the look on Anya’s face, not happy with his suggestion.
“No, no, I need to talk to Giles, maybe catch up on some training.” She let her gaze travel to the window of the shop. “He’s still in there isn’t he?”
“Absolutely” Anya said rolling her eyes. “After being stuck at his apartment for days he probably won’t leave until midnight.”
Buffy gave them a quick wave and a smile and took a deep breath as she approached the door.
*****
She found him in the training room, studiously polishing a sword with his back to her. By the tensing of his shoulders she realized that he knew she was there. However, he didn’t turn around as he broke the silence.
“Hello, Buffy. A little late for training isn’t it?”
His voice was so light and careless that Buffy felt pain and anger well up. He was going to act like nothing had happened?
Over her dead body!
She slammed the door to the training room, and he immediately spun around with a look of confusion on his face.
“’A little late for training?” she parroted back - anger laced her voice. “Is that all you’ve got to say?”
Giles’ brow furrowed and his hand immediately went to his glasses, ripping them off with an impatient gesture, as his other dived into his pocket for his handkerchief.
“Buffy-“ he started, fatigue coming off him in waves.
“No! Don’t Buffy me. How dare you?!”
His eyes lifted to hers and he sported a questioning look on his face.
She continued in an angry voice as she stepped closer. “How DARE you act like nothing happened. Are we not going to talk about it?”
He stopped polishing his glasses and stuffed the handkerchief back in his pocket. He still held his glasses in a tight grip.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Buffy.” He ground out between clenched teeth.
“Nothing to talk about?!” she asked incredulously. “We KISSED Giles! How can there be nothing to talk about?!”
He placed his glasses on the vault horse and stepped closer, frustration coming off him in waves. “Because there is NOTHING to talk about, Buffy! You know where I stand on this, and although I will admit to being attracted to you, I will NEVER act on it again!”
His angry voice only fed her anger more and for a second she was actually tempted to slap him. Before she lost control, either by bursting into tears or following through on her desire to pummel him, she turned abruptly, heading for the door. She had to get away from.
When Giles saw the hurt and angered expression on her face, he immediately regretted his words. He realized he was dealing with this completely the wrong way.
These past few days had been complete torture for him. Constantly, he’d had to stop himself from calling her or going over to her house. His whole being had craved her since the explosive kiss in his living room, and he had needed so badly to fix things between them. The problem was that he had no idea how to repair the damage he’d caused by kissing her.
As he saw her run for the door he shot out in an angry voice.
“Damn it Buffy, don’t you dare run out on me!”
He sprang to his feet, stalking her as if she were some wild animal he intended to corner. His arm shot out around her and held her tight. His arms wrapped around her midsection, her back logged solidly against him.
Her anger only grew hotter as her muscles strained with fury. The more she wrestled, the more he tightened his hold. It was a pointless pretense--they both knew she could free herself, if she really wanted to. Her writhing brought her flush against him, and she sucked in a breath. She didn’t want to get away. She wanted this.
Contact.
A very different kind of heat radiated between them. Every twist and wriggle intensified it. She wanted to move her hips, to press herself against the virile hardness she felt. She forced herself into stillness - absolute, breathless stillness. He, too, moved not a muscle. But the tension enveloped them, thick and flammable. A bolt of desire shot though her and she closed her eyes, nearly overcome by it.
“Stay away from me” she cried with a sob. “Just stay away from me, Giles.”
He turned her around, and she stubbornly refused to look at him. Though he didn’t say another word, she felt his gaze. A hot shiver went through her, starting at her nape, working its way down her spine, making her quake all over while goose bumps sprang up on her skin.
When he didn’t say anything, she raised her head to look him, and her breath caught.
“Buffy”, he breathed, his gaze dancing with hers.
There was fire in her gaze that ignited his blood. His desire picked up force, like a steam locomotive, until his insides burned with sensual hunger. Never had he wanted her more.
Frustrated with the situation, he let his raging emotions get the best of him, and his hands tightened in an almost bruising hold on her upper arms. Roughly he pulled her close, his mouth so close to hers he could feel her breath wash over his lips.
“Do you think this isn’t killing me? Do you think I enjoy torturing us both this way?” he ground out through clenched teeth.
Buffy stared at him with wide eyes - barely able to breathe.
His angry voice rose as he continued. “You think I don’t want you?”
Buffy realized she might have pushed him too far. She tried to get a hand in between them so she could push him away, but he only tightened his hold. He continued in a seducing voice that threatened to make her knees buckle.
“Would it make you feel better if I said I dream about you every night? That every waking moment I imagine how your naked body would feel beneath me?”
Buffy knew they were rhetorical questions, but she was unable to prevent herself from giving a slight nod.
That caused Giles’ eyes to sparkle and he shouted. “Well feel better!!”
The next thing she knew his mouth had covered hers. Her eyes closed and she savored the feel of his lips against hers. Despite his anger, Giles was surprisingly gentle. Before she had a chance to reflect on this delight, the kiss moved and flowed to a new intensity.
Bracing her face in his hands he kissed her again - deep and slow -- with all the chaotic longing inside him. When she wrapped her arms around his neck and gave herself over to him with sweet, thorough abandon, desire ripped through him like wildfire.
They stumbled towards the wall of the training room, their kisses evolving into full-bodied exploration. The pleasure and the sweetness grew sharp and intense, and the only thought left in his Giles’ mind was that he needed to feel her skin beneath his hands.
Without disrupting their kisses, he unbuttoned her coat and her blouse, pushing and tugging them off her. She fumbled with his shirt, frantically working on his buttons. As they progressed their discarded clothing hit the floor.
He claimed each new exposure of her with greedy, questing hands. When the feel of her skin became too much to savor with his hands alone, he broke away from their erotic tongue play. Quickly he unhooked her bra and tossed it aside, freeing her breasts.
A groan tore from his throat as he captured them in his hands. His tongue edged around one sensitive bud, and then flicked lightly across it. He went to lave her breast - tiny tastes, succulent swirls, until he filled his mouth with her. She gasped, dug her fingers into his biceps and pressed against him.
The scent of soap and something stirringly male emanated from his skin and hair with the growing warmth. A need like she’d never known kindled deep inside her. Roughly she pulled his head up to taste his mouth again.
The parries and thrusts of their tongues gradually turned demanding. His strong fingers plunged into her hair and held her fast against him as he slanted his mouth to draw the most from every kiss. He nipped at her bottom lip, drew it into his mouth and slowly released it.
Hoarsely she whispered, “Make love to me Giles!”
Giles stared at her for an endless moment. She was working havoc on his senses. He saw the desperate longing in her eyes and knew that he was unable to deny her what she wanted. What *he* wanted.
His hands swept down her back and bracketed her hips to his. He kissed her again and again. Without any conscious thought at all, she moved with him - and against him - in an erotic rhythm that slowly dissolved all coherent thought.
His remaining clothes had to go. She wanted his skin against hers.
Her fingers worked fiercely at the buttons and zipper of his pants, and as they gave way his mouth broke from hers to explore. Every touch of his questing mouth on her skin tightened the coil of hunger inside her. He tugged her skirt partway down, and she pushed it the rest of the way.
Liquid fire pumped through her. He swept her up into his arms, his eyes burning sexual messages into hers as he carried her away from the wall. He laid her down on the training mat. Without breaking contact, he joined her, mouth to mouth, body to body.
She reveled in the taste, the textures of his mouth, his skin, his hair, as she slipped deeper into a world of pure sensation, pure desire. He was movement and heat, friction and rhythm, blinding flashes and velvet darkness.
Open-mouthed kisses glanced off her neck, her breasts, her abdomen. Heat throbbed everywhere he moved - aching need built everywhere he didn’t. He swept his tongue in a lingering trail just above her lacy underwear. A groan welled up in her throat. She wanted. Frantically wanted…
Soft mewling cries escaped her as he dipped within her panties, kissing and licking, working his way down. Driving her into a swelter.
With a few moves, he had slid the wispy lace down her legs and out of their way. He quickly got rid of the remainder of his clothes before he returned to her body and her throbbing centre. He coaxed her there with his fingers until sobs sounded deep in her throat.
And then he touched her, the very core of her, with one warm, moist glide of his tongue. It was more than she could stand. Quicksilver pleasure pitched her right over the edge.
Waves of reaction hit her, deep crimson flashed before her eyes and she found herself quaking helplessly, enfolded in his embrace.
“I didn’t know,” she finally gasped. “I didn’t know it could b-be like this.”
He tightened his arms around her, and his heartbeat thundered against her ear. “I didn’t either.”
She felt the heat in him, like a fever, and the iron-strong tension still coiled in every muscle of his body. With a slow animal grace, his muscles shifted until his lithe body covered hers, pinning her beneath. She arched provocatively against him, heat flaring within her, again.
She wrapped her arms around him and commandeered his mouth in a thorough kiss, and his hardness swelled against her inner thighs. The muscles in his back bunched and flexed beneath her palms as he undulated with tightly controlled grace, dominating their motion, his hardness probing against her softness.
Urgency overtook him and he tightened his arms around her. He made love to her in earnest, as he’d dreamt of for so long, thrusting himself deep within her. Her vibrant heat closed around him with an amazing tightness, sublime pleasure.
He wanted to prolong it, to share it, but he couldn’t hold back. She wrapped her legs around him and arched into his thrusts. His passion surged out of control, raging and bucking, then exploded into a rapture that stunned him. She climaxed along with him, their cries intermingling, as they rode out the pangs of pleasure.
Their energy spent, they collapsed into a tangle of limbs.
He couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. He held her tightly, his insides quaking.
**
It wasn’t until later, much later, as she lay with her face against his shoulder that rational thought filtered through his brain.
“Buffy?” he breathed, brushing a hand that still trembled over her silky, fragrant hair. “Are you ok?”
She didn’t respond, her cheek pressed against his shoulder. She was obviously hiding, refusing to lift her head and meet his gaze.
As he mentally cursed his caveman behavior, awareness of her invaded his senses. She lay naked against him, the woman he’d fought so long to have. Her slender body was still hot and moist from loving. If she moved her hip to the right, she’d know how much of an animal he really was.
Because he wanted her again.
He shifted around to look her into her face, forcing her to lift her head.
“Buffy? Are you all right?”
At first he thought she wouldn’t answer, her gaze unreadable in her flushed face. But after a moment she replied in a voice hushed and throaty. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Without another word, she got up and started picking up her clothes, putting them on as she found them littered around the floor.
Giles didn’t know what to say to her as he watched her. Frantically he searched his mind for anything to keep her there for just a few seconds longer. The only thing he came up with was her name. “Buffy.”
She was picking up her coat by the door, and turned around to look at him while her hand rested on the doorknob. “I know, Giles. Nothing’s changed.”
Before he had a chance to reply she was out the door.
Thus she missed his pained whisper.
“Everything has changed.”
CH 5
For the umpteenth time Xander got up from the couch and did a nervous patrol around the living room: moving a picture frame, straightening some magazines, and then returning them to their original position.
“For the love of God, Xander!” Anya snapped. “How many times must I tell you? Sit down! All this pacing and moving about is driving me insane!”
Willow and Tara, who had been watching him with amused expressions, shared a smile. Willow decided to try to calm her best friend down.
“Don’t worry Xander, everything will be fine. They’ll be here soon and we’ll work everything out.”
Xander stared at his shoes with his hands jammed in his pant pockets, gave a big sigh and nodded without much conviction.
*Two weeks….*
Two weeks was how long it had been going on. Finally he and Willow decided something needed to be done. For some reason, Giles and Buffy were avoiding each other like the plague. Something always seemed to come up when all of them were meant to meet. If it was Slayer or Watcher related, Giles and Buffy had relied on using him and Willow as messengers.
[*Well, not anymore.*]
He and Willow were sick and tired of it. And they were worried about what was going on, so they’d come up with a scheme to have Buffy and Giles show up at his apartment. They’d be there in minutes.
At that moment the doorbell rang. Xander gave the others a nervous look, but felt a little more relaxed when all he got in return was calm and reassuring smiles. He checked the room one last time, straightened one more magazine and then put on a carefree smile and opened the door.
“G-man! Good of you to show!”
“Xander, how many times have I told you not to call me that?!” Giles snapped as he entered the apartment. Giles gave a glare that had left other men shaking as he passed, but Xander was so used to it by now he only raised an eyebrow at the Watcher. Giles had the good grace to look embarrassed, and gave Xander a pat on the shoulder.
“Pardon me. I’m having a bad day.”
As Xander followed, he mumbled. “A bad day? That’s the understatement of the year.”
“What’s that?” Giles said. The Watcher was about to turn around to look at him when he saw the others on the couch. He stopped short and gave them all a surprised look. “Hello there, what are you all doing here?” His eyes scanned the room nervously for a few seconds, until he turned to look at Xander.
“You have been Watcher-napped!” Xander answered with an uneasy smile. “We’re having a Scooby get-together, and that means you’re included, of course.”
**
The doorbell rang again, and Giles jumped. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and then tore his glasses off and started polishing them furiously.
*He knew who was standing at the other side of that door. *
Xander went to answer, and soon he returned with Buffy at his side.
Buffy’s happy chatter trailed off when she came into the room. Her smile froze and disappeared when she saw Giles standing across the room. Their eyes met and the others all held their breath in anticipation.
**
Buffy’s heart beat furiously in her chest, and she felt like crying. These past weeks had been torture, and not one night had passed that she hadn’t cried herself to sleep. She had made an effort to keep away from him, and until tonight she had been successful.
Her dreams were filled with images of their lovemaking. When she woke in the morning she could remember the taste of him, the feel of his hands on her body, and his deep passionate kisses. All her thoughts revolved around him. More than once had it seriously affected her Slaying. She was concerned that it was only a matter of time before he would be her downfall.
She tore her eyes away from him and gave the spectators on the couch a searching look.
“So what’s going on guys? Another apocalypse?” [Please, please, let there be one - maybe that’s what I need to get my mind off Giles.]
Willow hurried into an explanation. “No, not at all. Xander and I decided that Scooby-Watcher-Slayer bonding has been sorely lacking so we have had you Slayer-napped, and Giles Watcher-napped. We thought it would be a nice surprise. You know, tons of food and movies, an old fashioned sleepover. You know - the whole shebang!”
With a little gesture of her hands she yelled out weakly. “Surprise!”
The awkwardness that settled over the room made Buffy want to hightail out of there, but she understood what they were all trying to do. Their little gang was falling apart. It was all due to her and Giles. Buffy figured she should at least try to make it better. The gang shouldn’t suffer because of her and Giles’ monumental mistake.
The night’s hidden motive showed in Willow’s guilty face. When Giles followed Xander into the kitchen, Buffy spoke to her in a low voice.
“What the heck is going on here, Willow?!”
Willow only straightened her shoulders and looked back with defiance in her eyes.
“You and Giles is what’s going on! I don’t know what happened between you guys - but fix it! Fix it tonight. We can’t stand this anymore.”
Buffy’s shoulders slumped and she considered just making a run for it. As if Willow had read her mind she spoke.
“Don’t you dare run away from this Buffy!”
Buffy gave her a deadly glare, but Willow just returned it with one of her own. [Damn, when Willow wants to she can wrap me around her finger], Buffy thought. As she heard the men return from the kitchen, Buffy gave in and nodded.
She gave Giles a quick glance, but he was studiously inspecting his glasses, so she plastered on a big fake smile that she was sure was as transparent as glass. He looked like Xander had had a little talk with him as well, and he appeared to be staying so she made her voice light.
“So videos huh? Well, bring it on! What are we watching?”
All gave a poorly hidden sigh of relief, and Xander immediately deadpanned. “Believe it or not, Bring it On!”
They all laughed, and at Buffy’s horrified look he immediately reassured her. “No, no sorry bad joke, once was enough, and let me be the first to say, NEVER again!”
As they all made preparations for their evening of videos and snacks, Buffy couldn’t help but steel another glance at Giles. [God, this is going to be a long night.]
****
Xander’s apartment was dark when Giles came out of the bathroom. Only the flickering screen of the TV illuminated the bodies lying on the floor. One by one they had nodded off. When Giles realized he was the only one that was still awake, he had seriously considered leaving.
Being this close to Buffy made him want to throw all caution to the wind. All night he’d wanted to sweep her up in his arms and make love to her until the pain in her eyes was gone.
Tonight’s conversation hadn’t been stilted, no thanks to he or Buffy. They had barely said more than two words to each other, and their eyes had only crossed once. The air had seemed to have frozen when they did, and both had abruptly diverted their gaze.
A quick glance at his watch showed it was nearly 3 am. He figured he should try to get some sleep. It wasn’t doing him any good to sit on the couch and watch Buffy’s sleeping form. When his eyes landed on the couch, his brow furrowed. It seemed that Willow had taken his spot while he was in the bathroom. She was stretched out like a cat, taking up the whole couch, snoring lightly.
He glanced over at the others and he noticed with a heavy heart that, although Willow had been kind enough to make him a bed on the floor, it was next to Buffy.
*He suspected that was a little too coincidental.*
He debated moving it, but the need to be close to her was too overwhelming. Even if it meant he couldn’t touch her.
As quietly as possible, he moved to her side and lay down, pulling the blanket Willow left over his lower body. The carpet was hard, and the pillow wasn’t much better, but if it meant he could spend a few hours next to the woman he loved more than life itself - so be it.
Her back was to him, and he rolled over on his side facing her back. He fought the urge to run his fingers through her hair. He remembered the feel of silk sliding through his hands, and his fingers twitched to feel it again.
While watching Buffy, it dawned on him that she wasn’t actually asleep. Her shoulders were too tense. Her breath would occasionally catch, and every now and then a small tremble would appear. [Was she crying?] He could have kicked himself for making the decision to sleep next to her.
Several minutes passed as he debated getting up and going home, but when Buffy curled up into a small ball and a muffled sob tore from her, his heart broke. He scooted closer and wrapped an arm around her. He held her tightly as he buried his head in her neck.
At first she resisted and her body trembled even worse, but then all the fight in her seemed to disappear. She turned around and buried her face against his chest, clinging to him like he was her life-line, and he was unable not to do the same. He lips brushed against her hair. One hand stroked her back soothingly.
When he realized that his comfort wasn’t working, tears formed in his eyes. Without thinking, he tightened his hold and lowered his head to place a kiss on her neck.
Buffy pushed him away. Before he knew it she was on her feet and disappeared out on Xander’s balcony.
**
Buffy barely managed to get out of the living room, to the balcony, before she broke into heart wrenching sobs. The last thing she needed was to wake the Scoobies up. At least out here she knew the others wouldn’t hear her.
Giles’ kiss on her neck caused tingles down her spine and far too many memories came rushing back. All the pain she’d carried around for the last two weeks had threatened to burst. [Damn him! What in god’s name made him lie down next to me?]
She was highly aware of him all night. As the others had fallen asleep one by one, she had feigned sleep to avoid getting stuck awake with him. When Willow started arranging a bed next to her, she had thought it was for her red-headed friend. Too late, she realized what Willow was up to. Apparently her friend didn’t realize what she was playing with.
But the fact that Giles had actually laid down next to her shocked her. She knew, without a doubt, that he quickly realized she wasn’t sleeping. She couldn’t hold back a small cry -- being so near without being allowed to touch him was just cruel -- but then he’d offered comfort, which was even worse.
Her damn had broken. And now she was standing out on Xander’s balcony in the middle of the night crying her eyes out because of it.
She wasn’t able to control her sobs, and grabbed hold of the railing to keep standing. The other hand clutched her stomach. For a second she actually thought she might be able to die from a broken heart - the pain she felt was worse than she had ever felt in her entire life.
Suddenly two strong arms grabbed hold of her waist from behind, and before she knew it, she was turned around and cradled against Giles’ chest. He repeatedly apologized in a broken voice. “I am so sorry, love. I am so sorry. Please forgive me.”
It only made her cry harder.
The pain and tears seemed to be never-ending, and she pressed closer, silently begging him to make the pain stop.
But then, a wave of anger tore through her. She caught him completely by surprise when she suddenly pushed him forcefully away.
She yelled, “You bastard!”
**
Both Buffy and Giles were so focused on each other that they failed to notice the window leading in to the living room was open. Everyone inside woke when they heard Buffy’s loud sobs on the veranda. They rose from their various places around the room to see what was going on.
Both Xander and Willow breathed a sigh of relief when they saw Giles walk out and pull her into his arms.
“Thank god.” Xander said, watching from his place on the sofa as Buffy clung to Giles, “maybe now they can fix whatever’s between them.” When he saw Buffy forcefully push Giles away, he mumbled defeated. “Or maybe not.”
Continued here
Nominated for Best Angst at the Bodice Ripper Awards