"A Loving Heart is the Beginning of All Knowledge" NC17
By now I realized I was quite the closet drama writer *grin*
Summary: Buffy gets amnesia after a head injury.
PROLOGUE
Xander was seated in the corner with Anya on his lap. Tara and Willow were watching the beautiful sunrise on the other side of the window, waiting for any sign that she would wake up. The fight had been harsh. When the vampire had slammed her head first into a gravestone, the Scoobies had stepped in to prevent her from becoming a tasty vamp snack. Willow shivered as she thought about what would have happened had she been alone.
Tara noticed and soothingly stroked her back. “Don’t worry Willow, she will wake up. Buffy’s strong.” Willow nodded unconvincingly and looked towards the door.
“Where’s Giles? I left him a message hours ago.”
“I am sure he will come as soon as he can.”
“Yeah” Willow sighed and looked over at Joyce holding Buffy’s hand with worry in her eyes.
They all jumped at Buffy’s moan, gathering around her bed.
“Buffy?” Joyce asked as she ran a hand down her cheek. “Open your eyes, sweetheart.”
Buffy’s eyes fluttered opened and she winced when she touched her hand to the tender spot on her head. Joyce told Xander to fetch the doctor as she helped Buffy sit up.
“Oh thank God you’re awake! How are you feeling?”
Still a little groggy, Buffy carefully rubbed her eyes, mindful there might be other wounds on her face she might accidentally hit. “I’m ok, I guess, just feeling a little sore.” As she lowered her hands from her eyes, she looked at the group of people surrounding her bed and asked the question that made them all gasp.
“Who are you guys?”
CHAPTER 1
Buffy squirmed uncomfortably in her bed as the doctor shone a light in her eyes. He explained to the older woman standing by the end of her bed that the blow to her head probably caused temporary amnesia.
The four younger people stood huddled in the back of the room, looking at her with a combination of worry and curiosity that made Buffy feel like she was on display. While they waited for the doctor she had questioned who they were, but they hadn’t said a single word. She felt scarred and lost, and was trying her hardest not to break down and cry.
Why had they just stood there? Couldn’t they see that she was terrified?
Her doctor seated himself in the chair next to her bed and calmly reassured her that this was a passing condition, and that she should try not to force herself to remember. She should let her memories come back to her slowly. He seemed to have no doubts that they would.
As he got up to leave he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and promised he would be back tomorrow morning to discuss when she could go home. When the doctor removed himself from her bed with a reassuring smile she had to bite her lip to keep from bursting into tears. His examination was the closest thing to comfort she’d had since she woke up. She had to hold back from grabbing his hand as he left, knowing that as soon as he was gone, she would be left alone with the silent group of people who looked at her like she was from another planet.
Just as she watched the older woman was about to open her mouth and speak, she heard someone running down the hallway. The next thing she new a man skidded into her room.
“Buffy!” he said as he rushed over to her bed and immediately wrapped her in his arms. “I am so sorry I wasn’t there. I just got back from LA and came here as soon as I heard the message. Are you alright?” the man asked as he let his hands stroke her back.
Willow was just about to let him know that he should probably let Buffy go considering she had no clue who he was, but her words froze in her throat when she saw Buffy close her eyes and wrap her arms around him.
When he’d hugged her, a pleasant and familiar scent hit Buffy, and she was so relieved to be held, just given a little comfort. Without even considering whom this man was, she put her arms around him and buried her face into his chest. This was exactly what she needed, someone holding her and soothing her fears away.
Looking at Joyce (whose eyes had narrowed as she watched the two on the bed) Willow realised she wasn’t the only one who was surprised by their behaviour.
Without realising the others were watching him, Giles buried his face in her neck and had to fight the desire to kiss here senseless for being alive. He had managed to keep a tight rain on his less than fatherly emotions for over a year now. He wasn’t about to let them go without a fight. But seeing her looking frail and a little scared as he’d come in the room made it a struggle.
“I remember your smell” Buffy suddenly murmured and Giles raised his head to look at her.
“What did you say?” He said as he tried to figure out what she had meant.
“She has amnesia Giles”, Willow said, as apparently Joyce was still incapable of speech and continued to watch the two. Giles sat back, but Buffy clutched at his hands.
“Yeah, she hit her head last night, and now she has no clue who we are” Xander chimed in.
Buffy steeled herself for what was inevitably about to come, and slowly raised her eyes to the man who was sitting on her bed.
CHAPTER 2
Giles saw the fear in Buffy’s eyes. He took one of her hands in his and used his other to stroke her cheek.
“Try not to worry” he said with a soft smile. “It will come back to you, and in the meantime we are all here to help you.” She gave him a shaky smile in return and squeezed his hand, feeling completely safe for the first time since she had woken up.
“Ok, but while my memories are gone, I would appreciate it if someone could tell me what my name is, and who you guys are.” Giles’ brow furrowed as he looked at her.
“No one told you your name?” When she shook her head, he blew out an exasperated breath and sent a scolding glare at the others in the room who looked guiltily back at him.
He returned his eyes to her and smiled down at her. “You are Buffy Summers. This is your mother, Joyce” pointing to the older woman standing at the end of her bed. “The boy in the corner is Xander, one of your closest friends, and the woman standing next to him is his girlfriend Anya. The redhead over there is Willow, your best friend, and the girl next to her is her girlfriend, Tara.”
“And you?”
“I am Rupert Giles, your….ah…another close friend.” He was going on a limb with that one, but he figured that saying he was her watcher would just confuse her more. Eventually she would remember. No need to force memories upon her.
Buffy looked at him again after smiling to the others (who now seemed to think she was less of a freak show) pondering why he had hesitated to explain to her who he was. There was no doubt they were close, there was something so familiar and comfortable about him. Then suddenly her eyes narrowed.
“Buffy? What the hell kind of a name is that?” she asked which earned her chuckle from the handsome Englishman.
“It’s short for Elizabeth,” her mother said with a smile as she approached her. Giles reluctantly stood up and let Joyce take his place by the bed. Buffy immediately felt a sense of loss as he moved away from her, but let her mother take her hand.
“I am so glad you are alright Buffy! These past hours have been awful. And don’t worry, I am sure Mr. Giles is right, your memory will come back to you shortly.”
Buffy smiled and had to smother the desire to shout out in joy as her mother referred to Rupert as Mr. Giles. He was old enough that for a second she’d been worried he was her mother’s boyfriend. That didn’t make sense considering the feelings he caused in her.
Her mother interrupted her thoughts as she absently patted her hand and addressed the others in the room.
“I think it is about time we all leave Buffy alone. She is probably exhausted and visiting hours are almost over.” She turned back to Buffy and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll be back first thing tomorrow morning, and we can see if we can get you out of here.”
Buffy only managed to nod her head as she tried to quench the fear of suddenly being alone. Within a few moments they had all wished her a restful night and trailed out of her room. Even Giles had patted her leg and left without a word.
As soon as she was alone Buffy succumbed to tears. She curled up into a little ball in her bed. Being alone was the last thing she had needed, and she ached for the comforting arms of Giles.
CHAPTER 3
Giles drove Willow and Tara home, thinking of Buffy the entire drive. His heart had almost shattered into pieces when he saw her desolate face as Joyce closed the door to her room. He seriously doubted that Buffy needed to be alone, and had decided to return to her side as soon as he had dropped the girls off.
When he returned to the hospital one of the night nurses recognised him immediately. Since she had seen Buffy with him on any number of his numerous hospital visits, she sent him to her room without pointing out that visiting hours were over. Giles carefully opened the door and saw Buffy’s curled up form on the bed facing the window.
As he approached he saw her shoulders shaking and realised she was crying. He lowered himself on the bed at her back and placed a hand on her shoulder as he gently spoke her name. Buffy started and rolled over to face him, but when she recognised him she immediately sat up and threw her arms around him and started crying in earnest.
Giles just held her close and waited patiently for her crying to subside. She was obviously more distressed than he had thought, and he chided himself for not following his first instinct when Joyce had ushered them out.
He almost jumped when Buffy proceeded to crawl onto his lap, but said nothing and only continued to hold her. Slowly her crying stopped, but she seemed reluctant to let him go when he moved to look at her, so he lifted her and propped himself against her pillows while she draped herself around him.
He lifted his hand to stroke her hair, and after several minutes he realised that she had fallen asleep. He contemplated moving, but at the risk of waking her he decided against it. He pulled the sheet over them both and closed his eyes.
*****
Buffy woke panting with her heart beating furiously. The nightmare had scared the living daylights out of her, and she took a deep breath to calm herself.
“Ssshhh. I’m right here” Giles whispered, and suddenly it all came back to her. He’d come back to her last night. He’d comforted her while she had been crying. Now he was half propped against the pillows and she was lying between his legs.
“Did you have a nightmare?” he asked, stroking her back. She nodded but didn’t say anything.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Once again she said nothing, and only shook her head no.
“Are you giving me the silent treatment?” She couldn’t help but laugh, and she felt his body shake with laughter in return.
“No, I was just thinking how safe you make me feel, and that I don’t want you to leave.” The hand stroking her back paused, and for a second she was worried that she had said the wrong thing, but then he continued his ministrations.
“I’ll never leave you, Buffy. I’ve promised you that several times. It will never change.”
“Rupert? Tell me about us? How long have we known each other?”
When he didn’t answer right away she leaned up to see him facing at her with a slightly startled look. “What? What’s wrong?”
He slowly shook his head while watching her so intently that it made butterflies appear in her stomach.
“Nothing. It’s just that you surprised me when you called me by my first name. You call me Giles. Almost everyone I know here in Sunnydale calls me that. Well, except your mother who calls me Mr. Giles or ‘that man’, depending on her mood” he said with a slight grin.
Buffy chuckled and dropped her head to his chest again.
“Giles huh? You do have an interesting first name, that’s for sure.” After a beat she continued, “Although, who am I to talk? I apparently chose to be called Buffy over Elizabeth.” Giles laughed again, and Buffy was surprised how much she enjoyed making him laugh.
“So Giles, come on explain to me how that this got started.”
For the next hour Giles gave Buffy a carefully edited version of how they met and what they had shared. Monsters, watchers and slayers weren’t mentioned. Instead he focused smaller things. She laughed when he told her about her relentless teasing, her mind-boggling fashion sense (that earned him a pinch that made him yelp), and other stories he remembered about her friendship with Xander and Willow.
When he noticed her responses growing shorter and shorter he cuddled her closer and eased her into a dreamless sleep.
CHAPTER 4
Buffy and Giles reached consciousness the following morning by revelling in the feel of each other’s bodies. Buffy hummed as she tightened her arms around him, and smiled when she felt him reciprocate. She was just about to speak when a voice startled them both.
“I strongly suggest that Giles gets out of your bed before your mother comes in. Visiting hours are just about to start, and I am sure she will be here shortly. Your mom is not ready for this, no matter how long it has been going on.” The occupants of the bed opened their eyes and found Anya with a grin on her face, a slightly embarrassed Xander standing behind her.
Buffy scrambled to let Giles get out of the bed. He jumped up with the devil at his heels. At her hurt look, he gave her a reassuring smile. He reached to stroke her cheek just as Joyce opened the door with Willow in tow.
Giles quickly pulled his hand away, but was pretty sure that Joyce had seen it, considering the look she gave him. To avoid comment he excused himself to find the doctor and see if they would let Buffy go home.
An hour later, she was given the all clear and sent home with a clean bill of health. The doctor reassured her that she shouldn’t expect any miracles regarding the return of her memory. He gave her his card and told her to call if she worried about anything, or simply needed to talk.
Xander and Anya took Willow with them as they hugged Buffy goodbye, with promises to join them all for dinner at Joyce’s house the following night. Since Giles’ car refused to start, Joyce offered to drive him home, which he gratefully accepted. When they pulled up in front of his apartment, he gave Buffy an affectionate smile and bid them both good bye, saying he would see them both for dinner the following evening. Minutes later, Buffy exited the car with a heavy heart and followed her mother inside, wondering why she couldn’t have stayed with Giles.
The day passed slowly as she tried to familiarize herself with her childhood room and memories. Her mom had told her there was no reason to go back to her and Willow’s place. Since it was summer Willow mostly stayed at Tara’s, and plus she wanted some alone time with her daughter.
As night approached, Buffy excused herself from the living room saying she was tired, but found herself completely incapable of sleep. She missed the feel of Giles’ body. She couldn’t seem to sleep without the comfort of his arms around her.
Finally she couldn’t stand it anymore. She made sure that her mother had gone to bed, quickly dressed in a thin sweater and shorts. She left a note on her bed explaining where she was going just in case her mom woke before she returned the following morning.
Since her mother had dropped Giles off she had no problem remembering the way to his house. In a few minutes she found herself outside his door.
A sudden flash of memory hit her as she was standing there. She slowly took a hold of the doorknob and smiled when it opened easily. As silently as possible she entered his darkened apartment and looked around until she saw the stairs. Without making a noise she crept upstairs and stopped when she reached the landing, holding back a gasp when she saw Giles bathed in the moonlight, the sheet draped across his waist.
He was stunning, and Buffy felt her mouth water as she approached the bed. Trying hard not to wake him, she crawled cautiously across the bed and lowered herself next him. She carefully draped an arm across his abdomen. Without waking he turned towards her and wrapped his arm around her. Dreamily, he placed a kiss on the top of her head. Without thinking she tightened her hold on him, and suddenly she felt him freeze.
When he smelled Buffy’s shampoo and felt her next to him in bed he thought he was dreaming. When she squeezed him back, he realized this was more of a dream come true.
“Buffy?” She responded with a slight giggle, and playfully swatted him.
“What? Did you expect anyone else to come crawling into your bed in the middle of the night?”
Without reading too much into her question he simply asked, “Are you ok?”
She snuggled closer and responded with a slight nod. “Now I am. I couldn’t sleep without you. I also had a flash of memory when I got here.”
“You did? That’s splendid! What was it?”
“I remembered that your door is always unlocked and that I always walk through your door without knocking. Is that right?” With a slight chuckle he kissed the top of her head again.
“That’s right. I always leave my door unlocked for you so you can come to me anytime you want.” Buffy smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his chest.
“You’re just too good to be true. I am lucky to have you.”
Incapable of speech he only stroked her hair until she fell asleep, doing Latin verbs in his mind to avoid his body reacting to her. Sleep would not come easy to him tonight.
CHAPTER 5
Giles woke the following morning to the ringing of his phone. He untangled from Buffy with a regretful smile and hurried down the stairs. Just as he reached the phone it stopped. He heard Joyce’s voice on the answering machine telling Buffy to call her as soon as she could. Her voice had seemed surprisingly calm, considering her daughter had just spent the night at “that man’s” house.
“Avoiding my mother’s call?” an amused voice said behind him. Giles smiled and turned around to greet his night time visitor.
“Yes, well, I think you are better equipped to handle your mother than I am when it comes to her temper. You have slightly more experience than I do.” Buffy laughed and stepped closer to him and placed a hand on his chest.
“Don’t worry, I’ll tell her that I left late enough that none of her neighbours would have seen me sneaking out. I’m sure my reputation is still intact.”
Giles didn’t laugh like she’d intended at her remark. A realization struck him with an intense force. She had been walking outside at night, now no longer protected by her slayer skills, and his stomach clenched as he realised how lucky she had been that she hadn’t met a vampire. Without thinking he grabbed her arms and pulled her flush against his body.
“Promise me you will never do that again,” he said, a little harsher than he intended. At her questioning and hurt look he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her close, “Buffy, I am sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you, but there are things in this town that you know nothing of. Sunnydale is extremely dangerous at night. Promise me that you won’t go outside when it’s dark by yourself.”
His voice shook and his body trembled as he thought of what could have happened last night. Buffy felt his fear and instinctively moved to soothe his pain. She placed a hand on his cheek, raised herself on her toes and placed her lips against his.
Nothing had prepared her for Giles’ reaction. For a second he was frozen, then he suddenly pulled his mouth away from her and looked at her with bewilderment, “What? Why did you do that?”
Buffy watched him in confusion, wondering what the hell was going on. She frowned at him, “What do you mean why did I do that? I was trying to make you feel better.”
Giles shook his head, “No. I mean, what possessed you to kiss me?” Buffy was growing more and more confused as she watched him.
“I know I have amnesia, but even I know that kissing your boyfriend is normal when you’re in a relationship.”
Giles’ look was priceless, and she would have laughed had she not been as confused as he looked. He confusedly strangled out, “Boyfriend? I am not your boyfriend. I’m, I’m, well I am not your boyfriend!” Buffy’s heart sank. She took a deep breath and tried to stay calm.
“But, but, you hugged me when you first appeared at the hospital. Then you came back and held me all night. Even that Anya girl commented on the fact that we shouldn’t flaunt our relationship in front of my mother. Which I kind of understood. I guess no mother is overjoyed if her daughter was dating an older guy. And, and, last night, you didn’t seem very surprised when I crawled into bed with you. Plus, the feelings you stir in me when you touch me or look at me seem so familiar and strong. I thought you felt the same way, and that you just didn’t make any moves because I didn’t remember you. But I kind of did. Your smell was so familiar to me when you held me for the first time, and you made me feel so safe.”
Giles had remained motionless during her speech, refusing to believe what he had heard, refusing to believe he could stir feelings in her. He tried to explain, “Buffy, we are very close, it’s true, but these feelings you have aren’t reliable. Your feelings are based on the fact that I make you feel safe and comfortable during a very frightening time for you. You are misreading them. Before your amnesia you never indicated that you felt anything about me more than friendship.”
Buffy looked at him with uncertainty in her eyes. She knew her feelings were true. She also noticed that he hadn’t made any claim about his own feelings. She couldn’t give up, but she needed to analyze the situation. She needed more time before she tried to convince him that her feelings were real.
“Ok, let’s drop this for now and we can talk about this later. I have to call my mother and then head home. I promised to help her with tonight’s dinner. You’re still coming right?” she asked with worry in her voice. Perplexed by her inclination to leave this alone so quickly, all he could do was nod. She made a quick call to her mother to check in.
Once done with the call she turned around with a brilliant smile, then went to kiss him on the cheek as she said goodbye and walked out. It took Giles several minutes before he was able to shake himself from his stupor.
What the bloody hell had just happened?
CHAPTER 6
Dinner was a fun affair. Xander and Willow shared stories of their times with Buffy. Anya would interrupt when she felt like it with her usual unsuitable comments. Xander had made her promise earlier that she’d make no mention of any demony subjects, and she managed to restrain herself.
Despite the laughter, Joyce couldn’t help but notice that there was tension between Giles and Buffy. More than once she had seen Giles shy away from Buffy’s touch. Her heart hurt when she saw the distress it was causing Buffy.
Giles had noticed too, but he had decided to nip this in the bud. He was afraid that if he responded the way he wanted to he’d do irreparable damage to their relationship, especially when her memory returned. Yet he had replayed her kiss a thousand times that day and he ached to hold her close and really show her how he felt.
Buffy felt her heart sink further as the night progressed, and when he left after dinner with barely a nod to her she had to bite her lip to prevent tears from spilling. When she saw her mother following Giles outside, she decided to follow. She watched them from the kitchen window as her mother stopped Giles on the lawn.
“Mr. Giles. May I have word with you?” Giles stopped in his tracks and turned with something that looked like fear on his face. Apparently he had some explaining to do.
Joyce almost laughed out loud when she saw his expression, but figured that he wouldn’t appreciate that reaction. He gave her a slight nod and waited for the axe to fall.
“Mr. Giles, your behaviour tonight has not been what I expected. Although Buffy’s amnesia is rather unfortunate, most of all for her, I can’t deny it’s done some good.”
At his confused look she continued, “You both have a great opportunity to tear down some walls. Instead you seem adamantly bent on keeping them just the way they are. I think the two of you are more in denial about how you feel about each other than I am. But tonight all I can see is the pain it’s causing Buffy to have you keep her at arm’s length. Especially since she decided to act on her feelings. Why is that, Mr. Giles? You obviously feel as strongly about Buffy as she does about you. Why are you throwing away this opportunity?”
At first Giles was incapable of saying a word. It was too much to process, and he couldn’t believe that Joyce was confronting him with his own feelings. His first instinct was to deny everything, but he quickly realised that Joyce was no fool, and she probably would not welcome his attempt.
“Ah. . . well . . . you see . . . what I mean is. . .” With an exasperated breath he decided to put it all on the line.
“Joyce, Buffy has never indicated that she has had feelings about me before. I’m terrified that these feelings that she claims she has now are all in her mind. That she’s misunderstood because I make her feel safe. It could cause irreversible damage to our relationship should I be correct when her memory returns.”
With a slight shake of her head Joyce muttered. “I can’t believe I am going to do this.”
She stepped closer to him and placed a hand on his crossed arms. “Mr. Giles, Buffy does have feelings for you. Believe me, they were there before she lost her memory. They run deep. I’ve tried for the longest time to ignore them, because frankly, you are not exactly what I had in mind for a son in law. But I realise now that Buffy’s world revolves around you, and nothing would make her happier than you returning her feelings. My daughter is nothing but unconventional, but I still have conventional wants for her. Simply put, I want her to be happy. I think being with you will make her happy. I think she deserves that, don’t you?”
As Joyce spoke Giles felt equal parts hope and fear rise within him. Was he making a monumental mistake by pushing Buffy’s advances away? Just as he was about to respond, the front door opened, and Buffy stepped out on the porch.
“Mom? Is everything alright?” Buffy was confused. Had she been wrong about Giles and her mom?
Joyce turned when Buffy came out, looked back at Giles and smiled enigmatically as she murmured. “It appears to be, now.” Joyce started up the steps and hid a grin when she saw Buffy’s narrowed eyes and an expression that looked suspiciously like jealousy on her face. She gave Buffy’s shoulder a tiny push as she passed her and whispered, “Go talk to him Buffy.”
Giles, who had been looking at Buffy with awe in his face, noticed her reaction to her mother, and he felt his restraints snapping.
As Buffy walked down the steps she asked with barely hidden anger, “Is there something going on between you I should know about?”
Giles merely shook his head and tried unsuccessfully to hide a smile as he approached her with his hands in his pant pockets.
In the meantime, Joyce had rushed to the kitchen window. She found the Scoobies curiously watching the scene unfolding on the lawn. “Did I miss anything?” she asked breathlessly. Anya only responded with a shake, as Willow replied, “In a few more seconds you probably would have.” They collectively held their breath as they saw Giles stop in front of Buffy, pull his hands out of his pockets to hold her and lower his head to hers.
CHAPTER 7
Buffy’s breath caught when Giles stopped in front of her and lowered his mouth to hers. She gasped when she felt his tongue trace her lips. He immediately took advantage by twisting his tongue with hers. The taste of him intoxicated her as she tangled her hands into his shirt. His arms closed around her and he tilted his head to kiss her more easily.
“Wow! Who knew Giles could kiss like that?” Xander asked as he watched the passionate embrace.
“You should probably ask Giles for advice,” Anya whispered back as she strained to get a better look, “lucky girl.” she muttered. Tara, Willow and Xander all nodded their heads.
Giles moaned when he felt Buffy’s hands untuck his shirt and start stroking his sides. He needed to stop this before he lost all control and jumped her right there on the lawn. The knowledge that themselves were in danger of being jumped by other things made him regretfully end their kiss. He couldn’t help but groan when Buffy’s lips chased his as he pulled away from her. He decided that one more kiss from those lips couldn’t hurt. Boy was he wrong. Once he started he couldn’t seem to get enough of her.
Once again he forced himself to stop, but left his forehead resting against hers as he looked intently into her eyes. He wanted nothing more than to take her with him and make love to her all night, and the look in Buffy’s eyes told him she wanted the same. Despite Joyce’s generosity, despite the fact that she’d made this happen between Buffy and him tonight, he seriously doubted she would let him live a day longer should he take Buffy with him as he left.
Buffy, for her part, wanted nothing more than to go with him. Her mother wasn’t a part of her thoughts, but she was afraid to seem too forward if she offered to go with him. Instead they stood their, foreheads together, just sharing the bond between them.
When his breathing had calmed, Giles gave her an endearing final kiss, just a brush of his lips against hers. Then he hugged her closer and whispered in her ear, “Sweet dreams, Buffy.”
She was incapable to respond until he was several yards away. “Wow!” was her soft exclamation.
She was still dazed when she walked inside, completely missing the conspicuous looks the others were sending her. Her friends didn’t stay for long once they realized nothing sensible was going to come from Buffy for the rest of the night. She seemed completely lost in another world. They decided to leave her so she could get some sleep and dream about Giles.
CHAPTER 8
Giles moved restlessly in bed. He punched his pillow, adjusted his covers, and did everything he could to make it more comfortable. He needed to fall asleep. But the feel of Buffy in his arms and the taste of her lips kept replaying in his mind. Finally in frustration he threw the pillow across the room and plopped back down on the bed.
Buffy was going through very similar frustration, although she managed without manhandling her pillow. With a disgusted sigh she got up and started pacing her room. After 15 minutes she gave up and put some clothes on. Once again she left a note for her mom saying she was at Giles’ and that she would meet her for breakfast at the museum the following morning. Remembering Giles’ warning, she called a cab instead of walking.
In no time she found herself standing in the doorway of his bedroom watching Giles’ sprawled and sleeping body. She let insecurities get the best of her and was just about to descend the stairs when she heard his voice drift out into the hallway.
“Going somewhere?”
She almost tripped as she turned around, and Giles chuckled when he saw her startled expression.
“I was just, ah, I mean. . . ” She stuttered as a blush covered her face. He laughed again and pulled the covers back.
“Buffy, get in here.” She smiled and removed her shoes and sweater, leaving only her tank top and shorts as she approached the bed and crawled into his waiting arms.
Just as he was about to kiss her he suddenly lifted his head and looked at her sternly. “What did I just say this morning about you venturing outside after dark? Don’t misunderstand, I am extremely happy to have you here in my arms, but Buffy, you must understand how dangerous it is outside after dark!”
Buffy smiled up at him while she let him vent and then gave him a quick kiss before responding, “I took a cab. And before you say anything I made the cab driver wait until I was safely inside.”
“Oh.” Was all he said.
As her smug smile appeared, he decided to wipe it off her face, and leave this discussion for a less pressing moment. He quickly took possession of her mouth, and covered her body with his. He kissed her senseless and quickly divested her of her clothes. When he was done she rolled him over and placed loving kisses down his torso and helped him out of his boxers. Both barely held still as their naked bodies touched for the first time. Buffy couldn’t help but think how right it felt.
She was unsure whether she’d had other lovers before, but realized as he slid effortlessly inside her that it didn’t matter. She had no previous memories of anyone else. Being here with him with a blank slate made it a first for her.
He seemed reluctant to let go of her mouth as he pushed them both together towards the edge, where he kept them both for some time until he let them go. Suddenly they were tumbling over and into an abyss of pleasure.
Long after their breathing had slowed, Giles held her tight to his chest with his head buried in her neck, occasionally letting his hands trace her curves, making her shiver.
She had hoped he would tell her that he loved her. She had to swallow her disappointment when she realised he wasn’t going to say it. She wanted to say the words almost as much as she wanted to hear them, but now she worried he didn’t feel the same way, so she held back.
Giles was dealing with his own demons as he held her tightly. He buried his face in her neck to prevent the words he’d wanted to say for so long from bursting forth. He tried to savour this moment as much as possible. He was afraid this wonderful dream might end. Telling her how much he loved her were words he could never take back. He wanted her to have her memories before he tried to place a burden of love on her. Instead he rolled her onto her back and tried to convey without words how precious she was to him. Most of the night he made love to her over and over again, until they fell into an exhausted sleep just before dawn.
When Giles’s alarm woke them a few hours later, they regretfully got up. Giles explained that he had to be at the Magic Box to receive a delivery. Buffy had to meet her mom for breakfast, so it worked out. They agreed that Buffy would swing by his shop after breakfast.
Unable to resist, they showered together, and inevitably ended up in bed and a little late for their respective appointments. Once again, Buffy was disappointed when Giles didn’t say the words she longed to hear.
CHAPTER 9
Despite his fatigue, Giles couldn’t help but happily grin all morning as he completed various tasks around the shop. His muscles ached and screamed in protest when he strained them, but knowing what had caused it made him take it with a glorious smile. Sure there were times when Buffy’s training sessions had left him in similar condition, but then he usually grumbled around for hours.
Even Anya commented on his behaviour and mumbled something about how ludicrously happy he was after just getting a couple of smooches. Giles only laughed and told her to never underestimate the power of a kiss. There was no way he would tell her about what had happened between him and Buffy at his apartment. He shuddered as he contemplated the ramifications of such a confession. The fact that Anya somehow knew he had kissed Buffy last night did not even cross his usually sharp mind.
When it was close to noon, and Buffy had still not arrived his spirit started to sink. When Willow, Xander and Tara arrived half an hour later to have lunch with them, they found a subdued Giles looking longingly at the door. They all stifled smiles and sat down at the table to devour their lunches. Giles remained behind the counter trying to distract himself with a book. He didn’t notice the Scobbies’ secretive looks. They couldn’t wait to see Buffy and Giles interact with each other after last night’s steamy kiss.
Soon enough their impatient waiting was ended. Buffy came through the door heading straight for Giles. But this was not the same happy, on cloud nine Buffy that they had seen last night. No one moved a muscle when she came to a halt in front of the counter.
Giles had almost jumped over the counter to hug her when he finally saw her come in, but he quickly re-evaluated when he saw her expression.
“Buffy, what’s wrong?” he asked with fear clenching his stomach.
With a barely controlled voice that shook in anger when she spoke she asked the one question that made ice run down his back.
“How could you?”
“What?”
“How could you?” she repeated now, with more hurt in her voice. “You took advantage of me.”
He suddenly realised his worst nightmare had come true. His hands started to shake as he looked at her.
“When?”
“Breakfast. With my mom. It all came back in a rush. How could you, Giles? I trusted you!”
The gang at the table hadn’t moved an inch and stared transfixed, confused and shocked.
A lone tear escaped from her eyes and he automatically raised his hand to remove it, but she quickly flinched away from him.
“I will not forgive you for this” she said angrily and then walked out without a word to the others. Their eyes followed Buffy out the door and quickly returned to Giles. He was staring with so much hurt in his eyes at the door that it almost made Willow cry. Without a word, he walked into the training room and slammed the door.
Several minutes passed until Xander broke the silence that had followed. “What the hell just happened?”
That seemed to snap Anya out of her stupor and she immediately took charge. “Xander come with me to the training room. We have to try to get Giles to talk. Willow, Tara, you two find Buffy and do the same. Something big must have happened.”
CHAPTER 10
When Xander and Anya opened the training room door they saw Giles seated on the couch with his head in his hands. They slowly approached him, unsure of what they were going to say. He looked so defeated. Xander glanced nervously at Anya, and was just about to speak when Giles broke the silence.
“Please leave.” Anya took a breath to respond, but Xander stopped her with a hand on her arm. Xander moved them both out of the room. When the door to the training room closed, Anya shook his hand away.
“Xander! Aren’t we supposed to help when our friends are in pain?”
“Trust me on this one Anya. Giles was in no condition to talk to us right now.” As he ran a hand through his hair he looked at Anya with despair.
“Jesus Christ Anya, what are we going to do? I’ve never seen Giles like that. I mean, Buffy and Giles have always been, you know, Buffy and Giles, and, and now they’re not. What the hell happened?”
Anya only shook her head as if she was apologizing for not having the answers and drew him into a hug.
In the meantime Tara and Willow were searching all possible places Buffy could have gone. Eventually they found her sitting on a bench in a cemetery. The sight of the Slayer’s shoulders shaking from the strength of her sobs made them run to her. Both women put their arms around her and tried to sooth her pain. When her sobs didn’t seem to ease, Willow looked at Tara, willing her girlfriend to come up with a solution to help Buffy. Tara nodded and pulled some hair out of Buffy’s face and asked softly.
“Buffy? What happened? You can talk to us.” Buffy only shook her head as another sob threatened to tear her heart apart.
“Come on Buffy”, Willow said soothingly. “Talk to us. You’ll feel better, and it might be good to get another perspective on things. Did Giles say or do something to you? I thought everything was great between you last night. You looked so happy when you came back into the house.” That only made Buffy cry harder, and Willow hugged her closer, at a loss to what she should do.
“Everything was great”, Buffy suddenly said between sobs. “And then, then he had turn into to a, a guy.” The last word came out as if she was disgusted by every male on the planet. Before Willow and Tara could ask what she had meant, she continued in a slightly more calm voice. “I mean, of course he already was a guy, and, and last night he made damn sure I knew, but”, the next words came out as her sobbing started again, “then he had to turn into one of those guys. I can’t believe he would be such a guy.”
Willow and Tara felt none the wiser, but as they listened to Buffy’s painful sobs they just continued to hold her, thinking they had never seen Buffy break down like this. What puzzled Willow the most was how Giles had reacted in the Magic Box. He had looked as if his world had ended when Buffy had left the shop. Buffy pushed both Willow and Tara away gently. She tried to wipe away the tears streaming down her face, but they just kept coming.
She got up and said, “I’m sorry guys, I need some time alone.”
Before the other girls were able to respond she turned and walked away.
CHAPTER 11
Joyce was in the living room looking for a file when she was startled by Buffy suddenly opening the front door and running up the stairs. She heard the door to her daughter’s room slam shut, and her brow frowned in worry. When she heard the unmistakable sobs coming from the room she hurried up the stairs and knocked gently on the door.
“Buffy, can I come in?” When the crying continued Joyce opened the door and moved quickly to the bed to gather Buffy in her arms.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” She could probably count on one hand the times she had seen her daughter cry like this. It worried her deeply.
Her mother’s soothing caresses managed to calm Buffy. She took several deep breaths to clear her mind. Her mom was no fool. Although Joyce hadn’t said anything at breakfast about Buffy’s note, Buffy knew her mom had to have figured out that she’d slept at Giles’ house. Joyce would guess what had happened between them. She figured her mom would listen rationally to what she had to say. And then kick the crap out of Giles later.
She wiped some errant tears from her face as she sat up in the bed.
“My memories came back today.” Her mom’s look of joy was almost comical, and Buffy would have laughed if she had any humour left.
“They did? Oh honey, that’s wonderful. Are you all right? When did this happen?”
“I’m fine. Well, sort of fine. They came to me all suddenly after breakfast when I was crossing the cemetery heading for the Magic Box to see Giles.”
Her tears started again when she remembered how excited she had been, and how she couldn’t wait to be in his arms again. The sudden rush of memories that hit her had made her sink to the ground. She’d spent almost two hours rooted to the spot processing the myriad memories that had washed over her.
“Is that why you’re crying?” her mom said as she stroked her cheek. “You’ve been through a lot, and I am sad to say that many of your memories are very painful.” Buffy shook her head and steeled herself.
“No. Well, yes, they were a little painful, but that’s not why I am crying.” She took a deep breath and continued. “My memories also put what happened between Giles and me in a different perspective.” With a sudden flare of anger Buffy slammed her hand into the mattress. “I can’t believe he had the balls to do what he did!”
At her mom’s questioning look, she exclaimed. “He took advantage of me, mom. He knew how I felt about him, and he didn’t think twice about using me for his own pleasure!”
Joyce was completely confused and asked the only question that popped into her head.
“Took advantage of you? By kissing you? Buffy, you’ve been in love with that man for the longest time and now you say he took advantage of you by kissing you? Something that you have wanted for the longest time?”
A little startled that her mom had read her like an open book, Buffy needed a few seconds before she could continue.
“No, not kissing me mom, the fact that he slept with me, without having any qualms about it!”
Her mom’s surprised look made her just more confused.
“You slept with him?” Joyce whispered in shock. “Wha? um, when did this happen?”
“What do you mean when did this happen?” Buffy answered. “Hello, last night. Thus the empty bed this morning.”
“Last night? Buffy what do you mean? I saw you with my own eyes in bed last night. We even talked while you were in bed before I turned in.”
Something suddenly dawned on Buffy, and for a moment she seriously reconsidered her choice of being this open with her mother.
“You didn’t check my room this morning, did you, before you went to work?” Joyce shook her head, still trying to process the fact that Buffy had just told her she had slept with Giles.
“No, I had to leave early. I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“Mom, I couldn’t sleep last night. All I was thinking about was Giles, so I decided to head over there. I left you a note so you wouldn’t get worried. I figured you didn’t mention it this morning because you probably weren’t all that comfortable discussing your daughter’s sex life during breakfast.”
Joyce only looked at her, so Buffy figured she should continue before her mom got her bearings.
“Anyway, I went there. I won’t go into detail, but you can draw your own conclusions. But, but,” Buffy suddenly started crying again and Joyce gathered her in her arms, “I never would have expected Giles to act the way he did. I thought he loved me!”
“But he didn’t say it, even once! This morning I figured he hadn’t said it because he needed some time, or, oh I don’t know, some other reason. But when my memories came back, I also got the memories back of what kind of a man Giles is. Or what I thought he was. Not once had it ever crossed my mind that he would be able to take someone into his bed without being in love with her. I mean, he was supposed to be a good guy. Not ‘come here and I’ll take advantage of you’ guy!”
As Buffy started crying again, Joyce continued to hold her while she thought about what Buffy had said. There was no doubt in her mind that Buffy had misunderstood. But that didn’t prevent her from getting a little angry at Giles. He had clearly not thought through his actions, and she was holding her crying daughter in her arms because of it.
Still, she couldn’t help but listen to the voice in the back of her head saying that this needed to be fixed. The happiness she had seen in her daughters eyes last night, and come to think about it, this morning, was the happiest she had ever seen Buffy. She was determined to see it return. There was only one thing to do.
When Buffy finally fell asleep from exhaustion, Joyce quietly scribbled a note for Buffy, and headed to the Magic box to talk to Giles.
CHAPTER 12
In the meantime, Willow and Tara had returned to the Magic Box. They explained to Xander and Anya that they’d had no luck in solving the situation. They were saddened when they found out that Xander and Anya’s attempts had been just as futile. Giles hadn’t set foot outside of the training room. The Scoobies were still discussing possible solutions when Joyce entered the store.
She gave them a fleeting smile, before she asked, “Where is Mr. Giles?”
Xander silently pointed towards the training room, and Joyce headed towards it without another word. As soon as she closed the door, the gang scrambled over to press their ears to it. They didn’t want to miss a single word.
When Giles heard the door open, he ran a hand over his face, stood and prepared to face one of the Scoobies - probably Anya or Xander coming back to try to talk to him. Nothing had prepared him for Joyce and he was momentarily dumbstruck.
“Hello Mr. Giles. I think we need to talk”, she said as she approached him. All he could do was nod numbly. Joyce took a seat on the couch and gestured for him to sit beside her.
He placed his head in his hands again, and Joyce had to smother the need to pat his shoulder in comfort. Even though she could see he was in as much pain as Buffy, she couldn’t help but still be a little angry at him. When it came to her daughter, she grudgingly admitted she could be more than a little irrational.
“Do you maybe want to tell me what happened?” she started.
“God what was I thinking?” He said in a defeated voice. “I just couldn’t help it. After that kiss, my head was swimming. When she came to me, it was like a dream come true. They way she touched me, the way she looked at me. As if I was everything she had ever looked for. I was totally unable to resist her.”
He blew out a frustrated breath.
“Who am I kidding? She’s everything I’ve ever looked for. I couldn’t have resisted her if I’d tried. I have been in love with her for so long. After last night I truly believed she felt the same way. I wanted to tell her so much. But I decided to wait. Her memory wasn’t back. I was worried that there might be a small chance that her feelings about me were misplaced. I simply couldn’t say the words until she could understand what they meant. But, Christ, she was so angry and hurt today.” He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what had happened.
Joyce felt her heart go out to him and asked, “Have you thought of a way to fix this?”
On the other side of the door of the training room, the eyes of the eavesdroppers had grown large as he’d talked. This was not what they’d been expecting.
“What are you guys doing?” a voice suddenly said from the front of the shop. Xander almost jumped a mile up in the air as the others turned around.
“Buffy!” Willow said. “Eh, we’re just, ah, you know, just . . . ”
“Is he in there?” Buffy cut Willow off. They all responded with sheepish nods.
“And my mom too” she said more as a statement than a question. Another group nod quickly followed. Without a word, Buffy approached them, and they parted to let her put a hand on the doorknob to open it.
“I don’t know”, Giles said in answer to Joyce’s question. “Of course I’ll try to talk to her. I’ll beg her forgiveness. But if worst comes to worst, I’ll leave. I don’t want to put her through anything more.”
“WHAT?” a voice suddenly exclaimed, startling both Joyce and Giles. Both heads shot up and looked towards the door. Buffy was standing in the doorway, her face contorted with hurt, the entire Scooby gang behind her.
The next thing he thing knew, Giles found himself with an armful of Buffy. She clung to him, crying, “No, please don’t leave! You promised me you’d never leave me! You promised Giles!”
CHAPTER 13
Completely stunned, it took Giles a few seconds to put his arms around her. Then he thanked every power he could think of that he got to hold her one last time. As Buffy’s tears continued to dampen his shirt, he found his voice. “Buffy, I can’t stay when it’s like this between us.”
Joyce decided this was not a place for her to be anymore. She ushered the others outside and closed the door behind her. This was a private moment between her daughter and Giles. But just in case they managed to screw this up as well, she would stay near until she saw with her own eyes they had worked it out. The Scooby gang, willing to give the couple room to be alone, stood outside too.
In the training room, neither Buffy nor Giles noticed Joyce’s exit. Giles led Buffy to the couch. Instead of sitting beside him she crawled into his lap and choked out, “I’m sorry. I promise I’m not mad anymore. Just please don’t leave me. I love you too much!”
Giles froze and then gently coaxed her to raise her head so he could look into her eyes.
“What did you say?” he whispered, hoping against hope that what she said was real.
Buffy, suddenly afraid she’d said the last thing he wanted to hear, continued in a rush. “It’s ok you don’t feel the same way. I’ll try to get over it, just prom--”
The remainder of that sentence was cut off as Giles’ lips descended on hers and plundered her mouth.
Several minutes passed as mouths and tongues tangled. When he finally let her lips go Buffy was too stunned to move. She just stared at his smiling face.
“You silly girl” he gently chided. “Whatever made you think I didn’t feel the same way? I love you so much I can’t even put it into words.” Still afraid that the last couple of minutes had been some cruel joke she quietly responded.
“But, last night you didn’t say a word. When my memories came back I figured you had just used me.” Ooops, Buffy thought as she saw Giles’ reaction. That was apparently not the best thing to say.
“You thought WHAT?” Giles exclaimed outraged.
Out in the other room, all eyes shot to the door with worry when they heard Giles’ livid voice.
Buffy started to salvage what she could when Giles suddenly crushed her to him in a bone-shattering hug.
“God! We must be the two most emotionally retarded people I know,” he mumbled after a few seconds. Buffy relaxed in his arms and giggled.
“Yeah, but at least we’re emotionally retarded together” she responded as she lifted her lips to his. When he didn’t respond she pulled back to look at his face and suspiciously moist eyes. “We are together right? As in kissing, dating, dinner, dancing, hand-holding, marriage, kids, more kissing and making love all night.”
At his loving nod and smile she felt all the hurt and pain vaporize. Her smile lit the room before she placed her lips on his. When air once again became an issue, he gently let go of her mouth. He wrapped his arms tightly around her as she put her head on his chest, revelling in the feel of his body close to hers. After a few minutes of bliss, Giles asked playfully.
“All night? God woman, I’m not a machine.”
The occupants of the main room in the Magic Box visible relaxed when they heard Buffy’s happy laugh drift through the door, closely followed by deep male laughter which was unmistakably Giles’.
EPILOGUE
The full moonlight caressed the two naked bodies lying next to each other on the bed. The man lay on his back with closed eyes, breathing evenly, deeply asleep. The woman next to him had one leg draped over his, an arm across his abdomen, her head propped on her hand as she watched the man’s face with a loving expression. Buffy’s heart threatened to burst with happiness as she let her eyes roam Giles’ face and naked body.
After the emotional rollercoaster ride at the Magic Box earlier had thankfully come to a stop, Giles had held Buffy in a tender embrace for hours. They had talked about everything. They’d cleared up misunderstandings, expressed their feelings and shared affectionate kisses and caresses.
There had been a slight interruption when Joyce had cautiously knocked on the door, before smilingly letting them know she was heading back to the museum.
Much later they had regretfully let each other go to get up from the couch. They found only Anya in the main room, telling them that the others left with an offer to patrol for Buffy that evening so she could get much needed undisturbed time with Giles. That had immediately prompted him to take the rest of the day off to be with her, much to Buffy’s delight.
Their plans for a picnic were quickly discarded when they’d gone to Giles’ house to prepare food and had ended up in bed instead. For hours they had brought each other to pleasurable heights, until they had fallen asleep from both physical and mental exhaustion. Both had been sleeping restfully until now, when Buffy had been woken up by a barking dog outside. When she sensed no danger, she had forfeited falling back to sleep so she could watch Giles instead.
God, how she loved him! He completed her in ways she didn’t think were possible. It truly didn’t hurt that he was a tiger in bed. Buffy couldn’t help but giggle when she thought of Giles’ expression when she had told him that earlier. If someone could pull off an embarrassed and proud look at the same time, it was him.
“What are you laughing about?” a sleepy voice suddenly said. Her eyes jumped back to his face. He was sporting a slight smile but his eyes were still closed. Buffy chastised herself for waking him when she heard how tired he sounded.
She soothingly stroked his stomach to make him fall back asleep and she whispered, “Sshh, go back to sleep, it was nothing.” A couple of minutes passed, and she thought he had fallen back asleep when he suddenly broke the silence of the room.
“If you think what you are doing right now is going to put me back to sleep, you clearly don’t know me as well as I thought you did.” Buffy glanced down at her hand on his stomach and then her eyes were drawn to the result of her ministrations. She couldn’t stop a giggle from escaping.
The giggle turned into a full blown laugh as she suddenly found herself on her back with Giles’s body covering hers.
“You better be giggling at how easy I am, rather than what you just laid your eyes on” he playfully growled.
Her laugh turned into a moan as he proceeded to kiss his way down her chest and place his lips on her breast.
“Giles, I am not sure I can do this again” she laughed.
“But Buffyyyy”, he playfully whined as he made his was back to her mouth. After a kiss that made Buffy’s entire body shiver his lips traced their way to her neck. “You did say ALL night. I’m just keeping up my end of the bargain. You should as well.” Hiding a grin against her collarbone he continued. “If not, I’d consider it a breach of contract. And I’m not sure you want to be around for the repercussions.”
Buffy squirmed in pleasure as he kept moving his kisses down her front again, responding breathlessly, “Considering we spent the majority of the day in bed, I think I’ve more than fulfilled my part of the bargain”
“Pffft” he said into her bellybutton. That caused her moan to turn into a giggle. “Technicalities.”
She lifted her head to look down at him as he placed his cheek on her stomach while looking up at her.
“Did you just ‘pffft’ me?” she asked, delighted in this playful side she saw too rarely. All he did was respond with an adoring smile and a nod, before he resumed his kisses on her stomach and moved lower.
“Are you sure I can’t change you mind, love?”
When she didn’t respond, but only spread her legs wider, he assumed that mission was accomplished. When Buffy felt his mouth on her, she fisted her hand into the sheets to anchor herself. Waves of pleasure washed over her, and it didn’t take long for her to scream out in pleasure.
Giles let his hands lovingly stroke her body as he raised up, positioning himself between her legs, letting sweet kisses drop over her flushed face.
“Open your eyes, love”, he whispered in a husky voice, and when she did he slowly sheathed himself inside her.
“Oh God” was all she was able to say, and felt her heart beat furiously as he moved inside her. As he moved faster, he was unable to keep his eyes locked with hers due to the overwhelming pleasure. To compensate, he lowered his mouth to hers and pushed her arms above her head. He traced her arm slowly with his hand and tangled his fingers with hers.
Over and over their bodies crashed together, and he was regretfully forced to let her mouth go when they both reached the breaking point.
He collapsed on top of her as his strength failed him, but kept moving slightly to savour the after shocks. As their breathing slowed, he was unable to fully remove himself from her, but slid down on his side, so only half of his body was crushing her.
After a few minutes she opened her eyes and turned her head so she could look at him.
“That was indescribable,” she said as she let one of her hands lovingly stroke his cheek.
“You took the words right out of my mouth” he answered and placed a feather soft kiss to her mouth. With a sleepy smile he rolled over on his back and pulled her close.
“I love you Buffy,” he whispered as he felt her breathing deepen. Just as he was about to succumb to sleep himself he heard her mumble, “I love you too Giles”.
THE END
Nominated for Best Angst at the Bodice Ripper Awards
Summary: Buffy gets amnesia after a head injury.
PROLOGUE
Xander was seated in the corner with Anya on his lap. Tara and Willow were watching the beautiful sunrise on the other side of the window, waiting for any sign that she would wake up. The fight had been harsh. When the vampire had slammed her head first into a gravestone, the Scoobies had stepped in to prevent her from becoming a tasty vamp snack. Willow shivered as she thought about what would have happened had she been alone.
Tara noticed and soothingly stroked her back. “Don’t worry Willow, she will wake up. Buffy’s strong.” Willow nodded unconvincingly and looked towards the door.
“Where’s Giles? I left him a message hours ago.”
“I am sure he will come as soon as he can.”
“Yeah” Willow sighed and looked over at Joyce holding Buffy’s hand with worry in her eyes.
They all jumped at Buffy’s moan, gathering around her bed.
“Buffy?” Joyce asked as she ran a hand down her cheek. “Open your eyes, sweetheart.”
Buffy’s eyes fluttered opened and she winced when she touched her hand to the tender spot on her head. Joyce told Xander to fetch the doctor as she helped Buffy sit up.
“Oh thank God you’re awake! How are you feeling?”
Still a little groggy, Buffy carefully rubbed her eyes, mindful there might be other wounds on her face she might accidentally hit. “I’m ok, I guess, just feeling a little sore.” As she lowered her hands from her eyes, she looked at the group of people surrounding her bed and asked the question that made them all gasp.
“Who are you guys?”
CHAPTER 1
Buffy squirmed uncomfortably in her bed as the doctor shone a light in her eyes. He explained to the older woman standing by the end of her bed that the blow to her head probably caused temporary amnesia.
The four younger people stood huddled in the back of the room, looking at her with a combination of worry and curiosity that made Buffy feel like she was on display. While they waited for the doctor she had questioned who they were, but they hadn’t said a single word. She felt scarred and lost, and was trying her hardest not to break down and cry.
Why had they just stood there? Couldn’t they see that she was terrified?
Her doctor seated himself in the chair next to her bed and calmly reassured her that this was a passing condition, and that she should try not to force herself to remember. She should let her memories come back to her slowly. He seemed to have no doubts that they would.
As he got up to leave he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and promised he would be back tomorrow morning to discuss when she could go home. When the doctor removed himself from her bed with a reassuring smile she had to bite her lip to keep from bursting into tears. His examination was the closest thing to comfort she’d had since she woke up. She had to hold back from grabbing his hand as he left, knowing that as soon as he was gone, she would be left alone with the silent group of people who looked at her like she was from another planet.
Just as she watched the older woman was about to open her mouth and speak, she heard someone running down the hallway. The next thing she new a man skidded into her room.
“Buffy!” he said as he rushed over to her bed and immediately wrapped her in his arms. “I am so sorry I wasn’t there. I just got back from LA and came here as soon as I heard the message. Are you alright?” the man asked as he let his hands stroke her back.
Willow was just about to let him know that he should probably let Buffy go considering she had no clue who he was, but her words froze in her throat when she saw Buffy close her eyes and wrap her arms around him.
When he’d hugged her, a pleasant and familiar scent hit Buffy, and she was so relieved to be held, just given a little comfort. Without even considering whom this man was, she put her arms around him and buried her face into his chest. This was exactly what she needed, someone holding her and soothing her fears away.
Looking at Joyce (whose eyes had narrowed as she watched the two on the bed) Willow realised she wasn’t the only one who was surprised by their behaviour.
Without realising the others were watching him, Giles buried his face in her neck and had to fight the desire to kiss here senseless for being alive. He had managed to keep a tight rain on his less than fatherly emotions for over a year now. He wasn’t about to let them go without a fight. But seeing her looking frail and a little scared as he’d come in the room made it a struggle.
“I remember your smell” Buffy suddenly murmured and Giles raised his head to look at her.
“What did you say?” He said as he tried to figure out what she had meant.
“She has amnesia Giles”, Willow said, as apparently Joyce was still incapable of speech and continued to watch the two. Giles sat back, but Buffy clutched at his hands.
“Yeah, she hit her head last night, and now she has no clue who we are” Xander chimed in.
Buffy steeled herself for what was inevitably about to come, and slowly raised her eyes to the man who was sitting on her bed.
CHAPTER 2
Giles saw the fear in Buffy’s eyes. He took one of her hands in his and used his other to stroke her cheek.
“Try not to worry” he said with a soft smile. “It will come back to you, and in the meantime we are all here to help you.” She gave him a shaky smile in return and squeezed his hand, feeling completely safe for the first time since she had woken up.
“Ok, but while my memories are gone, I would appreciate it if someone could tell me what my name is, and who you guys are.” Giles’ brow furrowed as he looked at her.
“No one told you your name?” When she shook her head, he blew out an exasperated breath and sent a scolding glare at the others in the room who looked guiltily back at him.
He returned his eyes to her and smiled down at her. “You are Buffy Summers. This is your mother, Joyce” pointing to the older woman standing at the end of her bed. “The boy in the corner is Xander, one of your closest friends, and the woman standing next to him is his girlfriend Anya. The redhead over there is Willow, your best friend, and the girl next to her is her girlfriend, Tara.”
“And you?”
“I am Rupert Giles, your….ah…another close friend.” He was going on a limb with that one, but he figured that saying he was her watcher would just confuse her more. Eventually she would remember. No need to force memories upon her.
Buffy looked at him again after smiling to the others (who now seemed to think she was less of a freak show) pondering why he had hesitated to explain to her who he was. There was no doubt they were close, there was something so familiar and comfortable about him. Then suddenly her eyes narrowed.
“Buffy? What the hell kind of a name is that?” she asked which earned her chuckle from the handsome Englishman.
“It’s short for Elizabeth,” her mother said with a smile as she approached her. Giles reluctantly stood up and let Joyce take his place by the bed. Buffy immediately felt a sense of loss as he moved away from her, but let her mother take her hand.
“I am so glad you are alright Buffy! These past hours have been awful. And don’t worry, I am sure Mr. Giles is right, your memory will come back to you shortly.”
Buffy smiled and had to smother the desire to shout out in joy as her mother referred to Rupert as Mr. Giles. He was old enough that for a second she’d been worried he was her mother’s boyfriend. That didn’t make sense considering the feelings he caused in her.
Her mother interrupted her thoughts as she absently patted her hand and addressed the others in the room.
“I think it is about time we all leave Buffy alone. She is probably exhausted and visiting hours are almost over.” She turned back to Buffy and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll be back first thing tomorrow morning, and we can see if we can get you out of here.”
Buffy only managed to nod her head as she tried to quench the fear of suddenly being alone. Within a few moments they had all wished her a restful night and trailed out of her room. Even Giles had patted her leg and left without a word.
As soon as she was alone Buffy succumbed to tears. She curled up into a little ball in her bed. Being alone was the last thing she had needed, and she ached for the comforting arms of Giles.
CHAPTER 3
Giles drove Willow and Tara home, thinking of Buffy the entire drive. His heart had almost shattered into pieces when he saw her desolate face as Joyce closed the door to her room. He seriously doubted that Buffy needed to be alone, and had decided to return to her side as soon as he had dropped the girls off.
When he returned to the hospital one of the night nurses recognised him immediately. Since she had seen Buffy with him on any number of his numerous hospital visits, she sent him to her room without pointing out that visiting hours were over. Giles carefully opened the door and saw Buffy’s curled up form on the bed facing the window.
As he approached he saw her shoulders shaking and realised she was crying. He lowered himself on the bed at her back and placed a hand on her shoulder as he gently spoke her name. Buffy started and rolled over to face him, but when she recognised him she immediately sat up and threw her arms around him and started crying in earnest.
Giles just held her close and waited patiently for her crying to subside. She was obviously more distressed than he had thought, and he chided himself for not following his first instinct when Joyce had ushered them out.
He almost jumped when Buffy proceeded to crawl onto his lap, but said nothing and only continued to hold her. Slowly her crying stopped, but she seemed reluctant to let him go when he moved to look at her, so he lifted her and propped himself against her pillows while she draped herself around him.
He lifted his hand to stroke her hair, and after several minutes he realised that she had fallen asleep. He contemplated moving, but at the risk of waking her he decided against it. He pulled the sheet over them both and closed his eyes.
*****
Buffy woke panting with her heart beating furiously. The nightmare had scared the living daylights out of her, and she took a deep breath to calm herself.
“Ssshhh. I’m right here” Giles whispered, and suddenly it all came back to her. He’d come back to her last night. He’d comforted her while she had been crying. Now he was half propped against the pillows and she was lying between his legs.
“Did you have a nightmare?” he asked, stroking her back. She nodded but didn’t say anything.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Once again she said nothing, and only shook her head no.
“Are you giving me the silent treatment?” She couldn’t help but laugh, and she felt his body shake with laughter in return.
“No, I was just thinking how safe you make me feel, and that I don’t want you to leave.” The hand stroking her back paused, and for a second she was worried that she had said the wrong thing, but then he continued his ministrations.
“I’ll never leave you, Buffy. I’ve promised you that several times. It will never change.”
“Rupert? Tell me about us? How long have we known each other?”
When he didn’t answer right away she leaned up to see him facing at her with a slightly startled look. “What? What’s wrong?”
He slowly shook his head while watching her so intently that it made butterflies appear in her stomach.
“Nothing. It’s just that you surprised me when you called me by my first name. You call me Giles. Almost everyone I know here in Sunnydale calls me that. Well, except your mother who calls me Mr. Giles or ‘that man’, depending on her mood” he said with a slight grin.
Buffy chuckled and dropped her head to his chest again.
“Giles huh? You do have an interesting first name, that’s for sure.” After a beat she continued, “Although, who am I to talk? I apparently chose to be called Buffy over Elizabeth.” Giles laughed again, and Buffy was surprised how much she enjoyed making him laugh.
“So Giles, come on explain to me how that this got started.”
For the next hour Giles gave Buffy a carefully edited version of how they met and what they had shared. Monsters, watchers and slayers weren’t mentioned. Instead he focused smaller things. She laughed when he told her about her relentless teasing, her mind-boggling fashion sense (that earned him a pinch that made him yelp), and other stories he remembered about her friendship with Xander and Willow.
When he noticed her responses growing shorter and shorter he cuddled her closer and eased her into a dreamless sleep.
CHAPTER 4
Buffy and Giles reached consciousness the following morning by revelling in the feel of each other’s bodies. Buffy hummed as she tightened her arms around him, and smiled when she felt him reciprocate. She was just about to speak when a voice startled them both.
“I strongly suggest that Giles gets out of your bed before your mother comes in. Visiting hours are just about to start, and I am sure she will be here shortly. Your mom is not ready for this, no matter how long it has been going on.” The occupants of the bed opened their eyes and found Anya with a grin on her face, a slightly embarrassed Xander standing behind her.
Buffy scrambled to let Giles get out of the bed. He jumped up with the devil at his heels. At her hurt look, he gave her a reassuring smile. He reached to stroke her cheek just as Joyce opened the door with Willow in tow.
Giles quickly pulled his hand away, but was pretty sure that Joyce had seen it, considering the look she gave him. To avoid comment he excused himself to find the doctor and see if they would let Buffy go home.
An hour later, she was given the all clear and sent home with a clean bill of health. The doctor reassured her that she shouldn’t expect any miracles regarding the return of her memory. He gave her his card and told her to call if she worried about anything, or simply needed to talk.
Xander and Anya took Willow with them as they hugged Buffy goodbye, with promises to join them all for dinner at Joyce’s house the following night. Since Giles’ car refused to start, Joyce offered to drive him home, which he gratefully accepted. When they pulled up in front of his apartment, he gave Buffy an affectionate smile and bid them both good bye, saying he would see them both for dinner the following evening. Minutes later, Buffy exited the car with a heavy heart and followed her mother inside, wondering why she couldn’t have stayed with Giles.
The day passed slowly as she tried to familiarize herself with her childhood room and memories. Her mom had told her there was no reason to go back to her and Willow’s place. Since it was summer Willow mostly stayed at Tara’s, and plus she wanted some alone time with her daughter.
As night approached, Buffy excused herself from the living room saying she was tired, but found herself completely incapable of sleep. She missed the feel of Giles’ body. She couldn’t seem to sleep without the comfort of his arms around her.
Finally she couldn’t stand it anymore. She made sure that her mother had gone to bed, quickly dressed in a thin sweater and shorts. She left a note on her bed explaining where she was going just in case her mom woke before she returned the following morning.
Since her mother had dropped Giles off she had no problem remembering the way to his house. In a few minutes she found herself outside his door.
A sudden flash of memory hit her as she was standing there. She slowly took a hold of the doorknob and smiled when it opened easily. As silently as possible she entered his darkened apartment and looked around until she saw the stairs. Without making a noise she crept upstairs and stopped when she reached the landing, holding back a gasp when she saw Giles bathed in the moonlight, the sheet draped across his waist.
He was stunning, and Buffy felt her mouth water as she approached the bed. Trying hard not to wake him, she crawled cautiously across the bed and lowered herself next him. She carefully draped an arm across his abdomen. Without waking he turned towards her and wrapped his arm around her. Dreamily, he placed a kiss on the top of her head. Without thinking she tightened her hold on him, and suddenly she felt him freeze.
When he smelled Buffy’s shampoo and felt her next to him in bed he thought he was dreaming. When she squeezed him back, he realized this was more of a dream come true.
“Buffy?” She responded with a slight giggle, and playfully swatted him.
“What? Did you expect anyone else to come crawling into your bed in the middle of the night?”
Without reading too much into her question he simply asked, “Are you ok?”
She snuggled closer and responded with a slight nod. “Now I am. I couldn’t sleep without you. I also had a flash of memory when I got here.”
“You did? That’s splendid! What was it?”
“I remembered that your door is always unlocked and that I always walk through your door without knocking. Is that right?” With a slight chuckle he kissed the top of her head again.
“That’s right. I always leave my door unlocked for you so you can come to me anytime you want.” Buffy smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his chest.
“You’re just too good to be true. I am lucky to have you.”
Incapable of speech he only stroked her hair until she fell asleep, doing Latin verbs in his mind to avoid his body reacting to her. Sleep would not come easy to him tonight.
CHAPTER 5
Giles woke the following morning to the ringing of his phone. He untangled from Buffy with a regretful smile and hurried down the stairs. Just as he reached the phone it stopped. He heard Joyce’s voice on the answering machine telling Buffy to call her as soon as she could. Her voice had seemed surprisingly calm, considering her daughter had just spent the night at “that man’s” house.
“Avoiding my mother’s call?” an amused voice said behind him. Giles smiled and turned around to greet his night time visitor.
“Yes, well, I think you are better equipped to handle your mother than I am when it comes to her temper. You have slightly more experience than I do.” Buffy laughed and stepped closer to him and placed a hand on his chest.
“Don’t worry, I’ll tell her that I left late enough that none of her neighbours would have seen me sneaking out. I’m sure my reputation is still intact.”
Giles didn’t laugh like she’d intended at her remark. A realization struck him with an intense force. She had been walking outside at night, now no longer protected by her slayer skills, and his stomach clenched as he realised how lucky she had been that she hadn’t met a vampire. Without thinking he grabbed her arms and pulled her flush against his body.
“Promise me you will never do that again,” he said, a little harsher than he intended. At her questioning and hurt look he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her close, “Buffy, I am sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you, but there are things in this town that you know nothing of. Sunnydale is extremely dangerous at night. Promise me that you won’t go outside when it’s dark by yourself.”
His voice shook and his body trembled as he thought of what could have happened last night. Buffy felt his fear and instinctively moved to soothe his pain. She placed a hand on his cheek, raised herself on her toes and placed her lips against his.
Nothing had prepared her for Giles’ reaction. For a second he was frozen, then he suddenly pulled his mouth away from her and looked at her with bewilderment, “What? Why did you do that?”
Buffy watched him in confusion, wondering what the hell was going on. She frowned at him, “What do you mean why did I do that? I was trying to make you feel better.”
Giles shook his head, “No. I mean, what possessed you to kiss me?” Buffy was growing more and more confused as she watched him.
“I know I have amnesia, but even I know that kissing your boyfriend is normal when you’re in a relationship.”
Giles’ look was priceless, and she would have laughed had she not been as confused as he looked. He confusedly strangled out, “Boyfriend? I am not your boyfriend. I’m, I’m, well I am not your boyfriend!” Buffy’s heart sank. She took a deep breath and tried to stay calm.
“But, but, you hugged me when you first appeared at the hospital. Then you came back and held me all night. Even that Anya girl commented on the fact that we shouldn’t flaunt our relationship in front of my mother. Which I kind of understood. I guess no mother is overjoyed if her daughter was dating an older guy. And, and, last night, you didn’t seem very surprised when I crawled into bed with you. Plus, the feelings you stir in me when you touch me or look at me seem so familiar and strong. I thought you felt the same way, and that you just didn’t make any moves because I didn’t remember you. But I kind of did. Your smell was so familiar to me when you held me for the first time, and you made me feel so safe.”
Giles had remained motionless during her speech, refusing to believe what he had heard, refusing to believe he could stir feelings in her. He tried to explain, “Buffy, we are very close, it’s true, but these feelings you have aren’t reliable. Your feelings are based on the fact that I make you feel safe and comfortable during a very frightening time for you. You are misreading them. Before your amnesia you never indicated that you felt anything about me more than friendship.”
Buffy looked at him with uncertainty in her eyes. She knew her feelings were true. She also noticed that he hadn’t made any claim about his own feelings. She couldn’t give up, but she needed to analyze the situation. She needed more time before she tried to convince him that her feelings were real.
“Ok, let’s drop this for now and we can talk about this later. I have to call my mother and then head home. I promised to help her with tonight’s dinner. You’re still coming right?” she asked with worry in her voice. Perplexed by her inclination to leave this alone so quickly, all he could do was nod. She made a quick call to her mother to check in.
Once done with the call she turned around with a brilliant smile, then went to kiss him on the cheek as she said goodbye and walked out. It took Giles several minutes before he was able to shake himself from his stupor.
What the bloody hell had just happened?
CHAPTER 6
Dinner was a fun affair. Xander and Willow shared stories of their times with Buffy. Anya would interrupt when she felt like it with her usual unsuitable comments. Xander had made her promise earlier that she’d make no mention of any demony subjects, and she managed to restrain herself.
Despite the laughter, Joyce couldn’t help but notice that there was tension between Giles and Buffy. More than once she had seen Giles shy away from Buffy’s touch. Her heart hurt when she saw the distress it was causing Buffy.
Giles had noticed too, but he had decided to nip this in the bud. He was afraid that if he responded the way he wanted to he’d do irreparable damage to their relationship, especially when her memory returned. Yet he had replayed her kiss a thousand times that day and he ached to hold her close and really show her how he felt.
Buffy felt her heart sink further as the night progressed, and when he left after dinner with barely a nod to her she had to bite her lip to prevent tears from spilling. When she saw her mother following Giles outside, she decided to follow. She watched them from the kitchen window as her mother stopped Giles on the lawn.
“Mr. Giles. May I have word with you?” Giles stopped in his tracks and turned with something that looked like fear on his face. Apparently he had some explaining to do.
Joyce almost laughed out loud when she saw his expression, but figured that he wouldn’t appreciate that reaction. He gave her a slight nod and waited for the axe to fall.
“Mr. Giles, your behaviour tonight has not been what I expected. Although Buffy’s amnesia is rather unfortunate, most of all for her, I can’t deny it’s done some good.”
At his confused look she continued, “You both have a great opportunity to tear down some walls. Instead you seem adamantly bent on keeping them just the way they are. I think the two of you are more in denial about how you feel about each other than I am. But tonight all I can see is the pain it’s causing Buffy to have you keep her at arm’s length. Especially since she decided to act on her feelings. Why is that, Mr. Giles? You obviously feel as strongly about Buffy as she does about you. Why are you throwing away this opportunity?”
At first Giles was incapable of saying a word. It was too much to process, and he couldn’t believe that Joyce was confronting him with his own feelings. His first instinct was to deny everything, but he quickly realised that Joyce was no fool, and she probably would not welcome his attempt.
“Ah. . . well . . . you see . . . what I mean is. . .” With an exasperated breath he decided to put it all on the line.
“Joyce, Buffy has never indicated that she has had feelings about me before. I’m terrified that these feelings that she claims she has now are all in her mind. That she’s misunderstood because I make her feel safe. It could cause irreversible damage to our relationship should I be correct when her memory returns.”
With a slight shake of her head Joyce muttered. “I can’t believe I am going to do this.”
She stepped closer to him and placed a hand on his crossed arms. “Mr. Giles, Buffy does have feelings for you. Believe me, they were there before she lost her memory. They run deep. I’ve tried for the longest time to ignore them, because frankly, you are not exactly what I had in mind for a son in law. But I realise now that Buffy’s world revolves around you, and nothing would make her happier than you returning her feelings. My daughter is nothing but unconventional, but I still have conventional wants for her. Simply put, I want her to be happy. I think being with you will make her happy. I think she deserves that, don’t you?”
As Joyce spoke Giles felt equal parts hope and fear rise within him. Was he making a monumental mistake by pushing Buffy’s advances away? Just as he was about to respond, the front door opened, and Buffy stepped out on the porch.
“Mom? Is everything alright?” Buffy was confused. Had she been wrong about Giles and her mom?
Joyce turned when Buffy came out, looked back at Giles and smiled enigmatically as she murmured. “It appears to be, now.” Joyce started up the steps and hid a grin when she saw Buffy’s narrowed eyes and an expression that looked suspiciously like jealousy on her face. She gave Buffy’s shoulder a tiny push as she passed her and whispered, “Go talk to him Buffy.”
Giles, who had been looking at Buffy with awe in his face, noticed her reaction to her mother, and he felt his restraints snapping.
As Buffy walked down the steps she asked with barely hidden anger, “Is there something going on between you I should know about?”
Giles merely shook his head and tried unsuccessfully to hide a smile as he approached her with his hands in his pant pockets.
In the meantime, Joyce had rushed to the kitchen window. She found the Scoobies curiously watching the scene unfolding on the lawn. “Did I miss anything?” she asked breathlessly. Anya only responded with a shake, as Willow replied, “In a few more seconds you probably would have.” They collectively held their breath as they saw Giles stop in front of Buffy, pull his hands out of his pockets to hold her and lower his head to hers.
CHAPTER 7
Buffy’s breath caught when Giles stopped in front of her and lowered his mouth to hers. She gasped when she felt his tongue trace her lips. He immediately took advantage by twisting his tongue with hers. The taste of him intoxicated her as she tangled her hands into his shirt. His arms closed around her and he tilted his head to kiss her more easily.
“Wow! Who knew Giles could kiss like that?” Xander asked as he watched the passionate embrace.
“You should probably ask Giles for advice,” Anya whispered back as she strained to get a better look, “lucky girl.” she muttered. Tara, Willow and Xander all nodded their heads.
Giles moaned when he felt Buffy’s hands untuck his shirt and start stroking his sides. He needed to stop this before he lost all control and jumped her right there on the lawn. The knowledge that themselves were in danger of being jumped by other things made him regretfully end their kiss. He couldn’t help but groan when Buffy’s lips chased his as he pulled away from her. He decided that one more kiss from those lips couldn’t hurt. Boy was he wrong. Once he started he couldn’t seem to get enough of her.
Once again he forced himself to stop, but left his forehead resting against hers as he looked intently into her eyes. He wanted nothing more than to take her with him and make love to her all night, and the look in Buffy’s eyes told him she wanted the same. Despite Joyce’s generosity, despite the fact that she’d made this happen between Buffy and him tonight, he seriously doubted she would let him live a day longer should he take Buffy with him as he left.
Buffy, for her part, wanted nothing more than to go with him. Her mother wasn’t a part of her thoughts, but she was afraid to seem too forward if she offered to go with him. Instead they stood their, foreheads together, just sharing the bond between them.
When his breathing had calmed, Giles gave her an endearing final kiss, just a brush of his lips against hers. Then he hugged her closer and whispered in her ear, “Sweet dreams, Buffy.”
She was incapable to respond until he was several yards away. “Wow!” was her soft exclamation.
She was still dazed when she walked inside, completely missing the conspicuous looks the others were sending her. Her friends didn’t stay for long once they realized nothing sensible was going to come from Buffy for the rest of the night. She seemed completely lost in another world. They decided to leave her so she could get some sleep and dream about Giles.
CHAPTER 8
Giles moved restlessly in bed. He punched his pillow, adjusted his covers, and did everything he could to make it more comfortable. He needed to fall asleep. But the feel of Buffy in his arms and the taste of her lips kept replaying in his mind. Finally in frustration he threw the pillow across the room and plopped back down on the bed.
Buffy was going through very similar frustration, although she managed without manhandling her pillow. With a disgusted sigh she got up and started pacing her room. After 15 minutes she gave up and put some clothes on. Once again she left a note for her mom saying she was at Giles’ and that she would meet her for breakfast at the museum the following morning. Remembering Giles’ warning, she called a cab instead of walking.
In no time she found herself standing in the doorway of his bedroom watching Giles’ sprawled and sleeping body. She let insecurities get the best of her and was just about to descend the stairs when she heard his voice drift out into the hallway.
“Going somewhere?”
She almost tripped as she turned around, and Giles chuckled when he saw her startled expression.
“I was just, ah, I mean. . . ” She stuttered as a blush covered her face. He laughed again and pulled the covers back.
“Buffy, get in here.” She smiled and removed her shoes and sweater, leaving only her tank top and shorts as she approached the bed and crawled into his waiting arms.
Just as he was about to kiss her he suddenly lifted his head and looked at her sternly. “What did I just say this morning about you venturing outside after dark? Don’t misunderstand, I am extremely happy to have you here in my arms, but Buffy, you must understand how dangerous it is outside after dark!”
Buffy smiled up at him while she let him vent and then gave him a quick kiss before responding, “I took a cab. And before you say anything I made the cab driver wait until I was safely inside.”
“Oh.” Was all he said.
As her smug smile appeared, he decided to wipe it off her face, and leave this discussion for a less pressing moment. He quickly took possession of her mouth, and covered her body with his. He kissed her senseless and quickly divested her of her clothes. When he was done she rolled him over and placed loving kisses down his torso and helped him out of his boxers. Both barely held still as their naked bodies touched for the first time. Buffy couldn’t help but think how right it felt.
She was unsure whether she’d had other lovers before, but realized as he slid effortlessly inside her that it didn’t matter. She had no previous memories of anyone else. Being here with him with a blank slate made it a first for her.
He seemed reluctant to let go of her mouth as he pushed them both together towards the edge, where he kept them both for some time until he let them go. Suddenly they were tumbling over and into an abyss of pleasure.
Long after their breathing had slowed, Giles held her tight to his chest with his head buried in her neck, occasionally letting his hands trace her curves, making her shiver.
She had hoped he would tell her that he loved her. She had to swallow her disappointment when she realised he wasn’t going to say it. She wanted to say the words almost as much as she wanted to hear them, but now she worried he didn’t feel the same way, so she held back.
Giles was dealing with his own demons as he held her tightly. He buried his face in her neck to prevent the words he’d wanted to say for so long from bursting forth. He tried to savour this moment as much as possible. He was afraid this wonderful dream might end. Telling her how much he loved her were words he could never take back. He wanted her to have her memories before he tried to place a burden of love on her. Instead he rolled her onto her back and tried to convey without words how precious she was to him. Most of the night he made love to her over and over again, until they fell into an exhausted sleep just before dawn.
When Giles’s alarm woke them a few hours later, they regretfully got up. Giles explained that he had to be at the Magic Box to receive a delivery. Buffy had to meet her mom for breakfast, so it worked out. They agreed that Buffy would swing by his shop after breakfast.
Unable to resist, they showered together, and inevitably ended up in bed and a little late for their respective appointments. Once again, Buffy was disappointed when Giles didn’t say the words she longed to hear.
CHAPTER 9
Despite his fatigue, Giles couldn’t help but happily grin all morning as he completed various tasks around the shop. His muscles ached and screamed in protest when he strained them, but knowing what had caused it made him take it with a glorious smile. Sure there were times when Buffy’s training sessions had left him in similar condition, but then he usually grumbled around for hours.
Even Anya commented on his behaviour and mumbled something about how ludicrously happy he was after just getting a couple of smooches. Giles only laughed and told her to never underestimate the power of a kiss. There was no way he would tell her about what had happened between him and Buffy at his apartment. He shuddered as he contemplated the ramifications of such a confession. The fact that Anya somehow knew he had kissed Buffy last night did not even cross his usually sharp mind.
When it was close to noon, and Buffy had still not arrived his spirit started to sink. When Willow, Xander and Tara arrived half an hour later to have lunch with them, they found a subdued Giles looking longingly at the door. They all stifled smiles and sat down at the table to devour their lunches. Giles remained behind the counter trying to distract himself with a book. He didn’t notice the Scobbies’ secretive looks. They couldn’t wait to see Buffy and Giles interact with each other after last night’s steamy kiss.
Soon enough their impatient waiting was ended. Buffy came through the door heading straight for Giles. But this was not the same happy, on cloud nine Buffy that they had seen last night. No one moved a muscle when she came to a halt in front of the counter.
Giles had almost jumped over the counter to hug her when he finally saw her come in, but he quickly re-evaluated when he saw her expression.
“Buffy, what’s wrong?” he asked with fear clenching his stomach.
With a barely controlled voice that shook in anger when she spoke she asked the one question that made ice run down his back.
“How could you?”
“What?”
“How could you?” she repeated now, with more hurt in her voice. “You took advantage of me.”
He suddenly realised his worst nightmare had come true. His hands started to shake as he looked at her.
“When?”
“Breakfast. With my mom. It all came back in a rush. How could you, Giles? I trusted you!”
The gang at the table hadn’t moved an inch and stared transfixed, confused and shocked.
A lone tear escaped from her eyes and he automatically raised his hand to remove it, but she quickly flinched away from him.
“I will not forgive you for this” she said angrily and then walked out without a word to the others. Their eyes followed Buffy out the door and quickly returned to Giles. He was staring with so much hurt in his eyes at the door that it almost made Willow cry. Without a word, he walked into the training room and slammed the door.
Several minutes passed until Xander broke the silence that had followed. “What the hell just happened?”
That seemed to snap Anya out of her stupor and she immediately took charge. “Xander come with me to the training room. We have to try to get Giles to talk. Willow, Tara, you two find Buffy and do the same. Something big must have happened.”
CHAPTER 10
When Xander and Anya opened the training room door they saw Giles seated on the couch with his head in his hands. They slowly approached him, unsure of what they were going to say. He looked so defeated. Xander glanced nervously at Anya, and was just about to speak when Giles broke the silence.
“Please leave.” Anya took a breath to respond, but Xander stopped her with a hand on her arm. Xander moved them both out of the room. When the door to the training room closed, Anya shook his hand away.
“Xander! Aren’t we supposed to help when our friends are in pain?”
“Trust me on this one Anya. Giles was in no condition to talk to us right now.” As he ran a hand through his hair he looked at Anya with despair.
“Jesus Christ Anya, what are we going to do? I’ve never seen Giles like that. I mean, Buffy and Giles have always been, you know, Buffy and Giles, and, and now they’re not. What the hell happened?”
Anya only shook her head as if she was apologizing for not having the answers and drew him into a hug.
In the meantime Tara and Willow were searching all possible places Buffy could have gone. Eventually they found her sitting on a bench in a cemetery. The sight of the Slayer’s shoulders shaking from the strength of her sobs made them run to her. Both women put their arms around her and tried to sooth her pain. When her sobs didn’t seem to ease, Willow looked at Tara, willing her girlfriend to come up with a solution to help Buffy. Tara nodded and pulled some hair out of Buffy’s face and asked softly.
“Buffy? What happened? You can talk to us.” Buffy only shook her head as another sob threatened to tear her heart apart.
“Come on Buffy”, Willow said soothingly. “Talk to us. You’ll feel better, and it might be good to get another perspective on things. Did Giles say or do something to you? I thought everything was great between you last night. You looked so happy when you came back into the house.” That only made Buffy cry harder, and Willow hugged her closer, at a loss to what she should do.
“Everything was great”, Buffy suddenly said between sobs. “And then, then he had turn into to a, a guy.” The last word came out as if she was disgusted by every male on the planet. Before Willow and Tara could ask what she had meant, she continued in a slightly more calm voice. “I mean, of course he already was a guy, and, and last night he made damn sure I knew, but”, the next words came out as her sobbing started again, “then he had to turn into one of those guys. I can’t believe he would be such a guy.”
Willow and Tara felt none the wiser, but as they listened to Buffy’s painful sobs they just continued to hold her, thinking they had never seen Buffy break down like this. What puzzled Willow the most was how Giles had reacted in the Magic Box. He had looked as if his world had ended when Buffy had left the shop. Buffy pushed both Willow and Tara away gently. She tried to wipe away the tears streaming down her face, but they just kept coming.
She got up and said, “I’m sorry guys, I need some time alone.”
Before the other girls were able to respond she turned and walked away.
CHAPTER 11
Joyce was in the living room looking for a file when she was startled by Buffy suddenly opening the front door and running up the stairs. She heard the door to her daughter’s room slam shut, and her brow frowned in worry. When she heard the unmistakable sobs coming from the room she hurried up the stairs and knocked gently on the door.
“Buffy, can I come in?” When the crying continued Joyce opened the door and moved quickly to the bed to gather Buffy in her arms.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” She could probably count on one hand the times she had seen her daughter cry like this. It worried her deeply.
Her mother’s soothing caresses managed to calm Buffy. She took several deep breaths to clear her mind. Her mom was no fool. Although Joyce hadn’t said anything at breakfast about Buffy’s note, Buffy knew her mom had to have figured out that she’d slept at Giles’ house. Joyce would guess what had happened between them. She figured her mom would listen rationally to what she had to say. And then kick the crap out of Giles later.
She wiped some errant tears from her face as she sat up in the bed.
“My memories came back today.” Her mom’s look of joy was almost comical, and Buffy would have laughed if she had any humour left.
“They did? Oh honey, that’s wonderful. Are you all right? When did this happen?”
“I’m fine. Well, sort of fine. They came to me all suddenly after breakfast when I was crossing the cemetery heading for the Magic Box to see Giles.”
Her tears started again when she remembered how excited she had been, and how she couldn’t wait to be in his arms again. The sudden rush of memories that hit her had made her sink to the ground. She’d spent almost two hours rooted to the spot processing the myriad memories that had washed over her.
“Is that why you’re crying?” her mom said as she stroked her cheek. “You’ve been through a lot, and I am sad to say that many of your memories are very painful.” Buffy shook her head and steeled herself.
“No. Well, yes, they were a little painful, but that’s not why I am crying.” She took a deep breath and continued. “My memories also put what happened between Giles and me in a different perspective.” With a sudden flare of anger Buffy slammed her hand into the mattress. “I can’t believe he had the balls to do what he did!”
At her mom’s questioning look, she exclaimed. “He took advantage of me, mom. He knew how I felt about him, and he didn’t think twice about using me for his own pleasure!”
Joyce was completely confused and asked the only question that popped into her head.
“Took advantage of you? By kissing you? Buffy, you’ve been in love with that man for the longest time and now you say he took advantage of you by kissing you? Something that you have wanted for the longest time?”
A little startled that her mom had read her like an open book, Buffy needed a few seconds before she could continue.
“No, not kissing me mom, the fact that he slept with me, without having any qualms about it!”
Her mom’s surprised look made her just more confused.
“You slept with him?” Joyce whispered in shock. “Wha? um, when did this happen?”
“What do you mean when did this happen?” Buffy answered. “Hello, last night. Thus the empty bed this morning.”
“Last night? Buffy what do you mean? I saw you with my own eyes in bed last night. We even talked while you were in bed before I turned in.”
Something suddenly dawned on Buffy, and for a moment she seriously reconsidered her choice of being this open with her mother.
“You didn’t check my room this morning, did you, before you went to work?” Joyce shook her head, still trying to process the fact that Buffy had just told her she had slept with Giles.
“No, I had to leave early. I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“Mom, I couldn’t sleep last night. All I was thinking about was Giles, so I decided to head over there. I left you a note so you wouldn’t get worried. I figured you didn’t mention it this morning because you probably weren’t all that comfortable discussing your daughter’s sex life during breakfast.”
Joyce only looked at her, so Buffy figured she should continue before her mom got her bearings.
“Anyway, I went there. I won’t go into detail, but you can draw your own conclusions. But, but,” Buffy suddenly started crying again and Joyce gathered her in her arms, “I never would have expected Giles to act the way he did. I thought he loved me!”
“But he didn’t say it, even once! This morning I figured he hadn’t said it because he needed some time, or, oh I don’t know, some other reason. But when my memories came back, I also got the memories back of what kind of a man Giles is. Or what I thought he was. Not once had it ever crossed my mind that he would be able to take someone into his bed without being in love with her. I mean, he was supposed to be a good guy. Not ‘come here and I’ll take advantage of you’ guy!”
As Buffy started crying again, Joyce continued to hold her while she thought about what Buffy had said. There was no doubt in her mind that Buffy had misunderstood. But that didn’t prevent her from getting a little angry at Giles. He had clearly not thought through his actions, and she was holding her crying daughter in her arms because of it.
Still, she couldn’t help but listen to the voice in the back of her head saying that this needed to be fixed. The happiness she had seen in her daughters eyes last night, and come to think about it, this morning, was the happiest she had ever seen Buffy. She was determined to see it return. There was only one thing to do.
When Buffy finally fell asleep from exhaustion, Joyce quietly scribbled a note for Buffy, and headed to the Magic box to talk to Giles.
CHAPTER 12
In the meantime, Willow and Tara had returned to the Magic Box. They explained to Xander and Anya that they’d had no luck in solving the situation. They were saddened when they found out that Xander and Anya’s attempts had been just as futile. Giles hadn’t set foot outside of the training room. The Scoobies were still discussing possible solutions when Joyce entered the store.
She gave them a fleeting smile, before she asked, “Where is Mr. Giles?”
Xander silently pointed towards the training room, and Joyce headed towards it without another word. As soon as she closed the door, the gang scrambled over to press their ears to it. They didn’t want to miss a single word.
When Giles heard the door open, he ran a hand over his face, stood and prepared to face one of the Scoobies - probably Anya or Xander coming back to try to talk to him. Nothing had prepared him for Joyce and he was momentarily dumbstruck.
“Hello Mr. Giles. I think we need to talk”, she said as she approached him. All he could do was nod numbly. Joyce took a seat on the couch and gestured for him to sit beside her.
He placed his head in his hands again, and Joyce had to smother the need to pat his shoulder in comfort. Even though she could see he was in as much pain as Buffy, she couldn’t help but still be a little angry at him. When it came to her daughter, she grudgingly admitted she could be more than a little irrational.
“Do you maybe want to tell me what happened?” she started.
“God what was I thinking?” He said in a defeated voice. “I just couldn’t help it. After that kiss, my head was swimming. When she came to me, it was like a dream come true. They way she touched me, the way she looked at me. As if I was everything she had ever looked for. I was totally unable to resist her.”
He blew out a frustrated breath.
“Who am I kidding? She’s everything I’ve ever looked for. I couldn’t have resisted her if I’d tried. I have been in love with her for so long. After last night I truly believed she felt the same way. I wanted to tell her so much. But I decided to wait. Her memory wasn’t back. I was worried that there might be a small chance that her feelings about me were misplaced. I simply couldn’t say the words until she could understand what they meant. But, Christ, she was so angry and hurt today.” He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what had happened.
Joyce felt her heart go out to him and asked, “Have you thought of a way to fix this?”
On the other side of the door of the training room, the eyes of the eavesdroppers had grown large as he’d talked. This was not what they’d been expecting.
“What are you guys doing?” a voice suddenly said from the front of the shop. Xander almost jumped a mile up in the air as the others turned around.
“Buffy!” Willow said. “Eh, we’re just, ah, you know, just . . . ”
“Is he in there?” Buffy cut Willow off. They all responded with sheepish nods.
“And my mom too” she said more as a statement than a question. Another group nod quickly followed. Without a word, Buffy approached them, and they parted to let her put a hand on the doorknob to open it.
“I don’t know”, Giles said in answer to Joyce’s question. “Of course I’ll try to talk to her. I’ll beg her forgiveness. But if worst comes to worst, I’ll leave. I don’t want to put her through anything more.”
“WHAT?” a voice suddenly exclaimed, startling both Joyce and Giles. Both heads shot up and looked towards the door. Buffy was standing in the doorway, her face contorted with hurt, the entire Scooby gang behind her.
The next thing he thing knew, Giles found himself with an armful of Buffy. She clung to him, crying, “No, please don’t leave! You promised me you’d never leave me! You promised Giles!”
CHAPTER 13
Completely stunned, it took Giles a few seconds to put his arms around her. Then he thanked every power he could think of that he got to hold her one last time. As Buffy’s tears continued to dampen his shirt, he found his voice. “Buffy, I can’t stay when it’s like this between us.”
Joyce decided this was not a place for her to be anymore. She ushered the others outside and closed the door behind her. This was a private moment between her daughter and Giles. But just in case they managed to screw this up as well, she would stay near until she saw with her own eyes they had worked it out. The Scooby gang, willing to give the couple room to be alone, stood outside too.
In the training room, neither Buffy nor Giles noticed Joyce’s exit. Giles led Buffy to the couch. Instead of sitting beside him she crawled into his lap and choked out, “I’m sorry. I promise I’m not mad anymore. Just please don’t leave me. I love you too much!”
Giles froze and then gently coaxed her to raise her head so he could look into her eyes.
“What did you say?” he whispered, hoping against hope that what she said was real.
Buffy, suddenly afraid she’d said the last thing he wanted to hear, continued in a rush. “It’s ok you don’t feel the same way. I’ll try to get over it, just prom--”
The remainder of that sentence was cut off as Giles’ lips descended on hers and plundered her mouth.
Several minutes passed as mouths and tongues tangled. When he finally let her lips go Buffy was too stunned to move. She just stared at his smiling face.
“You silly girl” he gently chided. “Whatever made you think I didn’t feel the same way? I love you so much I can’t even put it into words.” Still afraid that the last couple of minutes had been some cruel joke she quietly responded.
“But, last night you didn’t say a word. When my memories came back I figured you had just used me.” Ooops, Buffy thought as she saw Giles’ reaction. That was apparently not the best thing to say.
“You thought WHAT?” Giles exclaimed outraged.
Out in the other room, all eyes shot to the door with worry when they heard Giles’ livid voice.
Buffy started to salvage what she could when Giles suddenly crushed her to him in a bone-shattering hug.
“God! We must be the two most emotionally retarded people I know,” he mumbled after a few seconds. Buffy relaxed in his arms and giggled.
“Yeah, but at least we’re emotionally retarded together” she responded as she lifted her lips to his. When he didn’t respond she pulled back to look at his face and suspiciously moist eyes. “We are together right? As in kissing, dating, dinner, dancing, hand-holding, marriage, kids, more kissing and making love all night.”
At his loving nod and smile she felt all the hurt and pain vaporize. Her smile lit the room before she placed her lips on his. When air once again became an issue, he gently let go of her mouth. He wrapped his arms tightly around her as she put her head on his chest, revelling in the feel of his body close to hers. After a few minutes of bliss, Giles asked playfully.
“All night? God woman, I’m not a machine.”
The occupants of the main room in the Magic Box visible relaxed when they heard Buffy’s happy laugh drift through the door, closely followed by deep male laughter which was unmistakably Giles’.
EPILOGUE
The full moonlight caressed the two naked bodies lying next to each other on the bed. The man lay on his back with closed eyes, breathing evenly, deeply asleep. The woman next to him had one leg draped over his, an arm across his abdomen, her head propped on her hand as she watched the man’s face with a loving expression. Buffy’s heart threatened to burst with happiness as she let her eyes roam Giles’ face and naked body.
After the emotional rollercoaster ride at the Magic Box earlier had thankfully come to a stop, Giles had held Buffy in a tender embrace for hours. They had talked about everything. They’d cleared up misunderstandings, expressed their feelings and shared affectionate kisses and caresses.
There had been a slight interruption when Joyce had cautiously knocked on the door, before smilingly letting them know she was heading back to the museum.
Much later they had regretfully let each other go to get up from the couch. They found only Anya in the main room, telling them that the others left with an offer to patrol for Buffy that evening so she could get much needed undisturbed time with Giles. That had immediately prompted him to take the rest of the day off to be with her, much to Buffy’s delight.
Their plans for a picnic were quickly discarded when they’d gone to Giles’ house to prepare food and had ended up in bed instead. For hours they had brought each other to pleasurable heights, until they had fallen asleep from both physical and mental exhaustion. Both had been sleeping restfully until now, when Buffy had been woken up by a barking dog outside. When she sensed no danger, she had forfeited falling back to sleep so she could watch Giles instead.
God, how she loved him! He completed her in ways she didn’t think were possible. It truly didn’t hurt that he was a tiger in bed. Buffy couldn’t help but giggle when she thought of Giles’ expression when she had told him that earlier. If someone could pull off an embarrassed and proud look at the same time, it was him.
“What are you laughing about?” a sleepy voice suddenly said. Her eyes jumped back to his face. He was sporting a slight smile but his eyes were still closed. Buffy chastised herself for waking him when she heard how tired he sounded.
She soothingly stroked his stomach to make him fall back asleep and she whispered, “Sshh, go back to sleep, it was nothing.” A couple of minutes passed, and she thought he had fallen back asleep when he suddenly broke the silence of the room.
“If you think what you are doing right now is going to put me back to sleep, you clearly don’t know me as well as I thought you did.” Buffy glanced down at her hand on his stomach and then her eyes were drawn to the result of her ministrations. She couldn’t stop a giggle from escaping.
The giggle turned into a full blown laugh as she suddenly found herself on her back with Giles’s body covering hers.
“You better be giggling at how easy I am, rather than what you just laid your eyes on” he playfully growled.
Her laugh turned into a moan as he proceeded to kiss his way down her chest and place his lips on her breast.
“Giles, I am not sure I can do this again” she laughed.
“But Buffyyyy”, he playfully whined as he made his was back to her mouth. After a kiss that made Buffy’s entire body shiver his lips traced their way to her neck. “You did say ALL night. I’m just keeping up my end of the bargain. You should as well.” Hiding a grin against her collarbone he continued. “If not, I’d consider it a breach of contract. And I’m not sure you want to be around for the repercussions.”
Buffy squirmed in pleasure as he kept moving his kisses down her front again, responding breathlessly, “Considering we spent the majority of the day in bed, I think I’ve more than fulfilled my part of the bargain”
“Pffft” he said into her bellybutton. That caused her moan to turn into a giggle. “Technicalities.”
She lifted her head to look down at him as he placed his cheek on her stomach while looking up at her.
“Did you just ‘pffft’ me?” she asked, delighted in this playful side she saw too rarely. All he did was respond with an adoring smile and a nod, before he resumed his kisses on her stomach and moved lower.
“Are you sure I can’t change you mind, love?”
When she didn’t respond, but only spread her legs wider, he assumed that mission was accomplished. When Buffy felt his mouth on her, she fisted her hand into the sheets to anchor herself. Waves of pleasure washed over her, and it didn’t take long for her to scream out in pleasure.
Giles let his hands lovingly stroke her body as he raised up, positioning himself between her legs, letting sweet kisses drop over her flushed face.
“Open your eyes, love”, he whispered in a husky voice, and when she did he slowly sheathed himself inside her.
“Oh God” was all she was able to say, and felt her heart beat furiously as he moved inside her. As he moved faster, he was unable to keep his eyes locked with hers due to the overwhelming pleasure. To compensate, he lowered his mouth to hers and pushed her arms above her head. He traced her arm slowly with his hand and tangled his fingers with hers.
Over and over their bodies crashed together, and he was regretfully forced to let her mouth go when they both reached the breaking point.
He collapsed on top of her as his strength failed him, but kept moving slightly to savour the after shocks. As their breathing slowed, he was unable to fully remove himself from her, but slid down on his side, so only half of his body was crushing her.
After a few minutes she opened her eyes and turned her head so she could look at him.
“That was indescribable,” she said as she let one of her hands lovingly stroke his cheek.
“You took the words right out of my mouth” he answered and placed a feather soft kiss to her mouth. With a sleepy smile he rolled over on his back and pulled her close.
“I love you Buffy,” he whispered as he felt her breathing deepen. Just as he was about to succumb to sleep himself he heard her mumble, “I love you too Giles”.
THE END
Nominated for Best Angst at the Bodice Ripper Awards