100 Lines meme
1. I am a Wednesday's child, and fuck whoever wrote that poem.
2. I speak French, some Spanish, some American Sign Language, and a tiny bit of Italian.
3. The only phrase I know in German is "I am very seasick."
4. I was born in front of an audience of student nurses, who applauded.
5. My dad's name is Monty. Really.
6. My grandpa's first name was Pink. No, REALLY.
7. I'm not going to tell you my mother's maiden name, because then you could access my bank account.
8. I have never lived anywhere but the Los Angeles area.
9. I've generally never wanted to live anywhere but the Los Angeles area.
10. I get so much satisfaction out of popping zits that it actually worries me.
11. I have one sister, who is more spontaneously funny than me, because she doesn't try.
12. I have some sort of dimple at the top of my butt crack, which my mom says is rare.
13. I have never seen a bullfight.
14. The only time I ever thought I saw a ghost I was very young, and up late with a fever.
15. For some reason, I have a mental block about spelling the word "rhythm".
16. I do seem to have rhythm, though.
17. There are three things I wish would never end: chocolate malts, backrubs, and orgasms.
18. I have been robbed at gunpoint.
19. On the night I lost my virginity, I swear my mother knew just by looking at me.
20. Given a recipe, I don't cook badly.
21. Not given a recipe, I do cook badly.
22. I'm not very good at coming up with puns.
23. Participating in athletic competition is my idea of torture.
24. I hate most everything to do with math, unless it involves my bank account balance increasing.
25. Weird Al Yankovic has called my house.
26. The dishes in my sink often stay there for literally weeks.
27. Apologies to anyone nice who lives there, but I hate the state of Oklahoma.
28. I once abandoned a good friend in Florence, Italy.
29. I am apparently a very distant relative of Gene Autry.
30. I can swallow four large-ish capsules at one time, with water.
31. I can swallow four large-ish capsules quickly, one at a time, without water.
32. My very first childhood playmate committed suicide, many years later.
33. From the time I was four, my family lived in the same house and never moved.
34. My parents are still married, and they've never been married to anyone else.
35. I get mosquito bites very easily - bugs seem to find me delicious.
36. If I don't wash my hair every day, I sweat like crazy.
37. My boobs are bigger now than they've ever been, and that ain't tiny.
38. I once had an argument in a Florida motel room at 5:00 am with a 6'4", 250 lb. drunk guy I barely knew named Montana.
39. Once in Montana, I was asked to dance by a cowboy who shared my real first name.
40. I instantly love any dog with one floppy ear.
41. I love pretty much all dogs anyway, though.
42. I learned to read off Peanuts comic books, before kindergarten.
43. Now I love the Mutts comic strip, which shares similar traits.
44. When I was four, I had memorized pretty much all of Bill Cosby's "Right!" album. I didn't know what it meant, but I knew it all.
45. When I met Bill Cosby as an adult, he didn't seem very impressed by this.
46. I have a hopeless crush on Conan O'Brien. I'd marry him in a heartbeat.
47. Relatively few women share said crush.
48. However, he's still unfortunately married, and lives 3000 miles away.
49. But he likes tall, funny blondes, so in a hypothetical sense, I would have had a chance, had he ever met me.
50. As much as I hate math, I can often memorize phone numbers almost instantly.
51. I'm not real freaked out by rats, but cockroaches suck.
52. Everyone in my family has a five-letter first name that ends in 'y'. No one planned this.
53. Our last name has five letters, too.
54. I won the all-school spelling bee at my elementary school when I was in fourth grade.
55. Afterwards, sixth graders threatened to beat me up for doing so.
56. I have an Italian calendar on my desk devoted exclusively to classical artistic renderings of the penis.
57. Something I recced on one of my Buffy fic rec lists is being virulently un-recced by a number of people.
58. This makes me feel like the misfit geek I always was growing up.
59. In a number of ways, the net reminds me of high school.
60. I keep getting addicted to nasal spray.
61. I have this weird thing called Restless Leg Syndrome, which often keeps me awake.
62. I hate Jerry Lewis, but I adore Jerry Lewis impressions.
63. I think I look terrible with my hair up, but it's infinitely more comfortable that way, so I am constantly torn.
64. I spent two years as a tour guide at Universal Studios.
65. No, I did not drive the tram. There was a driver for that.
66. I own a boomerang.
67. I share a birthday and initials with Tallulah Bankhead.
68. I sometimes think I'd like to work for the Coroner's Office.
69. I can easily handle gory crime scenes in photos and on video, but I'm very curious how seeing a dead body in person might affect me.
70. But it makes me think that I'm trying to be a caretaker for one more species of being that isn't equipped to talk back, as I am...
71. ...WAAAAY too wrapped up in my cats.
72. Cat Collectors - colloquially known as crazy cat ladies - are usually females who are very intelligent, well educated but emotionally fragile, and thus prefer the simple relationship with an animal to the complicated, messy ones with real people. This means that the typical crazy cat lady is...me.
73. In general, I notice and want to stand up for all beings who aren't taken seriously, and have no voice of their own. In my experience this includes animals, children, and Latin American bus boys.
74. If trained, I'm pretty sure I'd have perfect pitch - that is, the ability to sing a requested note without any help from a pitch pipe or piano, or identify a note being played simply by ear.
75. I am white, and the man I lived with for five years was black.
76. I'm pretty sure he still is.
77. I am easily distracted from doing any task by...the idea of doing some other task, and another one, and another one...soon I have 5 unfinished tasks around the house.
78. I dislike the derogative term "chick flick", as there certainly are mindless, guy-fantasy movies, too, and would like to see the term "dick flick" introduced into popular usage.
79. I am afraid of ever having children, because I think I'll fuck them up.
80. Nonetheless, I somehow developed this idea that I will someday have a daughter named Ruby.
81. Funniest video shows are my guilty pleasure.
82. At the time of this writing, it is 6:30 in the evening, and I have been awake since 9:00 pm the previous night.
83. This is mostly because I was depressed, and slept for the better part of two full days before that.
84. What I'm trying to say is: my sleeping patterns are fucked, and have been for several years now.
85. I don't believe in angels. If God is omnipotent, he doesn't need helpers, and I get impatient with people's tendency to assume that the Almighty does everything in the same lame-ass manner we humans do.
86. To quote Dennis Miller, "My God doesn't care if I say 'fuck', He just thinks I'm really fucking funny."
87. I hate asparagus, okra and beets.
88. I would like a cheeseburger right now. The homemade kind.
89. When I was small, staying with my grandparents in Virginia, we used to stick broomstraws down these tiny holes in the ground and catch what my gramma called "Doodlebugs". I have no idea what they were really called, but damn they were ugly.
90. If I were ever forced to tread water in a deep part of the ocean, I would be totally freaked out by the idea of the vastness underneath me.
91. Daisy Fuentes doesn't impress me.
92. Cate Blanchett does.
93. If I could play a musical instrument in a band, I'd choose the bass.
94. I used to be a rabid R.E.M. fan.
95. I'm not generally very gracious about being embarrassed.
96. I once wrote James Stewart a fan letter, and he sent me back a handwritten note to thank me within a week.
97. For some reason, I habitually sing the song "Fugue for Tinhorns" from Guys and Dolls.
98. I tend to hate most musicals.
99. I didn't get the chicken pox until I was 14.
100. I once had a job interview for a place that made headstones.
101. I'm done.