Thoroughly Unimpressed
I have a fairly long list of pet peeves, and things that annoy me. I make it no secret that I can be a great big bitch for no apparent reason. For that reason, I am highly selective about the people I choose to spend my time with. I don't hesitate to make it clear that I don't like someone. I figure there's no point in trying to sidestep the issue. Generally, it's nothing personal, and there's nothing that I can say is especially wrong with a person. We just don't mesh, and therefore, I don't feel the need to commit energy to try and force a friendship. That said, you can't really do that with your family. More specifically, you can't do that with your mother.
Don't get me wrong, I love my Mom. Most of the time, we get along just great. Today, however, is one of those days, were I just want to strangle her. She and I have very different personalities. She's a pacifist, and would rather let people treat her like garbage than stand up for herself and lay down the law. She's always been like that. And because of that, my sister and I were able to get away with murder, if we wanted to. She was never a hard ass Mom. Thankfully, my Grandparents were around quite a bit in our childhood, and influenced us in a much better way than Mom did. It does not, in any capacity, help that Mom is an alcoholic. She, of course, doesn't see it that way. To her, she's just "having fun". Yeah, well, I have fun all the time, and I don't need a bottle of Rum to do it.
The woman is currently sitting out on the balcony in her nightgown, even though it's just after 7 p.m. She's chain smoking (which is nothing new), and clutching her adult sippy cup for dear life. Oh, and, she's bawling her eyes out. Why? Who the fuck knows. It's so dramatic and ridiculous. If this were a first time thing, I'd be worried, but she does this shit at least once a month, and it's just getting old. I want to just slap her sometimes, and tell her to get the fuck over it. If she's so goddamn unhappy with her life, then she should fucking DO SOMETHING to change it! Quit hanging out with your dickhead boyfriend and your super dramaculous friends. Quit hanging out with drunks who just pull you further down the spiral. Quit your job that you tell yourself you love, even though you really hate it, and go get certified to do the job you REALLY want to do. Just do something, for fuck's sake!
The problem with my Mom, as far as I can tell, is that she's stuck in this cycle. She does the same thing over and over and over and over again. I once heard someone say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different outcomes. That'd be Mom! She wants to know why she's stuck? Because she doesn't learn from her mistakes! It's always the same shit. And the booze don't help the situation, regardless of what she thinks. It's so fucked up. I think things would be easier for her if she could just be honest with herself. I don't think she can, though.
You know it's funny....my sister and I have done a lot of reading about spirituality and religion in the last five years. I think both of us have been looking for answers, and no matter how much reading we do, there always seem to be more questions popping up. Anyway...I've come to believe in reincarnation. I strongly believe this isn't my first life here on Earth. I feel like I've been here before, and all of the reading that I've done has told me the same thing over and over again: people who are seeking out answers in regards to the soul, are the oldest of souls. They recognize they have been here before. I have never lived in this body before, that is all new to me. But this soul, and all the lessons and wisdom it contains has carried over. I believe in this life, I was meant to learn more about patience, understanding and forgiveness. I believe those are the themes of my life, if I am to go off the things that have happened so far.
I don't believe in the Hollywood definition of a soulmate. I think your soul mate can be anyone. It can be your first grade teacher, your best friend, your sister, even your mail man. You never know what body that particular soul is going to inhabit, and I don't believe a marriage is doomed to fail if your soulmate and your spouse happen to be two different people. What if your soulmate is your Aunt? Does that makes sense?
Anyway....I bring all this up, because even though, in THIS LIFE my Mom is older than me, I think my soul is older than her's. I chose her to be my Mom because there are things I can teach her, just like there are things that she has taught me over the years. Might sound crazy to think that a child picks their parents, but I think it's sort of a mutual agreement, believe it or not. I think it's all planned out from day one. It's all a maze of choices and closed doors. Like I designed it so that I would be sitting on my bed right now, typing up this crazy ass blog. There is a reason why my Mom was sitting out on that patio, and it was long ago determined. It's crazy to think that everything, and everyone in the world is so connected.
How the hell did I get on this path? *laughs* One minute I'm bitching about my Mom, and the next, I'm talking about spiritual stuff. *shakes head* I do feel calmer now, though, so that's something. Anyway....Mom's back in the house now. Hopefully she'll just go to sleep soon. I really am not in the mood for some melodramatic sobfest.
Oooooh but tomorrow I shall have a super fun post to make, and I really really hope that my lovely lj friends can help me out with this! More to come on that.
'Night lovelies ♥
Don't get me wrong, I love my Mom. Most of the time, we get along just great. Today, however, is one of those days, were I just want to strangle her. She and I have very different personalities. She's a pacifist, and would rather let people treat her like garbage than stand up for herself and lay down the law. She's always been like that. And because of that, my sister and I were able to get away with murder, if we wanted to. She was never a hard ass Mom. Thankfully, my Grandparents were around quite a bit in our childhood, and influenced us in a much better way than Mom did. It does not, in any capacity, help that Mom is an alcoholic. She, of course, doesn't see it that way. To her, she's just "having fun". Yeah, well, I have fun all the time, and I don't need a bottle of Rum to do it.
The woman is currently sitting out on the balcony in her nightgown, even though it's just after 7 p.m. She's chain smoking (which is nothing new), and clutching her adult sippy cup for dear life. Oh, and, she's bawling her eyes out. Why? Who the fuck knows. It's so dramatic and ridiculous. If this were a first time thing, I'd be worried, but she does this shit at least once a month, and it's just getting old. I want to just slap her sometimes, and tell her to get the fuck over it. If she's so goddamn unhappy with her life, then she should fucking DO SOMETHING to change it! Quit hanging out with your dickhead boyfriend and your super dramaculous friends. Quit hanging out with drunks who just pull you further down the spiral. Quit your job that you tell yourself you love, even though you really hate it, and go get certified to do the job you REALLY want to do. Just do something, for fuck's sake!
The problem with my Mom, as far as I can tell, is that she's stuck in this cycle. She does the same thing over and over and over and over again. I once heard someone say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different outcomes. That'd be Mom! She wants to know why she's stuck? Because she doesn't learn from her mistakes! It's always the same shit. And the booze don't help the situation, regardless of what she thinks. It's so fucked up. I think things would be easier for her if she could just be honest with herself. I don't think she can, though.
You know it's funny....my sister and I have done a lot of reading about spirituality and religion in the last five years. I think both of us have been looking for answers, and no matter how much reading we do, there always seem to be more questions popping up. Anyway...I've come to believe in reincarnation. I strongly believe this isn't my first life here on Earth. I feel like I've been here before, and all of the reading that I've done has told me the same thing over and over again: people who are seeking out answers in regards to the soul, are the oldest of souls. They recognize they have been here before. I have never lived in this body before, that is all new to me. But this soul, and all the lessons and wisdom it contains has carried over. I believe in this life, I was meant to learn more about patience, understanding and forgiveness. I believe those are the themes of my life, if I am to go off the things that have happened so far.
I don't believe in the Hollywood definition of a soulmate. I think your soul mate can be anyone. It can be your first grade teacher, your best friend, your sister, even your mail man. You never know what body that particular soul is going to inhabit, and I don't believe a marriage is doomed to fail if your soulmate and your spouse happen to be two different people. What if your soulmate is your Aunt? Does that makes sense?
Anyway....I bring all this up, because even though, in THIS LIFE my Mom is older than me, I think my soul is older than her's. I chose her to be my Mom because there are things I can teach her, just like there are things that she has taught me over the years. Might sound crazy to think that a child picks their parents, but I think it's sort of a mutual agreement, believe it or not. I think it's all planned out from day one. It's all a maze of choices and closed doors. Like I designed it so that I would be sitting on my bed right now, typing up this crazy ass blog. There is a reason why my Mom was sitting out on that patio, and it was long ago determined. It's crazy to think that everything, and everyone in the world is so connected.
How the hell did I get on this path? *laughs* One minute I'm bitching about my Mom, and the next, I'm talking about spiritual stuff. *shakes head* I do feel calmer now, though, so that's something. Anyway....Mom's back in the house now. Hopefully she'll just go to sleep soon. I really am not in the mood for some melodramatic sobfest.
Oooooh but tomorrow I shall have a super fun post to make, and I really really hope that my lovely lj friends can help me out with this! More to come on that.
'Night lovelies ♥