It's all because of you...
So I definitly got told to update so that is what I am going to do.
I got home last Tuesday and on Wednesday Roxanne came over to spend the night and she stayed till Friday at my house and then we both went over to spend the night and I left on Sunday so that way I could go to Matt's birthday dinner. She came back over on Monday and she stayed the night and we dropped her off after going to dinner at my Uncle's house. I don't really feel like typing about that at all.
What I feel right now is I feel defeated basically. I feel as if Life has pretty much screwed me over. I feel as if the world wants to throw me out of it. Ever since I have been home a whole bunch of things have just crashing down. I just want to go back to Florida and never leave because it was so much easier there. I didn't have to find out things, I didn't have to deal with the people that I do now.. I feel as if I want to just give up. I found out that a boy that I cared very much for cheated on me. Yeah.. that was great. 6 hours of crying and sleeping pills. Ggggreat. I don't think that Roxanne gets how I feel right now even though I know she tries very hard because I want her to know but I don't think that anyone really can because I am me.. and this is hard. Even though him and I are done it still hurts. I talked to him and when I heard his voice it was like a pain in my heart because I know it will never ever be the same between him and I and I really don't think that him and I will ever be that great of friends or friends at all because he doesn't want to be. I wish I could have him here right now because he was a big comfort in everything. But at the sametime its like with everything going on and what I know now its like well then I guess he didn't care about me or my feelings. Oh Well. I can't change the past I can make the future go better though. Hopefully.
I want to make ammends with everything I want everyone to know how I feel so this is my little dedications. Feel free to read all..
Roxanne// I know that you try very hard to understand how I feel. It is very hard for me to make you understand that even if he said he didn't it still hurt me so bad hearing things and hearing him in general. I care about you and I want you to talk to your parents because they honestly hurt my feelings a lot because they think that I am always the one doing things for you when in fact I never do. Please understand.
Chris// I had a lot of fun hanging out with you. It is like reality went away when I hung out with you. It always feels that way. You make me smile and laugh and I have a lot of fun just sitting there watching a movie with you because you always do stupid stuff that makes us laugh and wrestle with eachother. and of course i always win.
Jackey// For you I only wish the best. You have had hard times with boys before but honestly if they cause that much pain and drama in your life even though you may love them forever there is a point where you must let them go and find someone who treats you better then they did because if you are this unhappy over a boy then they aren't the right boy. I have learned that quick.
Delynn// Even though things went poorly for our friendship it doesn't mean that we have to hate on eachother. I wish for you the best as well. i hope that one day you find a boy who makes you happy and who will be everything that you want. I wish that you knew how much fun I had with you when we were friends. It was amazing. I always had fun with you because we always had the same sense of humor. I wish things didn't end but in reality maybe other friends were getting in the way. No offense to anyone at that point. I hope you have long lasting relationships with people and know that you will always be remembered by me because I had tons of fun with you
Ronny// Even though you may never read this I think that everyone should know this. I honestly cared about you and whenever you were around you made me feel special because you always wanted my attention.. Even though sometimes it went over the top it was amazing. I felt needed in a way. We may have fought a lot but by the end of the day I could never stay mad at you. When I heard what you did (or supposedly did) it hurt my heart it felt like I just got stepped on and I feel as if my feelings were not taken into consideration. I wish that you knew how much I cared. I am always reminded of you by little things and I wish you understood that everything reminds me of you because you were always on my mind. What did I do to deserve this?