I dunno why...

[ahealthyme]

It seems clear to me now that M was nothing but a fraud. That my emotions were played with..and manipulated...for as long as he felt the need

that brillently beutiful mind, the wonderfully insinc way our bodies came together without mention..the music that blew my mind apart..rythmic poetry

i don't know whats real any more. i'm not even certain he ever had a truely original thought. he's taken the words of others soo many times...in expression of his emotion....that i can honestly say, I don't really understand

when i feel something....i try to explain it....sometimes i'll revise my feelings with new words..

i thought he had a beautiful mind..and soul
that love was pure.....the nasty ebb and flow was just nature..
like bob dylan's voice...pulled and torn, soo full of emotion and feeling

whatever M had...whatever magic he possessed....fell away soo long ago...that i can't recognize the moment it left.

i believed in magic to the degree to wich i refused to see him as anything less that my teacher, my lover, my best friend.

the truth is harder to swallow........even for me.

its just soo very hard to cut those particular ties..

but at last my eyes are open.