what it is to scream, and not be heard.
the last two days i ve been hangin with my boys. erin was busy or whatever with b ball, and i was doin band stuff. i got to go see her last night though...fun. ok here goes. sometimes every now and then ill just wake up depressed for no reason, and on days like that i just need to be held. thats all. yesterday was that day. i was lookin forward to seeing her all day, because i knew she would make me feel better. i mean she always does. right? i needed her sooooo much last night...i really did. i wanted her to just hold me, and i could just talk to her about things... but she said 3 things to me all night while she was 3 ft away from me on her parents couch. " why are you being weird?", and then every now and then she would give me a swift kick in the ribs...so sweet. last night showed me what are relationship would be without me...haha. it just goes to show that if i didnt make things happen they wouldnt at all. 3 hrs went by with nothing. her mom wanted me out at like 11 30, so when 11 30 came around i got up said "ill probably see you later" and walked out the door. then she came walkin outside after me, and started asking the same question, and so i told her. even though it killed me to, because why should i have to tell my gf how to treat me when im depressed...haha...but i did. i poured my heart out to her... and after i was done. telling her how insecure i was, how things are in my life her response was "ok...bye." thats your response when i say that you make me feel like im a hastle!? you just tell me to leave!? when i need you thats what i have to look forward too? i put myself out there...i really did...i poured my heart out to you, and you fucking looked at me. and your way out of it i guess was to say that you never make me happy...are u joking me!? you make me happier than anyone ive ever known in my life...but when i need you i guess i need to go elsewhere. guess ill be going to the christmas parade with my parents this year... because now she isnt even speaking to me. haha. its funny how this works...