a few thoughts on love
i believe very few people my age (early twenties) are capable of love. My choice of relationships has recently been questioned... when put on the spot, my reply sounded shallow, uncaring. Unsatisfied with my answer, i searched for a deeper meaning for my actions. I have never fully committed emotionally in my relationships because i have not found a man i trust enough to let myself go. They say "i love you" too quickly and too easily. I have little faith in words. You are "in love" with me, then SHOW me you are in love with me. It is too easy to say something that you think people want to hear. I do not think that any of the men who claim to have loved me, have the slightest clue what love is, what love does, how love behaves, protects, sacrifices, suffers, devotes; I do not expect to fully understand love until there are many years behind me, so please do not be hurt if i do not return your sentiments as readily. It is my way of keeping myself safe, whole. That is not to say i wont care deeply for you, friend, confidant, partner. And, it is not to say that one day, it could not grow into something more. I hope for love, but i do not expect it. For now, i will keep my emotions separate from the very act which makes me most vulnerable.
I do not want to deny myself companionship while i am biding my time. How will i know what i want, if i have no experience. You cannot throw a small child into the water and expect him to know how to swim.
I do not want to deny myself companionship while i am biding my time. How will i know what i want, if i have no experience. You cannot throw a small child into the water and expect him to know how to swim.