Fic: Breathe (Sequel to Guilty Happiness)
Summary: It's come full circle now, starting in heartbreak and now ending in it. Jess and Matt share a bottle of champagne at Becker's wedding.
Characters: Jess, Matt, mentions of Becker and an OC
Pairings: Jess & Matt friendship, one sided Jess/Becker, past!Matt/Becker and Becker/OC
Rating: 15
Timeline: Ignores everything after 4x04, so very much AU and set between 3-5 years after (Guilty Happiness)
Word count: 1,365
Warnings/Spoilers: Lots of angst, future!fic and no spoilers that I can really think of
Disclaimer: All characters but the OC I chucked in there belong to the Primeval creators and Itv
Author's note: The third and final(obviously) in my little Matt and Jess friendship trilogy. Now please don't kill me for this, I would love to give everyone a happy ending really I would but... well what would be the point in the 'lots of angst' warning? And to make up for it, i plan to start writing a lot happier and fluffy primeval fic from now on because really the angst gets me down after a while. So anyway I kinda love this one the best out of the three because it wrote it's self so easily. It's in Jess' POV this time and for some reason she likes to be written in present tense instead of past. So anyway enjoy and feedback is love.
‘Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me, I am small
I'm needy, Warm me up
And breathe me’ -Breathe Me, Sia
She's sitting in the field outside the hotel paying no mind to the dew seeping in to her dress from sitting on the grass and clutching the half empty-half full champagne bottle to her chest. She hears footsteps on the damp grass then and just knows it's him. It's like some kind of strange instinct she's developed over the years. He always finds her when she's feeling sad.
"I came out here to be alone Matt." She says, her breath coming out frosty in the cold evening air, although she dosn't actually feel the cold against her bare shoulders. Despite her words she's grateful he found her, his presence is just what she needs at the moment.
"So did I." He answers as he sits down beside her. She glances at him to see that troubled frown contorting his features. Of course, it wasn't just her that was devastated over the days events.
"Drink?" She asks after a moments silence as she holds out the champagne bottle. He takes the bottle from her and his lips lift at the corners to form a tiny smile. She watches as he takes a swig from the bottle before returning her gaze to the setting sun. It has turned the sky such a beautiful mix of colours. Reds and oranges and pinks and blues all mixed in to one another and seeping in to the warm orange glow, the last trace of the days sun. It's enough to take her breath away. And almost strong enough to distract her from the dull ache in her chest that alcohol hasn't helped at all. Almost.
"I can't believe he actually married her." Matt's words are enough to shatter her almost distraction and bring everything crashing back at full force. She snatches the bottle from him and takes a large gulp. She dosn't want to think about it, dosn't want to talk about it. But at the same time, the part of her that lives to make her suffer, her heart, does.
"Yeah. Becker's not the person that jumps to mind when I think of marriage." Apart from my own that is. She adds silently, but the way Matt looks at her-well, she might as well of said it out loud. Her mind flashes back to the ceremony, of how flawlessly beautiful Olivia had looked walking down the aisle, of how stupidly happy Becker looked when he gazed at his bride to be. It had made her stomach flip and her hands tremble. She remembers not being able to look away from the pair, lovingly exchanging their vows as horror seeped through her, she remembers catching Matt's eye as he stood to the side playing the unhappy best man and seeing a look on his face that probably mirrored her own. A fake happy mask with poorly concealed pain that only the pair of them seemed to notice. Fooling everyone else was easy but fooling herself was a lot harder. Then the ceremony was over and they were now Mr and Mrs Hilary Becker and the reception had started and everyone was congratulating them. And Olivia was actually talking to her, blabbing about how happy she was and how much she was looking forward to the honeymoon and Jess just couldn't take it anymore. So she'd excused herself quickly, grabbing a bottle of champagne from the table as she went to go drink her troubles away.
Matt's hand resting over hers brought her out of her thoughts then and she revelled at how the large, calloused hand over her smaller, softer one brought so much comfort to her.
"You never did get over him did you?" He asks softly, running circles with his thumb over her palm. She bites her lip and looks down at the grass and the tiny little scattered daises that grew up from it. Her hair, which has come lose from its up-do hides her face.
"I tried. I really, really did. I dated other guys but none of them worked out, obviously. Becker keeps breaking my heart but I can't help but..." She trails off, not wanting to say it out loud, but saying it silently in her head instead. Loving him. Matt squeezes her hand and takes the champagne bottle from her once more.
"I need more alcohol." He offers as an explanation before taking a sip, then another and another. Jess recalls when Matt had ended things with Becker-for reasons until this day she didn't know nor understand-after months of seeing each other, although what they had never went public. In a strange way the pain, the jealously wasn't as bad when it had been Matt and Becker. She could understand that, she could see it. But with Becker and Olivia... there's something about them that brakes her heart in to pieces every time she sees them together. She's sure she'll never understand why that is.
"You still love him too don't you?" She asks then. "Why did you even break things off with him in the first place when you clearly never stopped loving him?" And she's honestly curious, it's always been a mystery to her and it must of been something serious if it caused him in to breaking that silent promise he made to her that he wouldn't hurt Becker. And besides talking about him will take her mind off her own pain, if only a little bit.
"It's complicated Jess. Just know that I regret it to this day." He replies cryptically and it shouldn't be enough to satisfy her curiosity but this time, strangely it is. She sighs heavily and spends the next few minuets silently watching the sun disappear and the sky tinting a deep, dark blue with Matt beside her. Both trapped in the same pain. And then as the moon begins to rise and she's taken another swig of the champagne, she rolls her head to the side and gazes at the outline of his profile. Ever since that first time he'd comforted her in the cleaning supplies cupboard their friendship had grown unbelievably strong, in many ways he has become her rock. No matter how cheesy that sounded. She honestly didn't know what she'd do without him. When he'd left the ARC team she had too, not that she was leaving anything behind apart from Lester that is. It had only been her and Matt left of the original-or at least her original-team, Becker having left right before them. The job wore you down eventually anyway and they were all lucky to have gotten away with their lives intact, if not their hearts.
"Your staring." Matt comments in an almost teasing manner and she shakes her head slightly. "I don't blame you, I am a rather attractive man." He continues, not being able to hold back the grin as she purses her lips and swats his arm playfully. Then suddenly a serious, tense mood seems to surround them and she's aware of her hand resting on his arm and the fact that she's leaning in towards him. Her lips meet his softly, faintly dancing over his in a light kiss. There's no spark of passion, only comfort and strong friendship and when she breaks away she feels her cheeks growing hot at the realisation that she just kissed him and he didn't kiss her back at all.
"Oh god. I'm so sorry!" She exclaims, her eyes growing wide with embarrassment. This was exactly why she dosn't over indulge in alcohol often. Because she always ends up making an utter prat of herself.
"It's fine Jess, really." He smiles, reassuring her and after a couple of seconds she nods and exhales a long breath. Matt leans back so he's laying on the grass and gazing up at the newly appeared stars, dragging Jess down by her hand with him so they're laying side by side. Again, the damp grass wets her dress but it dosn't matter, nothing matters out here, in this moment. Just breathe Jess. She tells herself. Breathe and everything will be alright.
The End.
Footnote:
So Matt did end up breaking that promise when he ended things with Becker for reasons not even I-which is probably totally terrible with me being the author and all- know. But Matt and Becker stayed friends and it's assumed Becker finally got over Matt (although the same can not be said for Matt) hence Becker asking Matt to be his best man.
Jess, after everything that went down in Guilty Happiness, took a leaf out of Matt's books and hid her continued feelings for Becker. She tried to get over him countless times but it never worked out.
Olivia (my random OC I created on the spot that I have no real feelings for) was a civilian Becker once saved whilst investigating an anomaly and I guess sparks flew(?) between the two and all that jazz which lead to them getting married.