Small Talk
I have never been a talkative person and in fact I used to be very shy and avoided communicating with people I didn’t know. I would say I was as self-centered as an introvert could get. It means very self-centered and inhibited! I used to be scared to talk on the phone too. I have improved a little but there is a lot more room to grow.
I am pretty good at observing people and realizing that communicating is a two way street that I should not seat and wait until someone will call or contact me but do it myself and then people will respond. Also at one time in my life I realized that it is important to communicate with people and know a lot of people. Some reasons would be professional networking, to learn handy information from others, and also learn from somebody else’s’ mistakes rather than my own. (I am not even mentioning importance to have good friends here, it is a separate topic...)
In my late 20th I started feeling more confident in myself and started on purpose paying attention to my verbal communication. I started paying more attention to people I get to meet on my way from parking ramp to my office, at the playground try to communicate with other parents, neighbors, etc. Figuring out their names and trying to memorize who they are. However, at one point I got into the point that I was avoiding these people if I saw them again because I was scared that I would meet them and I have no clue what to talk to them about since I already had some basic information about them.
I truly prefer communicating through writing more than talking. I made a decision at one point that I will fight this communication handicap. At first I started observing other people communicating, returning their question for me back to them and copying their ways of communication. It was somewhat limiting resource.
In some situations I was still feeling very uncomfortable when for example I would get to the point that I don’t know what else to talk about. Especially if I already knew a lot about him/her. So, recently I saw a request on MCDA listserve talking about resources to help people communicate better in real life, not virtually. So, I got curious about what kind of advice members would give. Apparently, there are so many different resources about such communication!
Out of a long list they shared I picked one book and I ordered it at the library. It is called The fine Art of Small Talk. By Debra Fine. It is a cute little book that gives good ideas of how to turn closed ended questions into open ended (e.g. “Are you married?” Instead ask “tell me about your family.”, how to look for ideas to ask people about (e.g. clothing, pictures, previous information), importance of modeling communication for others (e.g. don’t give short answers but elaborate a little, so another person would be comfortable to use the same formula) suggestions on what is appropriate communication and what is not with fun examples of communication offenders as Fine calls them (e.g. people who interrogate with their questions and then move onto next victim, or people who talk a lot and don’t allow others to say anything, etc).
The book gives list of possible questions to ask and she strongly suggests keeping a list in a pocket or purse and getting prepared when you know that you would need to communicate with someone.
There is a list of 50 ways to Fuel Conversation (I made a copy of it). Most of the stuff she is writing about is very simple but very helpful for people like I am. I feel like I am getting to know my clients better and this also helps me memorize their faces and names. So, if you need some more skills in small talk, I am recommending this little book.
Harmony Theatre and School -- Children's theater in MN
I am pretty good at observing people and realizing that communicating is a two way street that I should not seat and wait until someone will call or contact me but do it myself and then people will respond. Also at one time in my life I realized that it is important to communicate with people and know a lot of people. Some reasons would be professional networking, to learn handy information from others, and also learn from somebody else’s’ mistakes rather than my own. (I am not even mentioning importance to have good friends here, it is a separate topic...)
In my late 20th I started feeling more confident in myself and started on purpose paying attention to my verbal communication. I started paying more attention to people I get to meet on my way from parking ramp to my office, at the playground try to communicate with other parents, neighbors, etc. Figuring out their names and trying to memorize who they are. However, at one point I got into the point that I was avoiding these people if I saw them again because I was scared that I would meet them and I have no clue what to talk to them about since I already had some basic information about them.
I truly prefer communicating through writing more than talking. I made a decision at one point that I will fight this communication handicap. At first I started observing other people communicating, returning their question for me back to them and copying their ways of communication. It was somewhat limiting resource.
In some situations I was still feeling very uncomfortable when for example I would get to the point that I don’t know what else to talk about. Especially if I already knew a lot about him/her. So, recently I saw a request on MCDA listserve talking about resources to help people communicate better in real life, not virtually. So, I got curious about what kind of advice members would give. Apparently, there are so many different resources about such communication!
Out of a long list they shared I picked one book and I ordered it at the library. It is called The fine Art of Small Talk. By Debra Fine. It is a cute little book that gives good ideas of how to turn closed ended questions into open ended (e.g. “Are you married?” Instead ask “tell me about your family.”, how to look for ideas to ask people about (e.g. clothing, pictures, previous information), importance of modeling communication for others (e.g. don’t give short answers but elaborate a little, so another person would be comfortable to use the same formula) suggestions on what is appropriate communication and what is not with fun examples of communication offenders as Fine calls them (e.g. people who interrogate with their questions and then move onto next victim, or people who talk a lot and don’t allow others to say anything, etc).
The book gives list of possible questions to ask and she strongly suggests keeping a list in a pocket or purse and getting prepared when you know that you would need to communicate with someone.
There is a list of 50 ways to Fuel Conversation (I made a copy of it). Most of the stuff she is writing about is very simple but very helpful for people like I am. I feel like I am getting to know my clients better and this also helps me memorize their faces and names. So, if you need some more skills in small talk, I am recommending this little book.
Harmony Theatre and School -- Children's theater in MN