A mentally tough weekend
This weekend was tough for me. Not with what happened to me physically, but what went on mentally.
Friday night was fun going to December Nights with Nick, Michelle, Irene, and Miguel. I wish I didn't have to make everyone leave early by having to pick up my sister, but karaoke at my house turned out fun too. Everyone got into it which made it better. Saturday I went to the Point Loma vs Brawley football game. PL won and they will be playing St. Augustine for the CIF Div. III title at Qualcomm Stadium on Dec. 13th. It's every high school football player's dream to play at the stadium, the place where legends played before them and future legends play now. After that we went to the SDSU vs PL Nazarene basketball game. It was fun but I was so tired that I was hoping the game would end sooner. Yesterday we had a BBQ at my house. From all the people I invited only Tina, Sam, and Rudy showed up. It was still fun though, the Chargers won and are right there in the playoff hunt.
What made this weekend tough, unfortunately, was thinking about Laurie again. I was fine all year and I had my moments where I missed her, but I got over it quick. The last couple months have gotten tough because it's the holiday season and I was used to having her around for 3 straight years. I didn't mind not having her for Thanskgiving because of the 3 previous Thanksgivings, we only spent one together. I guess it's the fact that I haven't heard from her in a couple months that's making me feel this way. I was looking forward to having her finish with her beauty school, laser school, and blackjack training because she said she would have more time and she would visit and keep in better touch. But in fact, the opposite happened and I haven't talked to her since some time in October. I was fine with it until this weekend where I had a sudden urge to see her and hear her voice again. Maybe it's because she became one of my best friends while we were together as opposed to just a hook-up. The last time she didn't call me for this long was when she was dating some other guy, which is what I think is going on now. I just hope it's not the same asshole she dated when she went through her drama. I just miss her all over again but I have been good about not calling her because I am not trying to be pushy and force her to talk to me if she doesn't feel like it. I had a few dreams about her this weekend and I woke up super early and couldn't go back to sleep twice, the last time being this morning. I have a huge urge to see her again but I keep telling myself that things aren't and never will be the same between us. I guess another reason I miss her is that she told me that when I got a job, she would be there with me and for me so that we could spend more time together even though we were so far apart. Again, I doubt that's going to happen. To make it worse, I haven't heard from her in a few months and I am most likely going to see her at Julie's wedding next month. It's going to be here right by my house and I am just hoping that I don't see her with another guy. I would get too jealous and probably just leave. I don't know what's going on with me, I thought I was doing so good with this and all of a sudden it came back and took over my thoughts all over again. When is it going to end? Sometimes I wish I could just have something to hate her for so that I never want to speak to her again, but I just don't have anything. This is my favorite time of year and right now it just doesn't feel like it.
Friday night was fun going to December Nights with Nick, Michelle, Irene, and Miguel. I wish I didn't have to make everyone leave early by having to pick up my sister, but karaoke at my house turned out fun too. Everyone got into it which made it better. Saturday I went to the Point Loma vs Brawley football game. PL won and they will be playing St. Augustine for the CIF Div. III title at Qualcomm Stadium on Dec. 13th. It's every high school football player's dream to play at the stadium, the place where legends played before them and future legends play now. After that we went to the SDSU vs PL Nazarene basketball game. It was fun but I was so tired that I was hoping the game would end sooner. Yesterday we had a BBQ at my house. From all the people I invited only Tina, Sam, and Rudy showed up. It was still fun though, the Chargers won and are right there in the playoff hunt.
What made this weekend tough, unfortunately, was thinking about Laurie again. I was fine all year and I had my moments where I missed her, but I got over it quick. The last couple months have gotten tough because it's the holiday season and I was used to having her around for 3 straight years. I didn't mind not having her for Thanskgiving because of the 3 previous Thanksgivings, we only spent one together. I guess it's the fact that I haven't heard from her in a couple months that's making me feel this way. I was looking forward to having her finish with her beauty school, laser school, and blackjack training because she said she would have more time and she would visit and keep in better touch. But in fact, the opposite happened and I haven't talked to her since some time in October. I was fine with it until this weekend where I had a sudden urge to see her and hear her voice again. Maybe it's because she became one of my best friends while we were together as opposed to just a hook-up. The last time she didn't call me for this long was when she was dating some other guy, which is what I think is going on now. I just hope it's not the same asshole she dated when she went through her drama. I just miss her all over again but I have been good about not calling her because I am not trying to be pushy and force her to talk to me if she doesn't feel like it. I had a few dreams about her this weekend and I woke up super early and couldn't go back to sleep twice, the last time being this morning. I have a huge urge to see her again but I keep telling myself that things aren't and never will be the same between us. I guess another reason I miss her is that she told me that when I got a job, she would be there with me and for me so that we could spend more time together even though we were so far apart. Again, I doubt that's going to happen. To make it worse, I haven't heard from her in a few months and I am most likely going to see her at Julie's wedding next month. It's going to be here right by my house and I am just hoping that I don't see her with another guy. I would get too jealous and probably just leave. I don't know what's going on with me, I thought I was doing so good with this and all of a sudden it came back and took over my thoughts all over again. When is it going to end? Sometimes I wish I could just have something to hate her for so that I never want to speak to her again, but I just don't have anything. This is my favorite time of year and right now it just doesn't feel like it.