#1- Freedom!
[voice post begins]
Heh. Typing is for losers, seriously.... Talking's much easier. Never seen a journal you didn't have to write in if you didn't want to, though. Pretty fuckin' spiffy, if you ask me. Nobody does, but fuck that--I'm givin' my opinion anyway, wanted or not.
Alright. So I don't really get where the fuck I am, or how the fuck I ended up clean and bug-free, not to mention in one piece, without Kakuzu there to sew me the fuck back up, right? But I'm glad I am, I guess. 'Cause seriously, who the fuck wants to be in the situation I was in? Dropped into a fucking 60 foot deep hole after having fuckin' wires tangling me up, inside and out--do you realize how much it fuckin' hurts to be strung up like one of Sasori's fuckin' puppets, may his soul rest in peace? It really, really fuckin' hurts! Seriously! I mean, damn! And then that rat bastard Shikamaru plastered like, fifty billion fuckin ' explosive tags on me and threw his fuckin' cigarette at me. Why the shit would a ninja smoke? That shit does some nasty things to your body when you keep at it long enough, man, seriously. I'm surprised Itachi hasn't gotten lung cancer or anything from all the smoke from his fuckin' fire jutsu; at least I don't have to worry about crap like that.
Anyway, yeah. He fuckin' blew me into pieces, dropped me down into that hellhole, and fuckin' dissed Jashin-sama before he collapsed the whole thing in on itself. Can you believe that? That chainsmoking goat-fucking ass-monkey had the balls to say that he was my god instead of Jashin-sama, and that he had the right to fuckin' pass Judgement on me! What kind of shit is that, seriously?! And then he left me down there, without even my fuckin' rosary; he blasted that to bits, too, the unrepentant hellbound sinner. I dunno how fuckin' long I was down there, anyway; it must've been at least a few weeks, probably over a month. Over a month of feeling ants burrow their way through your eardrums to plunge into your brain and eat their fill, of having worms slithering into your nose and beetles crawling down your throat. The were making fucking nests and colonies down there just to keep fucking eating me alive, for Jashin-sama's sake! How fucking sick is that, seriously? I didn't even have my arms attached to keep them the fuck away from me. Ever considered how damned distracting it is to be eaten alive every fucking minute of the day and night? Try to fall asleep like that, I fuckin' dare ya.
What kind of sick, twisted, heartless, godless bastard does something like that to someone, seriously? I mean, okay, sure, I killed his sensei. But consider this--it was a fucking ambush. I was sitting outside, minding my own business and waiting for Kakuzu to finish trading in his corpse and count his cash. Not to mention wishing I didn't have to live with clothes where the smell of corpses, piss, n' shit were sunk into 'em. Fuckin' bounty stations and their damned urinals.... But yeah. That guy--Matsuri? Ashura? Tazuma? Some shit like that--just showed the fuck up outta nowhere and threw a kunai at me, so naturally I swatted it away. And then two goons, I don't even fuckin' know their names, ran up from behind and stabbed me with two huge kunai in the stomach--and kept grinding them in. That shit hurts! I had to defend myself, obviously, so I ended up killing the old fuck. Is it my fault he chose to attack me? He should've gone after Kakuzu, anyway--I didn't even fucking want to go into that temple. Who the fuck kills monks and holy men for a bounty, seriously? That was just fuckin' sick, Kakuzu. I thought we were looking for a damned jinchuuriki, not more cash.
We woulda just killed 'em all n' been done with it if Leader-chan hadn't refused to give us a couple extra minutes to just kill the fuckers. Bad fucking leadership, man, seriously. They weren't that fucking tough--if we'd gotten to kick their collective ass before that bastard Shikamaru had figured me out and had time to prepare a battlefield, they woulda been fucking screwed, seriously. Sideways. With a rusty, consecrated pike. And before we were fuckin' exhausted. Six fuckin' days of pouring out most of our fuckin' chakra into sealing those two stupid fuckin' bijuu! How fair is it to have to go fight people where you're outnumbered and way fucking tired and drained as all shit? We hardly even fuckin' ate for six days, and forget about sleep! Sealing marathons are not fucking cool.
And then Leader-chan--he's an asshole too, n' always has been, but at least he had a point---told me they weren't gonna dig me up when I asked for help, 'cause what fuckin' use is a talking head without somebody to sew me back together, seriously? So alright, fine, I get it; I'm useless without that miserly heathen to fix my fuckin' boo-boos. So I asked him to send me Zetsu so the fucker could just eat me all at once and get it over with, right? I know I'm fuckin' immortal, but shouldn't being eaten all at once kill me? And he said he didn't want to 'cause I'd probably make the plant-man sick, and that they were "too busy" to even fetch my fucking ring. Damned traitorous bastards. And after all I did for them, too....
Yeah. That's how I got here. Doesn't look like a fuckin' paradise to me, but anything's better than a damned hole in the ground. And killing each other to entertain people sounds like fun; it definitely jives with Jashinism, if they give me time to pray before and after, and get what I need for my rituals and shit. I'll have to ask whoever the fuck is in charge of supplies for some stuff. Maybe if I get enough kills I can get promoted or something; the fuckers obviously don't want me back in the organization, you know? And I don't wanna end up back in the hole, if I go back in the same state I came here. So yeah, jockeying for a permanent job sounds pretty damned good right now. Maybe they'll even let me promote Jashinism over the TV..... I think I'm gonna like it here, seriously. As long as the TV censorship is lax, anyhow. But it must be, to let these guys have fights to the death where everyone can see 'em.
....You know something nice about these things? Who the fuck else listens, seriously? I mean, shit, everyone in the Akatsuki usually tunes me the fuck out whenever I open my damned mouth. It's ridiculous, seriously. But with these things I can say my fuckin' piece, and whoever the hell wants to can hear it and reply. After the fact. Nobody's fucking interrup--
[voice post times out]
Heh. Typing is for losers, seriously.... Talking's much easier. Never seen a journal you didn't have to write in if you didn't want to, though. Pretty fuckin' spiffy, if you ask me. Nobody does, but fuck that--I'm givin' my opinion anyway, wanted or not.
Alright. So I don't really get where the fuck I am, or how the fuck I ended up clean and bug-free, not to mention in one piece, without Kakuzu there to sew me the fuck back up, right? But I'm glad I am, I guess. 'Cause seriously, who the fuck wants to be in the situation I was in? Dropped into a fucking 60 foot deep hole after having fuckin' wires tangling me up, inside and out--do you realize how much it fuckin' hurts to be strung up like one of Sasori's fuckin' puppets, may his soul rest in peace? It really, really fuckin' hurts! Seriously! I mean, damn! And then that rat bastard Shikamaru plastered like, fifty billion fuckin ' explosive tags on me and threw his fuckin' cigarette at me. Why the shit would a ninja smoke? That shit does some nasty things to your body when you keep at it long enough, man, seriously. I'm surprised Itachi hasn't gotten lung cancer or anything from all the smoke from his fuckin' fire jutsu; at least I don't have to worry about crap like that.
Anyway, yeah. He fuckin' blew me into pieces, dropped me down into that hellhole, and fuckin' dissed Jashin-sama before he collapsed the whole thing in on itself. Can you believe that? That chainsmoking goat-fucking ass-monkey had the balls to say that he was my god instead of Jashin-sama, and that he had the right to fuckin' pass Judgement on me! What kind of shit is that, seriously?! And then he left me down there, without even my fuckin' rosary; he blasted that to bits, too, the unrepentant hellbound sinner. I dunno how fuckin' long I was down there, anyway; it must've been at least a few weeks, probably over a month. Over a month of feeling ants burrow their way through your eardrums to plunge into your brain and eat their fill, of having worms slithering into your nose and beetles crawling down your throat. The were making fucking nests and colonies down there just to keep fucking eating me alive, for Jashin-sama's sake! How fucking sick is that, seriously? I didn't even have my arms attached to keep them the fuck away from me. Ever considered how damned distracting it is to be eaten alive every fucking minute of the day and night? Try to fall asleep like that, I fuckin' dare ya.
What kind of sick, twisted, heartless, godless bastard does something like that to someone, seriously? I mean, okay, sure, I killed his sensei. But consider this--it was a fucking ambush. I was sitting outside, minding my own business and waiting for Kakuzu to finish trading in his corpse and count his cash. Not to mention wishing I didn't have to live with clothes where the smell of corpses, piss, n' shit were sunk into 'em. Fuckin' bounty stations and their damned urinals.... But yeah. That guy--Matsuri? Ashura? Tazuma? Some shit like that--just showed the fuck up outta nowhere and threw a kunai at me, so naturally I swatted it away. And then two goons, I don't even fuckin' know their names, ran up from behind and stabbed me with two huge kunai in the stomach--and kept grinding them in. That shit hurts! I had to defend myself, obviously, so I ended up killing the old fuck. Is it my fault he chose to attack me? He should've gone after Kakuzu, anyway--I didn't even fucking want to go into that temple. Who the fuck kills monks and holy men for a bounty, seriously? That was just fuckin' sick, Kakuzu. I thought we were looking for a damned jinchuuriki, not more cash.
We woulda just killed 'em all n' been done with it if Leader-chan hadn't refused to give us a couple extra minutes to just kill the fuckers. Bad fucking leadership, man, seriously. They weren't that fucking tough--if we'd gotten to kick their collective ass before that bastard Shikamaru had figured me out and had time to prepare a battlefield, they woulda been fucking screwed, seriously. Sideways. With a rusty, consecrated pike. And before we were fuckin' exhausted. Six fuckin' days of pouring out most of our fuckin' chakra into sealing those two stupid fuckin' bijuu! How fair is it to have to go fight people where you're outnumbered and way fucking tired and drained as all shit? We hardly even fuckin' ate for six days, and forget about sleep! Sealing marathons are not fucking cool.
And then Leader-chan--he's an asshole too, n' always has been, but at least he had a point---told me they weren't gonna dig me up when I asked for help, 'cause what fuckin' use is a talking head without somebody to sew me back together, seriously? So alright, fine, I get it; I'm useless without that miserly heathen to fix my fuckin' boo-boos. So I asked him to send me Zetsu so the fucker could just eat me all at once and get it over with, right? I know I'm fuckin' immortal, but shouldn't being eaten all at once kill me? And he said he didn't want to 'cause I'd probably make the plant-man sick, and that they were "too busy" to even fetch my fucking ring. Damned traitorous bastards. And after all I did for them, too....
Yeah. That's how I got here. Doesn't look like a fuckin' paradise to me, but anything's better than a damned hole in the ground. And killing each other to entertain people sounds like fun; it definitely jives with Jashinism, if they give me time to pray before and after, and get what I need for my rituals and shit. I'll have to ask whoever the fuck is in charge of supplies for some stuff. Maybe if I get enough kills I can get promoted or something; the fuckers obviously don't want me back in the organization, you know? And I don't wanna end up back in the hole, if I go back in the same state I came here. So yeah, jockeying for a permanent job sounds pretty damned good right now. Maybe they'll even let me promote Jashinism over the TV..... I think I'm gonna like it here, seriously. As long as the TV censorship is lax, anyhow. But it must be, to let these guys have fights to the death where everyone can see 'em.
....You know something nice about these things? Who the fuck else listens, seriously? I mean, shit, everyone in the Akatsuki usually tunes me the fuck out whenever I open my damned mouth. It's ridiculous, seriously. But with these things I can say my fuckin' piece, and whoever the hell wants to can hear it and reply. After the fact. Nobody's fucking interrup--
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