Not An Addict
Ah snap, my little blue and yellow pills have run out and I need a doctor's appointment to renew my prescription. Until I do I am destined to stay up all night with this immense pain. To take my mind off of this inconvenience I'm happy to announce, for those of you that have not talked to me or read my journal lately (it's been hard to miss, I admit...), that I have a new number one on my top 5 freebee list. Yes, folks, if you can believe it the man has upstaged Johnny Depp in the flesh. You didn't think it was possible but it happened. I informed my parents that I'm considering taking my birthday money and the money I will make working this month on a 2 day excursion to London for the upcoming concert. I've been considering it for a while to be honest, as I do owe Rebekah, and a few camp friends from England a hello and this seems like a good excuse that will make me happy and give me one last whiff of freedom before school starts. Actually it's after school starts, I'd miss the first 2 days of school. Yes, I know not the smartest. My parents are also not happy about me spending more money after I spent so much (and am in debt which I must repay this week and by doing so empty my bank account) , and all this with a tough year ahead of me. I suppose this is where my immaturity and the living the moment as opposed to considering what is best for the long run comes into play, but this is all with full awareness. I wish to be young and childish and I'm tired of working my whole life (I've been working since highschool) and saving up for the tomorrow.
I'm 21 and I want to live the today while I still can and am not bound down by the commitments of life. I want to do the things that make me happy. My mom said the money I'm spending will be better spent on further treatments for my pain, and I told her that happiness is the best medication. When you're happy you feel no pain at all. I spent 5 hours on my feet at the last concert, and I couldn't walk afterward, but during the time of the concert I felt no pain. "It's just another one of your fantasies." she said. "First it was Mulder," she rolled her eyes, reminding me of my tough teenage years where I threw myself into the obsession of a tv show, "then it was Johnny Depp, and now it's this." She forgot my Barenaked Ladies phase, however. So what if I need to throw myself into pop culture for sedatives? I reckon it's better than alcohol or drugs, smoking or looking for love between the sheets, like most people do when they grow up and try to get a high in one way or another. All I need for a high is a rock concert, a tv show, a movie, and if I spent all my money abroad on CDs, books, movies, then it was money well spent. I only wish everyone could buy their happiness for 9.98 marked down at Best Buy. Besides Steve always told me that growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional. I choose this...
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday night. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?
I'm 21 and I want to live the today while I still can and am not bound down by the commitments of life. I want to do the things that make me happy. My mom said the money I'm spending will be better spent on further treatments for my pain, and I told her that happiness is the best medication. When you're happy you feel no pain at all. I spent 5 hours on my feet at the last concert, and I couldn't walk afterward, but during the time of the concert I felt no pain. "It's just another one of your fantasies." she said. "First it was Mulder," she rolled her eyes, reminding me of my tough teenage years where I threw myself into the obsession of a tv show, "then it was Johnny Depp, and now it's this." She forgot my Barenaked Ladies phase, however. So what if I need to throw myself into pop culture for sedatives? I reckon it's better than alcohol or drugs, smoking or looking for love between the sheets, like most people do when they grow up and try to get a high in one way or another. All I need for a high is a rock concert, a tv show, a movie, and if I spent all my money abroad on CDs, books, movies, then it was money well spent. I only wish everyone could buy their happiness for 9.98 marked down at Best Buy. Besides Steve always told me that growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional. I choose this...
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday night. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?