A Fond Farewell
It was far from perfect. I lost about 200$ total in cash, I got lost, I lost things, forgot things, spent incredible amounts of money on useless things, I missed busses, trains, flights, friends. I was hurting, my feet, my heart, my head. I was tired of going from bed to bed, wanted my mom's cooking, my privacy. But, now that I'm home I feel a certain hole inside of my stomach, a certain lack of satisfaction with being home. I lost the sense of freedom and lack of responsibility, accountability, that I was living with for three months. I got an interesting job offer I probably shouldn't elaborate on online, not at least I know more information about anyway. If it comes through I might push back my studies because it will bring me further in my goals than school at this time. It's the kind of job that finds you and you don't apply for so I can only hope they call back (they called while I was still in the US). In the museum of modern art in New York City there's a new exhibition that is a dark room with movie clips on the ceilings and holes that show photographs and paintings. I was sitting there overwhelmed by all the art around me and felt a sense of fulfillment that could only be equaled when I was sitting in Boston and closed my eyes listening to Ari Hest's voice around me, or standing in Webster Hall with my feet bouncing to the basses of John Mayer's newest blues beat that plucked all my emotional chords. I need a life in art, that is certain, in order to feel at one with myself. I need to see, and be seen in the world. This place, this country, will never satisfy my hunger for music, for art, for writing (I came back with 20 books, no less). This is home, but I will always look out the window to the horizon.
My mother once told me
The thicker your skin
The better off you'll be when this world brings you down
Well it's trying to control me
And leave me without hope
In the past I've been burned
But I've lived and I've learned
Beneath the shelter of the pouring rain
In the absence of this fear and pain
I will finally bid my ball and chain
A fond farewell
On the road that leads me to my place
I will rid my heart of past disgrace
I will finally bid this sluggish pace
A fond farewell
When I heard their reservations
When I read their bitter words
I shined a light upon their wisdom no matter how absurd
And it broke my heart to pieces
And I questioned my own beliefs
My dignity was gone
But it's time to move on
Chorus
Say goodbye to feeling sorry for myself
To begging others for far too much help
This is my hand, these are the cards that I've been dealt
Only I can make these changes, nobody else
Say goodbye to those sleepless nights
Those corridors with no end in sight
A driven man with these words I write
I'm making peace with my soul tonight
Chours
Farewell, America.
My mother once told me
The thicker your skin
The better off you'll be when this world brings you down
Well it's trying to control me
And leave me without hope
In the past I've been burned
But I've lived and I've learned
Beneath the shelter of the pouring rain
In the absence of this fear and pain
I will finally bid my ball and chain
A fond farewell
On the road that leads me to my place
I will rid my heart of past disgrace
I will finally bid this sluggish pace
A fond farewell
When I heard their reservations
When I read their bitter words
I shined a light upon their wisdom no matter how absurd
And it broke my heart to pieces
And I questioned my own beliefs
My dignity was gone
But it's time to move on
Chorus
Say goodbye to feeling sorry for myself
To begging others for far too much help
This is my hand, these are the cards that I've been dealt
Only I can make these changes, nobody else
Say goodbye to those sleepless nights
Those corridors with no end in sight
A driven man with these words I write
I'm making peace with my soul tonight
Chours
Farewell, America.