(no subject)
SO ONE WEEK OF BEING OFF DOPE. FUCK THE SHIT, I FUCKING HATE IT. I NO LONGER FEEL THE NEED T DO IT ANYMORE. IM DETERMINED TO GET A NEW JOB AND SAVE MONEY AND GET MY LIFE BACK TOGETER. I WANT TO MAKE THINGS RIGHTS WITH DUSTIN. I FUCKING MISS THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. I LOVE HIM. I KNOW HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND BUT I HAD TO LET HIM KNOW. HE DOESNT KNOW HOW SERIOUS I AM ABOUT TE WHOLE GETTING STRAIGHT THING AND HOW MUCH HE MEANS TO ME. BUT IM GOING TO PROVE HIM AND EVERYONE ELSE WRONG. IM GOING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. HE SAID HE THINKS I REJECTED HIM WHEN I BROKE UP WITH HIM. IT WAS MY WAY OF PROTECTION. I HATE HOW I WANT TO SAY TAT IT WAS THE DOPE FUCKING WITH MY HEAD BUT I LET IT DO IT SO I AM IN FAULT. BUT LIKE I SAID, FUCK DOPE AND EVERYONE WHO DOES IT. I WANT MY OLD FRIENDS BACK. I WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK. I WANT MY LOVE BACK. I AM TIRED OF SUGAR COATING MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS. IM TIRED OF NOT TELLING HIM HOW I FEEL. ITS FUCKING EATING ME UP INSIDE. I WANT TO MOVE BACK HOME SO BAD, BUT YET AGAIN MY MOM HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.I SAW DANNY TODAY.I GOT MY HAIRDRYER. THANK GOD. I FELT OK THOUGH, IN CFACT I FELT ROCKIN AFTERWARDS. HE TRIED TO TALK TO ME AND ACT LIKE HE CARES. I GAVE HIM A HUG AND TOLD HIM GOOD BYE. NO MORE OF HIM. HE WAS MY REBOUND I WAS HIS. I DONT WANT TO TALK TO HIM ANYMORE CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT HE DID INDEED TREAT ME LIKE SHIT. I DONT DESERVE THAT. I WANT MY LOVE BACK.I WISH I HAD A FUCKING TIME TRAVELING DEVICE FOR WHEN COOP HANDED ME MY FIRST LINE. IF I WOULD HAVE FUCKING THOUGHT ABOUT HOW IN TIME IT WOULD MADE ME 1)LOSE DUSTIN
2)LOSE MY MOM
3)LOSE MY HOME
4)LOSE MY JOB
5)MEET STEPHANIE&DANNY
IF I WOULD HAVE ONCE THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BE AT GOLD CLUB DANCING SO I COULD HAVE MONEY TO LIVE ON AND BE TAKING CARE OF OTHER PEOPLES KIDS AND BE RUN OVER TO THE POINT I FUCKING HATE THIS PLACE AND I FEEL ABSOLUTLY POSITIVLY DEAD INSIDE.
IF I WOULD AVE ONCE THOUGHT THAT SINCE I TURNED 18 IN MAY TAT I WOULD HAVE BEEN BUSTED WITH CRYSTAL TWICE. ONCE GOT AWAY WITH THE TWO QUARTERS AND NOW I HAD 6GS IN MY CAR AND I LOST IT. I WOULD NOT HAVE TOUCHED THAT SHIT.
THE THINGS YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE CAUGHT UP IN THAT MOMENT. IF I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THOSE THINGS WERE GOING TO HAPPEN I WOULD HAVE NOT EVEN DONE THAT. I CANT BELEIVE THIS. I MIGHT HAVE LOST MY LIFE. I DONT THINK I GOING TO GO TO JAILS FOR YEARS LIKE SOME PEOPLE TELL ME I AM. IM JSUT OUT OF THE SCENE WIPED CLEAN. NO ONE HAS REALLY TRIED TO MAKE CONTACT WITH ME AND VICE VERSA AND THATS FINE BY ME. THATS FUCKING RADICAL. IM ALREADY HAPPIER WITH MYSELF, DONT GET ME WRONG IM STILL HAVING MY TIMES , BUT WHO WOULDNT YOU KNOW.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST. MY BEST FRIEND IS HURTING AND THERE IS NOTHIN I CAN DO FOR HER. IM HERE FOR HER NO DOUBT. BUT EVEN NOW I AM STILL NOT ABLE TO GIVE HER WHAT SHE NEEDS.I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO HELP HER WHEN SHE NEEDS IT. SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN TERE FOR ME. ALWAYS. NO TIME IN THE WORLD WHEN I NEED PAIGE AND SHE WASNT THERE. I HAVENT BEEN MY SELF IN YEARS.BEFORE 6-7 MONTHS AGO I WAS ACTUALLY THERE WITH MY HEAD. READY TO TALK ON ANYTHING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TWO YEARS. IM TIRED OF MY LIFE BEING FUCKED BECAUSE I DECIDE TO BE A DUMBASS AND DO WHAT DUMBASSES DO. AND IF I DONT MARK MY FUCKING WORDS.IF I DO NOT SHOW PROGRESS FUCKING POKE MY EYESOUT. I FUCKING DESERVE IT.
AND WIT TAT, IM DONE WIT MY BLACKBERRY YOGURT SO IM GONNAGO TO SLEEP. I HAVE A LOT OF WALKING TO DO TOMORROW TO APPLY FOR JOBS IN THE MORNING. WISH ME LUCK.
BAILEY
2)LOSE MY MOM
3)LOSE MY HOME
4)LOSE MY JOB
5)MEET STEPHANIE&DANNY
IF I WOULD HAVE ONCE THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BE AT GOLD CLUB DANCING SO I COULD HAVE MONEY TO LIVE ON AND BE TAKING CARE OF OTHER PEOPLES KIDS AND BE RUN OVER TO THE POINT I FUCKING HATE THIS PLACE AND I FEEL ABSOLUTLY POSITIVLY DEAD INSIDE.
IF I WOULD AVE ONCE THOUGHT THAT SINCE I TURNED 18 IN MAY TAT I WOULD HAVE BEEN BUSTED WITH CRYSTAL TWICE. ONCE GOT AWAY WITH THE TWO QUARTERS AND NOW I HAD 6GS IN MY CAR AND I LOST IT. I WOULD NOT HAVE TOUCHED THAT SHIT.
THE THINGS YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE CAUGHT UP IN THAT MOMENT. IF I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THOSE THINGS WERE GOING TO HAPPEN I WOULD HAVE NOT EVEN DONE THAT. I CANT BELEIVE THIS. I MIGHT HAVE LOST MY LIFE. I DONT THINK I GOING TO GO TO JAILS FOR YEARS LIKE SOME PEOPLE TELL ME I AM. IM JSUT OUT OF THE SCENE WIPED CLEAN. NO ONE HAS REALLY TRIED TO MAKE CONTACT WITH ME AND VICE VERSA AND THATS FINE BY ME. THATS FUCKING RADICAL. IM ALREADY HAPPIER WITH MYSELF, DONT GET ME WRONG IM STILL HAVING MY TIMES , BUT WHO WOULDNT YOU KNOW.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST. MY BEST FRIEND IS HURTING AND THERE IS NOTHIN I CAN DO FOR HER. IM HERE FOR HER NO DOUBT. BUT EVEN NOW I AM STILL NOT ABLE TO GIVE HER WHAT SHE NEEDS.I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO HELP HER WHEN SHE NEEDS IT. SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN TERE FOR ME. ALWAYS. NO TIME IN THE WORLD WHEN I NEED PAIGE AND SHE WASNT THERE. I HAVENT BEEN MY SELF IN YEARS.BEFORE 6-7 MONTHS AGO I WAS ACTUALLY THERE WITH MY HEAD. READY TO TALK ON ANYTHING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TWO YEARS. IM TIRED OF MY LIFE BEING FUCKED BECAUSE I DECIDE TO BE A DUMBASS AND DO WHAT DUMBASSES DO. AND IF I DONT MARK MY FUCKING WORDS.IF I DO NOT SHOW PROGRESS FUCKING POKE MY EYESOUT. I FUCKING DESERVE IT.
AND WIT TAT, IM DONE WIT MY BLACKBERRY YOGURT SO IM GONNAGO TO SLEEP. I HAVE A LOT OF WALKING TO DO TOMORROW TO APPLY FOR JOBS IN THE MORNING. WISH ME LUCK.
BAILEY