(no subject)
[OOC: Millitimed to after this]
Kim comes into her room and sits on the bed.
She knows she should feel something - the last words she said should have made her react but instead she just feels...numb. Well, no, she doesn't feel numb exactly, but the anger's no longer there.
And after talking to Chase she was furious because he had been crushed by the news. She had wanted to give him a few days, a little time...and then gently lead into the truth. But she couldn't blame Chase, not really. He was just trying to help, to prevent bad things from happening, he thought he could change the future.
Well, he did change it, but not for the better. She could only blame one person for what happened and the truth of that became clear as she was talking to her dad, the truth she could not unsee. It was his fault. Because he didn't listen, because he was either addicted or having withdrawl symptoms from heroin and so wasn't thinking and didn't consider any bigger picture and he was so damn focused on the idea of being right that he never even entertained the idea that Chase was right, that he should have listened to the warning and not...snapped.
When she closes her eyes she can still hear that laugh - the one that said 'there's nothing more you can do to me'. And while she knows that's not *her* dad, she can't separate them in her mind. Even after Elaine's help she can't divide them (beyond knowing that he isn't dead) -- which makes her think that maybe that's really what he is and she was wrong and blind for not seeing it earlier.
He doesn't mean to hurt people, he just can't tell right from wrong, which means that he needs help but she can't help him, not with this, he needs much stronger help than she can provide.
She kept excusing it, thinking that his behavior was because of his job but now she sees...
And so she's not angry, or sad, or hurt...she's not sure how she feels -- maybe relieved because she's realized that no matter what she does she can't help him and that he might be alive but the man she remembers died a long time ago.
The words her mom wrote come back to her.
Please take care of your father, he still thinks of asking for help as a weakness, but sometimes I fear losing him to the other side. There are evil forces in the bar. Please try to keep him grounded and remind him of who he is, if he forgets.
"I'm sorry I failed you, mom," she whispers. And now she feels the tears begin to fall.
Kim comes into her room and sits on the bed.
She knows she should feel something - the last words she said should have made her react but instead she just feels...numb. Well, no, she doesn't feel numb exactly, but the anger's no longer there.
And after talking to Chase she was furious because he had been crushed by the news. She had wanted to give him a few days, a little time...and then gently lead into the truth. But she couldn't blame Chase, not really. He was just trying to help, to prevent bad things from happening, he thought he could change the future.
Well, he did change it, but not for the better. She could only blame one person for what happened and the truth of that became clear as she was talking to her dad, the truth she could not unsee. It was his fault. Because he didn't listen, because he was either addicted or having withdrawl symptoms from heroin and so wasn't thinking and didn't consider any bigger picture and he was so damn focused on the idea of being right that he never even entertained the idea that Chase was right, that he should have listened to the warning and not...snapped.
When she closes her eyes she can still hear that laugh - the one that said 'there's nothing more you can do to me'. And while she knows that's not *her* dad, she can't separate them in her mind. Even after Elaine's help she can't divide them (beyond knowing that he isn't dead) -- which makes her think that maybe that's really what he is and she was wrong and blind for not seeing it earlier.
He doesn't mean to hurt people, he just can't tell right from wrong, which means that he needs help but she can't help him, not with this, he needs much stronger help than she can provide.
She kept excusing it, thinking that his behavior was because of his job but now she sees...
And so she's not angry, or sad, or hurt...she's not sure how she feels -- maybe relieved because she's realized that no matter what she does she can't help him and that he might be alive but the man she remembers died a long time ago.
The words her mom wrote come back to her.
Please take care of your father, he still thinks of asking for help as a weakness, but sometimes I fear losing him to the other side. There are evil forces in the bar. Please try to keep him grounded and remind him of who he is, if he forgets.
"I'm sorry I failed you, mom," she whispers. And now she feels the tears begin to fall.