I'd go gay for you - Chapter 7
Title: I'd go gay for you - Chapter 7: I'd go mad for you
Author: agiponpon
Pairing: Ryo/Tegoshi, Koyama/Tegoshi
Genre: romance
Rating: G (in this chapter)
Chapter: 7/8
Disclaimer: I only own the story...
Summary: Tegoshi came out of the closet and might feel something from someone. Is it Koyama, who always spoils him and takes care of him? Or is it Ryo, who despite his bad attitude makes his heart flutter?
A/N: Okay. I promise I'll never say I'll update faster again. I guess I'm just slow. (Again, the translation process was the one to kills my inspiration.) But yay, the next chapter is up! (You still remember me, right?) Only one chapter to go. I wonder how all this ends...? (I know but you don't, haha!) I've been a bit down lately. I hope it doesn't affect the quality too much... I'm also getting bored of this story since I've thought it over so many times! It'll be nice to be writing oneshots again... Though of course I'll finish this one first with dignity!
Please read and rewiev!
There was no way Tegoshi would have forgave Ryo for all that. Not, although in a way he owed his friend and collegue for taking care of him. Not, although he knew Ryo was jealous and possessive perhaps due to them feeling the same way about each other exactly. He might have forgiven Ryo that morning as he arrived to work with his fever gone down, being in higher spirits, but that cold look Ryo had pointed towards him for a start had made him remember, how rudely Ryo had acted towards his best friend. That made his mood go down and he had decided not to talk to Ryo before lunch break. Of course Ryo hadn't come to him either and Tegoshi was sure they had exchanged proud glances as they happened to meet at the line waiting for lunch. After that, once Ryo had spared him no look at all and even snatched the last bottle of iced tea that Tegoshi wanted to have, Tegoshi decided he wouldn't forgive Ryo before the afternoon.
But avoiding and pouting had started to feel boring before long, and Tegoshi decided that provided he happened to run at Ryo by accident he would act like nothing had happened and maybe even try to make Ryo apologize to Koyama if he had the chance. He wasn't even sure if Koyama was offended by Ryo because unlike Tegoshi and Ryo, he had acted normal. It wasn't about how Koyama felt after all, but by offending Tegoshi's friend Ryo also offended him. That's how simple it was. The fact that Koyama was also Ryo's friend didn't have anythin to do with the case. Ryo's bipolar behaviour had stretched Tegoshi's nerves to its limit and insulting Koyama was the last straw that made Tegoshi get angry at Ryo. Yet STILL, he was ready to forgive Ryo for all those wrongs that he had put Tegoshi go through, if Ryo would only swallow his pride and face him like a man.
When they had all gathered to the dressing room where every important twist seemed to occur, Tegoshi decided to make a move even though Ryo didn't even look at his direction.
"Ryo", Tegoshi said in a way that was very unusual when he was talking to Ryo. He didn't use loving suffixes or tilt his head in a charming way, didn't bat his eyes or try to make a skin contact on purpose. Maybe it was because he didn't know what to say or how to approach the other, but Ryo should have been at least flattered by such an honor.
Instead he ignored Tegoshi completely.
At first Tegoshi thought Ryo hadn't heard him, but after repeating himself with similar outcome, he got seriously fired up.
"Fine!" he shouted and was close to kicking something. "Massu, let's go", he decided and grapped the sleeve of Massu who happened to be the first person on his way.
"What is it this time", Shige wondered and stared at the door which Tegoshi had slammed shut.
"Tegoshi, what on earth?" Massu asked frowning as Tegoshi dragged him around the corridors of the building with no actual destination. Finally, the question made Tegoshi stop.
"Massu!" he cried out as if he was in great pain. Massu had had no idea he would look so completely miserable, like a kicked puppy in rain, before he saw Tegoshi's distressed face. Something really seemed to be wrong.
"I don't even know where to begin", Tegoshi complained unhappily, seemingly ready to tell the whole tragedy from the beginning to the very end. Massu decided to stop him before he’d begin.
"What if you started by telling me why are we walking circles", he suggested.
"Eh?" Tegoshi asked and looked around him confused. "We do?"
Massu nodded with serious face.
"We've passed the lockerroom about three times. What if we go out, if you’d need a walk?"
Tegoshi seemed a bit embarassed but tried to fix his mistake the best he could.
"I didn't come to think of that", he said. Massu didn't doubt his words, when they headed out of the building to a park nearby with his lead.
"Here", Massu said and handed a can of lemonade to Tegoshi. Tegoshi was sitting on a bench in the park looking wretched, but took the offered can, smiling thankfully. "You must still be a bit sick. You should make sure you get enough sugar", Massu told him motherly and opened his own can.
"Thanks, Massu", Tegoshi said. "I'm so glad you're my best friend."
"Isn't Koyama your best friend?" Massu wondered and took a sip as in teaching Tegoshi how to drink as the other still hadn't touched his can.
"Huh? How come?"
"You said so earlier in this story."
"What?"
Massu shook his head and smiled a little.
"Nothing. So. Tell me what's wrong. It has something to do with Ryo, right?"
Tegoshi gulped and then nodded quietly unsure what actually was the problem.
"Well... In a way..."
He seemed awkward and stuggled a little like he was sitting on an ant nest, until Massu started to feel irritated for him.
"Listen", he said. "I listened to you before and gave some pretty good advice, right? You can talk to me straight about whatever you want to and I'll try to help and give advice, but if you can't say a word, I can't do much. And if you want to gain something from my advices you should be as honest as possible, because I really just want to help. On top of that I don't have the whole day even if we didn't have any more work to day, so start talking."
Massu's calm, but decisive voice seemed to speed up Tegoshi's brain activity a little and he staightened his posture taking a deep breath.
"Okay. What do you know already", he asked then and opened his can of lemonade looking determined. Massu like the change in him. At least they weren't wandering around aimlessly too angry to talk about anything.
"I know someone kissed you during the black out and that Ryo-chan did it again. Is there something else I should know?"
Tegoshi gave a slow nod and seemed thoughtful, and Massu figured he didn't know a half of it. At least he had guessed right when he had asked if the problem had something to do with Ryo.
"Okay. So. Last time you said that usually you kiss people when you like them more than just as friends, right?" Tegoshi made sure and Massu comfirmed that with a simple nod. "I'm not so sure about that anymore. Ryo-chan acts so weirdly! If he liked me he wouldn't be so mean all the time."
Massu had paid brief attention to the stiff athmosphere between the band members, but since it didn't have anything general to do with him, he had thought it would pass in time as the troublemakers would make up. Somehow he was not surprised that Tegoshi had his role in the matter too. Things seemed to happen around him all the time.
"Okay. What exactly did Ryo-chan do to hurt you?" Massu asked when Tegoshi seemed to be at loss of words once again and drowning inside his own thoughts.
"Well. The day before yesterday I started to run a small fever when I was still back at the Jimusho. My legs almost failed me, so Ryo-chan took me home", Tegoshi explained, and Massu gave him a nod. He had heard about the incident and even sent an e-mail to the bedridden Tegoshi to make sure he was doing fine. The rumours about Tegoshi's state had expanded quickly and as he had heard it was all about some flu, he had settled with simple text message. Not because he didn't care, but because he didn't want to get infected too.
"Yes?" said Massu encouraging Tegoshi to go on.
"Well umm... He was acting weird and now I feel like he actually hates me and that the kiss was definitely an attempt to hurt my feelings", Tegoshi answered. At that point Massu had lost the ability to keep up with Tegoshi's story.
"Tegoshi, I see why you think it's weird that Ryo takes you home like that, pays for the taxi and even makes sure that you end up in bed safely before he leaves, but..."
"He didn't leave in the evening", Tegoshi corrected. "He wanted to stay until the next morning to make sure I was okay."
"Even more the reason, Tegoshi", Massu cried. "I really can't understand why you still keep thinking Nishikido has something against you after all that! No, it's not like him and I'd probably run for it if he did the same to me, but hasn't he spoiled you before? After this even the kiss starts to make sense. If I absolutely didn't want to stay out of this mess I'd totally state that he has a crush on you. How many times do I have to say that?"
"It's not that simple", Tegoshi insisted. "I haven't told you everything yet. Kei-chan came by that morning because he had heard from somebody that I was ill. It seemed to annoy Ryo greatly and he went out for a smoke. Meanwhile he..." He swallowed and thought for a second if it was wrong and rude for Koyama to tell Massu, what had happened after that. He leaned closer to Massu as if he was plotting something and lowered his voice even though there was no one else close by. "Kei-chan said that he's in love with me and I think Ryo might have heard him."
Massu lifted his eyebrows. No, he still did not want to have anything to do with the relationships inside their group when they didn't involve him directly, but Koyama's confession was a surprise. How many homosexuals did it take to run one boy band? It sounded like a clumsy joke and made Massu understand Shige a little bit better when he seemed to twitch every time Tegoshi touched him or offered to sit on his lap.
"Oh well..." he said speaking more quitely too. "Isn't it quite obvious that Nishikido is jealous about you. If he started to act coldly after Koyama had confessed his crush on you, there aren't too many options."
But Tegoshi didn't seem all that satisfied to Massu's simple conclusion and he crossed his arms on his chest.
"But what right does he have to be jealous? And even if he was, it doesn't justify acting so nastily", Tegoshi complained. "And of course it won't help it either. Kei-chan's been very nice to me and Ryo acts like that. No one can blame me if I decide to go out with Kei-chan."
Massu didn't say anything. Ryo's behaviour was childish, but apparently Tegoshi wasn't any much better. If Massu had ended up in a similar situation he would have chosen his partner carefully and then apologized to the other, but as usual, Tegoshi was thinking only about himself. Until now he had been all about Ryo and Ryo alone, but when things didn't go like he wanted he was ready to switch to plan B. It sounded quite cruel.
"Then how do you feel about Koyama?" Massu asked instead of giving Tegoshi a moral lecture about other people's feelings and emotional needs.
"I don't know", Tegoshi said and stared at his knees in deep thought. The can of lemonade had been left on the ground next to his feet and Massu looked at it curiously. It didn't seem completely empty and he wondered if Tegoshi wanted to finish it, because his own had been empty for a while now. "I think Kei-chan's wonderful but it's hard to think about him like that, like, as a lover. I haven't given it much thought before now. It could be that he was really fitting too. He's really gentle and attentive after all..."
In other words he'd spoil Tegoshi rotten and adore the ground under his feet, Massu thought, but left his opinion unspoken.
"I think you should go out with him after you're sure that you like him better", Massu said. "Otherwise it'll be cruel to him and Nishikido, too."
Tegoshi pouted displeased.
"But Ryo-chan is cruel to me! If he wants me he'd better come and take or someone else does it first!" Tegoshi declared intently and obviously unable to put others before himself.
Massu settled with a shook of a head himself, and focused on his decision to stay away from other people's businesses.
"Are you gonna drink that?" he asked Tegoshi instead of scolding him and nodded towards Tegoshi's half finished can of lemonade.
"No", Tegoshi said and jumped up. "I'm going back inside. Thanks for your advice! You can keep that can as a payback if you want."
When he was gone Massu wondered how cheap Tegoshi thought his advices were. But at least the drink was good.
Later that evening Tegoshi's head was so full of thoughts that he decided to step off the train one stop earlier and walk the rest of his way home. He proceeded slowly hoping the night air and the black sky together would clean and clarify his cluttered head. Massu had made him think from a different perspective and since their conversation his opinions about Ryo's behaviour had swung from side to side until his head felt dizzy. It had made him feel a bit nauseous.
His hand swayed against his own thigh and he felt the bulge of his phone in his pocket. What if he tried to get a third opinion and talked to somebody else too? He was not selfish, he'd leave Massu out for the next 24 hours or so. How about Shige? Maybe not. Tegoshi chuckled thinking how awkward Shige would sound if he got a phonecall from him considering private feelings. It would disturb his peaceful night and breathing excercises before going to bed, and probably ruin his sleepy time too. As a prank the thought was tempting, but at the moment Tegoshi wasn't in a mood for jokes. He really needed to talk to someone. Would Yamapi listen to him?
Tegoshi took the phone out of his pocket and hesitated for a second. Somehow it felt wrong to bother the leader of the group even though Yamapi porbably would have listened to his problems. He, if somebody seemed to be aware both Tegoshi's and Ryo's feelings and his advices would have been good without a doubt. Tegoshi had admired Yamapi as his senpai and advicor and sometimes he was unsure if the level of respect he had was even normal. When he thought about it later he was pretty sure Yamapi had been his first love.
Tegoshi bit his lip and chose Yamapi's number from the list. He was about to press the green phone button and winced when his phone suddenly started to ring. There was Koyama's name on the screen.
"Kei-chan", Tegoshi answered sounding more surprised than he had expected to.
"Tegoshi-kun, are you alright?" Koyama asked. It seemed like he was worried about something.
"Of course! Why are you asking? How about you, Kei-chan?"
"You sounded upset, somehow", Koyama explained. "Are you outside?"
"I'm walking home", Tegoshi answered trying to sound more cheerful. "The weather's nice so an evening walk seemed like a good idea."
"I see, I see", Koyama said. "Listen... Would you like to have a drink somewhere? A coffee house or a bar, I dont mind. I just happend to be near your place and..."
Tegoshi didn't let Koyama finish before he gave his answer.
"Absolutely. That'd be nice. Where are you exactly? I'll come over there."
Koyama stuttered for a moment and Tegoshi lifted his eyebrows although he knew Koyama couldn't see that.
"Actually I'm behind your door", Koyama mumbled and shame was clear in his voice. Tegoshi's smile grew wider but he decided not to tease Koyama about what he had just heard.
"I know a nice bar close by", Tegoshi said. "Let's go over there. I'll give you directions if you don't know the place."
Even though Koyama was a big part of Tegoshi's problem he believed he'd be able to talk to him. Maybe not about Ryo, but he knew Koyama would listen to whatever he was to say, no matter how unfair it was.
"Pi?"
"Ryo-chan..." said the sleepy voice on the other end of the line. "Why are you calling at this hour? Are you drunk?"
"No, but I'm going to be. Come drink with me", Ryo answered not bothering to care how tired Yamapi sounded.
"Are you insane? We have work tomorrow", Yamapi said and Ryo could tell how he sat up from the rustling of the sheets.
"I don't care. I need to talk."
"So you really are drunk..."
"Shut up and come."
"This better be important", Yamapi whined. "Send me your location and I'll come when I've had my eyes open."
Ryo promised to do that and hung up. He left his phone on the bar counter and waited.
As expected, Ryo was getting very drunk when Yamapi arrived.
"Yamapiii!" he shouted unnecessarily loud making some women look at their wey either interested or annoyed, depending on if they believed to be looking at a nationwide idols in an ordinary bar or just some weird drunkards. Yamapi on his behalf looked at least as annoyed as the ladies, and he sat next to Ryo trying to justify his vividness by his state of drunkness.
"Tomo's just fine", he whispered to Ryo's ear but Ryo didn't seem to listen. "Or Yamashita-san, as you seem to bee feeling very formal."
It looked like Ryo had heard at least his last words, because he swung his hand carelessly to some direction. Which - it didn't matter.
"Hi Pi", he said. "Get yourself a drink."
Yamapi didn't have to be told twice. Soon he returned with a stein of beer and more ready to talk about the things bothering his friend.
"Why did you call me at this hour?" Yamapi asked sitting back down to enjoy his drink.
"I did?” Ryo asked looking thoughtful and drunk. He even slurred a little, even though usually it was hard to notice his state of drunkenness. According to a slight frown it sounded weird to his own ear too. Yamapi sighed.
"You did, and you asked me to come here. You said you wanted to talk."
Ryo patted Yamapi's shoulder and chuckled.
"And I do. It was good that I called."
Yamapi looked at the pints on the table and hoped that they weren't all Ryo's. Two were only half drunk and he didn't want to be forced to give his friend a piggy back ride home no matter how dear he was.
"Then talk. What's it about?"
Ryo had never been good at talking about his feelings and Yamapi was prepared to give him a little push by asking questions and suggesting answers.
"Tegoshi", Ryo stated and brought the pint on his lips immediately despite of Yamapi's efforts to stop him.
"Our Tegoshi?" Yamapi suggested in vain and Ryo confirmed it with a nod.
"He was sick and I was taking care of him", Ryo continued and Yamapi nodded for the story to continue, which it didn't.
"I heard about that", he said. Everybody had, Koyama and Tegoshi had made sure about that.
"Koyama was there too", Ryo continued once again. Yamapi decided to let him tell his story in his own, sluggish way and sipped his beer every now and then. He didn't bother to tell twice that he knew pretty much everything that had happened at Tegoshi's place. Slowly, but surely Ryo had finally managed to tell him his worries while Yamapi was conforming him.
"Koyama was there. I heard him confess his feelings to Tegoshi. I wasn't eavesdropping, I just happened to stand behind the door when he said it. Thay had been suspicious anyway, so I couldn't help to listen to them a little bit. When I came in, Tegoshi looked so happy. And when I tried to imply I had been there first and taken care of Tegoshi, he took Koyama's side. It's so wrong! I...! He...! I was there first and took care of him. And I thought that he, too... When he looks at me like that... But then there's Koyama, Koyama making him happy. Tegoshi tells him everything. Koyama calls him by his first name and I... He's just teasing me! He comes close, but when I try to grab him he disappears! He's driving me crazy. I just want to forget about him but... I guess it's this thing called love."
Yamapi patted Ryo's shoulder comradely and tried to think that they were talking about a cute, playful girl and not their commong friend and a member of their own group. It wasn't really his business and that gave him an excellent excuse not to think about it too much. But what to tell Ryo? He was pretty sure he rockoned Tegohi's feelings. He had known him for long and his face was not really that hard to read. Apparently Ryo's knowledge of humans wasn't like his and he thought he had lost the game.
"Sounds difficult", Yamapi finally said, though it wasn't. Ryo leaned on the table with his chin and looked like a broken man. "But is it worth it to treat him so coldly, if you really want him? He seemed really hurt today."
Ryo rised his head and looked at somewhere around Yamapi.
"You know these things better, Pi. I have no idea what's going on in here."
Ryo was right about that. He had managed to make Tegoshi think he was a neat and cool guy, even though in reality he was just a clumsly wuss. Yamapi shook his head.
"You really are a loser..." he mumbled.
"That's right!" Ryo cried out and almost fell on the floor. "And that's why Tegoshi can never-!"
The bar's door opened and closed and they both froze.
"Yamashita-kun, Nishikido-kun..." Koyama said, and Tegoshi standing behind him seemed to have lost words in disbelief.
At instant Tegoshi turned around and ran out of the bar. Yamapi and Koyama were left behind looking the slowly closing door, but when they moved at the same time to go after him, Ryo had already sprinted out of the door.
Author: agiponpon
Pairing: Ryo/Tegoshi, Koyama/Tegoshi
Genre: romance
Rating: G (in this chapter)
Chapter: 7/8
Disclaimer: I only own the story...
Summary: Tegoshi came out of the closet and might feel something from someone. Is it Koyama, who always spoils him and takes care of him? Or is it Ryo, who despite his bad attitude makes his heart flutter?
A/N: Okay. I promise I'll never say I'll update faster again. I guess I'm just slow. (Again, the translation process was the one to kills my inspiration.) But yay, the next chapter is up! (You still remember me, right?) Only one chapter to go. I wonder how all this ends...? (I know but you don't, haha!) I've been a bit down lately. I hope it doesn't affect the quality too much... I'm also getting bored of this story since I've thought it over so many times! It'll be nice to be writing oneshots again... Though of course I'll finish this one first with dignity!
Please read and rewiev!
There was no way Tegoshi would have forgave Ryo for all that. Not, although in a way he owed his friend and collegue for taking care of him. Not, although he knew Ryo was jealous and possessive perhaps due to them feeling the same way about each other exactly. He might have forgiven Ryo that morning as he arrived to work with his fever gone down, being in higher spirits, but that cold look Ryo had pointed towards him for a start had made him remember, how rudely Ryo had acted towards his best friend. That made his mood go down and he had decided not to talk to Ryo before lunch break. Of course Ryo hadn't come to him either and Tegoshi was sure they had exchanged proud glances as they happened to meet at the line waiting for lunch. After that, once Ryo had spared him no look at all and even snatched the last bottle of iced tea that Tegoshi wanted to have, Tegoshi decided he wouldn't forgive Ryo before the afternoon.
But avoiding and pouting had started to feel boring before long, and Tegoshi decided that provided he happened to run at Ryo by accident he would act like nothing had happened and maybe even try to make Ryo apologize to Koyama if he had the chance. He wasn't even sure if Koyama was offended by Ryo because unlike Tegoshi and Ryo, he had acted normal. It wasn't about how Koyama felt after all, but by offending Tegoshi's friend Ryo also offended him. That's how simple it was. The fact that Koyama was also Ryo's friend didn't have anythin to do with the case. Ryo's bipolar behaviour had stretched Tegoshi's nerves to its limit and insulting Koyama was the last straw that made Tegoshi get angry at Ryo. Yet STILL, he was ready to forgive Ryo for all those wrongs that he had put Tegoshi go through, if Ryo would only swallow his pride and face him like a man.
When they had all gathered to the dressing room where every important twist seemed to occur, Tegoshi decided to make a move even though Ryo didn't even look at his direction.
"Ryo", Tegoshi said in a way that was very unusual when he was talking to Ryo. He didn't use loving suffixes or tilt his head in a charming way, didn't bat his eyes or try to make a skin contact on purpose. Maybe it was because he didn't know what to say or how to approach the other, but Ryo should have been at least flattered by such an honor.
Instead he ignored Tegoshi completely.
At first Tegoshi thought Ryo hadn't heard him, but after repeating himself with similar outcome, he got seriously fired up.
"Fine!" he shouted and was close to kicking something. "Massu, let's go", he decided and grapped the sleeve of Massu who happened to be the first person on his way.
"What is it this time", Shige wondered and stared at the door which Tegoshi had slammed shut.
"Tegoshi, what on earth?" Massu asked frowning as Tegoshi dragged him around the corridors of the building with no actual destination. Finally, the question made Tegoshi stop.
"Massu!" he cried out as if he was in great pain. Massu had had no idea he would look so completely miserable, like a kicked puppy in rain, before he saw Tegoshi's distressed face. Something really seemed to be wrong.
"I don't even know where to begin", Tegoshi complained unhappily, seemingly ready to tell the whole tragedy from the beginning to the very end. Massu decided to stop him before he’d begin.
"What if you started by telling me why are we walking circles", he suggested.
"Eh?" Tegoshi asked and looked around him confused. "We do?"
Massu nodded with serious face.
"We've passed the lockerroom about three times. What if we go out, if you’d need a walk?"
Tegoshi seemed a bit embarassed but tried to fix his mistake the best he could.
"I didn't come to think of that", he said. Massu didn't doubt his words, when they headed out of the building to a park nearby with his lead.
"Here", Massu said and handed a can of lemonade to Tegoshi. Tegoshi was sitting on a bench in the park looking wretched, but took the offered can, smiling thankfully. "You must still be a bit sick. You should make sure you get enough sugar", Massu told him motherly and opened his own can.
"Thanks, Massu", Tegoshi said. "I'm so glad you're my best friend."
"Isn't Koyama your best friend?" Massu wondered and took a sip as in teaching Tegoshi how to drink as the other still hadn't touched his can.
"Huh? How come?"
"You said so earlier in this story."
"What?"
Massu shook his head and smiled a little.
"Nothing. So. Tell me what's wrong. It has something to do with Ryo, right?"
Tegoshi gulped and then nodded quietly unsure what actually was the problem.
"Well... In a way..."
He seemed awkward and stuggled a little like he was sitting on an ant nest, until Massu started to feel irritated for him.
"Listen", he said. "I listened to you before and gave some pretty good advice, right? You can talk to me straight about whatever you want to and I'll try to help and give advice, but if you can't say a word, I can't do much. And if you want to gain something from my advices you should be as honest as possible, because I really just want to help. On top of that I don't have the whole day even if we didn't have any more work to day, so start talking."
Massu's calm, but decisive voice seemed to speed up Tegoshi's brain activity a little and he staightened his posture taking a deep breath.
"Okay. What do you know already", he asked then and opened his can of lemonade looking determined. Massu like the change in him. At least they weren't wandering around aimlessly too angry to talk about anything.
"I know someone kissed you during the black out and that Ryo-chan did it again. Is there something else I should know?"
Tegoshi gave a slow nod and seemed thoughtful, and Massu figured he didn't know a half of it. At least he had guessed right when he had asked if the problem had something to do with Ryo.
"Okay. So. Last time you said that usually you kiss people when you like them more than just as friends, right?" Tegoshi made sure and Massu comfirmed that with a simple nod. "I'm not so sure about that anymore. Ryo-chan acts so weirdly! If he liked me he wouldn't be so mean all the time."
Massu had paid brief attention to the stiff athmosphere between the band members, but since it didn't have anything general to do with him, he had thought it would pass in time as the troublemakers would make up. Somehow he was not surprised that Tegoshi had his role in the matter too. Things seemed to happen around him all the time.
"Okay. What exactly did Ryo-chan do to hurt you?" Massu asked when Tegoshi seemed to be at loss of words once again and drowning inside his own thoughts.
"Well. The day before yesterday I started to run a small fever when I was still back at the Jimusho. My legs almost failed me, so Ryo-chan took me home", Tegoshi explained, and Massu gave him a nod. He had heard about the incident and even sent an e-mail to the bedridden Tegoshi to make sure he was doing fine. The rumours about Tegoshi's state had expanded quickly and as he had heard it was all about some flu, he had settled with simple text message. Not because he didn't care, but because he didn't want to get infected too.
"Yes?" said Massu encouraging Tegoshi to go on.
"Well umm... He was acting weird and now I feel like he actually hates me and that the kiss was definitely an attempt to hurt my feelings", Tegoshi answered. At that point Massu had lost the ability to keep up with Tegoshi's story.
"Tegoshi, I see why you think it's weird that Ryo takes you home like that, pays for the taxi and even makes sure that you end up in bed safely before he leaves, but..."
"He didn't leave in the evening", Tegoshi corrected. "He wanted to stay until the next morning to make sure I was okay."
"Even more the reason, Tegoshi", Massu cried. "I really can't understand why you still keep thinking Nishikido has something against you after all that! No, it's not like him and I'd probably run for it if he did the same to me, but hasn't he spoiled you before? After this even the kiss starts to make sense. If I absolutely didn't want to stay out of this mess I'd totally state that he has a crush on you. How many times do I have to say that?"
"It's not that simple", Tegoshi insisted. "I haven't told you everything yet. Kei-chan came by that morning because he had heard from somebody that I was ill. It seemed to annoy Ryo greatly and he went out for a smoke. Meanwhile he..." He swallowed and thought for a second if it was wrong and rude for Koyama to tell Massu, what had happened after that. He leaned closer to Massu as if he was plotting something and lowered his voice even though there was no one else close by. "Kei-chan said that he's in love with me and I think Ryo might have heard him."
Massu lifted his eyebrows. No, he still did not want to have anything to do with the relationships inside their group when they didn't involve him directly, but Koyama's confession was a surprise. How many homosexuals did it take to run one boy band? It sounded like a clumsy joke and made Massu understand Shige a little bit better when he seemed to twitch every time Tegoshi touched him or offered to sit on his lap.
"Oh well..." he said speaking more quitely too. "Isn't it quite obvious that Nishikido is jealous about you. If he started to act coldly after Koyama had confessed his crush on you, there aren't too many options."
But Tegoshi didn't seem all that satisfied to Massu's simple conclusion and he crossed his arms on his chest.
"But what right does he have to be jealous? And even if he was, it doesn't justify acting so nastily", Tegoshi complained. "And of course it won't help it either. Kei-chan's been very nice to me and Ryo acts like that. No one can blame me if I decide to go out with Kei-chan."
Massu didn't say anything. Ryo's behaviour was childish, but apparently Tegoshi wasn't any much better. If Massu had ended up in a similar situation he would have chosen his partner carefully and then apologized to the other, but as usual, Tegoshi was thinking only about himself. Until now he had been all about Ryo and Ryo alone, but when things didn't go like he wanted he was ready to switch to plan B. It sounded quite cruel.
"Then how do you feel about Koyama?" Massu asked instead of giving Tegoshi a moral lecture about other people's feelings and emotional needs.
"I don't know", Tegoshi said and stared at his knees in deep thought. The can of lemonade had been left on the ground next to his feet and Massu looked at it curiously. It didn't seem completely empty and he wondered if Tegoshi wanted to finish it, because his own had been empty for a while now. "I think Kei-chan's wonderful but it's hard to think about him like that, like, as a lover. I haven't given it much thought before now. It could be that he was really fitting too. He's really gentle and attentive after all..."
In other words he'd spoil Tegoshi rotten and adore the ground under his feet, Massu thought, but left his opinion unspoken.
"I think you should go out with him after you're sure that you like him better", Massu said. "Otherwise it'll be cruel to him and Nishikido, too."
Tegoshi pouted displeased.
"But Ryo-chan is cruel to me! If he wants me he'd better come and take or someone else does it first!" Tegoshi declared intently and obviously unable to put others before himself.
Massu settled with a shook of a head himself, and focused on his decision to stay away from other people's businesses.
"Are you gonna drink that?" he asked Tegoshi instead of scolding him and nodded towards Tegoshi's half finished can of lemonade.
"No", Tegoshi said and jumped up. "I'm going back inside. Thanks for your advice! You can keep that can as a payback if you want."
When he was gone Massu wondered how cheap Tegoshi thought his advices were. But at least the drink was good.
Later that evening Tegoshi's head was so full of thoughts that he decided to step off the train one stop earlier and walk the rest of his way home. He proceeded slowly hoping the night air and the black sky together would clean and clarify his cluttered head. Massu had made him think from a different perspective and since their conversation his opinions about Ryo's behaviour had swung from side to side until his head felt dizzy. It had made him feel a bit nauseous.
His hand swayed against his own thigh and he felt the bulge of his phone in his pocket. What if he tried to get a third opinion and talked to somebody else too? He was not selfish, he'd leave Massu out for the next 24 hours or so. How about Shige? Maybe not. Tegoshi chuckled thinking how awkward Shige would sound if he got a phonecall from him considering private feelings. It would disturb his peaceful night and breathing excercises before going to bed, and probably ruin his sleepy time too. As a prank the thought was tempting, but at the moment Tegoshi wasn't in a mood for jokes. He really needed to talk to someone. Would Yamapi listen to him?
Tegoshi took the phone out of his pocket and hesitated for a second. Somehow it felt wrong to bother the leader of the group even though Yamapi porbably would have listened to his problems. He, if somebody seemed to be aware both Tegoshi's and Ryo's feelings and his advices would have been good without a doubt. Tegoshi had admired Yamapi as his senpai and advicor and sometimes he was unsure if the level of respect he had was even normal. When he thought about it later he was pretty sure Yamapi had been his first love.
Tegoshi bit his lip and chose Yamapi's number from the list. He was about to press the green phone button and winced when his phone suddenly started to ring. There was Koyama's name on the screen.
"Kei-chan", Tegoshi answered sounding more surprised than he had expected to.
"Tegoshi-kun, are you alright?" Koyama asked. It seemed like he was worried about something.
"Of course! Why are you asking? How about you, Kei-chan?"
"You sounded upset, somehow", Koyama explained. "Are you outside?"
"I'm walking home", Tegoshi answered trying to sound more cheerful. "The weather's nice so an evening walk seemed like a good idea."
"I see, I see", Koyama said. "Listen... Would you like to have a drink somewhere? A coffee house or a bar, I dont mind. I just happend to be near your place and..."
Tegoshi didn't let Koyama finish before he gave his answer.
"Absolutely. That'd be nice. Where are you exactly? I'll come over there."
Koyama stuttered for a moment and Tegoshi lifted his eyebrows although he knew Koyama couldn't see that.
"Actually I'm behind your door", Koyama mumbled and shame was clear in his voice. Tegoshi's smile grew wider but he decided not to tease Koyama about what he had just heard.
"I know a nice bar close by", Tegoshi said. "Let's go over there. I'll give you directions if you don't know the place."
Even though Koyama was a big part of Tegoshi's problem he believed he'd be able to talk to him. Maybe not about Ryo, but he knew Koyama would listen to whatever he was to say, no matter how unfair it was.
"Pi?"
"Ryo-chan..." said the sleepy voice on the other end of the line. "Why are you calling at this hour? Are you drunk?"
"No, but I'm going to be. Come drink with me", Ryo answered not bothering to care how tired Yamapi sounded.
"Are you insane? We have work tomorrow", Yamapi said and Ryo could tell how he sat up from the rustling of the sheets.
"I don't care. I need to talk."
"So you really are drunk..."
"Shut up and come."
"This better be important", Yamapi whined. "Send me your location and I'll come when I've had my eyes open."
Ryo promised to do that and hung up. He left his phone on the bar counter and waited.
As expected, Ryo was getting very drunk when Yamapi arrived.
"Yamapiii!" he shouted unnecessarily loud making some women look at their wey either interested or annoyed, depending on if they believed to be looking at a nationwide idols in an ordinary bar or just some weird drunkards. Yamapi on his behalf looked at least as annoyed as the ladies, and he sat next to Ryo trying to justify his vividness by his state of drunkness.
"Tomo's just fine", he whispered to Ryo's ear but Ryo didn't seem to listen. "Or Yamashita-san, as you seem to bee feeling very formal."
It looked like Ryo had heard at least his last words, because he swung his hand carelessly to some direction. Which - it didn't matter.
"Hi Pi", he said. "Get yourself a drink."
Yamapi didn't have to be told twice. Soon he returned with a stein of beer and more ready to talk about the things bothering his friend.
"Why did you call me at this hour?" Yamapi asked sitting back down to enjoy his drink.
"I did?” Ryo asked looking thoughtful and drunk. He even slurred a little, even though usually it was hard to notice his state of drunkenness. According to a slight frown it sounded weird to his own ear too. Yamapi sighed.
"You did, and you asked me to come here. You said you wanted to talk."
Ryo patted Yamapi's shoulder and chuckled.
"And I do. It was good that I called."
Yamapi looked at the pints on the table and hoped that they weren't all Ryo's. Two were only half drunk and he didn't want to be forced to give his friend a piggy back ride home no matter how dear he was.
"Then talk. What's it about?"
Ryo had never been good at talking about his feelings and Yamapi was prepared to give him a little push by asking questions and suggesting answers.
"Tegoshi", Ryo stated and brought the pint on his lips immediately despite of Yamapi's efforts to stop him.
"Our Tegoshi?" Yamapi suggested in vain and Ryo confirmed it with a nod.
"He was sick and I was taking care of him", Ryo continued and Yamapi nodded for the story to continue, which it didn't.
"I heard about that", he said. Everybody had, Koyama and Tegoshi had made sure about that.
"Koyama was there too", Ryo continued once again. Yamapi decided to let him tell his story in his own, sluggish way and sipped his beer every now and then. He didn't bother to tell twice that he knew pretty much everything that had happened at Tegoshi's place. Slowly, but surely Ryo had finally managed to tell him his worries while Yamapi was conforming him.
"Koyama was there. I heard him confess his feelings to Tegoshi. I wasn't eavesdropping, I just happened to stand behind the door when he said it. Thay had been suspicious anyway, so I couldn't help to listen to them a little bit. When I came in, Tegoshi looked so happy. And when I tried to imply I had been there first and taken care of Tegoshi, he took Koyama's side. It's so wrong! I...! He...! I was there first and took care of him. And I thought that he, too... When he looks at me like that... But then there's Koyama, Koyama making him happy. Tegoshi tells him everything. Koyama calls him by his first name and I... He's just teasing me! He comes close, but when I try to grab him he disappears! He's driving me crazy. I just want to forget about him but... I guess it's this thing called love."
Yamapi patted Ryo's shoulder comradely and tried to think that they were talking about a cute, playful girl and not their commong friend and a member of their own group. It wasn't really his business and that gave him an excellent excuse not to think about it too much. But what to tell Ryo? He was pretty sure he rockoned Tegohi's feelings. He had known him for long and his face was not really that hard to read. Apparently Ryo's knowledge of humans wasn't like his and he thought he had lost the game.
"Sounds difficult", Yamapi finally said, though it wasn't. Ryo leaned on the table with his chin and looked like a broken man. "But is it worth it to treat him so coldly, if you really want him? He seemed really hurt today."
Ryo rised his head and looked at somewhere around Yamapi.
"You know these things better, Pi. I have no idea what's going on in here."
Ryo was right about that. He had managed to make Tegoshi think he was a neat and cool guy, even though in reality he was just a clumsly wuss. Yamapi shook his head.
"You really are a loser..." he mumbled.
"That's right!" Ryo cried out and almost fell on the floor. "And that's why Tegoshi can never-!"
The bar's door opened and closed and they both froze.
"Yamashita-kun, Nishikido-kun..." Koyama said, and Tegoshi standing behind him seemed to have lost words in disbelief.
At instant Tegoshi turned around and ran out of the bar. Yamapi and Koyama were left behind looking the slowly closing door, but when they moved at the same time to go after him, Ryo had already sprinted out of the door.