In the wake of the Steubenville rape case...
I have many feelings about this. Mainly rage. And sadness. We apparently live in a world where boys see a drunken, unconscious girl and think "Wow, I think I'll have sex with her right now," rather than thinking "Oh, shit, she's helpless and might get hurt, I'd better get her home." And when those boys have the first reaction rather than the second, we--well, not we, leave me and other decent human beings the hell out, but some--lament the fact that "their lives have been ruined."
No. Their lives have not "been" ruined. Some Fate from On High did not intervene and say "Hey, I think I'll ruin these kids' lives today." Their own actions and choices ruined their lives. Nothing more or less than that. No outside force made them do what they did. They chose, and chose stupidly and horribly and, dare I say, evilly. Their fauxpologies have done nothing to mitigate my opinion in this matter. I still don't think they're sorry they did it. Terribly sorry they got caught, yes, but not sorry they did it.
I think the harsh lesson here is: Ladies, no one else is going to protect you. You're on your own. Be careful, be vigilant, and don't be dumb with your own safety. And before you jump down my throat, please do not take this as me blaming the victim. I'm not. She is not responsible for those boys' actions. She is, however, responsible for hers. Underage drinking is bad, okay. So is drinking to the point of passing out. So, I think she was an idiot, yes. This does not mean I think she should have been raped or that what those boys did was in any way excusable.
My own boy turns twelve on Friday. I have no idea what to do with this. We don't watch the news, fortunately, so the story hasn't crossed his radar. He's still at the point where he thinks sex is icky and weird, and he has an "EWWWWW" reaction every time the subject comes up. But as a parent, I have to decide if I'm going to let him keep his innocence awhile longer, or if I'm going to sit down and have a talk with him about it.
Right now, sans a conversation with the Hubby, I'm coming down on the side of "let him keep his innocence." He's not going to parties yet, he's not interested in girls yet, and the lesson will be essentially meaningless at this point in his life and development.
But it will be a conversation I will have with him down the road.
No. Their lives have not "been" ruined. Some Fate from On High did not intervene and say "Hey, I think I'll ruin these kids' lives today." Their own actions and choices ruined their lives. Nothing more or less than that. No outside force made them do what they did. They chose, and chose stupidly and horribly and, dare I say, evilly. Their fauxpologies have done nothing to mitigate my opinion in this matter. I still don't think they're sorry they did it. Terribly sorry they got caught, yes, but not sorry they did it.
I think the harsh lesson here is: Ladies, no one else is going to protect you. You're on your own. Be careful, be vigilant, and don't be dumb with your own safety. And before you jump down my throat, please do not take this as me blaming the victim. I'm not. She is not responsible for those boys' actions. She is, however, responsible for hers. Underage drinking is bad, okay. So is drinking to the point of passing out. So, I think she was an idiot, yes. This does not mean I think she should have been raped or that what those boys did was in any way excusable.
My own boy turns twelve on Friday. I have no idea what to do with this. We don't watch the news, fortunately, so the story hasn't crossed his radar. He's still at the point where he thinks sex is icky and weird, and he has an "EWWWWW" reaction every time the subject comes up. But as a parent, I have to decide if I'm going to let him keep his innocence awhile longer, or if I'm going to sit down and have a talk with him about it.
Right now, sans a conversation with the Hubby, I'm coming down on the side of "let him keep his innocence." He's not going to parties yet, he's not interested in girls yet, and the lesson will be essentially meaningless at this point in his life and development.
But it will be a conversation I will have with him down the road.