Part of the problem with being emotionally stunted...
Is writing emotionally-charged scenes without either understating or going overboard.
I have a scene wherein Ben finds the video of the girl in the case we open on him brooding about actually being murdered. And the version I posted earlier for The Usual Suspects was...okay.
But it was just okay. And if it's "just okay" for someone like me, then for everyone else it's going to lay there on the page like a dead carp. So then I had to figure out how to punch it up without skating into NC-17 territory, because, while Ben is watching a snuff film (not because he wants to), I don't actually want to inflict that on my readers, y'know?
I believe I've fixed it. Rather than showing what he sees, I show what he hears and his reaction to it as he scrambles for the mute button on his computer, misses it, and hits the floor. Looking at the timestamp and knowing, irrevocably, how close he was to saving her. Feeling like he's betraying her (again) by slamming the lid of his laptop closed on her cries for help, but knowing that if he doesn't, he'll lose what tenuous hold he has left on his sanity.
*reads that back over* Wow. I...am a horrible, horrible person.
I have a scene wherein Ben finds the video of the girl in the case we open on him brooding about actually being murdered. And the version I posted earlier for The Usual Suspects was...okay.
But it was just okay. And if it's "just okay" for someone like me, then for everyone else it's going to lay there on the page like a dead carp. So then I had to figure out how to punch it up without skating into NC-17 territory, because, while Ben is watching a snuff film (not because he wants to), I don't actually want to inflict that on my readers, y'know?
I believe I've fixed it. Rather than showing what he sees, I show what he hears and his reaction to it as he scrambles for the mute button on his computer, misses it, and hits the floor. Looking at the timestamp and knowing, irrevocably, how close he was to saving her. Feeling like he's betraying her (again) by slamming the lid of his laptop closed on her cries for help, but knowing that if he doesn't, he'll lose what tenuous hold he has left on his sanity.
*reads that back over* Wow. I...am a horrible, horrible person.