Aw, Ben.
Yeah, this scene?
So not easy to write.
Nor should a scene like this be. He's just about hit the end of his rope and is probably a couple of fingers from falling off it altogether. And he's not sure he wants anyone to swoop in and catch him.
You'd think it'd be easier to write, because, after all, I've already written it once, from Janni's viewpoint. But he's in a totally different headspace than she is, just trying to not collapse and lose his shit, and now he feels almost obligated to not kill himself because she'd feel responsible if she let him chase her away and he then ate his gun. The poor guy has no one in his life who actually cares about him, he's trying to do this all by himself, and it's so hard...
(I should point out that this scene takes place five months after he gets back from Afghanistan, and this is the first time in five years that he's seen Janni. They're not at the "living together" stage yet, and he hasn't gotten to the point of leaning on her during a panic attack. "Just this once," he tells himself.)
I know we're supposed to be self-sufficient and all that happy horseshit, but, seriously. Sometimes you just need a hand, y'know? Because the idea of someone trying to put themselves back together again from something like this with no help (other than help from a VA psychiatrist or two who are otherwise strangers) is intolerable to me.
Yeah, I'm probably going to post this later, because this version of the scene isn't going in the book. But first I want to make it actually, you know, good.
So not easy to write.
Nor should a scene like this be. He's just about hit the end of his rope and is probably a couple of fingers from falling off it altogether. And he's not sure he wants anyone to swoop in and catch him.
You'd think it'd be easier to write, because, after all, I've already written it once, from Janni's viewpoint. But he's in a totally different headspace than she is, just trying to not collapse and lose his shit, and now he feels almost obligated to not kill himself because she'd feel responsible if she let him chase her away and he then ate his gun. The poor guy has no one in his life who actually cares about him, he's trying to do this all by himself, and it's so hard...
(I should point out that this scene takes place five months after he gets back from Afghanistan, and this is the first time in five years that he's seen Janni. They're not at the "living together" stage yet, and he hasn't gotten to the point of leaning on her during a panic attack. "Just this once," he tells himself.)
I know we're supposed to be self-sufficient and all that happy horseshit, but, seriously. Sometimes you just need a hand, y'know? Because the idea of someone trying to put themselves back together again from something like this with no help (other than help from a VA psychiatrist or two who are otherwise strangers) is intolerable to me.
Yeah, I'm probably going to post this later, because this version of the scene isn't going in the book. But first I want to make it actually, you know, good.