Yet another review...
...for the poor little badfic author. She's probably feeling quite picked on by now.
Double-spaced big block o' text is STILL big block o' text. You managed spaces between paragraphs before; you should be able to do it again. Please do, for the sake of all our eyes.
I get that you're trying, and that's fabulous, but you really need to go through this line by line, add punctuation where it's needed, and fix the misspelled words. Bruce is a "dark knight," not a "dark night." The door should open to "reveal" Clark, not "revile" him. Diana needs to "return" to the manor, not "retune" to it. A "minuet" is a dance; a "minute" is a period of time.
Sentences like this: "She got up went into his room got changed into what she come over in then came out Clark put the plate down on the coffee table and stood up he walked over to her and kissed her she smiled walked out the door down the stairs and out of the apartment complex doors and flew all the way back to Gotham City." need to be broken up.
That would be far better like this: "She got up, went into his room, got changed into what she come over in, and then came out. Clark put the plate down on the coffee table and stood up. He walked over to her and kissed her. She smiled, walked out the door and left the apartment complex, and flew all the way back to Gotham City." That's far from perfect, but you get the idea.
I'm glad you took out the rather random murder victim. Nothing happened with that plotline, and the story is better off without it.
The story needs a serious fine-tooth comb. If you don't know how to spell and punctuate yourself, find someone who does who will help you with it. You've done the easy part, which is writing the story. Editing it into something readable is the hard part. Good luck. :)
This kid needs a beta reader, stat. But I think I already said that.
In other news, I broke 850 words in the BeeFic. It's nearly done, I think. I just need to think my battle through a little better. But seeing as it's three in the morning, I'm going to sleep on it.
Double-spaced big block o' text is STILL big block o' text. You managed spaces between paragraphs before; you should be able to do it again. Please do, for the sake of all our eyes.
I get that you're trying, and that's fabulous, but you really need to go through this line by line, add punctuation where it's needed, and fix the misspelled words. Bruce is a "dark knight," not a "dark night." The door should open to "reveal" Clark, not "revile" him. Diana needs to "return" to the manor, not "retune" to it. A "minuet" is a dance; a "minute" is a period of time.
Sentences like this: "She got up went into his room got changed into what she come over in then came out Clark put the plate down on the coffee table and stood up he walked over to her and kissed her she smiled walked out the door down the stairs and out of the apartment complex doors and flew all the way back to Gotham City." need to be broken up.
That would be far better like this: "She got up, went into his room, got changed into what she come over in, and then came out. Clark put the plate down on the coffee table and stood up. He walked over to her and kissed her. She smiled, walked out the door and left the apartment complex, and flew all the way back to Gotham City." That's far from perfect, but you get the idea.
I'm glad you took out the rather random murder victim. Nothing happened with that plotline, and the story is better off without it.
The story needs a serious fine-tooth comb. If you don't know how to spell and punctuate yourself, find someone who does who will help you with it. You've done the easy part, which is writing the story. Editing it into something readable is the hard part. Good luck. :)
This kid needs a beta reader, stat. But I think I already said that.
In other news, I broke 850 words in the BeeFic. It's nearly done, I think. I just need to think my battle through a little better. But seeing as it's three in the morning, I'm going to sleep on it.