(no subject)
i think its funny how the human mind works. When someone has a "complex" that they have been living and trying to put a name to for years, someone close to you comes along puts a name to the issue, and it literally becomes the missing piece to the puzzle. i think its funny that we cant identify what we practice until someone points it out for us.
Tonight i was talking to my Ex Heather. we talked about various shit, but one thing we did go over was this; i started to realize that strike out after strike out with females, i have got to be doing something wrong. i no longer believe its them all the time. because the odds say that if that were the case eventually id win. i find someone worth a damn. i asked:
Me:Whats up with me, why am i so addicted to "finding someone". why cant i JUST be. and let them come to me?
Heather: Do you like feeling needed? i guess everyone does. i think you went through too much in your life and grew up too fast. i think you rush into things because you feel like if you dont rush and hold onto someone you wont ever find someone...i think a childhood really does a number on a someone, especially when you're grown up."
Truth is, there is tons of truth to that.
i want to be able to NOT want someone in my life and just be content on being alone and concentrate on saving money and my work. i hate to admit it but i just don't see myself being that person. i always find myself being haunted by the ghost of what could have been or, what could be.
The worst part about EVERYTHING is that with my schedule and life choices, finding a girl to even talk to is so hard to do. i don't get out, i don't belong to any social group of friends. i don't go to bars, or shows. i don't do much of anything besides work, hang out with my dog and on my days off shop then relax. its kind of depressing, but i should see it as a blessing. but yeah meeting someone is extremely difficult here.
one thing that does not help is that there are artists like owen, and tim casuar who depict being lonely and alone, so perfectly, and then you have artist like jason reeves and matt pryor who depict being with someone like there is nothing else to live for. and in both cases it just pours salt into my wounds.
we put a xmas tree up 6 days before xmas. we sucks. but on the bright side if you get your tree 6 days before xmas, ITS FREE! haha.
new years resolution number 4- stop drinking soda and hit the gym 4 nights a week. yup. time to get back into shape.
Tonight i was talking to my Ex Heather. we talked about various shit, but one thing we did go over was this; i started to realize that strike out after strike out with females, i have got to be doing something wrong. i no longer believe its them all the time. because the odds say that if that were the case eventually id win. i find someone worth a damn. i asked:
Me:Whats up with me, why am i so addicted to "finding someone". why cant i JUST be. and let them come to me?
Heather: Do you like feeling needed? i guess everyone does. i think you went through too much in your life and grew up too fast. i think you rush into things because you feel like if you dont rush and hold onto someone you wont ever find someone...i think a childhood really does a number on a someone, especially when you're grown up."
Truth is, there is tons of truth to that.
i want to be able to NOT want someone in my life and just be content on being alone and concentrate on saving money and my work. i hate to admit it but i just don't see myself being that person. i always find myself being haunted by the ghost of what could have been or, what could be.
The worst part about EVERYTHING is that with my schedule and life choices, finding a girl to even talk to is so hard to do. i don't get out, i don't belong to any social group of friends. i don't go to bars, or shows. i don't do much of anything besides work, hang out with my dog and on my days off shop then relax. its kind of depressing, but i should see it as a blessing. but yeah meeting someone is extremely difficult here.
one thing that does not help is that there are artists like owen, and tim casuar who depict being lonely and alone, so perfectly, and then you have artist like jason reeves and matt pryor who depict being with someone like there is nothing else to live for. and in both cases it just pours salt into my wounds.
we put a xmas tree up 6 days before xmas. we sucks. but on the bright side if you get your tree 6 days before xmas, ITS FREE! haha.
new years resolution number 4- stop drinking soda and hit the gym 4 nights a week. yup. time to get back into shape.