through the violets
I was walking home last night with a big sweater wrapped around me because it felt more comfortable and cozy than actually putting the sweater on. So comfortable in fact, I nearly forgot that I was on my way somewhere and that my feet were touching pavement. The moon was peeking out behind the clouds, trying to keep my gaze. And very quietly, as if in a whisper, I realized that I missed him and even longed for him.
I didn't try to distract myself with questions about whether or not he has experienced similar moments.
[that doesn't particularly matter]
I didn't try to deny it, ignore it, pretend it away.
[that would make it matter too much]
I didn't try to dramatize it or twist it into something overwhelming and desperate.
[that would make it not matter at all]
I just let it exist below the surface of my skin, examined it in my hand as if it were a unknown plant I had found in my garden. Expecting nothing. Demanding nothing. I handled it the only way I could - silence. Silence that's not meant to cover something, but instead to let it continue freely. No constraints. No extra fuel.
Then I let it pass without much note.
I didn't try to distract myself with questions about whether or not he has experienced similar moments.
[that doesn't particularly matter]
I didn't try to deny it, ignore it, pretend it away.
[that would make it matter too much]
I didn't try to dramatize it or twist it into something overwhelming and desperate.
[that would make it not matter at all]
I just let it exist below the surface of my skin, examined it in my hand as if it were a unknown plant I had found in my garden. Expecting nothing. Demanding nothing. I handled it the only way I could - silence. Silence that's not meant to cover something, but instead to let it continue freely. No constraints. No extra fuel.
Then I let it pass without much note.