Overwhelmed
I feel like I am sinking. I am attempting to attach the paperwork that is involved in the second career application. It is driving me crazy. There's a lot of paperwork and a lot of things that have to be done that cost $$$ that I don't have, but if I don't do them I can't apply, etc. Some of it is extremely stupid. I feel like I spinning my wheels and jumping through hoops. I have an appointment with the caseworker tomorrow. The last appointment was very frustrating as whe was very disparging and discouraging. She ripped my resume apart and was very critical of my job history. Apparently working short-term contracts (which is all that is available in the IT industry these days) makes me look like an unreliable loser from a potential employer's perspective - or at least her perspective. Oh to be that young and confident that my job would last forever. I've worked the same job for the past 8 years, just the name of the company has changed, but it's been under the same provincial organization - just different areas.
The bills and cost of living is really starting to overwhelm me. The bills are piling up and I can't pay them. I'm having to make choices like food or medicine - which is not a good thing. I'm hoping the current warm spell is a trend because I am just about out of oil for the furnace and there's no way I can get anymore.
Karate has gone back to being an annoyance. I am not receiving any training at all. Although I guess it doesn't matter too much. There's no way I'll be able to afford the black belt ranking fee in November. What I had saved up for it has been spent on putting food on the table. It does irk me though to go to class and have to teach. I can count on one hand the number of times that I have gotten training towards moving onwards and still have fingers left over. Last night one of the women in the club ranked and got promoted. I had to assist at one point and she didn't really know some of the material but was advanced anyways.
I've found myself near tears more than once in the past week - this not being able to find a job and the financial situation has me stressed out. Being sick with first the stomach flue and now some sort of sinus/chest cold hasn't helped.
The only bright spot in the past week is mom bought tickets for us to see the Irish Rovers in concert. It was a very good concert. They did not do a lot of their classic material, but they did sing the Unicorn and also Wasn't that a Party My son loved the jokes - the stories and jokes were very good.
I think I'm going to take some time for some bibliotherapy. Thank goodness there are a lot of free classics for the kindle and for my used book store. I took a pile of books in and also did some volunteer work to help the shop owner out - she paid in store credit. I still have about $10 credit left after picking up some books to keep me busy.