and to begin
I began this journal for the release of parts of myself. There are things I must explore yet feel as though I am unable to out loud. I share these things to learn, and understand those parts of myself.
I am not the original person I began as. I am newly charged with wants and desires that are unknown to me as the old person I was raised as.
I began my change in lifestyle with my first girl friend. She was amazing and taught me to love the women that I had been shunning. I remember the first kisses, the first touch and the surity that she did them all with.
There were girl friends and friends. Then there was Allie. My Allie Kat. How could she leave me? How I miss her!
I've burried myself in meaninglessness. I've tried to find love but there is no love like Allie's. I tried to date someone new. She was fantastic and all I could do is compaire her. She was never going to live up. Aventually I would of torn the relationship to pieces and broken her heart even worse than I did. I told her I was in love with her. I thought I was. Maybe I was, but I got scared too. She wanted to marry me. I thought I did too. Until I met Megan.
I know what I did was wrong. It wasn't a lie at the time. I don't know why I don't stay somewhere very long. I don't know why I think I'll find greener pastures elsewhere. Aleta was the perfect girl. She really was great. She treated me like I was the most important thing in the world to her. I broke her heart. I feel like scum.
I am not the original person I began as. I am newly charged with wants and desires that are unknown to me as the old person I was raised as.
I began my change in lifestyle with my first girl friend. She was amazing and taught me to love the women that I had been shunning. I remember the first kisses, the first touch and the surity that she did them all with.
There were girl friends and friends. Then there was Allie. My Allie Kat. How could she leave me? How I miss her!
I've burried myself in meaninglessness. I've tried to find love but there is no love like Allie's. I tried to date someone new. She was fantastic and all I could do is compaire her. She was never going to live up. Aventually I would of torn the relationship to pieces and broken her heart even worse than I did. I told her I was in love with her. I thought I was. Maybe I was, but I got scared too. She wanted to marry me. I thought I did too. Until I met Megan.
I know what I did was wrong. It wasn't a lie at the time. I don't know why I don't stay somewhere very long. I don't know why I think I'll find greener pastures elsewhere. Aleta was the perfect girl. She really was great. She treated me like I was the most important thing in the world to her. I broke her heart. I feel like scum.