In Which Scotty Proves His Ancestry
Title: In Which Scotty Proves His Ancestry
Rating: T?
Fandom: STxi
Characters/pairings: Scotty, Gaila/Sulu and, vague, vague hints of Jim/Bones.
Disclaimer: That I need one should tell you something, no?
Genre: crack, mostly
A/n: way unbeta'd. Inspired by this prompt: "Montgomery Scott is a descendant of Michael Scott. His mannerisms reflect this. :)
Examples:
-"That's what she said!"
-Trying to be culturally conscious and failing miserably
-Failing at athletics
-Throwing parties that are somehow lame and awesome at the same time
Making Keenser cry was probably the weirdest moment of Scotty's life and he STILL didn't understand what he had done wrong. The captain had attempted to explain that comparing his eyes to pickled black olives and saying they were animated with cockroaches was offensive, but it was just a song! And he was kidding! And how was he supposed to know that cockroaches were considered the lowest lifeform in the universe by Keenser's people? Really, the guy never talked (Scotty didn't count the various noises he made regularly because they weren't words he could understand) so there was no way for him to know, and frankly you can't hold a man responsible for what he doesn't know.
"Why," Doctor McCoy had drawled at the end of Scotty's meeting with the captain as he lurked in the doorway of the captain's office, "do you think he got stationed on the ass-end of the universe on a ball of dirty ice? Had more to it than just loosin' that dog, Jim."
The CMO wasn't even supposed to be there! Scotty vowed to make sure the climate controls in the Doctor's quarters were off for the next three weeks.. "Maybe if you stopped lurkin' in doorways, you wouldn't be imagin' that yer room was too cool," Scotty had insisted when the Doctor marched down to his office to complain on the third day.
Scotty did try to make it up to Keenser, though. He threw a party in a room off the engine room and put the magical skills of his distillery to work, producing something he thought was on par with the Doctor's favorite Terran booze. There was also karaoke. Because a party wasn't a party until there was karaoke. He got Gaila to (finally!) promise to come to the party and to maybe wear that cute top of hers that allllmost promised a nip slip, and there were a few others who promised to come, as well.
Ultimately, there was karaoke and Gaila, who did indeed wear her nip slip shirt. Unfortunately, she also brought her boyfriend, Hikaru Sulu, who growled at him when Scotty made a harmless comment about the beauty of her large, lovely emerald green breasts with a cute tattoo on the left one (he was complimenting Sulu's girl! How was that rude, offensive, or inappropriate? And what did Sulu mean when he said those were Orion slave marks?). Keenser attended, too, and Scotty was able to convince him to try black olives, though he looked like he kind of wanted to cry still.
"All right, everybody!" Scotty said, hoping up on one of the tables. "Let's play a game! A game of Scottish origin! Let's play golf!" He clapped his hands and rubbed them together with joy. "Now, I know what yer thinkin'. 'How are we supposed to play golf on a space ship?' Well, here's how." He held up a club, the handle of which was wrapped in double sided tape. "This club is specially designed not to slip out of yer hands, that way you don't damage up my ship," Scotty glared at all six people there, "which none of which of any of you had better do, and these balls," he held up some odd green, translucent looking golf balls, "won't break anythin' important if ye knock 'em off the green."
He jumped off the table and lead the way to a back corner of the engine room, away from the main area, which he had set up to look like a three-course golf green. "Fer a demonstration, watch this," Scotty instructed as he carefully placed one of his balls on a golf tee. He took the club and stood next to the ball, wiggling his hips and lining up his shot in what he thought was an impressive, professional way before he swung back. On the down sweep, Scotty completely missed the ball, and the club tore out of his left hand. It did, however, stay stuck to his right and came around to smack him in the head.
"I'm ok!" he insisted when Sulu tried to take him to sickbay. "I'm ok! I don't need to be seein' a doctor!"
"No." Gaila said, hiking up her shirt and crossing her arms over her chest. "You are saying that because you don't wish to see Doctor McCoy, since you have kept the climate controls in his room off for the last four days and he knows it."
Sulu gave him a look, which the dazed Scotty didn't quite comprehend. "Is that why the Captain's been complaining about the whole ship being cold?"
Gaila looked amused. "Probably. Now," she said, looking at Scotty determinedly. "You are going to sickbay."
"Are you gonna carry me?" he asked.
"No," she said, pointing at Sulu, who cracked his knuckles with a small, evil smile, "but he will."
"That's what she said!"
Keenser made a horrified noise and Gaila facepalmed. "That one didn't even fit, sir."
"But I have to say it," Scotty protested, wobbling a little on his feet.
"I know, sir," Gaila said. "I know."
Keenser tugged at his hand and pointed back out toward the main room with an insistent noise. Scotty gave him a perplexed look and looked over when Gaila sighed.
"He wants to make sure you get to sickbay," she explained. "Go with him. I'll clean up the party."
Scotty decided that not cleaning up the extensive mess (alcohol, food, the karaoke machine, the gold course) was worth the trip to sickbay and allowed Keenser to lead him by the hand up to sickbay. When Doctor McCoy came tearing out of his office when Scotty's presence was announced, he promptly regretted that decision. Keenser laughed.
Rating: T?
Fandom: STxi
Characters/pairings: Scotty, Gaila/Sulu and, vague, vague hints of Jim/Bones.
Disclaimer: That I need one should tell you something, no?
Genre: crack, mostly
A/n: way unbeta'd. Inspired by this prompt: "Montgomery Scott is a descendant of Michael Scott. His mannerisms reflect this. :)
Examples:
-"That's what she said!"
-Trying to be culturally conscious and failing miserably
-Failing at athletics
-Throwing parties that are somehow lame and awesome at the same time
Making Keenser cry was probably the weirdest moment of Scotty's life and he STILL didn't understand what he had done wrong. The captain had attempted to explain that comparing his eyes to pickled black olives and saying they were animated with cockroaches was offensive, but it was just a song! And he was kidding! And how was he supposed to know that cockroaches were considered the lowest lifeform in the universe by Keenser's people? Really, the guy never talked (Scotty didn't count the various noises he made regularly because they weren't words he could understand) so there was no way for him to know, and frankly you can't hold a man responsible for what he doesn't know.
"Why," Doctor McCoy had drawled at the end of Scotty's meeting with the captain as he lurked in the doorway of the captain's office, "do you think he got stationed on the ass-end of the universe on a ball of dirty ice? Had more to it than just loosin' that dog, Jim."
The CMO wasn't even supposed to be there! Scotty vowed to make sure the climate controls in the Doctor's quarters were off for the next three weeks.. "Maybe if you stopped lurkin' in doorways, you wouldn't be imagin' that yer room was too cool," Scotty had insisted when the Doctor marched down to his office to complain on the third day.
Scotty did try to make it up to Keenser, though. He threw a party in a room off the engine room and put the magical skills of his distillery to work, producing something he thought was on par with the Doctor's favorite Terran booze. There was also karaoke. Because a party wasn't a party until there was karaoke. He got Gaila to (finally!) promise to come to the party and to maybe wear that cute top of hers that allllmost promised a nip slip, and there were a few others who promised to come, as well.
Ultimately, there was karaoke and Gaila, who did indeed wear her nip slip shirt. Unfortunately, she also brought her boyfriend, Hikaru Sulu, who growled at him when Scotty made a harmless comment about the beauty of her large, lovely emerald green breasts with a cute tattoo on the left one (he was complimenting Sulu's girl! How was that rude, offensive, or inappropriate? And what did Sulu mean when he said those were Orion slave marks?). Keenser attended, too, and Scotty was able to convince him to try black olives, though he looked like he kind of wanted to cry still.
"All right, everybody!" Scotty said, hoping up on one of the tables. "Let's play a game! A game of Scottish origin! Let's play golf!" He clapped his hands and rubbed them together with joy. "Now, I know what yer thinkin'. 'How are we supposed to play golf on a space ship?' Well, here's how." He held up a club, the handle of which was wrapped in double sided tape. "This club is specially designed not to slip out of yer hands, that way you don't damage up my ship," Scotty glared at all six people there, "which none of which of any of you had better do, and these balls," he held up some odd green, translucent looking golf balls, "won't break anythin' important if ye knock 'em off the green."
He jumped off the table and lead the way to a back corner of the engine room, away from the main area, which he had set up to look like a three-course golf green. "Fer a demonstration, watch this," Scotty instructed as he carefully placed one of his balls on a golf tee. He took the club and stood next to the ball, wiggling his hips and lining up his shot in what he thought was an impressive, professional way before he swung back. On the down sweep, Scotty completely missed the ball, and the club tore out of his left hand. It did, however, stay stuck to his right and came around to smack him in the head.
"I'm ok!" he insisted when Sulu tried to take him to sickbay. "I'm ok! I don't need to be seein' a doctor!"
"No." Gaila said, hiking up her shirt and crossing her arms over her chest. "You are saying that because you don't wish to see Doctor McCoy, since you have kept the climate controls in his room off for the last four days and he knows it."
Sulu gave him a look, which the dazed Scotty didn't quite comprehend. "Is that why the Captain's been complaining about the whole ship being cold?"
Gaila looked amused. "Probably. Now," she said, looking at Scotty determinedly. "You are going to sickbay."
"Are you gonna carry me?" he asked.
"No," she said, pointing at Sulu, who cracked his knuckles with a small, evil smile, "but he will."
"That's what she said!"
Keenser made a horrified noise and Gaila facepalmed. "That one didn't even fit, sir."
"But I have to say it," Scotty protested, wobbling a little on his feet.
"I know, sir," Gaila said. "I know."
Keenser tugged at his hand and pointed back out toward the main room with an insistent noise. Scotty gave him a perplexed look and looked over when Gaila sighed.
"He wants to make sure you get to sickbay," she explained. "Go with him. I'll clean up the party."
Scotty decided that not cleaning up the extensive mess (alcohol, food, the karaoke machine, the gold course) was worth the trip to sickbay and allowed Keenser to lead him by the hand up to sickbay. When Doctor McCoy came tearing out of his office when Scotty's presence was announced, he promptly regretted that decision. Keenser laughed.