muses_w_remotes | 13.1. Numb3rs quote
13.1. “Please, understand, sometimes I can't choose what I work on. I can't follow through on a line of thinking just because I want to, or, or because it's needed. I have to work on what's in my head. And right now, this is what's in my head.”
| Numb3rs
Co-written with agentfraser [Follows THIS, THIS and THIS]
Ali quietly approached James' hospital room and paused in the doorway. He appeared to be asleep, head turned slightly away and arm draped across his blanketed stomach. Even if she looked like some sort of rabid, crazed stalking perve, she watched him sleeping, her fingertips worrying her lower lip. He really was there and he was alive. She had to draw a breath and let out another sigh of relief. It was taking some time for everyone to process, and there was a large array of mixed emotions, but relief was like a secure embrace... that maybe - just maybe - things might be okay now. Ali had to keep reassuring herself he really was okay. Sitting in that crowded church at the memorial service was still so fresh in her mind. The wounds were deep and she just needed a bit more time to start to heal.
In the pram before her, Jamie cooed and broke into a small wave of wet, baby sneezes. It was hardly a loud noise, but as Ali was stooping over her daughter to take care of the explosion of mucus before one of the tiny hands came up and smeared it all over her face, James opened his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping, just trying to for lack of anything better to do. He smiled, drinking in the sight of Ali scooping the baby girl into her arms and expertly plucking a small box of baby wipes from her purse, oblivious to the fact she had an audience. "She leaks as much as you do," he said hoarsely, smirking as he shifted in the bed so he could give her his full attention. "Motherhood suits you, no matter what you fucking say."
Jamie's head turned towards the new voice in the room, causing Ali to miss her target and wipe the baby's shoulder instead. The little girl cooed happily and smiled, leaning over in James' direction before Ali had a chance to throw a retort back at her friend. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "She wants you," she realised in awe, nudging the pram closer to the bed. "She doesn't trust easily, you know, but she wants you."
"Again, like mother, like daughter," James reasoned and held his hands. "Can I hold her?" He would be lying if he didn't admit he thought it was cool his niece was responding to him. It was odd, because they had only had a few days together, and already recognised his voice. He wanted a relationship with her, and he wanted to understand what it felt like to have kids in his life. The baby girl definitely had the Campbell colouring with her light strawberry blonde hair and big blue eyes. As far as James was concerned, she was the most gorgeous baby girl ever, not that he could see some happiness with the heavy cloud of misery that had been following him around.
Ali was still stunned at the scene, but she nodded, edging around the pram to settle the baby into James' arms, careful not to disrupt his IV and oxygen lines. She stayed close, her hands on Jamie's back and diaper butt for a few moments while she made sure James had a secure hold on the bundle and then moved to sit in one of the visitors' chairs. She still reached over and wiped the little girl's face though, just to keep her modest, even if the little nose and lips scrunched up in protest of the wet wipe. Once it was gone, though, her big blue eyes were back on James' face and she kicked her legs out against his arm. "If she gets too heavy or fills her diaper or anything like that, just let me know..." she said softly, leaning on the edge of the bed.
"She's fine," James murmured, smiling down at the baby and stroking his finger across her cheek. "Aren't you, possum? You and me, we've got an agreement, haven't we?" He laughed softly when she grinned again, drooling and kicking her feet even more. "Maybe it's just because I was there with her that day she was sick? She screamed the place down when I tried to put her in that crib thing."
Ali shook her head in amazement, smiling herself. "You almost have as accurate a magical touch as Andrew. Not quite as good, but in the same ball park. You'll learn," she told him, meeting his eyes and patting his leg. "You underestimate yourself."
"Yeah, but he's her Daddy. He's supposed to be the best, isn't he?" James reasoned and smoothed her little yellow dress down. "She's so beautiful, Al. I can't believe I was just going to... to..." He stopped, pressing his lips together and shaking his head as yet more tears spilled over. "Fuck, I'm as bad as you right now."
Ali laughed softly and reached over to brush the tears away with her fingers. "Hey, it's okay. We can leak together," she assured him as her own eyes welled up. She pointed to herself with a snort. "See? Look, you've been through hell and spent the whole time trying to lock all these feelings away so you could operate. They are bound to come roaring to the surface now you have let yourself just be. What some snot between besties, huh? I missed you, you very large bastard," she told him affectionately and started digging around in the baby bag, pulling out a pack of Kleenex with teddy bears on the outside. "See, there is an upside to this pushy a fleshy watermelon out of your vagina. You learn to be prepared." She tucked some tissues into his free hand and took some for herself.
James wiped his eyes but made sure he still had a secure hold on his niece, who was drooling down his fingers that were splayed across her little chest. "The birth. How was it. Were you okay?" he asked. "I should have asked this sooner, I know. I want to make up for everything I missed."
Ali held up her hand. "Ugh, no. That's one thing you don't want to know about. It was fucking awful. I was in labour for over thirty six hours. I'm surprised Andrew wanted to come anywhere near me after the trip in the ambulance. He copped it. It didn't start that suddenly, but I didn't realise what it was. She was a month early, so I had no fucking idea. I went to work and next thing I know my water is breaking and everything is in chaos, not to mention the agony. It was horrible. Let's just settle for that. I might give you all the gory details one day when I'm feeling particularly vengeful towards you. But right now, I need to talk to you about something else."
James nodded. "Okay," he murmured. "Everything okay?"
Ali watched him with a small sigh and then shook her head. "No, it's really not. And I don't know if there is any real way to fix it, but shit happens. Sometimes crap things just need to happen." She took his hand, wrapping both of hers around it. "Your family, Jimbo. It's time to tell them you're okay. You need them. They need you. When they thought you had been murdered, it horrific for them. They need to know you're okay and I think you know that you need more than anything right now to have them here with you."
"Ali..." James whispered, becoming teary again. He squeezed his fingers around hers as a sob caught in his throat. "But you... and Mark... I..."
Ali shook her head, wetting her lips as she tried to swallow back more tears. "No, love. No. That doesn't matter, okay? Andy and I, we're as tough as nails together. We're going to get through it. I'm not going to let Mark take her away from me or Andy, and you know I'll put up one fuck of a fight if he tries. Andy and I are going away on holiday with Sunshine on Monday night. We'll be gone for just under two weeks. This is a perfect time for you to bridge the gap with them, sweetheart. You need the time with them without any of the shit going on peripherally. Andy and I need our time away together. I need to not be here when Mark comes."
"Does he know about Andrew? What if he wants to see her? What do I tell him?" James asked in barely more than a whisper. He knew she was right, and he was suddenly terrified that the prospect of seeing his family was very real. "I-I don't feel so good."
There was an ever-present bag at his bedside in case he started to feel off, so Ali put it on the bed beside him and carefully lifted Jamie into her arms. There was a whimper of protest so she nursed the baby girl against her shoulder, patting her back softly. "You're just overwhelmed and panicked, love. Just take some slow breaths. We'll deal with this at your pace." She took his hand again, just holding it protectively in hers. "He doesn't know. He doesn't know anything. And I don't care if he wants to see her. He's waited this long, he plays to my tune. I haven't even decided if I'm going to let him see her yet. I might just let him fight me for it in court. You tell him the truth and you don't make excuses. I'm not letting you bear the weight of my issues with Mark, Jimbo, nor am I letting my daughter or boyfriend bear it. That's secondary right now. First, you just need your family. The rest we'll face when I'm back and you're a bit more healed and less overwhelmed."
"You make it sound so easy," James whispered hoarsely, putting his hands over his face.
"No way, Jimbo. This isn't easy. It's going to be one of the hardest things in your life you face. But you won't be alone. You'll get through it, I promise," Ali assured him and kissed his fingers. "We got through you dying, I'll be fucked if I fail at getting you through living again."
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 1,711
| Numb3rs
Co-written with agentfraser [Follows THIS, THIS and THIS]
Ali quietly approached James' hospital room and paused in the doorway. He appeared to be asleep, head turned slightly away and arm draped across his blanketed stomach. Even if she looked like some sort of rabid, crazed stalking perve, she watched him sleeping, her fingertips worrying her lower lip. He really was there and he was alive. She had to draw a breath and let out another sigh of relief. It was taking some time for everyone to process, and there was a large array of mixed emotions, but relief was like a secure embrace... that maybe - just maybe - things might be okay now. Ali had to keep reassuring herself he really was okay. Sitting in that crowded church at the memorial service was still so fresh in her mind. The wounds were deep and she just needed a bit more time to start to heal.
In the pram before her, Jamie cooed and broke into a small wave of wet, baby sneezes. It was hardly a loud noise, but as Ali was stooping over her daughter to take care of the explosion of mucus before one of the tiny hands came up and smeared it all over her face, James opened his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping, just trying to for lack of anything better to do. He smiled, drinking in the sight of Ali scooping the baby girl into her arms and expertly plucking a small box of baby wipes from her purse, oblivious to the fact she had an audience. "She leaks as much as you do," he said hoarsely, smirking as he shifted in the bed so he could give her his full attention. "Motherhood suits you, no matter what you fucking say."
Jamie's head turned towards the new voice in the room, causing Ali to miss her target and wipe the baby's shoulder instead. The little girl cooed happily and smiled, leaning over in James' direction before Ali had a chance to throw a retort back at her friend. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "She wants you," she realised in awe, nudging the pram closer to the bed. "She doesn't trust easily, you know, but she wants you."
"Again, like mother, like daughter," James reasoned and held his hands. "Can I hold her?" He would be lying if he didn't admit he thought it was cool his niece was responding to him. It was odd, because they had only had a few days together, and already recognised his voice. He wanted a relationship with her, and he wanted to understand what it felt like to have kids in his life. The baby girl definitely had the Campbell colouring with her light strawberry blonde hair and big blue eyes. As far as James was concerned, she was the most gorgeous baby girl ever, not that he could see some happiness with the heavy cloud of misery that had been following him around.
Ali was still stunned at the scene, but she nodded, edging around the pram to settle the baby into James' arms, careful not to disrupt his IV and oxygen lines. She stayed close, her hands on Jamie's back and diaper butt for a few moments while she made sure James had a secure hold on the bundle and then moved to sit in one of the visitors' chairs. She still reached over and wiped the little girl's face though, just to keep her modest, even if the little nose and lips scrunched up in protest of the wet wipe. Once it was gone, though, her big blue eyes were back on James' face and she kicked her legs out against his arm. "If she gets too heavy or fills her diaper or anything like that, just let me know..." she said softly, leaning on the edge of the bed.
"She's fine," James murmured, smiling down at the baby and stroking his finger across her cheek. "Aren't you, possum? You and me, we've got an agreement, haven't we?" He laughed softly when she grinned again, drooling and kicking her feet even more. "Maybe it's just because I was there with her that day she was sick? She screamed the place down when I tried to put her in that crib thing."
Ali shook her head in amazement, smiling herself. "You almost have as accurate a magical touch as Andrew. Not quite as good, but in the same ball park. You'll learn," she told him, meeting his eyes and patting his leg. "You underestimate yourself."
"Yeah, but he's her Daddy. He's supposed to be the best, isn't he?" James reasoned and smoothed her little yellow dress down. "She's so beautiful, Al. I can't believe I was just going to... to..." He stopped, pressing his lips together and shaking his head as yet more tears spilled over. "Fuck, I'm as bad as you right now."
Ali laughed softly and reached over to brush the tears away with her fingers. "Hey, it's okay. We can leak together," she assured him as her own eyes welled up. She pointed to herself with a snort. "See? Look, you've been through hell and spent the whole time trying to lock all these feelings away so you could operate. They are bound to come roaring to the surface now you have let yourself just be. What some snot between besties, huh? I missed you, you very large bastard," she told him affectionately and started digging around in the baby bag, pulling out a pack of Kleenex with teddy bears on the outside. "See, there is an upside to this pushy a fleshy watermelon out of your vagina. You learn to be prepared." She tucked some tissues into his free hand and took some for herself.
James wiped his eyes but made sure he still had a secure hold on his niece, who was drooling down his fingers that were splayed across her little chest. "The birth. How was it. Were you okay?" he asked. "I should have asked this sooner, I know. I want to make up for everything I missed."
Ali held up her hand. "Ugh, no. That's one thing you don't want to know about. It was fucking awful. I was in labour for over thirty six hours. I'm surprised Andrew wanted to come anywhere near me after the trip in the ambulance. He copped it. It didn't start that suddenly, but I didn't realise what it was. She was a month early, so I had no fucking idea. I went to work and next thing I know my water is breaking and everything is in chaos, not to mention the agony. It was horrible. Let's just settle for that. I might give you all the gory details one day when I'm feeling particularly vengeful towards you. But right now, I need to talk to you about something else."
James nodded. "Okay," he murmured. "Everything okay?"
Ali watched him with a small sigh and then shook her head. "No, it's really not. And I don't know if there is any real way to fix it, but shit happens. Sometimes crap things just need to happen." She took his hand, wrapping both of hers around it. "Your family, Jimbo. It's time to tell them you're okay. You need them. They need you. When they thought you had been murdered, it horrific for them. They need to know you're okay and I think you know that you need more than anything right now to have them here with you."
"Ali..." James whispered, becoming teary again. He squeezed his fingers around hers as a sob caught in his throat. "But you... and Mark... I..."
Ali shook her head, wetting her lips as she tried to swallow back more tears. "No, love. No. That doesn't matter, okay? Andy and I, we're as tough as nails together. We're going to get through it. I'm not going to let Mark take her away from me or Andy, and you know I'll put up one fuck of a fight if he tries. Andy and I are going away on holiday with Sunshine on Monday night. We'll be gone for just under two weeks. This is a perfect time for you to bridge the gap with them, sweetheart. You need the time with them without any of the shit going on peripherally. Andy and I need our time away together. I need to not be here when Mark comes."
"Does he know about Andrew? What if he wants to see her? What do I tell him?" James asked in barely more than a whisper. He knew she was right, and he was suddenly terrified that the prospect of seeing his family was very real. "I-I don't feel so good."
There was an ever-present bag at his bedside in case he started to feel off, so Ali put it on the bed beside him and carefully lifted Jamie into her arms. There was a whimper of protest so she nursed the baby girl against her shoulder, patting her back softly. "You're just overwhelmed and panicked, love. Just take some slow breaths. We'll deal with this at your pace." She took his hand again, just holding it protectively in hers. "He doesn't know. He doesn't know anything. And I don't care if he wants to see her. He's waited this long, he plays to my tune. I haven't even decided if I'm going to let him see her yet. I might just let him fight me for it in court. You tell him the truth and you don't make excuses. I'm not letting you bear the weight of my issues with Mark, Jimbo, nor am I letting my daughter or boyfriend bear it. That's secondary right now. First, you just need your family. The rest we'll face when I'm back and you're a bit more healed and less overwhelmed."
"You make it sound so easy," James whispered hoarsely, putting his hands over his face.
"No way, Jimbo. This isn't easy. It's going to be one of the hardest things in your life you face. But you won't be alone. You'll get through it, I promise," Ali assured him and kissed his fingers. "We got through you dying, I'll be fucked if I fail at getting you through living again."
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 1,711