So the guy from Sears came today...
Our TV had exploded in our faces some time ago and my parents decided to call the Sears Repair Center in order to fix it. The appointment was scheduled in the morning so I had to get my lovely glutenous maximum (not sure if that's how you spell the technical term for butt) out of bed disregarding my severe flu symptoms. My mother left me in charge of cleaning the house as she left to her "class", in which she learns how to make floral arrangements *how nice...*. That left me condemned the whole morning to housekeeping.
The Repair Man finally made an entrance. He wasn't hot, he was your typical repair man, round on all sides, flashing a devilish grin, badly trimmed goatee, must I continue? He left our TV spic and span and my mother finally left me alone...NOT!! She then dragged me to the car and forced me to drive to the groceries. I must mention that I am barely beginning to learn how to drive. Seriously, people like my mom should not be left out in the streets. I could have SERIOUSLY injured somebody with my impaired vision, runny nose, and lack of driving skills. After what seemed like never ending minutes and endless shouting we arrived at the grocery store.
I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation at the grocery store. See, I don't know what it is...but people with colored eyes intimidate me. I can't look at them directly, not because I feel inferior, but because they look so intensely at you, like a pair of laser lights, or better yet ultraviolet rays. The butcher had green eyes. BUTCHER + GREEN EYES = 2LETHAL. And I have such good luck, that even if I have snot coming out of my nostrils, I still manage to incite the hormones of any man *rolls eyes*. So what does the butcher do? HE MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH ME the damn bastard. The whole time I just wanted to vomit from fear. I tried to avoid his eyes and nervously looked away as he handed me the pieces of a dead cow. I thanked him and ran off into the wilderness. My mom and I came home in one piece *major accomplishment for me*, I was drving.
I ended up buying a Cosmo Girl Magazine at the store. As I was flipping through the pages I realized nothing interested me. As I began reading the articles: The 5 Signs that He REALLY likes you, How to apply mascara, etc., I thought of how stupid I had been in High School. Honestly. Cosmo Girl was a sort of Bible, something to consult before making any major decision i.e. first kiss, boyfriends, prom....and now Cosmo Girl meant nothing to me. I laughed at the stupid girls talking about their experiences with the boys and their OH MY GOD episodes. I wont say that I have matured because I am still far from it, but at least I know better now. Those magazines are just stupid bull whose only objective is to shove a million products down your throat, so you can then vomit all of it in your toilet. That has been pretty much the only exciting revolutionary thing in my life that has happened today. Everything else has been somewhat of a bore, and my voice keeps mutating into really bizarre croaking sounds. I kind of sound like the lead singer from the Yeah Yeah Yeah's, but without the cool outfit and the CD contracts.
I must admit though, that there is something that is in the back of my mind. I am committed to this one guy, who is NOOOOO prince charming, but I like him, sometimes. Today is not one of those times. We had a phone conversation on Sunday that really left me wondering if he's even worth my time. I won't get into major details but he always makes me feel guilty about things. Our conversation also included his ex. Well she's not exactly his ex, she's a random vagina who still wishes to sleep with him even though she knows that he belongs to the mother of all vaginas, ME. I don't bring up ex's because I don't think it's healthy in a relationship to do so, he's the one that brought her up. Poor little vagina is going to a wedding next weekend near where Fluffy (the name I will now refer to as my other 1/2) lives. She wants to practically intoxicate herself with alcohol and crash in his place, probably dressed like a slut. To this Fluffy asks me if I'm ok with...if she can stay and crash at his place. I calmly responded no and did not wish to dwell upon the issue, but then he revealed to me that if she did indeed stay at his place he would be tempted to sleep with her. We then argued forever about how we cant see each other because he lives not very far away but, right now he doesn't have a car. He told me to take the bus, and when I refused, he began to make me feel very guilty.
It is now Tuesday, almost Wednesday, and I know nothing.
*breathes deeply*
I have a feeling he is not my Neo.
Hope tomorrow ends with a lighter note....
The Repair Man finally made an entrance. He wasn't hot, he was your typical repair man, round on all sides, flashing a devilish grin, badly trimmed goatee, must I continue? He left our TV spic and span and my mother finally left me alone...NOT!! She then dragged me to the car and forced me to drive to the groceries. I must mention that I am barely beginning to learn how to drive. Seriously, people like my mom should not be left out in the streets. I could have SERIOUSLY injured somebody with my impaired vision, runny nose, and lack of driving skills. After what seemed like never ending minutes and endless shouting we arrived at the grocery store.
I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation at the grocery store. See, I don't know what it is...but people with colored eyes intimidate me. I can't look at them directly, not because I feel inferior, but because they look so intensely at you, like a pair of laser lights, or better yet ultraviolet rays. The butcher had green eyes. BUTCHER + GREEN EYES = 2LETHAL. And I have such good luck, that even if I have snot coming out of my nostrils, I still manage to incite the hormones of any man *rolls eyes*. So what does the butcher do? HE MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH ME the damn bastard. The whole time I just wanted to vomit from fear. I tried to avoid his eyes and nervously looked away as he handed me the pieces of a dead cow. I thanked him and ran off into the wilderness. My mom and I came home in one piece *major accomplishment for me*, I was drving.
I ended up buying a Cosmo Girl Magazine at the store. As I was flipping through the pages I realized nothing interested me. As I began reading the articles: The 5 Signs that He REALLY likes you, How to apply mascara, etc., I thought of how stupid I had been in High School. Honestly. Cosmo Girl was a sort of Bible, something to consult before making any major decision i.e. first kiss, boyfriends, prom....and now Cosmo Girl meant nothing to me. I laughed at the stupid girls talking about their experiences with the boys and their OH MY GOD episodes. I wont say that I have matured because I am still far from it, but at least I know better now. Those magazines are just stupid bull whose only objective is to shove a million products down your throat, so you can then vomit all of it in your toilet. That has been pretty much the only exciting revolutionary thing in my life that has happened today. Everything else has been somewhat of a bore, and my voice keeps mutating into really bizarre croaking sounds. I kind of sound like the lead singer from the Yeah Yeah Yeah's, but without the cool outfit and the CD contracts.
I must admit though, that there is something that is in the back of my mind. I am committed to this one guy, who is NOOOOO prince charming, but I like him, sometimes. Today is not one of those times. We had a phone conversation on Sunday that really left me wondering if he's even worth my time. I won't get into major details but he always makes me feel guilty about things. Our conversation also included his ex. Well she's not exactly his ex, she's a random vagina who still wishes to sleep with him even though she knows that he belongs to the mother of all vaginas, ME. I don't bring up ex's because I don't think it's healthy in a relationship to do so, he's the one that brought her up. Poor little vagina is going to a wedding next weekend near where Fluffy (the name I will now refer to as my other 1/2) lives. She wants to practically intoxicate herself with alcohol and crash in his place, probably dressed like a slut. To this Fluffy asks me if I'm ok with...if she can stay and crash at his place. I calmly responded no and did not wish to dwell upon the issue, but then he revealed to me that if she did indeed stay at his place he would be tempted to sleep with her. We then argued forever about how we cant see each other because he lives not very far away but, right now he doesn't have a car. He told me to take the bus, and when I refused, he began to make me feel very guilty.
It is now Tuesday, almost Wednesday, and I know nothing.
*breathes deeply*
I have a feeling he is not my Neo.
Hope tomorrow ends with a lighter note....