whatever...
I often feel like I’m impaired, It doesn’t help that my parents helped cultivate my self-consciousness. One of them in particular is so hung up on “normalness” that they tried to stamp out my “individualness” in order to “fit in.” I know in retrospect they were trying to help.
Ok onto why I’m writing… if you’re new to my story I suffered a major hemorrhagic stroke in 2008. I was left laterally paralyzed [to my left side] It was a major ordeal that left me damaged emotionally, mentally and physically. I don’t like to mention my troubles with it because I don’t want to appear like I’m using it as an excuse.
I still have trouble articulating my left hand. Typing is difficult as using my left hand to type causes physical pain after a five minute period. This morning I dropped a bowl while using the hand… I constantly have to be aware of it. If I lose concentration even in the slightest it doesn’t respond. It frustrates me to no end. I’m always trying to occupy things on my left side. I wear my messenger bag on the left and even wear rings on my left just so my brain is always stimulated to its presence.
The other thing that bothers me is my inability to “multitask.” Simple things like reading out loud is mentally difficult to me. My speech will slur and I’ll stutter. I hate it so much… or if my thought process is going too fast… I’ll stutter. I hate it so much. It distresses me when people notice. And since people do [notice] I think EVERYONE NOTICES when I speak. I’m more inclined to shut in because of it.