laundry
i don't sleep, i never get any time to relax, i don't party, i don't get good grades anymore, i miss the faces that ive grown up with, i miss my parents.
and so you'd think that i miss my life back home because when i was home, i had all those things. but i don't miss it, i don't miss the past 18 years of my life. i miss my friends, i miss my family, i miss certain things..but i don't miss feeling useless and i don't miss the meaningless-ness that was at the heart of everything i did, thought and accomplished, or thought i'd accomplished.
so does my life have meaning now?
i think so. i don't know so because i can't point to one thing and say yes, that is the reason why i'm alive, but i do know that i'm happy to be alive--that i'm happy to not sleep, not party, not get good grades, and have people to miss. i'm happy that i can thank God that i'm alive.
i wanted to go to california because it was the farthest away i could get from home, but now i think that nc is far enough.
i had a hard time starting over during first semester, and i failed miserably in the end. and so i thought i'd ruined my only chance at a new beginning and i'd have to wait 4 more years until i'd get another chance.
but now i've come to view every day as one more chance, a chance to feel clean. i still have my problems, depression is a real thing, no self-confidence is a real thing, but at least now i feel like i have a chance/reason to recover.
and so you'd think that i miss my life back home because when i was home, i had all those things. but i don't miss it, i don't miss the past 18 years of my life. i miss my friends, i miss my family, i miss certain things..but i don't miss feeling useless and i don't miss the meaningless-ness that was at the heart of everything i did, thought and accomplished, or thought i'd accomplished.
so does my life have meaning now?
i think so. i don't know so because i can't point to one thing and say yes, that is the reason why i'm alive, but i do know that i'm happy to be alive--that i'm happy to not sleep, not party, not get good grades, and have people to miss. i'm happy that i can thank God that i'm alive.
i wanted to go to california because it was the farthest away i could get from home, but now i think that nc is far enough.
i had a hard time starting over during first semester, and i failed miserably in the end. and so i thought i'd ruined my only chance at a new beginning and i'd have to wait 4 more years until i'd get another chance.
but now i've come to view every day as one more chance, a chance to feel clean. i still have my problems, depression is a real thing, no self-confidence is a real thing, but at least now i feel like i have a chance/reason to recover.