muses_w_remotes | 12.2. Due South quote
12.2. “They say that every man has a price at which he'll do anything. I'd like to think it's the other way around. Every man has a line - a line he won't cross over, no matter what the cost.”
| Due South
Co-written with sexyinscrubs | Simultaneous to THIS
Marc hadn’t formed any preconceptions of what Aiden’s new husband would be like. That was probably fortunate a thing, because he didn’t think he would’ve been able to preconceive anything close to what Patrick Preston actually was. Aiden himself was hot, and Marc had told Harri as much in the early days. Patrick was in exactly the same realms and together, the newlyweds made one damn hot couple. The thing was, Pat was about every bit as female he could be whilst remaining very much an out and proud gay guy. Marc liked him immediately. He was a lot like Ali’s little brother, Max, whom Marc had always had a connection with.
Pat was different, though. He was literally head to toe in pink, including pink highlights in his hair and pink Converse shoes on his feet, which somehow perfectly complimented light grey trousers and soft pink silk shirt. It was flashy, but still stylish and Marc couldn’t help but be totally impressed. Pat was friendly and chatty, there being no possible way to miss how much he and Aiden were in love. It was enough to make Marc feel a little homesick all over again, and he let a small wave of sadness wash over him and pass for David. On the face of it, too, there was not a single thing Marc could see to indicate Pat had Multiple Sclerosis. Aiden had mentioned the other night that Pat was well at the moment, which had been a leading notion to their marriage, but Marc did expect the younger man to look a little more ailing than he did. Again, another reason Marc mentally smacked himself for trying to overanalyse things in his personal life before they came to be.
When Marc soon found himself alone with Pat, he was suddenly aware how things could turn if he fucked this up. “Harri tells me your brother plays for Liverpool United,” he said, nursing his glass of wine in his hand.
Pat sat just across from him, deciding alcohol was off the menu for him tonight and opting for a Club Soda instead. On the flipside, it took a lot for Pat to actually dislike anyone just by default. Marc was Harri’s boyfriend, Harri was Aiden’s best friend. Pat had been looking forward to meeting him for awhile now and although he was aware he had some sort of secret to shield, it wasn’t a bearing at all on Pat to his first impressions of the other man. He found Marc friendly and pleasant, and was glad to have them both drop in for dinner that night. He nodded. “He sure does. He’s just signed for another three years, too. Is this the part you tell me you’re a Man U fan?” he asked in amusement.
Marc shook his head, laughing. “No, I enjoy all English football when I’m over there, but my main supporter heart lies with Rugby League in Australia,” he said.
“Understandable,” Pat agreed with a nod and a smile. “Loyalty to your home country is something I very much understand. Do you miss your home? I get really homesick at times. So does my best mate, who is Scottish to the core. We love it here, but home will always be Britain.”
Marc was a little taken aback at how Pat seemed to be able to find Marc’s Achilles Heel so quickly. But it wasn’t intrusive, nor did it have a sense of pushing. It was a genuine question with a foundation of understanding, so Marc nodded. “Lately, very much so. This past year, a lot of things have changed for me, so I feel a little in limbo right now,” he admitted and followed with a sip of his wine.
“That’s also something I’m not foreign to, darling. It took me a long time to readjust after I first fell ill. It was like I was a whole different person in the same world I always knew. I just didn’t like myself anymore,” Pat revealed with a faint smile. “That was over a year and a half ago now and I still have days where I wake up wondering what the fuck I’m doing or how I’m going to find the energy to do it. Aiden’s been the shining light at the end of the tunnel of dark crap. But even he knows I still can’t avoid bad days. Are you unhappy?”
Marc shook his head. “Not entirely. Parts of me are unhappy, other parts are ecstatic. And then there is this uncontrollable part inside that is really confused and can’t seem to connect with the happy or the unhappy.” He scratched his head, realising he probably sounded like a total dickhead.
“The brain and heart are complex things. I don’t think we’re ever supposed to be monotonously one emotion. The world would be a boring place, and we would only be able to see it in shades of grey.” Pat watched him closely for a moment. “You’re going to be a father. Is that the happy or the unhappy? Just know, anything you say says in this room. You just sound a little like you need someone to talk to, darling.”
Pat was a nurse and Marc could see in that brief moment why he would be such a successful one. What Marc wouldn’t have given to have a nurse like Pat on some of his hospital visits. He usually got the middle-aged Hitler wannabes. “That’s the happy. Wondering how I’m going to pull off fatherhood in my situation is a big part of the confused, among other things…” He cleared his throat. “You’re very easy to talk to.”
“I just know how to listen, darling. Having ears doesn’t a good listener make by default, despite what some think,” Pat told him with a small laugh. “The happy, unhappy, and undiluted confusion is something I can identify with. It can also be a dangerous mix… it can cause you to try and push people away you really want and need by your side.”
“My job isn’t conducive to a normal and happy family lifestyle…” Marc said quietly and finished off his wine
Pat sat forward to top Marc’s glass up from the bottle chilling in the silver bucket on the coffee table. “You sound like Aiden in the early days when I first met him. Are you a workaholic too, darling?” he asked, amused.
Something seemed to click in Marc’s brain right then. This really was Aiden’s husband and was going to be a part of Marc’s child’s life forever. That was huge… massive… He had wanted to believe his ‘secret’ could be kept without needing to tell anyone else. He had already risked a lot trying to protect his relationship with Harri and bring Ali back into his life. Aiden had to know so Harri wouldn’t be forced to continuously lie and veil things to her best friend, who was the closest person to her in her life. But now Aiden was married and Marc could see without any doubt that the lines between everything weren’t as black and white as he hoped. With doubts already planted in his mind lately, he just knew in his heart he couldn’t expect Aiden to lie to his husband. No one should be forced to begin a marriage with secrets between them. “I’m an FBI Special Agent and a member of the US Secret Service,” he found himself saying, though it was a hushed declaration. “I’m a trained workaholic. I gave up my life - literally - for my job.”
Pat had been about to pour the wine, but he stopped for the sake of the glass, bottle and carpet, all of which would’ve been a right mess if he kept going. His eyes connected with Marc’s to analyse whether he was joking or not. Was that the secret Marc had for good reasons? His blue eyes widened just a little. “You’re not going to kill me now, are you, darling?” he asked, though it was a complete joke.
Marc had to laugh at this. He held his hand up and shook his head. “No, no it’s not like that. Well, okay, it can be, but not in situations like this. I can’t really tell you much more than that, but you needed to know. If Harri and I are having a kid, if you’re going to be one of the godfathers, you’re married to Aiden… I didn’t want your husband being forced to lie to you. That’s not fair.”
Pat sat back down with the wine bottle cupped between his hands, looking over Marc’s face closely. He wet his lips, but didn’t say anything straight away. He realised that could be off-putting to Marc, but he really couldn’t have something like that revealed to him and not take a few moments to try and process it. “Thank you,” he finally said quietly. “That really does mean a lot to me. I’m sure it’s not an easy thing for you to just decide to reveal this to a complete stranger. But at the same time, I hope we won’t remain strangers.”
“Of course not,” Marc told him, smiling. “I’m happy for you both. I understand on some level how you’re feeling. I swing both ways… swung both ways. I was in a serious relationship with a man for two years a few years back. We’d even talked about marriage.”
Past tense, of course. Marc was with Harri now. Pat didn’t miss the edge of sadness in the Aussie voice, though. “Darling, if you swung both ways to that point, you don’t ever stop swinging. It’s not a hobby, so forgive me if I’m a little confused by your statement. Can I ask what happened to your lover?” he asked tentatively, not wanting to push any boundaries Marc was unwilling or unable to talk about.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Marc conceded with a nod. Pat was a gay guy, so he wasn’t going to buy that Marc could just switch his sexuality off like a light switch. “Marc’s actually not my real name. I left my previous life to join the SS, and because of what I was joining into, I had to become someone new. I’m undercover and could be for many years. Even if the case finished, I’m likely to just go onto something else that stems from it. I need that to be something that doesn’t leave this room, but I get a feeling I can trust you.”
Pat nodded. “You can. You have my word. It’s not my story to tell.”
Marc smiled faintly but nodded gratefully. “Whatever I walked away from, everything seems to still interlink some way or another,” he said, but didn’t elaborate on his thought. “My lover was a cop with the NYPD. He was shot and killed in a shoot out during a drug bust. I still miss him, even to this day. That was… hell, coming close to four years ago now. Who really even knows where I would be these days if he hadn’t been killed. He was really important to me, but he was the only male I had a serious relationship with. That side of things was mostly just sex. But my new persona is very straight. That’s what I meant by ‘swung’.”
“Ah, see,” Pat murmured with another nod. “Now I understand a bit better and I’m sorry you had to suffer such an horrific loss, darling. It does make me wonder, though, why you would choose to walk away from your life if you already knew how much pain loss could bring you.”
Marc dropped his eyes to his wine glass. “He’s why,” came the quiet reply.
Pat heard Aiden and Harri coming up the hall, so he just reached over and gently squeezed Marc’s arm. “Then the regret is always going to be worth it, darling. Love just is.” He was pouring Marc’s wine when Aiden and Harri returned, but he met Marc’s eyes and a silent understanding was shared between them.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 2,005
| Due South
Co-written with sexyinscrubs | Simultaneous to THIS
Marc hadn’t formed any preconceptions of what Aiden’s new husband would be like. That was probably fortunate a thing, because he didn’t think he would’ve been able to preconceive anything close to what Patrick Preston actually was. Aiden himself was hot, and Marc had told Harri as much in the early days. Patrick was in exactly the same realms and together, the newlyweds made one damn hot couple. The thing was, Pat was about every bit as female he could be whilst remaining very much an out and proud gay guy. Marc liked him immediately. He was a lot like Ali’s little brother, Max, whom Marc had always had a connection with.
Pat was different, though. He was literally head to toe in pink, including pink highlights in his hair and pink Converse shoes on his feet, which somehow perfectly complimented light grey trousers and soft pink silk shirt. It was flashy, but still stylish and Marc couldn’t help but be totally impressed. Pat was friendly and chatty, there being no possible way to miss how much he and Aiden were in love. It was enough to make Marc feel a little homesick all over again, and he let a small wave of sadness wash over him and pass for David. On the face of it, too, there was not a single thing Marc could see to indicate Pat had Multiple Sclerosis. Aiden had mentioned the other night that Pat was well at the moment, which had been a leading notion to their marriage, but Marc did expect the younger man to look a little more ailing than he did. Again, another reason Marc mentally smacked himself for trying to overanalyse things in his personal life before they came to be.
When Marc soon found himself alone with Pat, he was suddenly aware how things could turn if he fucked this up. “Harri tells me your brother plays for Liverpool United,” he said, nursing his glass of wine in his hand.
Pat sat just across from him, deciding alcohol was off the menu for him tonight and opting for a Club Soda instead. On the flipside, it took a lot for Pat to actually dislike anyone just by default. Marc was Harri’s boyfriend, Harri was Aiden’s best friend. Pat had been looking forward to meeting him for awhile now and although he was aware he had some sort of secret to shield, it wasn’t a bearing at all on Pat to his first impressions of the other man. He found Marc friendly and pleasant, and was glad to have them both drop in for dinner that night. He nodded. “He sure does. He’s just signed for another three years, too. Is this the part you tell me you’re a Man U fan?” he asked in amusement.
Marc shook his head, laughing. “No, I enjoy all English football when I’m over there, but my main supporter heart lies with Rugby League in Australia,” he said.
“Understandable,” Pat agreed with a nod and a smile. “Loyalty to your home country is something I very much understand. Do you miss your home? I get really homesick at times. So does my best mate, who is Scottish to the core. We love it here, but home will always be Britain.”
Marc was a little taken aback at how Pat seemed to be able to find Marc’s Achilles Heel so quickly. But it wasn’t intrusive, nor did it have a sense of pushing. It was a genuine question with a foundation of understanding, so Marc nodded. “Lately, very much so. This past year, a lot of things have changed for me, so I feel a little in limbo right now,” he admitted and followed with a sip of his wine.
“That’s also something I’m not foreign to, darling. It took me a long time to readjust after I first fell ill. It was like I was a whole different person in the same world I always knew. I just didn’t like myself anymore,” Pat revealed with a faint smile. “That was over a year and a half ago now and I still have days where I wake up wondering what the fuck I’m doing or how I’m going to find the energy to do it. Aiden’s been the shining light at the end of the tunnel of dark crap. But even he knows I still can’t avoid bad days. Are you unhappy?”
Marc shook his head. “Not entirely. Parts of me are unhappy, other parts are ecstatic. And then there is this uncontrollable part inside that is really confused and can’t seem to connect with the happy or the unhappy.” He scratched his head, realising he probably sounded like a total dickhead.
“The brain and heart are complex things. I don’t think we’re ever supposed to be monotonously one emotion. The world would be a boring place, and we would only be able to see it in shades of grey.” Pat watched him closely for a moment. “You’re going to be a father. Is that the happy or the unhappy? Just know, anything you say says in this room. You just sound a little like you need someone to talk to, darling.”
Pat was a nurse and Marc could see in that brief moment why he would be such a successful one. What Marc wouldn’t have given to have a nurse like Pat on some of his hospital visits. He usually got the middle-aged Hitler wannabes. “That’s the happy. Wondering how I’m going to pull off fatherhood in my situation is a big part of the confused, among other things…” He cleared his throat. “You’re very easy to talk to.”
“I just know how to listen, darling. Having ears doesn’t a good listener make by default, despite what some think,” Pat told him with a small laugh. “The happy, unhappy, and undiluted confusion is something I can identify with. It can also be a dangerous mix… it can cause you to try and push people away you really want and need by your side.”
“My job isn’t conducive to a normal and happy family lifestyle…” Marc said quietly and finished off his wine
Pat sat forward to top Marc’s glass up from the bottle chilling in the silver bucket on the coffee table. “You sound like Aiden in the early days when I first met him. Are you a workaholic too, darling?” he asked, amused.
Something seemed to click in Marc’s brain right then. This really was Aiden’s husband and was going to be a part of Marc’s child’s life forever. That was huge… massive… He had wanted to believe his ‘secret’ could be kept without needing to tell anyone else. He had already risked a lot trying to protect his relationship with Harri and bring Ali back into his life. Aiden had to know so Harri wouldn’t be forced to continuously lie and veil things to her best friend, who was the closest person to her in her life. But now Aiden was married and Marc could see without any doubt that the lines between everything weren’t as black and white as he hoped. With doubts already planted in his mind lately, he just knew in his heart he couldn’t expect Aiden to lie to his husband. No one should be forced to begin a marriage with secrets between them. “I’m an FBI Special Agent and a member of the US Secret Service,” he found himself saying, though it was a hushed declaration. “I’m a trained workaholic. I gave up my life - literally - for my job.”
Pat had been about to pour the wine, but he stopped for the sake of the glass, bottle and carpet, all of which would’ve been a right mess if he kept going. His eyes connected with Marc’s to analyse whether he was joking or not. Was that the secret Marc had for good reasons? His blue eyes widened just a little. “You’re not going to kill me now, are you, darling?” he asked, though it was a complete joke.
Marc had to laugh at this. He held his hand up and shook his head. “No, no it’s not like that. Well, okay, it can be, but not in situations like this. I can’t really tell you much more than that, but you needed to know. If Harri and I are having a kid, if you’re going to be one of the godfathers, you’re married to Aiden… I didn’t want your husband being forced to lie to you. That’s not fair.”
Pat sat back down with the wine bottle cupped between his hands, looking over Marc’s face closely. He wet his lips, but didn’t say anything straight away. He realised that could be off-putting to Marc, but he really couldn’t have something like that revealed to him and not take a few moments to try and process it. “Thank you,” he finally said quietly. “That really does mean a lot to me. I’m sure it’s not an easy thing for you to just decide to reveal this to a complete stranger. But at the same time, I hope we won’t remain strangers.”
“Of course not,” Marc told him, smiling. “I’m happy for you both. I understand on some level how you’re feeling. I swing both ways… swung both ways. I was in a serious relationship with a man for two years a few years back. We’d even talked about marriage.”
Past tense, of course. Marc was with Harri now. Pat didn’t miss the edge of sadness in the Aussie voice, though. “Darling, if you swung both ways to that point, you don’t ever stop swinging. It’s not a hobby, so forgive me if I’m a little confused by your statement. Can I ask what happened to your lover?” he asked tentatively, not wanting to push any boundaries Marc was unwilling or unable to talk about.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Marc conceded with a nod. Pat was a gay guy, so he wasn’t going to buy that Marc could just switch his sexuality off like a light switch. “Marc’s actually not my real name. I left my previous life to join the SS, and because of what I was joining into, I had to become someone new. I’m undercover and could be for many years. Even if the case finished, I’m likely to just go onto something else that stems from it. I need that to be something that doesn’t leave this room, but I get a feeling I can trust you.”
Pat nodded. “You can. You have my word. It’s not my story to tell.”
Marc smiled faintly but nodded gratefully. “Whatever I walked away from, everything seems to still interlink some way or another,” he said, but didn’t elaborate on his thought. “My lover was a cop with the NYPD. He was shot and killed in a shoot out during a drug bust. I still miss him, even to this day. That was… hell, coming close to four years ago now. Who really even knows where I would be these days if he hadn’t been killed. He was really important to me, but he was the only male I had a serious relationship with. That side of things was mostly just sex. But my new persona is very straight. That’s what I meant by ‘swung’.”
“Ah, see,” Pat murmured with another nod. “Now I understand a bit better and I’m sorry you had to suffer such an horrific loss, darling. It does make me wonder, though, why you would choose to walk away from your life if you already knew how much pain loss could bring you.”
Marc dropped his eyes to his wine glass. “He’s why,” came the quiet reply.
Pat heard Aiden and Harri coming up the hall, so he just reached over and gently squeezed Marc’s arm. “Then the regret is always going to be worth it, darling. Love just is.” He was pouring Marc’s wine when Aiden and Harri returned, but he met Marc’s eyes and a silent understanding was shared between them.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 2,005