I'mma Write Me Up A Book
So I've decided to break my long-standing rule against self-publication and to try to compile some of my short stories, journal entries, and comedy bits into a collection of short works to sell as an E-book on Amazon's Kindle store. Here is what I plan to put on the virtual back of the book-jacket:
If you like me, that's a good reason to buy this book. If you love me, that's a better one. But the best reason of all to make this purchase is if you hate me. You see, nothing will give you greater justification for your antipathy towards me than having spent money on something I've done and regretting it later.
It will give you every excuse to shake your fist, growling "Oh, that Tom Patton!"
Perhaps you will read excerpts to your friends, inspiring them to say, "Yeah dude, totally, that sucked. You got robbed!" This will engender a greater bond between you and these brothers.
What is completely certain, is that in sympathy for your plight at having been fleeced, lascivious women of buxom character will shed their bras and stoop to no end of depravity to soothe your injured spirit and restore your faith that there is good in the world, even if it is not to be found within the following pages.
And seriously though, the word 'Koala' appears a LOT in this book. I mean a freaking ton. Like 70,000 times or something. You have to see it to believe it.
If you like me, that's a good reason to buy this book. If you love me, that's a better one. But the best reason of all to make this purchase is if you hate me. You see, nothing will give you greater justification for your antipathy towards me than having spent money on something I've done and regretting it later.
It will give you every excuse to shake your fist, growling "Oh, that Tom Patton!"
Perhaps you will read excerpts to your friends, inspiring them to say, "Yeah dude, totally, that sucked. You got robbed!" This will engender a greater bond between you and these brothers.
What is completely certain, is that in sympathy for your plight at having been fleeced, lascivious women of buxom character will shed their bras and stoop to no end of depravity to soothe your injured spirit and restore your faith that there is good in the world, even if it is not to be found within the following pages.
And seriously though, the word 'Koala' appears a LOT in this book. I mean a freaking ton. Like 70,000 times or something. You have to see it to believe it.