My Job Has Ruined My Ability To Pick Fights
Seriously, it's rediculous.
It used to be I could be out drinking with friends, bump into a bloke, and be like, "Whatch where you're going fucker, I'm gonna kick your ass!"
But now I'm all,
"Look out fucker, or I will cram my foot up your ass, insulflate you as I carefully motion my ankle around your transverse flecture and proceed through the illeal cecal valve into your cecum. Once there I shall begin to withdraw my foot in a spiral motion, looking for diverticulosis, polyps, or signs of bowel disease. If I should encounter any polyps I will remove them with forceps or electro-cautery to drastically reduce your future risk of getting cancer. It is medically advisable that you have me kick your fucking ass every 5-10 years depending on your familly history and my post-procedural recommendation."
This is not threatening.
It used to be I could be out drinking with friends, bump into a bloke, and be like, "Whatch where you're going fucker, I'm gonna kick your ass!"
But now I'm all,
"Look out fucker, or I will cram my foot up your ass, insulflate you as I carefully motion my ankle around your transverse flecture and proceed through the illeal cecal valve into your cecum. Once there I shall begin to withdraw my foot in a spiral motion, looking for diverticulosis, polyps, or signs of bowel disease. If I should encounter any polyps I will remove them with forceps or electro-cautery to drastically reduce your future risk of getting cancer. It is medically advisable that you have me kick your fucking ass every 5-10 years depending on your familly history and my post-procedural recommendation."
This is not threatening.