I hate myself lately.

[agent_feminazi]

I've become grateful for anger and pain, because i start to feel more and more like they're the only things I can feel.

Things just build up and build up in me..or I over react and it all causes nights like the past two..where i can't sleep..and all i wanna do is keeping taking my aimless walks around campus, but eventually stop because i'm going nowhere at all and would really hate to be reported as a sketch looking person.

I just feel so worthless lately. Not because I'm lazy. Not because I'm indifferent. I'm actually neither of the two. I try and try to do everything the way I ought. I push and push and push myself.
I just feel so worthless.
I just feel like i need some one to take my hands in theirs, look me in the eyes and tell me that I have some sort..any sort of meaning in their life.. or atleast say something semi-flattering.

I feel so ugly.
so angry
so bipolar
so unworthy

I just want to be with people constantly.
be entirely alone.
be everything you want me to be.
be okay with the fact I'm not who anyone wants me to be.

also. My juries sucked. hard core. worst playing ive done in quite sometime...and now that I've been accepted into the small college intercollegiate band, I feel taht those who know i've been accepted just expect that much more out of me.

I don't know what i need..I just need to happen now.

now..