(Fic) Merrily on High
Title: Merrily on High
Universe: Anyverse (Choose Your Own Universe)
Author: agent0fchaos
Proof Reader: pressure_hinges
Word Count: 1087
Characters: Harley & Joker
Rating: G/PG
Disclaimer: I write for pleasure, not profit
Genre: Crack-fluff-humor
Summary: Joker leaves Arkham on Christmas Day.
Note: This was written for batfic_contest theme Christmas and I tied for first place! All of the fanfics were SUPERB this round so this was a total surprise. I strongly urge you all to wander over to that community and read the other fanfics. :)
Harley threw her arms around the Joker's neck, standing on tiptoe to nuzzle him with her cold little button nose.
"Oooh, you jingle," he giggled, wrapping one arm around her small waist and cupping her bottom. Squealing, Harley wiggled in his grip and then pulled away to settle into the driver's side of their getaway car.
There would be time for lovin' later, after she had transported him to safety.
Mister J had chosen Christmas Day to bust out of Arkham and Harley decided to get into the holiday spirit with a belted, hooded red dress coat trimmed in white faux fur, a string of jingle bells twined in the belt loops. She wore civilian clothes underneath as they were going directly to their new home.
"Jingle bells, Batman smells," Joker tittered, prodding her bells with his index finger as he laughed with the glee of a four year old. Tilting her head, Harley kept her eyes on the road ahead of her but briefly shifted her eyes to the side, curious about his behavior. At a red traffic light, Harley turned to look at him. A puddle of saliva collected at one corner of his mouth and dribbled down his chin as he sang again, throwing his arms out, and narrowly missing Harley's face.
"...and the Joker got away!"
"Puddin, are you OK?" Harley felt his forehead. It was warm, but not hot. "You're acting funny...funnier I mean."
"I'm always funny! I'm an irregular riot!"
"Hah," Harley's growing concern outweighed her funny bone. As the light turned green and Harley's attention went back to driving, she tried to question him. "What did you do today? Before you escaped?"
"Lessee...I got up. Ate pancakes. Mmmm. Sang some Spike Jones tunes with the boys from cellblock G...took my meds and left."
"Uh,oh." Harley said.
"Spaghetti-O's!"
"Do you know what kind of meds they gave you, Mister J?"
"Sssummin called...halitosis? No, no, no. Tha's not it. Little white round things. Like Chrissmass fairy dew drops."
"Halcion?" Harley ventured, remembering the name from the long gone days of her work as a psychiatrist.
"Tha's the one!" Joker giggled again, lolling his head back against the head rest. "I took mine an' Crane's."
"You took two doses?" Harley groaned. "Gosh, Mister J..."
"Well, he was only gonna cheek it! I didn't want it to go to waste."
Harley tried not to show the anxiety she was suddenly feeling. It was bad enough with one dose of Halcion running through Mister J...but two? Oh, boy. Thanks a bunch, Santa, thought Harley exasperatingly.
Harley pulled the car alongside the street where a broken meter sat. Getting out, she bounded around the car and opened his door, biting down on her chapped bottom lip as she watched him slowly swing his legs around the side. It took three attempts before Harley got him up to his feet. Four including him trying to stand up with his seat belt still on.
The Joker wobbled as he stepped away from the vehicle so Harley could shut the door behind him. When she looked at him his eyes were heavy and bloodshot.
"How long has it been since you slept?" Harley asked, positioning herself under one of his arms, supporting him as they slowly shuffled up to a rundown brownstone building where Harley moved their belongings earlier that morning.
"Only a day..."
"Oh," replied Harley, taking baby steps up the stairs.
"Or three."
"Oh, dear." Straining to hold him upright as she held open the heavy door, Harley felt the sweat gathering across her forehead as he took a snail's pace getting inside. As soon as he stepped over the threshold, she let the door slam behind her, catching the bottom of her faux fur trim. Grabbing onto the Joker, Harley led the way towards the staircase. "My poor Puddin'."
"Hey. I've always wanted to know...what kind of pudding am I?"
"Huh?"
"Like what kind of pudding do you think about when you call me puddin?"
"Gee, Mister J, I never really-"
"Butterscotch?" he interrupted. "I like that. Banana cream is another great flavor. Got that whole...banana thing going for it." He groaned as they reached the top of the staircase. "Just not vanilla. Anything but vanilla!"
"Not vanilla, I promise."
"Hey! Did you know in the old movies...the old pie in the face gag? They probably used banana in those. Not like today. All they use is crummy, stinkin' whipped cream in a pie tin. Where's the respect, huh?" He suddenly grabbed her shoulders and gave her a shake, putting his weight against her small frame. "Where's the pie, Harley!"
"Aw, don't you worry, Mister J," said Harley, taking hold of one of his hands and pulling his arm around her so that he leaned against her back as she fished around in her purse for the key to the room. "After you've had a nice, long sleep and let those nasty pills run their course, I can make you a banana cream pie." Finding the key, she quickly opened the door and began to pull him inside. "Then you can slap it in my face if you want."
"Oh, pun'kin pooh! You'd do that for me?"
"Sure! It's the season for giving, right?"
"Jus' like Laurel and Hardy?"
"Just like Laurel and Hardy, angel."
She kicked the door closed and walked him over to the bed where she let him go and watched him fall onto the lumpy mattress. Waiting until he curled to one side, Harley removed his shoes before drawing the covers over him.
"Whew," Harley softly sighed to herself, wiping her perspiring brow. She would never say the Joker was heavy but for her petite frame it had been a bit much. Taking off her jingly jacket, Harley smiled down at the slumbering form before turning to go into the bathroom.
"Hey...hey...pumpkin doodle?"
"Huh?" Harley turned towards the bed. He had the covers pulled over his head.
"What kind of pudding do you like best?"
Harley felt a blush rise to her cheeks despite him being unable to see her.
"I like Christmas pudding best of all."
He snorted in response, and then the covers began to shake with his chuckles, followed by peals of hysterical laughter.
"Oh, Harley girl, you always try so hard to be punny."
"Got you to laugh," Harley muttered to herself with an exasperated sigh, her moment of holiday saccharine ruined as she turned her back towards him and went into the bathroom. That's it. Forget Christmas; I'm going back to Hanukkah.
- END -
Notes:
- Don't ask questions that have to deal with logic like "How did the Joker get out?" It's Choose Your Own Adventure Day! XD Not to mention I plead cracky fluff goodness
- Halcion is a benzodiazepine / sedative that can make its recipient rather loopy
Universe: Anyverse (Choose Your Own Universe)
Author: agent0fchaos
Proof Reader: pressure_hinges
Word Count: 1087
Characters: Harley & Joker
Rating: G/PG
Disclaimer: I write for pleasure, not profit
Genre: Crack-fluff-humor
Summary: Joker leaves Arkham on Christmas Day.
Note: This was written for batfic_contest theme Christmas and I tied for first place! All of the fanfics were SUPERB this round so this was a total surprise. I strongly urge you all to wander over to that community and read the other fanfics. :)
Harley threw her arms around the Joker's neck, standing on tiptoe to nuzzle him with her cold little button nose.
"Oooh, you jingle," he giggled, wrapping one arm around her small waist and cupping her bottom. Squealing, Harley wiggled in his grip and then pulled away to settle into the driver's side of their getaway car.
There would be time for lovin' later, after she had transported him to safety.
Mister J had chosen Christmas Day to bust out of Arkham and Harley decided to get into the holiday spirit with a belted, hooded red dress coat trimmed in white faux fur, a string of jingle bells twined in the belt loops. She wore civilian clothes underneath as they were going directly to their new home.
"Jingle bells, Batman smells," Joker tittered, prodding her bells with his index finger as he laughed with the glee of a four year old. Tilting her head, Harley kept her eyes on the road ahead of her but briefly shifted her eyes to the side, curious about his behavior. At a red traffic light, Harley turned to look at him. A puddle of saliva collected at one corner of his mouth and dribbled down his chin as he sang again, throwing his arms out, and narrowly missing Harley's face.
"...and the Joker got away!"
"Puddin, are you OK?" Harley felt his forehead. It was warm, but not hot. "You're acting funny...funnier I mean."
"I'm always funny! I'm an irregular riot!"
"Hah," Harley's growing concern outweighed her funny bone. As the light turned green and Harley's attention went back to driving, she tried to question him. "What did you do today? Before you escaped?"
"Lessee...I got up. Ate pancakes. Mmmm. Sang some Spike Jones tunes with the boys from cellblock G...took my meds and left."
"Uh,oh." Harley said.
"Spaghetti-O's!"
"Do you know what kind of meds they gave you, Mister J?"
"Sssummin called...halitosis? No, no, no. Tha's not it. Little white round things. Like Chrissmass fairy dew drops."
"Halcion?" Harley ventured, remembering the name from the long gone days of her work as a psychiatrist.
"Tha's the one!" Joker giggled again, lolling his head back against the head rest. "I took mine an' Crane's."
"You took two doses?" Harley groaned. "Gosh, Mister J..."
"Well, he was only gonna cheek it! I didn't want it to go to waste."
Harley tried not to show the anxiety she was suddenly feeling. It was bad enough with one dose of Halcion running through Mister J...but two? Oh, boy. Thanks a bunch, Santa, thought Harley exasperatingly.
Harley pulled the car alongside the street where a broken meter sat. Getting out, she bounded around the car and opened his door, biting down on her chapped bottom lip as she watched him slowly swing his legs around the side. It took three attempts before Harley got him up to his feet. Four including him trying to stand up with his seat belt still on.
The Joker wobbled as he stepped away from the vehicle so Harley could shut the door behind him. When she looked at him his eyes were heavy and bloodshot.
"How long has it been since you slept?" Harley asked, positioning herself under one of his arms, supporting him as they slowly shuffled up to a rundown brownstone building where Harley moved their belongings earlier that morning.
"Only a day..."
"Oh," replied Harley, taking baby steps up the stairs.
"Or three."
"Oh, dear." Straining to hold him upright as she held open the heavy door, Harley felt the sweat gathering across her forehead as he took a snail's pace getting inside. As soon as he stepped over the threshold, she let the door slam behind her, catching the bottom of her faux fur trim. Grabbing onto the Joker, Harley led the way towards the staircase. "My poor Puddin'."
"Hey. I've always wanted to know...what kind of pudding am I?"
"Huh?"
"Like what kind of pudding do you think about when you call me puddin?"
"Gee, Mister J, I never really-"
"Butterscotch?" he interrupted. "I like that. Banana cream is another great flavor. Got that whole...banana thing going for it." He groaned as they reached the top of the staircase. "Just not vanilla. Anything but vanilla!"
"Not vanilla, I promise."
"Hey! Did you know in the old movies...the old pie in the face gag? They probably used banana in those. Not like today. All they use is crummy, stinkin' whipped cream in a pie tin. Where's the respect, huh?" He suddenly grabbed her shoulders and gave her a shake, putting his weight against her small frame. "Where's the pie, Harley!"
"Aw, don't you worry, Mister J," said Harley, taking hold of one of his hands and pulling his arm around her so that he leaned against her back as she fished around in her purse for the key to the room. "After you've had a nice, long sleep and let those nasty pills run their course, I can make you a banana cream pie." Finding the key, she quickly opened the door and began to pull him inside. "Then you can slap it in my face if you want."
"Oh, pun'kin pooh! You'd do that for me?"
"Sure! It's the season for giving, right?"
"Jus' like Laurel and Hardy?"
"Just like Laurel and Hardy, angel."
She kicked the door closed and walked him over to the bed where she let him go and watched him fall onto the lumpy mattress. Waiting until he curled to one side, Harley removed his shoes before drawing the covers over him.
"Whew," Harley softly sighed to herself, wiping her perspiring brow. She would never say the Joker was heavy but for her petite frame it had been a bit much. Taking off her jingly jacket, Harley smiled down at the slumbering form before turning to go into the bathroom.
"Hey...hey...pumpkin doodle?"
"Huh?" Harley turned towards the bed. He had the covers pulled over his head.
"What kind of pudding do you like best?"
Harley felt a blush rise to her cheeks despite him being unable to see her.
"I like Christmas pudding best of all."
He snorted in response, and then the covers began to shake with his chuckles, followed by peals of hysterical laughter.
"Oh, Harley girl, you always try so hard to be punny."
"Got you to laugh," Harley muttered to herself with an exasperated sigh, her moment of holiday saccharine ruined as she turned her back towards him and went into the bathroom. That's it. Forget Christmas; I'm going back to Hanukkah.
- END -
Notes:
- Don't ask questions that have to deal with logic like "How did the Joker get out?" It's Choose Your Own Adventure Day! XD Not to mention I plead cracky fluff goodness
- Halcion is a benzodiazepine / sedative that can make its recipient rather loopy