ambivalent
these times we live in, they seem strange. life seems strange. too meaningful almost. too obsolete. too much. everything from relationships to the snow outside, from the impending war to the movement to stop it - everything wavers from totally contingent to completely destined. it's hard for me to decipher and make my way through the muck and the flowers. somedays i am totally tortured, somedays i am in love. moments. they come. they go. release and move forward, a summer montra, made pertinent once again.
after nearly four years of mothered heartsicken struggle, she's my mother and she's getting married. i am so happy, yet so sad. i miss him, i miss my dad, but she is happy. she fell again, she fell in love for the second time. she thought she could never do it. i am proud, i am torn. i have yet to meet him, my what would i call him, my stepdad. never in a million years, at least the last four, did i ever think i would have one of those.
weird.
after nearly four years of mothered heartsicken struggle, she's my mother and she's getting married. i am so happy, yet so sad. i miss him, i miss my dad, but she is happy. she fell again, she fell in love for the second time. she thought she could never do it. i am proud, i am torn. i have yet to meet him, my what would i call him, my stepdad. never in a million years, at least the last four, did i ever think i would have one of those.
weird.