gone gone gone, almost
I was pretty close to giving my two weeks notice yesterday. I've calmed down a little bit since then, and going and applying back at trader joes made me take a second glance at the consequences of quitting.
I haven't put in my notice just yet but I plan on looking elsewhere more industriously now.
I'm ready to make a change in my life right now but my finances are not allowing me to make the ones I want to.
I'd like to pick up and go a wwoofing but I would be leaving a credit card bill unpaid and a very pissed off roomate.
Not my style now is it
So I think I will be looking into HHA jobs in Worcester. I have some qualms with this because from what Sam says, there is a lot of driving aroudn to be done in the kind of work.
We shall see.
I told my mom about acorn today.
She told me that she was planning to take a vacation soon and she said she might want to go with me.
I guess thats a good sign that she wasn't trying to dissuade me from going, but maybe she just wants to protect me.
After thinking about it, I'd really rather go alone. My reasons for wanting to go there is to try to in a sense "find myself". I don't feel like I'm agreeable to the society that I am part of now. But it's hard to change from that because I've been doing it my whole life.
I want to go there and be around these people and in this new kind of community and try to figure myself out.
Bringing a peice of this society with me, I think, would hinder my progress in that.
I hope she would not be offended by this.
She will have to understand. She knows, somewhat, what I am going through right now and she will HAVE to understand.
I'm glad that I've started voicing my interest in going here. I was unsure how people would react, but that is also something that I would like to work on. Not caring so much about what others think about me and my life and my choices. They are mine, and unless they affect someone directly their opinion should matter minimally if at all.
That is much easier said than done though.
I've spent most of my life being far too concerned with things of this nature.
And look how far its gotten me.
I went out to dinner with EB last night.
I asked him the day before if we could talk because I needed to talk with someone about the work situation.
we talked a little and then he asked me to dinner and we talked some more.
We started delving into the exstistentialism of life and work and whatnot. I got quite depressed about it, and then the wine kicked in and i was ok. haha
I look around me at people. I always wonder what they do and why they do it. I was looking at the people working at the restaurant. I wonder what makes them tick. What their lives consist of. Do they enjoy their jobs?
EB said something about the difference of enjoying ones job and liking ones job.
He said that you should enjoy your job but leave the things that you really like to be your hobbies.
Working is just what you do to make money to be able to do the things that you like. But said work shoudl not make you miserable, it should be something that you enjoy, and not something that you dread. This is a lot of the times the case though.
It becomes a problem that I am so consumed by my work though.
I sometimes feel like I live to work. Because I'm not sure what else I am living for?
I work so I can have a place to live and money to pay my bills and feed myself.
I work so I can go out to eat and go and do fun things.
This makes my brain feel like jello
I just don't feel this is right, the way things are, but I can't exactly figure out what IS right. what should be?
So I'm kind of stuck in doing something that I don't like because I don't know what else to do.
I don't want to just plod through life.
I don't want to just plainly exist.
But I don't know what it is I'm supposed to be striving for?
I guess acceptance and a big bank account is what I've striven for all my life.
And I'm coming to realize that those things don't bring your happiness.
sometimes i just want to end this eternal searching.
i feel so pointless so what the hell am I doing?
I haven't put in my notice just yet but I plan on looking elsewhere more industriously now.
I'm ready to make a change in my life right now but my finances are not allowing me to make the ones I want to.
I'd like to pick up and go a wwoofing but I would be leaving a credit card bill unpaid and a very pissed off roomate.
Not my style now is it
So I think I will be looking into HHA jobs in Worcester. I have some qualms with this because from what Sam says, there is a lot of driving aroudn to be done in the kind of work.
We shall see.
I told my mom about acorn today.
She told me that she was planning to take a vacation soon and she said she might want to go with me.
I guess thats a good sign that she wasn't trying to dissuade me from going, but maybe she just wants to protect me.
After thinking about it, I'd really rather go alone. My reasons for wanting to go there is to try to in a sense "find myself". I don't feel like I'm agreeable to the society that I am part of now. But it's hard to change from that because I've been doing it my whole life.
I want to go there and be around these people and in this new kind of community and try to figure myself out.
Bringing a peice of this society with me, I think, would hinder my progress in that.
I hope she would not be offended by this.
She will have to understand. She knows, somewhat, what I am going through right now and she will HAVE to understand.
I'm glad that I've started voicing my interest in going here. I was unsure how people would react, but that is also something that I would like to work on. Not caring so much about what others think about me and my life and my choices. They are mine, and unless they affect someone directly their opinion should matter minimally if at all.
That is much easier said than done though.
I've spent most of my life being far too concerned with things of this nature.
And look how far its gotten me.
I went out to dinner with EB last night.
I asked him the day before if we could talk because I needed to talk with someone about the work situation.
we talked a little and then he asked me to dinner and we talked some more.
We started delving into the exstistentialism of life and work and whatnot. I got quite depressed about it, and then the wine kicked in and i was ok. haha
I look around me at people. I always wonder what they do and why they do it. I was looking at the people working at the restaurant. I wonder what makes them tick. What their lives consist of. Do they enjoy their jobs?
EB said something about the difference of enjoying ones job and liking ones job.
He said that you should enjoy your job but leave the things that you really like to be your hobbies.
Working is just what you do to make money to be able to do the things that you like. But said work shoudl not make you miserable, it should be something that you enjoy, and not something that you dread. This is a lot of the times the case though.
It becomes a problem that I am so consumed by my work though.
I sometimes feel like I live to work. Because I'm not sure what else I am living for?
I work so I can have a place to live and money to pay my bills and feed myself.
I work so I can go out to eat and go and do fun things.
This makes my brain feel like jello
I just don't feel this is right, the way things are, but I can't exactly figure out what IS right. what should be?
So I'm kind of stuck in doing something that I don't like because I don't know what else to do.
I don't want to just plod through life.
I don't want to just plainly exist.
But I don't know what it is I'm supposed to be striving for?
I guess acceptance and a big bank account is what I've striven for all my life.
And I'm coming to realize that those things don't bring your happiness.
sometimes i just want to end this eternal searching.
i feel so pointless so what the hell am I doing?