America's Ballroom Challenge: Episode 1: American Smooth
Hello all, and welcome to America's Ballroom Challenge. Here's your host, Miss Marilu Henner! Miss Marilu comes strutting out like the diva she is. She is so perky it's almost terrifying.
We immediately open with an exhibition dance. She is wearing a dress that is an unholy combination of mesh, sequins and flower appliques, all in lavender. Something about them reminds me of the last dance of Tina Sparkle and Nathan Starkey. I don't know why.
This is followed by peppy introductory patter by Marilu and our other host, Vaguely Ethnic Former Ballroom Champion Guy, who still has unfortunate hair.
We are shown a few snippets from previous rounds, when many couples were cut down to twelve semi-finalists. And now, down to six finalists. Let's meet our couples in the American Smooth category!
Couple 115 - Mazen Hamza and Irina Sarukhanyan.
She is in pale pink. The skirt is satin, with a sparkly bra top overlaid by a baggy, V-necked, off-the-shoulder top. It's very Flashdance.
Couple 125 - Steven Dougherty and Eulia Baranovsky
Her dress is deep purple, and very simple. I like it.
Couple 128 - Ben Ermis and Shalene Archer-Ermis
The reigning champs! He has extra-long tails. She is in white, with chain-like detail on the bodice. The cuffs are feathery. She also has the exposed bra top. I guess it's the new thing.
Couple 236 - David and Valentina Weise
They were here last year as well. She is wearing white, with the bodice completely (and I mean completely) covered in gold sequins. It's like a Bedazzler threw up on her dress. She's also wearing this weird circlet/headband thing.
Couple 290 - Tomasz Mielnicki and J.T. Damalas
According to Tony, this is the first time these two have made it to the finals. Yay them! Her dress looks like it was sewn from autumn leaves. It looks much better than it sounds. He is wearing a jacket that makes him look like Desi Arnez.
Couple 330 - Kostadin Bidjourov and Carrie Babcock
I nearly cry with relief at her name. I can spell that. Her dress is gray, with two mega-slits up the front, making it one of those loincloth-dresses. It's very dramatic, and sparkle is kept to a merciful minimum.
And now, for our first dance, the waltz!
Everyone is twirling about gracefully, but then! 125 goes down! It looks like her foot slipped. She leaps back up (gracefully, of course), and goes back to dancing like nothing's happened. Her smile does not waver for a second.
Tango!
It's dramaliscious! The gray dress works really well with this dance. She also shows off her flexability. Someone studied ballet.
Foxtrot!
The Ermis' are so obviously wildly in love with each other. It's kind of sweet. They are also very, very good. Really, the other couples are just vying for second place. They are also the crowd favourites. People are holding up 'ERMIS' signs.
Viennese Waltz!
Couple 125 is burning up the floor. I have no idea where they are getting the energy. The Ermis' demonstrate their superior floorcraft.
We are given a brief tutoiral on the scoring. The dancers are graded one through six, with six being the low score and one the highest. So it's like golf, where a low score is desirable. Gotcha.
Another exhibition dance. These are the Pro-Am champions. She's the Am half, and she's wearing a dress with one of those arm-sheaths (just the one), that is attached by a length of fabric to the opposite side of the dress. It bugs me in ways I can't describe.
We also learn that "Fly Me to the Moon" is Marilu's dad's favourite song.
The Pro-Ams are followed by a couple of little kids from TO. The 12-year-old girl is better than the woman who just preceded her.
And now, it's time for the show dances!
First up is Steven and Eulia (125). He is wearing a black and white striped suit with a red shirt. She is wearing a red dress, the top of which is only just attached to the skirt. There are also red gloves, which start off pulled up over her elbows, but over the course of the dance work their way down to bunch at her wrists. It is all topped with a mass of blonde hair. I wish she'd done something different with the hair. The outfit's fine, but the addition of the hair makes her look like Showgirl Barbie.
Their routine is fun, though; it's very Broadway (ooh! Marilu loves this song!).
Next is Kostadin and Carrie (330). She is also in red, only she has Marilyn hair (short hair is fairly rare in ballroom). It's a good routine, but there's nothing spectacluar about it, although they do end with a ballroom death spiral.
There is a brief intermission while Marilu goes shopping amongst the vendors.
Then we have Mazen and Irina (115). They're both in Asian style costumes, and she is wearing flat shoes. Woah.
They bow to the audience, then to each other. And then they start doing martial arts ballroom. Kung fu tango! It's fabulous. In the middle of the routine, she does a roll over his shoulders, and then he does a roll over her shoulders, which impresses the hell out of the crowd. They get a standing ovation. As she walks off the floor, Irina flexes. Girlfriend works out, because she has great arms.
Then we have the Ermis' (128). She is in light blue. These two are just so damn good. They look like they're dancing in a room by themselves. They warm the cockles of my cold, dead heart.
We have another exhibition dance. They do swing dancing. Her dress is really cute.
After that break, we have Tomasz and J.T. (290), and is he wearing eyeliner? She is wearing a black corset dress and swooping eyeliner, and omg, its's goth ballroom. That...is kind of excellent (it's 80s style, in case you were wondering).
Their dance acts of out a lover's fight. It's very dramatic. I really like the song. And her boots. And her hair, which I didn't notice before but is two-tone (red and blonde). I like this couple. Our hosts stop talking for most of the routine, which is always a good sign. The audience seems to like it too.
Last, we have David and Valentina (236). This routine confuses me. She is wearing a gold satin jumpsuit and a white wig, as though she'd beamed here straight from 1978. He, meanwhile, is dressed as a cowboy. It's like Studio 54 meets the Grand Ole Opry. I fail to see the connection. They are also dancing to KT Tunstall's " Black Horse and Cherry Tree", which, while a great song, has a fairly slow beat, and it makes their dancing look a bit stilted. As part of his hick persona, David chews gum through the entire routine. It irritates me.
While waiting for the judges to finish, we have a final showdance. They are 13 and 15. They dance to Shakira.
And now, the awards presentation!
The Group Dance awards:
Sixth place: Tomasz and J.T.!
Fifth place: Kostadin and Carrie!
Fourth place: Steven and Eulia!
Third place: placing third in all dances, Mazen and Irina!
Second place: placing second in all dances, David and Valentina!
First place: placing first in all dances, like it's a shock to anyone, Ben and Shalene!
Show Dance awards!
Sixth place: Kostandin and Carrie!
Fifth place: Tomasz and J.T.! Marilu and Tony are surprised. They both thought they'd place higher.
Foruth place: Steven and Eulia!
Third place: Ben and Shalene!
Second place: David and Valentina! Inexplicably, she has changed. It is tangerine and involves feathers.
First place: Mazen and Irina! The crowd gos wild.
And, with the best overall score, the winners of the American Smooth category is:
Ben and Shalene Ermis!
They get a trophy and the opportunity to represent American Smooth during the penultimate dance-off.
We leave with the Ermis's having their honour dance. Next week, it's American Rhythm. See you then!
This entry is probably riddled with spelling and grammatical mistakes, because for some reason my grasp on the English language has deserted me today.
We immediately open with an exhibition dance. She is wearing a dress that is an unholy combination of mesh, sequins and flower appliques, all in lavender. Something about them reminds me of the last dance of Tina Sparkle and Nathan Starkey. I don't know why.
This is followed by peppy introductory patter by Marilu and our other host, Vaguely Ethnic Former Ballroom Champion Guy, who still has unfortunate hair.
We are shown a few snippets from previous rounds, when many couples were cut down to twelve semi-finalists. And now, down to six finalists. Let's meet our couples in the American Smooth category!
Couple 115 - Mazen Hamza and Irina Sarukhanyan.
She is in pale pink. The skirt is satin, with a sparkly bra top overlaid by a baggy, V-necked, off-the-shoulder top. It's very Flashdance.
Couple 125 - Steven Dougherty and Eulia Baranovsky
Her dress is deep purple, and very simple. I like it.
Couple 128 - Ben Ermis and Shalene Archer-Ermis
The reigning champs! He has extra-long tails. She is in white, with chain-like detail on the bodice. The cuffs are feathery. She also has the exposed bra top. I guess it's the new thing.
Couple 236 - David and Valentina Weise
They were here last year as well. She is wearing white, with the bodice completely (and I mean completely) covered in gold sequins. It's like a Bedazzler threw up on her dress. She's also wearing this weird circlet/headband thing.
Couple 290 - Tomasz Mielnicki and J.T. Damalas
According to Tony, this is the first time these two have made it to the finals. Yay them! Her dress looks like it was sewn from autumn leaves. It looks much better than it sounds. He is wearing a jacket that makes him look like Desi Arnez.
Couple 330 - Kostadin Bidjourov and Carrie Babcock
I nearly cry with relief at her name. I can spell that. Her dress is gray, with two mega-slits up the front, making it one of those loincloth-dresses. It's very dramatic, and sparkle is kept to a merciful minimum.
And now, for our first dance, the waltz!
Everyone is twirling about gracefully, but then! 125 goes down! It looks like her foot slipped. She leaps back up (gracefully, of course), and goes back to dancing like nothing's happened. Her smile does not waver for a second.
Tango!
It's dramaliscious! The gray dress works really well with this dance. She also shows off her flexability. Someone studied ballet.
Foxtrot!
The Ermis' are so obviously wildly in love with each other. It's kind of sweet. They are also very, very good. Really, the other couples are just vying for second place. They are also the crowd favourites. People are holding up 'ERMIS' signs.
Viennese Waltz!
Couple 125 is burning up the floor. I have no idea where they are getting the energy. The Ermis' demonstrate their superior floorcraft.
We are given a brief tutoiral on the scoring. The dancers are graded one through six, with six being the low score and one the highest. So it's like golf, where a low score is desirable. Gotcha.
Another exhibition dance. These are the Pro-Am champions. She's the Am half, and she's wearing a dress with one of those arm-sheaths (just the one), that is attached by a length of fabric to the opposite side of the dress. It bugs me in ways I can't describe.
We also learn that "Fly Me to the Moon" is Marilu's dad's favourite song.
The Pro-Ams are followed by a couple of little kids from TO. The 12-year-old girl is better than the woman who just preceded her.
And now, it's time for the show dances!
First up is Steven and Eulia (125). He is wearing a black and white striped suit with a red shirt. She is wearing a red dress, the top of which is only just attached to the skirt. There are also red gloves, which start off pulled up over her elbows, but over the course of the dance work their way down to bunch at her wrists. It is all topped with a mass of blonde hair. I wish she'd done something different with the hair. The outfit's fine, but the addition of the hair makes her look like Showgirl Barbie.
Their routine is fun, though; it's very Broadway (ooh! Marilu loves this song!).
Next is Kostadin and Carrie (330). She is also in red, only she has Marilyn hair (short hair is fairly rare in ballroom). It's a good routine, but there's nothing spectacluar about it, although they do end with a ballroom death spiral.
There is a brief intermission while Marilu goes shopping amongst the vendors.
Then we have Mazen and Irina (115). They're both in Asian style costumes, and she is wearing flat shoes. Woah.
They bow to the audience, then to each other. And then they start doing martial arts ballroom. Kung fu tango! It's fabulous. In the middle of the routine, she does a roll over his shoulders, and then he does a roll over her shoulders, which impresses the hell out of the crowd. They get a standing ovation. As she walks off the floor, Irina flexes. Girlfriend works out, because she has great arms.
Then we have the Ermis' (128). She is in light blue. These two are just so damn good. They look like they're dancing in a room by themselves. They warm the cockles of my cold, dead heart.
We have another exhibition dance. They do swing dancing. Her dress is really cute.
After that break, we have Tomasz and J.T. (290), and is he wearing eyeliner? She is wearing a black corset dress and swooping eyeliner, and omg, its's goth ballroom. That...is kind of excellent (it's 80s style, in case you were wondering).
Their dance acts of out a lover's fight. It's very dramatic. I really like the song. And her boots. And her hair, which I didn't notice before but is two-tone (red and blonde). I like this couple. Our hosts stop talking for most of the routine, which is always a good sign. The audience seems to like it too.
Last, we have David and Valentina (236). This routine confuses me. She is wearing a gold satin jumpsuit and a white wig, as though she'd beamed here straight from 1978. He, meanwhile, is dressed as a cowboy. It's like Studio 54 meets the Grand Ole Opry. I fail to see the connection. They are also dancing to KT Tunstall's " Black Horse and Cherry Tree", which, while a great song, has a fairly slow beat, and it makes their dancing look a bit stilted. As part of his hick persona, David chews gum through the entire routine. It irritates me.
While waiting for the judges to finish, we have a final showdance. They are 13 and 15. They dance to Shakira.
And now, the awards presentation!
The Group Dance awards:
Sixth place: Tomasz and J.T.!
Fifth place: Kostadin and Carrie!
Fourth place: Steven and Eulia!
Third place: placing third in all dances, Mazen and Irina!
Second place: placing second in all dances, David and Valentina!
First place: placing first in all dances, like it's a shock to anyone, Ben and Shalene!
Show Dance awards!
Sixth place: Kostandin and Carrie!
Fifth place: Tomasz and J.T.! Marilu and Tony are surprised. They both thought they'd place higher.
Foruth place: Steven and Eulia!
Third place: Ben and Shalene!
Second place: David and Valentina! Inexplicably, she has changed. It is tangerine and involves feathers.
First place: Mazen and Irina! The crowd gos wild.
And, with the best overall score, the winners of the American Smooth category is:
Ben and Shalene Ermis!
They get a trophy and the opportunity to represent American Smooth during the penultimate dance-off.
We leave with the Ermis's having their honour dance. Next week, it's American Rhythm. See you then!
This entry is probably riddled with spelling and grammatical mistakes, because for some reason my grasp on the English language has deserted me today.