Fic: Letters, or the Case of the Cerulean Syringe, Epilogue Letters Transcript
Title: Letters, or the Case of the Cerulean Syringe, Epilogue Letters Transcript
Authors: sarisa_rahe & agaryulnaer86
Rating: R
Pairing: Holmes/Watson
Disclaimer: Do not attempt to operate Holmes and Watson while intoxicated. Also, these are not ours.
Word Count: 1170
Author's Notes: Transcript for the letter images shown in the Epilogue here.
~~~~~
14 April
Holmes,
We are having a grand time here in Chesterfield, and you must thank Mycroft once again for so generously allowing us the use of his summer home. The air is so clear that I wonder if we are indeed still in England, the contrast is so great against the smog of London. It is hard to believe it has indeed been a week since we’ve left the city, as it feels as though hardly a day has gone by.
I do hope you’re keeping yourself busy and out of the rooms as I instructed you before my departure. I suppose there has not been any luck in catching word of M. I feel obliged to caution you once more not to do anything completely reckless or foolish. I say completely as I know quite well you are impossible to dissuade from stupidity entirely. In all seriousness, though, do be careful. A.’s warning of M.’s brilliance was meant in all sincerity, I believe, acquainted as she is with your own mind.
I don’t mean to go on, and must in fact be off to dinner. Write me soon, won’t you, old boy? Mary sends her greetings and her thanks, as well.
J. W.
---
16 April
Watson,
I don’t have to listen to you when you’re gone
There is no reason to be careful anym
I am glad to hear that you are getting on well without me
it feels as though eighty weeks have gone by here, so count yourself lucky in your distorted sense of time
Mycroft’s general inability to leave a three-mile radius of his home precludes his visiting his estate in Chesterfield and so you might as well make some use of it. Also I don’t see why you don’t simply write their names out as your inability to write in code is simply astounding.
this is the worst letter I have ever written where the buggering hell is my pen
---
16 April
Watson,
Writing letters is the bane of my existence. Please find enclosed instead several rough schematics of a device similar to that discovered in the ginger midget’s laboratory.
S. Holmes
(scribbles of chemical equations)
---
Watson,
I don’t know what to do with the date is when you’re not here. I am not sending this
(scribbled out)
---
18 April
Holmes,
Even taking into account the dismal state of the mail at times, I had hoped for a response before now. We’ve had rain for the past few days, nothing much else to relay, sadly, save a telegram from your brother asking after our enjoyment of his home. Have sent back asking for word of you, pardon my worry after no news for a week and a half. If I return to find you’ve been in that putrid den this entire time I shall thrash you, Holmes.
J. W.
---
April still?
Watson,
You must return immediately as I have no recollection of the last time Gladstone was fed. Or where his food is kept, for that matter.
Holmes
---
19 April
Watson,
I was lying about Gladstone, although it is true that I haven’t the slightest where his food is kept or what he eats. However I recall that yesterday he ate all of my breakfast. Even so, should I choose to spend my time engaging in activities of which you disapprove, you will not thrash me as we no longer share a domicile and therefore you have no ground on which to place your soapbox.
SH
---
Watson,
Please cease telegramming my brother and making him feel as though he should send Nanny to check on me. She does not appreciate being shot at.
although really she should have known better
if there is not a case soon I shall have to make one myself
but who would bail me out of prison
(dissolves into chemical equations)
---
21 April
Holmes,
Mary insisted I wait three days, but you are truly beginning to worry me. Have received a telegram from Mycroft, who informed me that Mrs. Hudson confirmed proof of life. What’s wrong with you, old boy? Are you still angry with me over the marriage? I was under the impression you’d given your grudging approval. I insist you pen me something back.
J. W.
---
22 April
Watson,
You are a fool.
sometimes I wonder how it is you manage to dress yourself in the morning.
Yes of course I did give my grudging approval. I hardly had a choice. Congratulations, bigger and better things, marriage is a joy and the foundation of our society and all that.
What more do you want from me
---
25 April
Holmes,
Still waiting.
J. W.
---
Watson,
I wrote you forty-seven times but did not mail a single word.
Holmes
---
Watson,
How long will you wait?
S. Holmes
---
29 April
Holmes,
What the bloody hell is wrong with you?
J. W.
---
April
Watson,
That cannot be a question meant in all seriousness.
S. Holmes
(opposite side)
WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH ME
1. Watson.
2. short list now that I give it some thought
3. I succumb disturbingly often to physical constraints
3A) hunger
3B) tiredness
3C) etc
4. Apparent inability to compose letters
---
2 May,
Holmes,
We intend to return in four days. If I’ve not heard from you by then I’ll assume you don’t wish to speak to me. Frankly, I don’t appreciate your lack of consideration at all. You’re behaving like a cad and a child, and if I don’t hear from you in four days I’m coming after you once I’ve returned to London.
J. W.
---
3 May
Watson,
No, I do not wish to speak to you. I don’t appreciate your lack of a brain any more than you do not appreciate my lack of consideration. I should rather behave like a cad and a child than a fool. The only reason I am writing you now is so that you do not come after me when you return to London, because if you do I will stop wanting to beat you senseless and at this point I do not think I could bear it.
Holmes
---
Watson,
I’m sorry.
Please come back
---
3 May
Watson,
I didn’t wish to disturb your holiday.
You deserve to be happy.
actually THIS is the worst letter I’ve ever penned
---
3 May
Watson,
Why is it so hard to get past writing your name?
I wish you would come after me
---
3 May
Watson,
Dreadfully sorry. Lost my pen. I've told you a thousand times not to put it in my drawer.
Was not in that putrid den the entire time. Not actually certain where I was I of course did nothing stupid at all, as you well know I never engage in activities of any sort without reason.
Glad you are enjoying Mycroft's home. Give Mary my best.
Holmes
Authors: sarisa_rahe & agaryulnaer86
Rating: R
Pairing: Holmes/Watson
Disclaimer: Do not attempt to operate Holmes and Watson while intoxicated. Also, these are not ours.
Word Count: 1170
Author's Notes: Transcript for the letter images shown in the Epilogue here.
~~~~~
14 April
Holmes,
We are having a grand time here in Chesterfield, and you must thank Mycroft once again for so generously allowing us the use of his summer home. The air is so clear that I wonder if we are indeed still in England, the contrast is so great against the smog of London. It is hard to believe it has indeed been a week since we’ve left the city, as it feels as though hardly a day has gone by.
I do hope you’re keeping yourself busy and out of the rooms as I instructed you before my departure. I suppose there has not been any luck in catching word of M. I feel obliged to caution you once more not to do anything completely reckless or foolish. I say completely as I know quite well you are impossible to dissuade from stupidity entirely. In all seriousness, though, do be careful. A.’s warning of M.’s brilliance was meant in all sincerity, I believe, acquainted as she is with your own mind.
I don’t mean to go on, and must in fact be off to dinner. Write me soon, won’t you, old boy? Mary sends her greetings and her thanks, as well.
J. W.
---
16 April
Watson,
I don’t have to listen to you when you’re gone
There is no reason to be careful anym
I am glad to hear that you are getting on well without me
it feels as though eighty weeks have gone by here, so count yourself lucky in your distorted sense of time
Mycroft’s general inability to leave a three-mile radius of his home precludes his visiting his estate in Chesterfield and so you might as well make some use of it. Also I don’t see why you don’t simply write their names out as your inability to write in code is simply astounding.
this is the worst letter I have ever written where the buggering hell is my pen
---
16 April
Watson,
Writing letters is the bane of my existence. Please find enclosed instead several rough schematics of a device similar to that discovered in the ginger midget’s laboratory.
S. Holmes
(scribbles of chemical equations)
---
Watson,
I don’t know what to do with the date is when you’re not here. I am not sending this
(scribbled out)
---
18 April
Holmes,
Even taking into account the dismal state of the mail at times, I had hoped for a response before now. We’ve had rain for the past few days, nothing much else to relay, sadly, save a telegram from your brother asking after our enjoyment of his home. Have sent back asking for word of you, pardon my worry after no news for a week and a half. If I return to find you’ve been in that putrid den this entire time I shall thrash you, Holmes.
J. W.
---
April still?
Watson,
You must return immediately as I have no recollection of the last time Gladstone was fed. Or where his food is kept, for that matter.
Holmes
---
19 April
Watson,
I was lying about Gladstone, although it is true that I haven’t the slightest where his food is kept or what he eats. However I recall that yesterday he ate all of my breakfast. Even so, should I choose to spend my time engaging in activities of which you disapprove, you will not thrash me as we no longer share a domicile and therefore you have no ground on which to place your soapbox.
SH
---
Watson,
Please cease telegramming my brother and making him feel as though he should send Nanny to check on me. She does not appreciate being shot at.
although really she should have known better
if there is not a case soon I shall have to make one myself
but who would bail me out of prison
(dissolves into chemical equations)
---
21 April
Holmes,
Mary insisted I wait three days, but you are truly beginning to worry me. Have received a telegram from Mycroft, who informed me that Mrs. Hudson confirmed proof of life. What’s wrong with you, old boy? Are you still angry with me over the marriage? I was under the impression you’d given your grudging approval. I insist you pen me something back.
J. W.
---
22 April
Watson,
You are a fool.
sometimes I wonder how it is you manage to dress yourself in the morning.
Yes of course I did give my grudging approval. I hardly had a choice. Congratulations, bigger and better things, marriage is a joy and the foundation of our society and all that.
What more do you want from me
---
25 April
Holmes,
Still waiting.
J. W.
---
Watson,
I wrote you forty-seven times but did not mail a single word.
Holmes
---
Watson,
How long will you wait?
S. Holmes
---
29 April
Holmes,
What the bloody hell is wrong with you?
J. W.
---
April
Watson,
That cannot be a question meant in all seriousness.
S. Holmes
(opposite side)
WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH ME
1. Watson.
2. short list now that I give it some thought
3. I succumb disturbingly often to physical constraints
3A) hunger
3B) tiredness
3C) etc
4. Apparent inability to compose letters
---
2 May,
Holmes,
We intend to return in four days. If I’ve not heard from you by then I’ll assume you don’t wish to speak to me. Frankly, I don’t appreciate your lack of consideration at all. You’re behaving like a cad and a child, and if I don’t hear from you in four days I’m coming after you once I’ve returned to London.
J. W.
---
3 May
Watson,
No, I do not wish to speak to you. I don’t appreciate your lack of a brain any more than you do not appreciate my lack of consideration. I should rather behave like a cad and a child than a fool. The only reason I am writing you now is so that you do not come after me when you return to London, because if you do I will stop wanting to beat you senseless and at this point I do not think I could bear it.
Holmes
---
Watson,
I’m sorry.
Please come back
---
3 May
Watson,
I didn’t wish to disturb your holiday.
You deserve to be happy.
actually THIS is the worst letter I’ve ever penned
---
3 May
Watson,
Why is it so hard to get past writing your name?
I wish you would come after me
---
3 May
Watson,
Dreadfully sorry. Lost my pen. I've told you a thousand times not to put it in my drawer.
Was not in that putrid den the entire time. Not actually certain where I was I of course did nothing stupid at all, as you well know I never engage in activities of any sort without reason.
Glad you are enjoying Mycroft's home. Give Mary my best.
Holmes